A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In a bit of a dilema! i currently have a boyfriend and hes lovely hes sweet thoughtful and really in love with me, the only thing is we barely ever have sex, ive repeatidly told him about this and yeah yeah ill change i havnt brought it up for 2months now thought that would take any pressure away. its very boring its like living with a flat mate we are are so comfortable with each other hes the sort of guy you should stay with forever he will never leave and always look after you but forever is a long time to be bored for i do love my boyfriend so im not sure what to do anyway but a guy has been texting me not just any guy, a guy who was interested 2years ago its almost as if hes waiting for our relationship to end he says he doesnt want a relationship i think he just wants to be friends with benefits but i cant stop thinking about him and wanting to talk to him im excited by him i really like him its just risky throwing away 2years in a relationship to wind up alone and regretting it but its also hard been in a relationship for 10years and then realising youve wasted 10years with the wrong person i dont know what to do please help :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2015): You don't like the BF the way he is and if you get together with the FWB then its on you no one else to blame. FWB isn't going to give you a future and you hate the present with BF so neither are good choices.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2015): There's no pleasant way to put this. You're horny. There's a guy hovering over your relationship like a vulture. Watching it slowly die.
Be straight-forward and lay it out like it is to your boyfriend-turned-flatmate and caretaker.
If you need sex so bad that it's difficult to decide if you want to stay with your boyfriend; that's a sign that it's over. It doesn't cross your mind or confuse you whether to stay; if you're happy and fulfilled with what you have.
In your early twenties, people shouldn't live like a couple of elderly people in their 80's. Your sex-life should be fairly active. He's gotten too used to you; and you've become complacent, and used to being taken care of.
When other people start to bother you so much while you're committed, you really want out. So end it. Otherwise; you'll cheat on him, and leave him anyway. Leave with dignity and your honor still in-tact.
Tell him the relationship has gone flat and you want to start seeing other men. Then get out of his life; and try not to play the game of going back and forth like so many millennials are doing. Texting and sexting, and having one guy or girl they mess around with;, and going back and forth with their exes in-between relationships. So not to face life and hard decisions; or dealing with the difficult emotions and pain associated with a breakup.
Make an adult-decision and make a move. Don't cheat.
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (7 October 2015):
 You are tempted to cheat and you very well know it is wrong. So don't cheat on your BF.
You could break up with your BF, but that leaves you with 3 uncertainties: (1) you know nothing of the new guy as to what sort of a partner he is (2) you know nothing about how good of sex you'll have with him and (3) you know nothing about the potential of that relationship.
There is also an opportunity cost issue: you would be giving up a relationship you like to go after a relationship you have no clue of its outcome. Additionally, is giving up your BF for sex a good trade in which you gain?
On the other hand, you could try to workout the sex issue with your BF and see what's wrong with his libido. For all you know, he may be aware of it but all too ashamed to confront his problems. Lack of libido on men can easily be fixed with some supplements that raise nitric oxide to the or is like arginine, citrulline, pycnogenol and such.
Having said all this, I think you are best to see if your guy's libido can be fixed and only afterward, if it does not work, break up for that other dude. Then again, if you think this is too much of an investment on your part (like time etc), then the best would be to just drop your BF, and go with the other guy.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 October 2015):
 You say the physical side of things are boring between you and your bf,so what role have you taken to change that? For some reason many women seem to think it is the responsibility of the man to keep things interesting when really it really does take two two tango. Could just be that you are not sexually compatible which sucks when everything else is good. Unless the terms of a relationship are open then you either need to make one hell of an effort in fixing things with your bf or leave. Because why would you wish to deliberately hurt the very guy you say is lovely, sweet, thoughtful and really in love with you. All that will do for him is have him tar all women with the same brush.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 October 2015):
 "He says he doesn't want a relationship," so I guess most of what's going on is in your head. Do you think your current boyfriend would be upset if he knew you were txting this other man? What would happen if he found out?I suppose the real question for you is do you want to fix your current relationship? If so start spicing up your love life. You can also suggest counselling for you both. Sometimes a period of abstinence is recommended after which you are gradually reintroduced to each other. It's like starting courting all over again. Boundaries are set which raises anticipation.However if you aren't up for mending what you have then better get yourself free as soon as you can. And stop txting this other fella until you are well out of it. Don't be caught on the bounce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2015): Okay you don't really want your bf the way he is so end the relationship so he can find someone who likes him the way he is.
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