A
female
age
26-29,
*mycoffeegirl
writes:Is it wrong to want more experience?Hi. I am Amy and I am 20 years old. I have been with by bf Ken for about 8 months and we have been having sex for about 6 months. Ken is the first adult man I have ever had sex with. He is 25 and has had other relationships with a few other women before me. Ken and I do not live together, we have separate apartments, but we do spend most of our free time together.When we were talking about having sex, I made it clear to Ken that he was going to be my first real adult relationship, but that I expected to be with other men before I could ever commit to getting engaged and getting married to anyone. Ken told me at the time that he understood my feelings and was OK with me being with other guys, just as long as I told him when I was planning on being with someone else, and who I was going to be with. At the time this sounded reasonable so I agreed. Over the past 2 months I have been getting friendly with this very nice guy Sam. We ride the same bus I take to work. We first starting talking about 2 months ago, and we have had coffee as friends a few times since. I find him very nice and attractive, I feel very comfortable with him, and I think Sam would be a great guy to get more experience with.I told my bf Ken about Sam and that I thought this would be a great guy for me to be with next. Ken works 2 nights a week, so I told Ken that I would only spend time with Sam on the nights he works so that I would never take any time away from Ken and me.Now I think Ken is having second thoughts. He said that Sam is a stranger and that it might not be safe. Ken then said he thought I would want to be with one of his friends first, or maybe do a threesome with him and one of his friends a few times instead of a strange man. Ken never mentioned his friends or a threesome before.I told Ken that we could talk about the possibility of one of his friends, or maybe a threesome with him and someone else, but for now I think someone new would be better especially since I don’t know how I will feel about seeing the other guy after having sex with him. Ken seemed to accept my answer, but I am not sure he is happy about it. I asked Ken directly if he was having second thoughts about me being with other men, and he did say that he could handle it as long as I don’t hide anything or take time away from him.I do feel for Ken and I don’t want to upset him too much. But at the same time I think I have been very clear and fair with Ken about wanting more experience with other guys. I am willing to tell Ken when I am planning something, even who with, but I do not want to give up on experiencing other men. Ken bringing up a threesome totally shocked me, but I did not let him see that I was surprised. It was not something I was considering doing, but now thinking about it for a few days, and reading some articles online, it could be really sexy to do. But I still want to wait to see how things work out with another guy one-on-one before I would actually consider a threesome. If Ken has problems with me having sex with another guy alone, a threesome would probably not work. Did I handle the situation with Ken correctly? Am I wrong to want to experience other men? Should I feel bad about my curiosity and desires? Is Ken trying to control the situation to much, of me being with other men, or is he really looking out for my safety?Should I see if Ken actually wants a threesome or if he just said that to see my reaction? Thank you everyone for your helpAmy
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female
reader, Amycoffeegirl +, writes (21 September 2015):
Amycoffeegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your answers. It did make me better understand what my bf Ken was thinking.I did ask my bf Ken if he feels we should break up if I am going to be with other men. Ken made it clear that he wants us to stay together, and that he feels that me wanting to experience other men will only be temporary. (YAY because I don't want to break up with him if I don't have to) So I have decided to go ahead and set up a date with Sam.This will be the first time I will be going out with someone specifically to hook-up, so I am a little nervous about it.Any first time hook-up advice?? Should I buy and bring my own condoms? Do I dress normally, or do I wear sexier lingerie? Thank you again everyone for your help.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (12 September 2015):
 I think you should have a simple approach to all this desire to sleep with different men: break up with you BF, go single and have sex on your own terms with whomever. That way you don't have to have obligations of juggling what different men want, physically or emotionally. It would become all about you: you get a guy you want, and you have type of sex you want without too many entanglements such as the ones you present in this post.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2015): Are you really ready for a relationship? Perhaps you should save the hassle and drama and just be single - then you're free to be with whoever you want when clearly Ken is starting to struggle with the idea.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2015): Ken is grooming you for a future life in the sex trade. You dont need experience. You need really genuine friends and a trusted circle of people you can rely on. You need to make these changes as soon as you can because there are better mindsets out there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2015): Why are you in a relationship if you do not want to commit?
You're going to hurt your poor boyfriend's feelings. Let him go. He can't know in advance how hurt he will be when you sleep with this other guy.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 September 2015):
 I hear the same excuse that men use to avoid a threesome, that the world can be a dangerous place. He's thinking that his friend is someone who he can trust and would not steal you away. He feel he loses if you go out with a stranger, but gains if he could share you with his friends. The sting of cuckold does not feel as strong if it's done with people he considers dear to him.
You did not mention if marriage is in his near future, but I think a man who wants to marry in a few years would not want to do risky things like an open relationship. I find that nowadays people who are in serious relationships are less likely to refuse experimenting up front. As if they are afraid to be seen as prudes, and they had probably read enough literature which says people are not supposed to be monogamous. There's also lots of stories of how people wondering what they missed out on, how they did not know what sexual attraction means since there were no comparisons. Very few people would actually say to one another, "Hey honey, I love you and do not want to share you" without feeling selfish and controlling.
It's not wrong to want more experience but it's much better if you experiment before going into serious relationships. It doesn't make much sense to be intimate with your boyfriend, then tell him he's not enough. Maybe people do that to have both the safety zone and excitement combined. It doesn't work that way and that's not fair for your partner. You are him are at different stages. He might be over the stage of playing the field while you are just starting out. While he says he understands it does not mean it's something he's thrilled about. I know a controlled environment like a threesome with his friend is not what you are looking for. I am afraid he's not happy with you experimenting and threesome is only a compromise.
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