| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I just recently turned 33 years old a couple of months ago and I am panicking about my age - specially because of the comments I get from my family about getting married and my eggs being dried up and mocking me about how I can’t seem to find anyone etcMy parents are abusers and toxic people who I have tried to avoid and ignore but sometimes it becomes hard around holidays and then living downstriars ( they own the home and I rent out)Although I am paying rent and have my own life their comments make me panic. Through therapy I am trying to mentally prepare myself to be a calmer person - a positive person but I still panick . What if I don’t find someone and have a child? I know god has put it in my heart but what if I find someone too late?Any form of communication with my parents is hard because their very narcissistic and egotistical so through therapy it was advised that I completely separate since they don’t know how to communicate in a positive manner Example - we are at a relatives funeral and they brought up in the funeral how I need to find someone which I thought was beyond disrespectful. I realize my parents will not change and I am workign in relocating and putting extreme boundaries on them but how can I believe I can have a family of my own after 33 ?I’m so worried sometimes that it makes me fall in their negative trapAny advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 December 2019):
 My advice: do move away from your parents and get some distance between you. And then ask yourself this: is it better to have a child with the wrong person, or risk being childless but with the right person?
For the sake of your potential future children, I hope you will see that having a child with the wrong person is terrible for your child. I grew up with an abusive father, because my mom wanted to get pregnant fast and he was willing, so she went for it. It has given me a terrible childhood with lots of scars, and yes I do wish my mother would have made a less selfish choice and not have children. At least not with my father. He was the wrong man on every level, but he was the man available to her at the time she wanted children, so she chose him anyway. I promised myself as a child, that I would never put my own desire for children above the children right to a good father. The safety and security of my future children was way more important, than having a child with any random man just because I hit a certain age. Even if that meant me never having children at all.
Alternatively, if you can afford it, its possible to go it alone through a sperm donor and a clinic. If you really want children, and you dont have a good man in a long term relationship, I would advice you to use a sperm donor rather than jump into bed with the first and best man you meet.
Just ask yourself what is most important to you. This is your life, and for you alone to decide. Do you actually want a child? Or is this panick steeming from pressure and not your own desire?
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 December 2019):
 OP, breathe. Prioritise.
1: Move out (focus on this, get it done and cut your parents out of your life)
2: Speak to a fertility clinic and test your fertility
3: you do not NEED a man to become a mother, it’s just the ideal situation
4: if you’re 38 and still no GOOD guy you’ve been with for 2+ years and are committed to (moved in and engaged, at least), go down the sperm donor or adoption route
Plenty of women have babies between 38 and 45, albeit slightly more complicated. Focus on each individual stepping stone and conquer them one at a time.
...............................
|
