A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am at university, and am currently dating a wonderful woman. However, I don't want to have sex with her just yet (I am a virgin) and be heart-broken if she leaves me due to problems further down the line. It is so easy to end relationships (and even marriage) these days that I just want security.I feel like a passion killer and am too embarrassed to tell her the true motives (I just tease her and tell her she's not worthy etc.) I really like her and don't want to scare her off with my romantic side. I'd feel embarrassed to settle into a husband-like role that is second nature to me due to my childhood.Before I met her I was an avid dater and had many dates and relationships with other women. However, I feel that she's much more special.I feel as if she is getting bored of me. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (8 May 2009):
Here's a male guy person of the masculine sex saying the same thing you've heard from the girls: Come out and tell your G/F that you place a high value on your sexuality and don't think the relationship has yet matured to the point where sex should be added. If you can't tell her that you're misleading her and acting disingenuously.
Yes, you run some risk by doing this. She may believe almost the opposite, that the relationship won't advance until sex is added. (I think that's dead wrong.) And, you will probably need to do a little "damage control". With the "not worthy" teasing in the background she might get the idea that you don't respect her, consider yourself superior to her, or consider her somehow "too slutty" (especially if she's not a virgin). You know her better than we do, so figure out how you'll handle the situation.
You can still demonstrate romance, and even passion, without sex. In fact, she may find romance WITHOUT the sexual overtones even more memorable than anything you might do in the bedroom.
Overall I suspect she will respect your position, and may even admire you for it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Be yourself, stick to your principles and the right person will find you. If she rejects you because you want a commitment, she's missing out on one of the few "good guys" out there. Her loss, your gain because you were able to "weed out" a person who could potentially waste a lot of your time. Approach it matter-of-factly, such as: I feel like you are a person I could be serious about and I want to make sure that we are both approaching this with the same goals, before we take it to the next level. Sounds a little clinical, but something like that shows that you think she's special and you are mature enough to take your time. If she's mature enough, she'll appreciate you more for it!Good luck!
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