A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, ok I have a million questions, but ill ask this one question that I have had in my head for a while. im a virgin and I always think guys want to have sex with me because of that but I also think once I tell a guy im a virgin they don't want to talk to me, I know its probably because they probably just want sex. what do you think about this? in neeed of help =/ Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (31 May 2009):
If you're running in a crowd where your sexual experience (or lack thereof) is a significant factor in determining your social status - I think you're hanging out with the wrong people.
Some guys ARE only out to get as much as they can - it's something of a competitive challenge to them. Others simply feel that they are in some way entitled to sex, and your announcement labels you as somebody who won't "put out".
If you're raising the subject of your virginity too early in a relationship, it will push some guys away because they think you have already pre-judged them as a guy who is only after one thing.
And keep this in mind: you probably have some secret sympathizers. Quite a few studies show that many teens are inclined to exaggerate their sexual experience, claiming to have done things they actually haven't, in an attempt to seem cool or to fit in with what they perceive their peers expect.
A
male
reader, twistedelm +, writes (30 May 2009):
Hi--I agree with some of the other people that you should be very private on who you tell this too. There are guys who dont care if you are a virgin or not. There are good guys out there; they are not all ugly or a geek. But going around telling people you are a virgin sends a bad message out there for you. Some may think this is sick or corny--I dont care.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (30 May 2009):
 When I look back, I didn't mention it until we had covered a couple of bases - then he said he knew anyway from how I reacted when he was trying to undo my clothes. They will want to talk to you, as you will be dating and he'll be wanting things to head in the sexual direction.
So try not to feel too pressured (easier said than done)you have sex when you have known a boyfriend for a while say a month or two - long enough to feel fond of eachother and know you have some stuff in common and imagine that you will be together for a while...
The truth is, it's not just because you are a virgin that leads to sex opportunities; there are opportunities all the time, once you have slept with one,two, three people. That side of things doesn't seem to change. So yeah, I agree, don't mention it until it's necessary.
I don't think anybody really likes their first time, or actually feel ready. So it's important to be as ready as possible because as a girl, you feel vulnerable you see. So it's important to be in a relationship, where you know you'll see him again, so you don't feel used - plus you know you can actually have good sex and become used to the idea and actually enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Maybe they feel threatened or becsause they know your a virgin, they don't want to be your first and think it should be someone special. This guy was after my sister for sex but once he found out she was a virgin, he backed off straight away!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (30 May 2009):
 Essentially, I agree with the responders advising that you keep your sexual experience, or lack thereof, to yourself. For now, just be a young lady willing to accompany nice young men for dinner, dancing, a movie or whatever. You have no obligation whatsoever to announce your sexual experience status. Of course most guys want sex at some point, but your sexual status is none of their damn business in the beginning - so simply tell them that. And that will probably eliminate quite a few jerks.
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A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (30 May 2009):
Guys in general, will want sex. This is almost a given.
For being a virgin: some guys will feel special if it is they who has sex with you first; there will be guys who have had many girls and virginity only means they got it first before any other guy; and finally, depending on the age, it may signal a girl with problems, but this might be a girl who is in her 30's or older.
If the guy is near your age, it is a good chance that sex is all they want, because of guy peer pressure. Guys talk big, challenge each other like a dare.
I hope this answers your questions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): To be completely honest, if it is a decent and geuine guy i think he will appraciate the fact that you are a virgin, others may want to take advantage of this as you say, but dont let them, you will only regret this in the fucture.
Some guys may be frighten of the fact you are still a virgin, they may think "im her first, i need to be good", but others may have a different approach like, she has nothing to compare me with so they are more chilled out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): I was one for a long time. I would suggest not mentioning it until its necessary. Date someone for awhile and just don't mention it. It will take at least a few months for a guy to expect it (and I stress AT LEAST) and at that point you will have a good idea whether he is in it for the sex or the relationship. Then decide what YOU want. Best of luck
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (30 May 2009):
 The first time is always special. Some guy people experienced something special for their first time and want it to be special for you too. They back down because they know they might not make it special for you (because like you said, they probably just want sex).
There's no rush when it come to loose your virginity, I lost it with someone I loved (who was virgin too) and it was after we were together for like a year and half. It felt weird, it felt wrong and it felt good, it was the craziest experience of my life.
I would recommend to do it with someone you've been with for a while and who's worthy of that gift.
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