A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Men and Older Virgins? I know most men are into young women - especially if they are still chaste and virginal - but what do men think of older women who are still virgins? For example women in their 30s or even 40s as there are still some of us about!!Do men still admire virginal women even if they are older - or do they just think it odd that these women havn't done the business yet?? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, distant_music +, writes (4 November 2009):
Hi I'm so glad this question was asked and it was interesting to see some of the replies. I actually find this quite a complex issue and I have quite a few thoughts on the subject. As for myself, I am a female in my early 30's and I'm also still a virgin. This isn't as a result of lack of opportunity but out of choice. I have had relationships but I have never felt that I have met the person I wanted to "give myself" to, as it were. At the risk of sounding as though I'm in a Barbara Cartland novel, I happen to believe that your virginity is one of the most precious things you can give to someone and I just would not want to risk regretting giving it up to the wrong person, as so many women do. My decision is compounded by the raft of sexual diseases at large. As for what men will think about a woman being an "older" virgin, in my experience, their opinions vary from seeing it as a challenge - the prize being to be the first, to being wary because so few women, younger or older, are still virgins these days. I used to worry about men's reactions but now I feel more comfortable about my virginity. After all, a person is not defined by their sexuality. Personally, I think that in an age where sex is so readily available and people think nothing of sleeping with someone they've just met, having enough self-respect to wait for the right person is admirable. If I were a guy and was faced with two women to choose from - one who slept with every Tom, Dick and Harry and the other who had made the decision to wait until she met the right person, then I know who I would rather be with. I can't think of anything more romantic than saying to the man I want to be with - I've waited for you. Surely, any guy worth his salt would be delighted to hear that and consequently, when sex does eventually take place, it would be more meaningful and special. The only thing that worries me is that because sex is so readily available, some men will not be prepared to wait but in those instances, he probably wasn't the right person in any case. I would say to the person who posed this question and to anyone in a similar boat, that you should never feel that you have to validate your lack of sexual experience to anyone. It is no one else's business why you are still a virgin. Do people who've had a lot of sexual partners have to explain their promiscuity? Not usually because unfortunately, that is considered the norm these days. It is a sad state of affairs that being a virgin is considered to be something odd, even perhaps abnormal these days. So, to conclude my rambling, don't treat it as an issue because if you do, then other people will. If men find it odd or weird, then they're not really worth bothering with. When the right person comes along, you'll be glad you waited ... and so will he:)
A
male
reader, zkp088  +, writes (8 August 2009):
I admire a woman who is an older virgin actually. I'm a very average guy and approaching near mid 40's myself yet still a virgin. Although, I am a male.
It is difficult to meet women like yourself.
And yes, I completely understand all the inner struggles of not experiencing what most people do.
One thing just reading around, I'm terrified of the STD's out there.
Anyway, I really admire any person who has self respect for themselves and won't jump into something without feeling comfortable about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): i would think most men like myself would find it a quite impressive especially if the women is attractive this would make the man think this women has waited all this time for some real reason. just look at kelly clarkson and some other celebs who kind of milk their virginity for fame it is certainly impressive in these cases. from the ages of 18 to 30 if a women is a virgin she may just be a nice women:) from 30 to 40 there may still be reasons however after 40 then the man will certainly get worried and its best to hide such a fact.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): (Some) men are cautious about getting involved with older virgins, it's true.
But their reasoning is usually sort of like how some women might be cautious about getting involved with a rich hard-working man. Its not that these women don't want a rich & hard-working man, hell no. They LOVE that idea! But they might be concerned that this also might mean the guy is a workaholic who will never make time for them. The women love the primary point in question, they just think twice because of what they suspect that it also might mean.
This is sort of like men and older virgins. It's not the woman's virginity that they're having second thoughts about. (They usually LOVE that by itself.) It's the possible secondary issues that the men believe it might bring with it by the time she's that old. So just worry about putting these fears to rest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): I'm in a similar position, and I know how easy it is to worry about this, but honestly, I think it will be okay. I almost never discuss my lack of a sexual past with anyone, but over the years, I have told two men-- one that I'd been dating for some months and then, later, a close friend whom I would have liked to date if only he would get a clue. In both cases I was very nervous about telling the guy in question; in both cases, the guy turned out to be completely accepting and sympathetic. My advice is to keep your own counsel with anyone who doesn't need to know, but to be frank and open with any romantic prospect you know, like, and trust, and trust that he won't get hung up on what is, ultimately, a minor matter. In a good relationship, the future matters more than the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Personally, I think it such a sad commentary on the morality of our times that this question even needs to be asked. (Though I do live in the real world and understand its relevance.)I am a 29-year old virgin, and I fully expect to live at least into my 30's without changing that status. I have no problem attracting the opposite sex, and I have had past (and one current) relationships. However, I hold to the belief that sex is for marriage, and I am careful to only date men who respect my decision. (I also find this mutual respect brings a high level of depth and friendship to my relationships.)But waiting for marriage is only one of many reasons why a woman might be a virgin into her 30's and 40's. Many women simply have the self-respect and self-esteem to not lose her virginity for the sake of losing it or to be like her peers. She may want to wait for someone special, and like many other people, she did not meet him by the age of 20. (Not everyone has a high school sweetheart.) Or she may feel that the opportunities she has had were not worth the future emotional and physical sacrifices. Whatever the reason, I find it sad that something so simple as self-respect has come into question as being abnormal.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (31 May 2009):
Speaking directly to your question, yes there are guys who will be put off by your status because it labels you as somebody who won't "put out". There are also guys who will be attracted to you, as something of a challenge to get into bed. These are fundamentally the same kind of guy.
There are also guys who see you as something of a novelty, and are attracted to the idea of teaching you about the physiological mechanics of sex. Some of them are mostly interested in boosting their own ego by playing the teacher; others may be interested in seeing if there are relationship possibilities beyond the sex.
If I was in my 30's, never married, looking for a wife, and I found myself with a 40-year old virgin - it would mean that I have already experienced some level of attraction and attachment to her, because it's not something I expect to discuss on the first date! I would also have a hard time fighting back the old saying, "If it SEEMS too good to be true, it probably IS!".
"Ask Oldersister" gave you an excellent answer. The virginity isn't the fundamental issue; it's the lack of a meaningful relationship that would bother me. And maybe there WAS a relationship in your past, but it never progressed to marriage or sex.
I hope you're not looking to jump into bed with some guy just to "get it over with". There are reasons you are still a virgin. Some of them may be very good, admirable reasons - you will be betraying yourself, as well as your future partners, if you discard the good reasons without first examining them. There may also be some not-so-good reasons - perhaps pointing to things you need to change or improve before you are ready for a mature sexual relationship.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (31 May 2009):
 I think that if there are more women in this age bracket than you would think, but I imagine that people who haven't had sex are more reserved about talking about it.
Some people just haven't met the right person. It's unfortunate when it takes you that long to find love, but some people have had to wait a looong time.
You have to get to know the woman and get to trust her.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (30 May 2009):
 I'm with Oldersister.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (30 May 2009):
 I think the main problem you'll run into is having to explain why you've had no real relationships with the opposite sex. It is unusual to be over 30 and not to have had a long term relationship, most people would consider that highly unusual. That discussion does come up when you are dating and the guy wants to know when your last relationship ended or how long was your longest relationship, etc..
In your case, it's not so much about the sex part because that's not something you really disclose to people right away hopefully, but what the issue is that's prevented you from forming relationships with men. You have no history, no track record. It's like having no credit history so you'll be considered "high risk" to most well-adjusted males in your age bracket.
With that being said, there are men out there like you because they've written into this very site looking for women like you so I suggest you find out where this "niche market" is and date from that pool. It could be within a certain church or organization or specific singles group locally/online, etc.. start there and you'll find a lot of men that admire that.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (30 May 2009):
 Man if I ran across a virgin that was any where near my age I would alert the media before I left skid marks leaving the room. First thing out of my mouth would be, what is wrong with her. Then I would put locks on all the cages of my rabbits and call the law.
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A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (30 May 2009):
Being a virigin is one thing that could show she has not been in and out of too many relationships, meaning she is mentally stable.
For women in there 30's, and especially in there 40's, some men will wonder why this is. Is she hard to get along with, or does she have some real issues?
Just as mom will ask their daughter and son in there 30's and 40's that she/he needs to find a man/woman and have kids. Look deeper for the reasons and answers.
(This is soley my opinion and may not reflect the population at large.)
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