A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm almost 18 and i'm still a virgin... not that i'm upset or ashamed about it, i'm actually quite proud. Me and my bf have been dating for 5mths, and i think i'm finally ready to have sex. I love my bf, and completely trust him... but i'm still scared to go through with it (if that makes any sence). I just wanna know what to expect... what can we do to make it easier? is it gonna hurt alot? will he expect it all the time after? anything other information you could give me would be awesome. thanks in advance =)
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (6 June 2009):
Some variation of this question gets asked about once a week around here. You can find a lot of information by looking back through some old threads, for example those tagged as "still a virgin" at http://www.dearcupid.org/keyword/still%20a%20virgin or "virginity" at http://www.dearcupid.org/category/virginity .
There are some interesting responses in the recent thread "Wondering how people's 'first times' were?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/wondering-how-peoples-first-times-were.html .
But perhaps the most comprehensive answer is the article "satindesire" pointed you to, and the responses to that article.
Comments on your post:
- It's not unusual to be afraid. Fear has a purpose, and this may be telling you something. But not all fear is a bad kind of fear.
- You are very concerned about yourself. It may come as a surprise, but your B/F may be feeling much the same as you are - especially if he's a virgin.
- Girls report a wide range of discomfort from their first intercourse, ranging from "no pain at all!" to "hurts like hell!". Rupturing your hymen may be part of the pain; having your vaginal muscles stretched to receive his erection can also be painful.
- Your discomfort may be less if he helps you to have an orgasm just before trying to enter you.
- He may be better able to respond to your needs, control his actions, and reduce the discomfort he causes, if you help him have an orgasm early in your lovemaking before attempting intercourse.
- You can probably reduce your discomfort if you get on top of him, take control of the insertion, and guide him into you.
- The first time is seldom "great sex" for either guys or gals. It can, however, be intensely satisfying to either guys or gals.
- Once you start having sex, he will probably want it quite often - and you may, too.
A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (6 June 2009):
 I don't think he will expect it all of the time, you just need to communicate afterwards properly. My first time didn't hurt at all and there was no blood but there are a few people who say it hurt them. It won't hurt that much if it does hurt so don't be afraid of this. Just take it slowly and its less likely to hurt. You will both be nervous so expect the first time to be abit clumsy, don't expect it to live up to your expectations of it being romantic if you have any. X
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (6 June 2009):
 Hi I don't think anybody ever feels ready or particularly likes their first time. After that it gets better. You have known him a while now, so I am sure that gives you more peace of mind. I think after the first time, you will be in a routine of having sex most times you meet. It's like any other milestone, once the first time is over with, then it's fine. Like the first day of a new job, you are nervous, even though you know you will be fine...
As for the pain, it depends on if your hymen is still there or not.
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