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My name's Anna, a mod on DC since 2007, I feel we have here a small community I grew very fond of as I am always looking forward to read your thoughts, I like the exchange of experiences and I think this is a wonderful site as it provides us with the opportunity to be solidary and learn from one another.
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I am tired of my boyfriend being too relaxed on the weekends to go out.
Q. I have a demanding 4 year old boy and a boyfriend of 1 year. We see each other twice a week. Half of the time he calls to say his shift happens to be short that day so he could see me. The other times we call on the weekends and hope we would meet ...
A. 1 February 2010: This is more serious than I thought. Sometimes (as I thought) would be understandable, but if he is always tired and in pain why doesn't he see a doctor, have you suggested this? There is a possibility that he isn't very interested in your ... (read in full...)
I am tired of my boyfriend being too relaxed on the weekends to go out.
Q. I have a demanding 4 year old boy and a boyfriend of 1 year. We see each other twice a week. Half of the time he calls to say his shift happens to be short that day so he could see me. The other times we call on the weekends and hope we would meet ...
A. 31 January 2010: It seems this is pretty frustrating for you and that it will take more effort than you are showing currently in order to keep this relationship going and growing. I presume he's always lacked a bit at this chapter, not being too organised? I'm sure ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I have a fictitious lover - anyone with similar stories?
Q. I am looking for input. My fiance's biggest turn on is fantasizing about me sleeping with other men. I don't but for the sake of role play have developed a fictitious 'boyfriend' and make it as real for him as possible. So, is there anyone else ...
A. 31 January 2010: Your fiance probably enjoys telling you exactly how he would like to see this person involved in your sex play, and it spices things up for you in the bedroom. Role playing is not that uncommon. If it bothers you, speak up. If it doesn't, I see no ... (read in full...)
In order for them to 'improve' their own life and become strong men, I have to boot them out! Right?
Q. Hi, I'm a 53 year old lady, with 3 kids. Husband and I are divorced and he works away, in another area of the country. My kids are all adults, 2 sons aged 29 and 18, 1 daughter, aged 31. The older 2 kids have 'boomeranged' back to living here with ...
A. 27 January 2010: Time to call the ex hubby and have him assist you in a talk to your children about family values, future interactions and such, and also have hubby help you in case the older son offers resistance to moving out. He is so offensive. What is next? ... (read in full...)
I want to have my cake and eat it too
Q. I am married and have had a crush om a co worker for the last 7 months. I have been quite good at hiding my feelings from him til recently when we have spent a lot of time together at work. Working one on one. I let it slip about my crush on him ...
A. 27 January 2010: Great responses so far. If your hubby didn't ask, why don't YOU ask him, is HE ok, does he need anything, and tell him what to do to please you and that you both need to think of ways to revive romance in your relationship, as you feel it's not goi... (read in full...)
My husband and I were very much in love but sudenly things have changed, am I doing anything wrong?
Q. Hi well my problem is that me and my hubby is very much in love where married for 4 years but now im confussed. well see he changed jobs and he doesnt share anything with me no more when he brings stuff home after work and i ask him polite great ...
A. 25 January 2010: I'm afraid you will have to do just that, leave him alone. That is one strategy you can apply. I don't know how this marriage can be made to work, it's really a tough situation if you can't even talk. Also, I'm not sure we have a very accurate image ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me 8 months ago but we still live together. Please, please heip me.
Q. Il keep this short, my bf of 7 yrs broke up with me 8 months ago, I was heartbroken.. He said he didn't think it cud work he wasn't in love with me anymore and wanted to do his own thing.. He is 5 yrs younger than me and we always and still do get ...
A. 24 January 2010: Afraid of commitment maybe? He doesn't think it could work, he wants your relationship to work, yet he is dating another. You must be so confused! I wouldn't think he is playing you after 7 years (you'd know better), I'd say it's probably the age ... (read in full...)
My husband and I were very much in love but sudenly things have changed, am I doing anything wrong?
Q. Hi well my problem is that me and my hubby is very much in love where married for 4 years but now im confussed. well see he changed jobs and he doesnt share anything with me no more when he brings stuff home after work and i ask him polite great ...
A. 22 January 2010: What is strikingly obvious here is the rudeness and bad communication, never mind the suspicion of an affair for now, you should focus a bit on the basics firstly because if you are living with each other you should be respectful and should have ... (read in full...)
My husband has become too close to another woman, how can I stop this?
Q. My husband likes to be dominated .right now he seems like he is at the point where his friend who is female has control over him ( they met online and have met in person) . I can't get him to do anything and he and she talk everyday for long periods ...
A. 23 December 2009: Well, if you tell him he likes to be dominated, he might want to prove you wrong by not being dominated by you, so he could do the contrary of what you suggest if you don't pick your words. However this tends to happen with couples who are tired of ... (read in full...)
My wife has no problem exposing herself to others, is this normal behaviour?
Q. this is about a strange behavior of my wife. she is 25. i see that she has a tendency to exhibit. she rarely cares about her dress. whenever somebody comes to our home they have a very explicit view of her assets and other parts. i tlaked to her a...
A. 23 December 2009: I wish this had an easy fix (maybe it does) but definitely something to look into as you have been suggested. Do you have children? They shouldn't be exposed to this behaviour. I've read something that mentioned an exhibitonist woman and her da... (read in full...)
Starving for Sex with the woman I love - Am I crazy?
Q. Starving for Sex with the woman I love - Am I crazy? I feel pretty weird for even writing this, and I dont know how to even talk about it with her anymore. My gf and I have been dating seriously for almost 2 yrs now (She's a Leo and I'm a Sagitt...
A. 23 December 2009: She doesn't listen and becomes defensive, well, that is her problem, not yours, you already seem to be making an effort to spare her feelings. Start by telling her that unfortunately sex talks can't be avoided, especially when there are problems ... (read in full...)
Starving for Sex with the woman I love - Am I crazy?
Q. Starving for Sex with the woman I love - Am I crazy? I feel pretty weird for even writing this, and I dont know how to even talk about it with her anymore. My gf and I have been dating seriously for almost 2 yrs now (She's a Leo and I'm a Sagitt...
A. 22 December 2009: You need to work harder on the communication part. I understand your frustration but you shouldn't give up on showing her what you enjoy, you sound almost put off of any sexual activity or talk about sex, things can only go downhill from there ... (read in full...)
How do I find out if my new boss has feelings for me?
Q. I am a married woman, and share a good relationship with my husband. Just moved jobs,and my new boss is a really attractive man. While we behave really professional at work I feel he has feelings for me. How do I find out?...
A. 22 December 2009: Why would you care what your boss thinks? I hope you are only curious. If he tries to get fresh with you, reject any advances and treat him with professionalism, hopefully that will do. It is not desirable to keep reading into this and if you are,... (read in full...)
I found out my very close friend is a peophile!
Q. I've got a bit of a unique problem I need help with. Its not a relationship problem but its kinda something I feel I can't ask people I'm friends with incase of how they react :( I just need some advice and thoughts. For the last 3 years, I had a...
A. 22 December 2009: I understand your shock but unfortunately I think many of the 'inmates' come out of jail the same person or worse, having to mix all of the time with other felons, etc. Your friend is an example of the abusee that becomes an abuser, and that is a ... (read in full...)
I found my soulmate and things are getting hot....but she is married
Q. We started out just being friends and now we are really close friends. Things are becoming different now. When I am around her, my heart litrally beats faster. I find myself thinking about her all day ((daydreaming)). When I close my eyes at ...
A. 22 December 2009: So she loves her spouse but I doubt she loves you both. With the modern times that we have today I am not surprised to hear she has such deal with hubby to have their fun on the side but return home to each other at the end of the day and exchange ... (read in full...)
Getting back with my ex feels like we are a new couple again, how do I handle this situation?
Q. Hi, I need some advice about sex with my bf. I'm getting back together with my ex after being apart for a year and we agreed to give it another go. We've been talking on the phone, meeting up for lunch etc, sort of like dating all over again I ...
A. 22 December 2009: I think it wouldn't hurt to wait a while to just date and reestablish some grounds of friendship - just to be surer that you aren't getting back together only because it's more comfortable to see an ex than go through all the stages of a ... (read in full...)
I love and want to be with him but I feel there are so many negative points?
Q. Ok people i have a complicated situations and i wanted peoples opinion about it. i have been dating this guy for 3 years now. i am in love with him and i feel he loves me too. This is my fist time being in love like this. i meet him at a college ...
A. 22 December 2009: Seems a deft manoeuvre suggesting that you part ways before he spat out the big secret. He knew from the start that a potential partner might be put off by the fact he has another family to upkeep and precisely to increase his chances at a ... (read in full...)
How do I convince her that I am the best option for her? I cant stand to see her get back with her abusive ex!
Q. I have a pretty big problem. Im in love with the most beautiful, smart, funny, amazingly fun to be around girl in the world. My friends loved her, she loved my friends, our parents are friends, they adore me and my parents adore her. When we first ...
A. 21 December 2009: If the punches couldn't convince her he is bad for her, what could you do, really? This guy sounds very dangerous (be careful!) and is probably convinced he 'owns' her because she still follows him around. All you can do is let her parents try and ... (read in full...)
My ex has sex with me and then goes and calls his girlfriend
Q. Three weeks ago i found out that my boyfriend was cheating with me. We had a big fight and he left me. He called me bitch and said he never loved me. One week ago he called me and asked for help...he came to my state to do his pratical and he needed ...
A. 18 December 2009: You want him back after he trashed you, you keep having sex and welcome him in your house so that he lives closer to his girlfriend. Sounds great.
My dear, where is your dignity, where is your self esteem, why do you 'love' someone who trashes ... (read in full...)
Should we go out? How do I keep him interested?
Q. I recently asked a co-worker to go with me to our job's Christmas party and he said he couldn't go (he's going back home for the holidays and will be gone for about 2 weeks). Later on, during the shift, he asked if I wanted to see a movie with him ...
A. 18 December 2009: It's not nice of him that he failed to meet you as arranged, I gather that he didn't apologise for not showing up that evening? I think he knows by now you are interested, you have invited him once and accepted his invitation the other time, which ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure what is the best way to approach this situation as I've never got back with an 'ex' before.
Q. Hi, I posted before but was asked for more context/ info, so I'm re-posting with more detail. I split up with my long term partner a few months ago - we broke up after a big argument which was involved some big misunderstanding then we both said ...
A. 18 December 2009: I don't understand well if you both wish for a reconciliation or if you've even discussed this, if so, work up a plan to learn from your past differences so you can be together without the extra drama. I think you are right in that you shouldn't ... (read in full...)
I only had sex once and I didn't love it, what did I do wrong?
Q. Ive only had sex once before. It was almost a year ago. I have to say I didnt find it really that good. I didnt orgasm.. All i felt was alot of pressure and the thrusting and pain. Is that normal? ALl my other friends seem to love sex. I tend to ...
A. 18 December 2009: You did nothing wrong, there are physical and emotional factors (read about them before practising any more sex) that often make first time sex not the most pleasurable experience, it's the kind of food you should taste more than once before it ... (read in full...)
She is sensitive and insecure due to her past and I hanged up on her.
Q. I am madly in love with this girl who has a had an abusive past and as a result can often be really sensitive and insecure. She often thinks that people dont care about her feelings, especially since in her past experiences, her thoughts and feel...
A. 18 December 2009: It's very unpleasant to interrupt somebody as they are speaking, I am not sensitive, nor insecure due to my past, yet I wouldn't very much enjoy that either. If she is speaking, do her the favour of listening to her if you wish to be listened in ... (read in full...)
I want my man to be a man and have a mind of his own, but I feel it cant happen whilst he still lives with his parents!
Q. i have to start my question with my story...i'm dating a guy who is 27 and im 26.i'm currently workin and recently moved out of a siblings place to get a place of my own.My boyfriend is in search of a job as he just completed his masters ...
A. 17 December 2009: My advice is that he talks to his parents and explains them the best he can that he has to take his life in his own hands, as an adult. I think you are right to be worried and if he is easily influenced by his parents this will go on whether he ... (read in full...)
My ex wife wont allow me to do anything with my kids
Q. I need help. My ex wife wont talk to me about my kids and disagrees with everything I want to do. I cant get my 7 year olds ears pierced, take our 5 year old skating, go to my nieces grad party, aunts funeral got shut down. I need to know why she ...
A. 17 December 2009: I'm with LazyGuy. Why piercing, of all things? Here ear-piercing (ONE hole for each ear) is usually done to children while they are babies. It's also usually at the mother's request. Now, if you have abused your ex wife, she has every right to not ... (read in full...)
I like this guy from work..we get along very well. But..is he sincere or dodgy?
Q. i really need some advice. i dont understand why i feel like this-its silly. a guy i work with who only started a month ago im sure im developing feelings for-why ? well when we work together we get on really really well-it feels like we're...
A. 12 December 2009: He was just left by his wife. Flirting mainly in this case fondles his ego, I don't know if he plans to take it any further with you than flirting but if he does, this wouldn't be fair to the woman he is seeing, be her a rebound or not - unless they ... (read in full...)
Would you tell a new partner about your bad experiences in the past?
Q. After a year and a half of working through the issues my abusive ex left me with, I'm now seeing a really great guy. I'm not entirely sure how a relationship works when it doesn't revolve around me trying to make a controlling and insecure partner ...
A. 11 December 2009: Why do you wish to talk about this? Is it just because you need a confident? Talk to your family then, talk to us aunts here. He is not your confident, just someone you have just started dating, if I understand well. Of course you need support but ... (read in full...)
How do you keep a relationship without sex?
Q. I've divorced my husband after 20 years of marriage. There is no sex in the last year as he has lost his libido and do nothing to put it right. Then I've met this older man gives me the love and sex I've been craving for. Three years on I've lost ...
A. 10 December 2009: It's easy to keep a relationship without sex when both partners have no desire of sex. This is not your case. For a start what you can do is think of your former relationship and how this was affected by your ex's low libido. Maybe that expe... (read in full...)
Is it possible that my husband is gay?
Q. I have been married for a year. My husband hasn't slept with me most of that time. We have sex then he gets out of bed and sleeps on the coach. He never comes to bed till it's almost time for me to get up. This just isn't a normal marriage. A ...
A. 30 November 2009: Well, you can try different approaches to get him to confide in you but you can't force him to talk. The others have given you a few good start points. Unfortunately, if prior to marriage you didn't communicate well, marriage won't magically get you ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't open up or relinquish some control!
Q. I am in a 10 month relationship with my girlfriend. We have been living together for 4 months now. My problem is that ever since things have been slowly going downhill. She is a control/clean(ing) freak, she never wants to visit with people or do ...
A. 30 November 2009: Very well that you want to do something about this situation. Maybe initially you thought it was signs of care that she didn't let you do anything in the house, but this is taking things too far and it is a chunk of who she is and what she knows to ... (read in full...)
I love my mother, and want to overcome my deep feelings of resentment that she didn't protect me growing up.
Q. Hi, I'm going to try to make this as brief as possible... Ever since my mum and dad split up when I was four (I'm now 20) me, my sister and mother have been living with my abusive alcoholic stepdad. He has verbally, mentally and physically abused us ...
A. 16 November 2009: I don't blame you for resenting your mother and you shouldn't, either. She was an accomplice to your abuse and her own by sitting with crossed hands, while she had the power to stop the abuse and hand him over to the police. You probably wis... (read in full...)
Peter Pan has left the building
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past 10 years. I recently told him that he might want to consider moving out and becoming more of a responsible grown up- that his fear to act like an adult and his fear of committing to a ...
A. 16 November 2009: I agree with Gina, the counselling could have a great effect on you as a couple but not if you push his buttons - you will likely not feel happier by doing so, and neither will he. If he doesn't have self confidence at 40 and he is going about ... (read in full...)
How do I break up with four ladies I have spent so much time and feelings into without feeling guilty for doing so?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend going on 1 year and 5 months. She is a single mother with 3 daughters that I have gotten attached to and love very much. The thing is, I don't really think i'm in love anymore with her. There are many things that led ...
A. 13 November 2009: So, basically, she told you several times that you would never see her AND her daughters again if you left her? I would really be disturbed by such comments. I infer that she knows you have half a mind to leave and she uses this cheap threat to make ... (read in full...)
I really like a boy, he doesn't like me. Yet he tries to make me jealous?
Q. Hey all! I could do with some advice on a situation im in. Ill try keep it short! Well im 17 years old, and im in college. I was with my boyfriend for 19 months, but finished with him in september, because he had started to become abusive and also...
A. 12 November 2009: Many boys of this age won't spend that much time in company of girls they are not attracted to, at 17 sex is quite often on the brain and you haven't noticed but from what I see he keeps hinting that he likes you by telling you that you are good ... (read in full...)
He wants to marry me but chats online to women..help!
Q. Cupid Aunt, I (45) have been in a steady relationship with a wonderful guy, about 9 years older than me, for about two years. We are compatible in every way possible. He has even asked me to marry me and we have made future plans. However,...
A. 8 November 2009: What do they chat about? And how do you know they chat? Does he volunteer this information to you and how detailed? Internet is a way to keep in touch with the world. Do you fear he is having cyber sex or an affair via Internet? Some try this just ... (read in full...)
Is she leaving me hanging?
Q. I have recently decided to reconnect with my old school friends and most importantly, reconnect with a woman who I had a crush on in high school but never had the courage to ask out. I met her on Facebook and I post chat with her on a somewhat re...
A. 8 November 2009: She was comfortable enough to give you some personal details, but I know people who give theirs away quite easily, usually outgoing ones who like to talk about themselves. It doesn't mean she trusts you or that you trust her. You have changed a lot ... (read in full...)
I'm very worried that my first time sex will be painful!
Q. I'm still a virgin, however when I have met the right guy I would like to take things slowly and enjoy myself when the time comes. However I have explored my body and have discovered that the likeliness is that my first time will be very painful, as ...
A. 7 November 2009: Yes, you can break your hymen by surgery but only very rarely is this needed, and in most cases natural intercourse is still the way to go. Even if you encounter difficulties then, there are other methods available before resorting to surgery, like ... (read in full...)
Do you think our relationship will be a short or long one?
Q. I am dating a 26 year old, and i am 40 year old woman. We met 2 years ago when he turned 24. We are basically attracted to each other, love at first sight i may say, and really are like soulmate. During our 2 years life had been very rough. W...
A. 6 November 2009: Maybe he doesn't think age gap relationships can work. In your case the age difference isn't quite insignificant. He told you that you cannot be together forever, so you are forewarned. At least knowing this, you won't be nagging him about whether ... (read in full...)
Why can't she see that her actions and lack of consideration are a huge cause of our problems?
Q. My gf did not come home last night. We live together. I called and left a message when I arrived home form work and then I waited until 10pm before trying to call her again. She would not answer my calls or return my texts. I texted her to ask her ...
A. 6 November 2009: Because she simply doesn't wish to see. She is not built like you are built, to care about her partners. She is not a bit out of her bearings, this isn't temporary insanity, she is a person of low character and that is not temporary. I have seen ... (read in full...)
Follow up: am I wrong for loving the time I spend with my husband's brother?
Q. Hi. I'm sorry to post the same question again but i'm not listed as a follwup so no one saw what I wrote. But now I am logged in. I put the question I asked and the answers I got and my followups: My husband's brother is literally the nicest guy...
A. 21 October 2009: If you have a long distance marriage, you are not supposed to stay in one corner of the house, sobbing and sighing, for all the time your husband is away. It is fine to socialise, to have friends, to be happy, you will even have what to narrate to ... (read in full...)
Follow up: am I wrong for loving the time I spend with my husband's brother?
Q. Hi. I'm sorry to post the same question again but i'm not listed as a follwup so no one saw what I wrote. But now I am logged in. I put the question I asked and the answers I got and my followups: My husband's brother is literally the nicest guy...
A. 20 October 2009: I will make a few points here. Firstly, regarding "no one knows how unhappy I am except him". If you are unhappy (in your marriage, it is evident), instead of telling the brother, why don't you tell the husband - so that he knows there is a problem ... (read in full...)
How do you end a friends with benefits relationship but still remain just friends?
Q. How do you end a friends with benefits type of relationship but still remain friends? I'm thinking of telling him something like this: When I'm with you I have a nice time, but I'm not going to sleep with you anymore. Like I said I have a good time ...
A. 18 October 2009: If he likes to disappear like a magic act, doesn't make time to worry about you, to check if you are still fine with this "agreement", if you fully understand it - e.g. have you changed your mind, how is it affecting you, do you want to go back to ... (read in full...)
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