Since masturbation is the only sexual gratification I've had, what can I do to make it less shameful?
Q. I am 24 and a kissless virgin. I am ashamed of the fact that I have no idea what it is like to be in an intimate relationship and that the only sexual gratification I can get is self given. I feel like by not having dated in high school and college ...
A. 4 December 2015: Go see a therapist so he can ascertain whether you may have depressive or anxiety issues. Perhaps you have a situation they you are unaware of and you could take care of that with a small medical dosage. Plus even if it turns out well, you will at ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is addicted to porn
Q. Ok so me and my boyfriend have been together for four years now and everything in our relationship is good except for our sex life. In the begin, he had a hard time keeping an erection when we would have sex and it really hurt me and made me quest...
A. 4 December 2015: Your guy likely has had his porn addiction for a long time if he is unable to be aroused so there are 2 things with him: 1) he is addicted to an imaginary erotic stimuli so he is unable to process the real one which is you 2) at 3 times per day he ... (read in full...)
I'm 67, she's 54 and she thinks I'm too old for her
Q. I am 67 year old man, widowed and I have met a 54 year old lady but she thinks I am to old for her. We have gone out several times and I feel like I am in love with her. But she thinks that I am too old for a relationship with a woman her age. ...
A. 27 November 2015: You are running against a huge hill here and I think that you will never convince her. People have definitive age preferences, and just the way you seem to like them younger, she definitively does not like a 13 year older man. It really does not ... (read in full...)
How often is a partner in a relationship likely to come home drunk? His actions are causing me concern
Q. Hi all, for those cohabiting and/or married, how often does your partner come home drunk? My boyfriend comes home drunk once a month. We've been living together for half a year. He reaches home around 3,4am, reeks of alcohol and is terribly inco...
A. 27 November 2015: Your guy is an alcohol abuser. People who a use alcohol are ritualistic as in they do it in repetitive time intervals, they drink typically the same alcohol, at the same (similar) place, in same large quantities, in the same setting... They deny ... (read in full...)
He can't make up his mind if he wants a relationship with me
Q. I was with my boyfriend for about 7 months and we split about 2 weeks ago. For both of us this was the first significant relationship we'd been in. When we first got together everything was going great apart from the sex side of things. I hadn't...
A. 26 November 2015: What stands out in your description of things is how your relationship turned dramatically worse after he met with your family. Looks that all of his "I'm not sure" type of feelings came right after that meeting, at that makes me think that ... (read in full...)
Is it just sex, or does he want a relationship?
Q. i used to work with this guy over a year ago we got on great but he had a girlfriend. I met him out on Halloween night and we ended up kissing. We were both quite drunk but he did say he had always fancied me and now he's single. Since then we've ...
A. 26 November 2015: Before you ask whether you are just sex to him, you need to answer to yourself: what is he to you and what do you want him to be?
In your post, you do mention that you "fancy" him but that is insufficient of a description to explain what you want... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting to his harsh and hurtful comments?
Q. Hello Everyone! Boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. Last weekend, he said things to me that really broke my spirit and was very hurtful. We were getting intimate and he said that I was the only woman who's never made him come,...
A. 25 November 2015: Why is this guy with you? If he thinks that a cheating woman is the perfect GF, then why are you with him? Even if he thought that you had the potential, getting that potential to come true does not involve put downs like he is blasting you with?
... (read in full...)
Could my boyfriend have aspergers or ADD or a compulsive disorder?
Q. Dea Cupid, My boyfriend is great but has some curious 'quirks' He plays computer games and then tries to rely on me to stop him because he cant stop himself and will otherwise play all night. He enjoys DIY and always has several projects ...
A. 24 November 2015: One thing I always suggest in these situations - and this is because of having experience with these sorts of disorders - is for you to video record him when he behaves in all of these "quirky" ways. Diagnosing Asperger's is not easy, and people ... (read in full...)
Is he sick of me, and bored with me, that he falls asleep, soon after he arrives home?
Q. Is my boyfriend sick or just sick of me? He is fine and wide awake when he's alone and I'm at work. In the evenings he is fine and awake while out with his mates. He will call me to talk on the phone during his 15 min ute drive home. But once...
A. 24 November 2015: I think your man may have sleep apnea such that his snoring at night wakes him up because the oxygen if oft cut off. As a result he is constantly tired and can fall asleep so fast, so sudden. A man does not have to be too fat for this condition to ... (read in full...)
I have a lesbian crush on my boss. Should I tell her?
Q. I have a lesbian crush on my boss. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three years after coming out as gay, so she does know I'm into women. I have a feeling she may be into women as well, she has never spoken of a boyfriend and in past ...
A. 23 November 2015: Your job is not a place for romance. Many companies have rules on job romance and even if they don't, they can invent them in order to quell such behavior if they deem it detrimental to performance s d that can get you both removed. People have ... (read in full...)
My man is 22 yrs old and very fit. So why can he only last one round? what needs to be done?
Q. 2 issues: One that I stopped moaning during sex and the second that my healthy man only lasts one round at a time. When we first met and had sex, this was exciting and new and sensuous for me. I would moan and thrash around and be involved m...
A. 22 November 2015: You need to be aware of biology behind man's sexual desire, erection and orgasm.
To orgasm, a man needs to ejaculate. To be able to ejaculate, there has to be sperm.
An average man produces 15,000 sperm per second which translates to ab... (read in full...)
She's dating me but seeing 2 other guys for just sex
Q. So, I have been seeing a lovely woman for about a month. We get on extremely well and have alot of fun,we have tons in common and love nearby. We laugh like crazy and there's never a dull moment or awkward silences. She texts me every day from ...
A. 20 November 2015: This woman is a total skip material. If she is willing to commit to two men sexually to whom she has no emotional connection, yet needs time to examine you because you are offering an emotional connection, then that means that there is something ... (read in full...)
She I forgive her and resume our relationship, which is what she wants?
Q. So I have a issue and I need some help from people with experience. My girlfriend and I of 5 years split up for a few months and she ended up sleeping with someone else during this time. Now she wants to get back together but idk how to handle t...
A. 19 November 2015: We could play technical semantics such: since you two were not together it is her right to sleep with whomever therefore you have nothing to forgive. Perhaps, however, we humans always evaluate a person, and that includes their sexual history or ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex want to be friends with me and still want me in his life? He treated me very badly.
Q. My ex use to manipulate me a lot! I felt used, was treated badly and finally walked away after a terrible breakdown from the relationship. My ex tried to reach out to me many times and I ignored him. we didn't talk for 3 years. But we made up t...
A. 16 November 2015: He is manipulating you still and the most obvious reason a guy would want to manipulate his ex is for sex. I might be wrong and there might be other reasons but being s guy, and knowing guys, that is the most obvious reason that I see.
I think yo... (read in full...)
All my Bf's past relationship history bothers me. Am I over-thinking all this?
Q. I have been bothered by my boyfriend's past relationships recently, because he kept bringing them up over the course of our relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for four years and he occasionally brings up his exes. We met when I was a sop...
A. 14 November 2015: You are most definitively over-thinking this, each and every of the "EXs" particularly the middle school stalker. My suggestion would be that you two put a block on talk about his EXs. Talking about past relationships is seldom, if ever, a good ... (read in full...)
Have I opened a Pandoras box by allowing my Bf to call me vulgar names when we have sex?
Q. I am having a big issue with my boyfriend. When we have sex he always calls me very derogatory names. I am very offended by this; but in some situations I have went with it, in the moment you know! Have I opened a Pandoras box? I never here I lov...
A. 14 November 2015: You should definitively talk to your man and tell him that, now that you have experienced the dirty talk, you've changed your mind, and you want it to go back to no talk or whatever is suitable for you. Sex is a two-way exchange so if one is unhappy ... (read in full...)
Impulsive breakup. Will he come back?
Q. My boyfriend of nearly two years just broke up with me. He said he lost himself in this relationship and needed to be alone. When I asked how long he had been wanting to do this he said, "I never wanted to do this. I have just been feeling like I ...
A. 13 November 2015: Look, in all honesty, your question reads like "will I win lottery?" Nobody knows!
So the reason I am responding to your post is not that I'm some clairvoyant who can read your ex-BF's mind but because you should have some realistic expectat... (read in full...)
He cheated. What do I say now?
Q. Bombshell dropped on me tonight. This woman I don't know facebooked me and eventually came out to confess she had slept with my boyfriend. I confronted him over the phone and he admitted he 'messed up' once. That he was not feeling good or ...
A. 12 November 2015: You have been hit hard for sure.
If this was me, I may tell the truth to my parents but ask them to vow not to tell anyone. As for others, I don't think it's any of their business, so something like "we didn't work out" with a point that you do n... (read in full...)
Is there a future past my husband's cheating?
Q. I never thought I'd be in a bad marriage, but I am! After only 4years! Last month I found messages from my husband to other women telling them he loved them. Naturally I left him and after a few days came back to him to talk it through and for our ...
A. 11 November 2015: Regrettably, not much will change for a some time so be prepared for swings in mood, anger, regret, mixed emotions... It is not easy and given that you are pregnant it's tough to leave him.
However, keep in mind that what you are going through ... (read in full...)
Should I explore the topic of three- and foursomes with my wife?
Q. So my wife and I have been friends with another couple for years. Got along great, no issues. They moved away a few years ago and recently came to visit. It was like they never left, just amazing friendship. All four of us are relatively young...
A. 10 November 2015: Besides what others have said, there is also a principled issue about marriage and swinging and that is: why would you take marriage vows of monogamy to your wife only to pawn her off onto some dude? What's the point of being married if other men ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have deal breakers in relationships?
Q. My Boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Recently we talked about deal breakers. Both of us agreed cheating is a deal breaker. Then I told him if he ever took drugs at a party it'd be a deal breaker for me. I did not know he used to do ...
A. 9 November 2015: You are totally correct. Be sure you stick with your criteria on drugs and follow through on your criteria. There is no double standard when it comes to alcohol and drugs: people who abuse them need to know ahead of the time that they will loose on ... (read in full...)
Fearful I'll suffer a STD like HIV. Do I need professional therapy or counselling for my fear?
Q. As the previous questions that I've posted on this site indicate, I was previously in the habit of patronizing the services of sex workers on a regular basis. However, about a year ago, I gave up this past time, largely due to my fear of ...
A. 7 November 2015: The fact that nowhere in your post is there a hint that best, safe sex can be obtained by establishing a monogamous, loving relationship it leads me to believe that, in addition to possible phobias, you may also have emotional attachment issues or ... (read in full...)
I'm comparing myself to husband's ex and have feelings of falling short!
Q. I'm new and have one main issue that's been going pretty much since I started dating my hubby a few years ago. He is sweet, smart, hard working, adores me and has never done anything to make me feel insecure. In full disclosure this is strictly an ...
A. 6 November 2015: Look, no matter how gorgeous that cheerleader was, all her beauty went down the drain when she cheated on him. Her beauty, in his eyes, does not matter once she screwed him over. So rest assured that he probably hates her as much as her ... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to react to her offer, to not date my friend, if I will say I still love her?
Q. Me and my ex girlfriend broke up a month ago. Things didn't end great, she still wanted to stay in contact with me but after she showed up to my father's dinner drunk, I didn't want no part of her anymore. Apart from the 2 times I have seen her ...
A. 5 November 2015: It is, firstly, clear that you going no contact with her is just something that you say but not do.
Second, she said yes to her friend to make you jealous and she succeeded with that, or why else would you text her about it.
Third, if you... (read in full...)
How do I out all the evil without losing my wife?
Q. my problem started last christmas when the guy my wife used to go with moved in next door to her sister, he was her first ever lover when she was 16 and as far as i was concerned he lived in london and had done for 20 odd years this was not the case ...
A. 4 November 2015: First, it is admirable that you did not "confront" the guy because it would achieve nothing. You confront only if there are gains to be gotten from that action.
Second, be grateful that your wife does not harbor any romantic feelings for her old ... (read in full...)
Aunts I need your help with my boyfriend: at my end we're done but it's not official
Q. Kinda super stuck… So my current boyfriend, if you have read/answered my previous questions your probably twisiting in your seat, and I are back together. We broke up because my best friend let me know that he was cheating, she saw him grinding...
A. 3 November 2015: Since you have made up your mind as to what you want to do then hurry up and do it. Break up with him ASAP. During the break up, keep the talking points on your terms, meaning be specific, conclusive and short... Then go about your happiness. ... (read in full...)
Could he like me but be scared to get involved
Q. He is avoiding a relationship out of insecurities? I recently hooked up with a guy I met on match. He is 52 and I am 40. After several dates and a sleepover he went ghost on me, and left me scratching my head why he'd wanted me to stay but n...
A. 2 November 2015: As a guy, I interpret his actions as follows:
1) his sudden disappearance is a way for him to vet the women so that if after 3 weeks or so you are still interested then his first impression was good so he can build on it. (Also gives him time to ... (read in full...)
After finding out she was so easily intimate with others I'm not sure I want to be with her
Q. Hi I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 years (she is 41)and she told me a few days ago that in the 4 years before we met that she had slept with 4 other guys, kissed others (so called 'friends') etc. and it has made me feel sick. I was not ...
A. 2 November 2015: There is a strong hint in your post that it isn't just the number of sexual encounters that she had that bothers you, but rather her attachment to them. You mention her traveling 100 miles to have sex vs being unwilling to invest 10 miles of travel ... (read in full...)
Should I confess to cheating? I don't want to lose him, for he's my rock and I love him dearly
Q. I have been with my boyfriend over 2 years and we are completely in love. He means everything to me and he's the kindest, most caring and loyal man I have ever been with. We argue like most couples and one argument we had while I was visiting my ...
A. 1 November 2015: If you loved you current BF so much, I think, you would have never met up with your ex in the first place. Your claim that you had sex with your ex because of alcohol is something all cheating women say in order to, in their own mind, remain morally ... (read in full...)
Wife's drunken antics took a turn for worse, and yet I am somehow the bad guy. What did I do wrong?
Q. To understand the question I'm asking, I must go over in detail what has transpired for the past couple weeks. My wife and I have been married for 6 months, and have been together for 5 years. She has been married before, and had a son with a person ...
A. 1 November 2015: The cause of this misery is alcohol so if you and her want the marriage to workout then alcoho has to be removed from what you two do "recreationally".
Therefore, you should not be so focused on who is right about the particular incident you desc... (read in full...)
What can I do? I just can't handle watching her love someone else.
Q. my ex-best friend / ex-lover and i had a very complicated 7 year bisexual relationship. I was her shameful secret and i always felt rejected, used and humiliated. she treated me bad and always flaunted different relationships she had with others ...
A. 31 October 2015: Why are you in contact with this girl? What good purpose does it serve you to keep contact when you know fully well that it is pointless. I think you are bringing on the hurt yourself because why else would you bring back your old flame just so she ... (read in full...)
I'm dating my married step uncle...help? I need advice on what to do, please?
Q. Ok hi. Completely new at this. So to get right to the point. I'm dating my step uncle so (my mothers step mums son) so not. Definitely not blood related. He is married (not separated) tho like typical situations (is going to get a device an...
A. 31 October 2015: Your step-uncle is a player who seizes on emotional vulnerabilities of women in order to have sex with them. You know as well as I do what the only thing is he after, and that isn't to marry you. Besides, men who are unhappy or hate their wives, ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer?
Q. Hi guys, I've been dating someone for 6 months now and generally it's been great. She has had a personal trainer (PT) for about 8 months. I was happy she had goals and wants to achieve them. I've started becoming concerned with the chat...
A. 29 October 2015: I think all of your "indicators" suggest that something is going on. Does she, like, jump and buy you smoked salmon?
I'm sure there will be folks here claiming that nothing is happening and perhaps admonish you for snooping in on her conversa... (read in full...)
Why did I cheat on the perfect husband?
Q. Why did I cheat on the perfect husband? I have been married for 4 years with a man I love dearly, but I cheated on him for about 1/2 a year with a former co-worker. I only did it for the attention so I changed jobs. I love my husband and now ...
A. 28 October 2015: You answered your own question: you cheated because you got more attention from your coworker then you husband. Maybe your husband did not pay attention to you enough but you mistook that lack of attention for commitment. So instead of working with ... (read in full...)
Why does my married lover remain with his wife if they've stopped sexual relations with each other?
Q. Been with my married lover for a few years now and the other night I asked him if he was sleeping with his wife? He didn't like me asking because I have kept mentioning it, anyway he said he didn't and if he was to cuddle his wife she would be ...
A. 28 October 2015: It could be lot of reasons such as comfort, entangled finances, thrill... Or simply your lover maybe lying about his wife, which is most often the case.
Cheating men most often tell a story how they feel neglected and unloved, but in reality ... (read in full...)
Should I say something to this guy's girlfriend about what transpired between us?
Q. So, a few years ago I was at a friend's birthday party. I was several weeks post-break up and very narrowly missed possible rape that evening. I was very shaken up. There was a friend who started comforting me - we talked through the night before ...
A. 27 October 2015: You should let this go and not awake ghosts of the past. The episode might have been significant only that one night but as your actions following the kiss-hug explains its long term consequence: you turned your back on it, and you yourself left it ... (read in full...)
I'm trapped in a passionless relationship
Q. Hi Really in need of some straight forward advice! Been in a relationship with an older man (he is 14 years older) for 8 years now. We have a love for each other but it's far from what I need. We see each other once or twice a week and...
A. 26 October 2015: You've put forth so many negatives that your question answers by itself: but of course you leave him.
Perhaps you have been torn as to how, have been putting it away, hoping future would have a different outcome all by itself, without you movi... (read in full...)
Which issue could derail us? Our age difference? His drinking? Or his use of drugs?
Q. Please help me. I really do not know what to do here and I am desperate for advice. My bf and I have been together for 2 yrs now. We live together. My bf is now 27. Before we got together we discussed at great length the age difference an...
A. 25 October 2015: You say: "It is unfair for me to tell him to abandon this lifestyle that he clearly wants and is young, therefore entitled to. "
He is not entitled to drinking and drugs, he is doing it because he has been getting away with it, and besides,... (read in full...)
Would a one night stand with a divorced man be wrong?
Q. Someone I've known for years (although he's more of an acquaintance than a friend) recently got a divorce because his wife cheated on him. I've always liked the guy, he is very attractive, and we flirted, but never anything more than that. Well...
A. 24 October 2015: Sexual passion is such a strong emotional force that it does not require great deal of effort to find seemingly rational reasons to have sex. Restraining one self is much harder.
So with your post: it brims with reasons to justify having sex with... (read in full...)
Could our marriage be fixed? We have both cheated!
Q. My husband and I have been married for two years. We have only ever been with each other and both have a very strong religious upbringing. Shortly after we were married we moved across the country and both made major career changes. We agreed to put ...
A. 22 October 2015: If you both want to fix it, then it is likely fixable. Except, you may need some help in managing the fix and finding the common road to the fix. This is why using marriage counsellors or therapists often helps with this.
Not having a person w... (read in full...)
I caught my girlfriend lying twice about where she spent the night
Q. Hello everyone, so i am currently on a break with my gf because she lied to me twice in a row. However, with all this halloweens parties coming up that we had planned to go together it seems like added pressure to end the break faster. What ha...
A. 20 October 2015: What she is doing is called "trickle truthing" meaning she will come up with the "truth" only after being checkmated that her previous truth was a lie. So I think that you are correct not to believe anything that she is saying about this particular ... (read in full...)
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