A
female
age
26-29,
*ngelsrock18
writes:okay so me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 7 month's and all we have done sexually is he has fingered me.i really don't want him feeling like i won't do anything with him but i'm just scared since i never have before.we've planned on having sex which i want to do, but i need help to figure things out. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, unique899 +, writes (13 September 2009):
 I DONT THINK YOU WANT A BABY DO YOU?
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (24 June 2009):
Not all fear is a bad kind of fear, but in this case I think your feelings are telling you that having sex is the wrong thing to do. Other responses have explained why this is so.
At the very least, your body is not ready for sex. A little "fingering" is terribly inadequate preparation and isn't even enough foreplay for a woman who is experienced and has no fear about intercourse.
Mentally you are not ready for sex. I doubt that you have thought through the implications and consequences. Even leaving out the question of emotional attachment, there is a LOT more to sex than how you couple the genitals. It is actually to your credit that you posted your question here, but spending just 5 minutes searching this Forum - or the internet in general - or even your public library - will uncover a ton of information to answer your question. (OK, some of that information is either not very accurate or not very helpful. But a LOT of it IS both accurate and helpful.)
I don't think you are emotionally ready, either. Your comment, "i really don't want him feeling like i won't do anything with him . . . " sounds like you see sex as mostly a way of manipulating people, to get or keep their interest. Your post concentrates on "you", not on "us". I don't see any indication of trust, commitment and sacrifice between you two. I don't even sense a healthy dose of lust! It's more like, "Well, it's been a few months and we've run out of ideas to keep ourselves interesting so let's give sex a try.".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): I agree, having sex at this age is a very very big step. You really need to think about it. At your age your body is going through a lot of changes and your hormones will be acting up. You may think you want it right now, but you will most likely regret it later on. You should never have sex with a guy until a year into the relationship at least, especially at your age. Remember most guys have the mental and emotional needs of someone a year younger usually, so he will just be thinking of his penis. He won't understand the full consequences of a serious and proper relationship. You need to consider what will you feel like if he dumps you? When a guy dumps you without loosing your virginity to him, it feels pretty bad, how will you feel once he's taken it? You can't break it with the love of your life again and he would have used you. Sex brings a lot of hidden emotions into play. Guys that age are having there hormones kicked about the place as well and neither of you will fully understand what you are feeling right now.
18 is a safe age to start sex because your body would have calmed down and you know what you are feeling is true, guys would be more mature, you would have a lot of experience with guys under your belt as well so you can know who is the right kind of guy for you.
Sex is a very very big decision to make - just for you. The guy will not care, he is in it for physical needs, a woman experiences things on a more emotional level and they have more of a consequence in the end up. Think about this very carefully!
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): well first time i had sex it didnt hurt,there was no blood just orgasms all round.now lets put it this way did you like him fingering you? if yes then you should enjoy sex but go through foreplay first to get you aroused etc just enjoy the experience.
personally i dont believe in viginity etc but that is your game.
and remember if you dont want a baby use birth control.
good luck and have fun x
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (24 June 2009):
 Sweetie, you are still young and there is no need to rush in to having sex... you need to tell your bf that you need more time. Remember it is your body and dont let him pressurise you into having sex, anyways, if he loves and respects you he will wait until you are ready.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (24 June 2009):
 All you have done is fingering? That's a pretty big step. Especially since it seems like this step is his platform for pushing for something more. If you are afraid of what he feels about you 'not doing anything', then you are having sex for the wrong reason. You should be having sex because you want to AND because you are responsible enough to face the consequences. I mean think about it. At age 13-15 can you really support a baby if you get pregnant? Do you have a job to support one? Could you even pay for an abortion? What about your parents? What if you get an STD? Do you have the money to start seeing a gynecologist? Do you have birth control? These are the questions you have to ask yourself before you even consider having sex. Being sexually active is truly an adult decision, because it has consequences that only someone with a stable job and future can handle. What if you get knocked up at thirteen? That pretty much sets your life goals forever. You have the rest of your life to have sex, right now you should be worrying about having fun with friends and working through school. Believe me. You'll definitely regret having sex with this guy now.
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