A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:I'm still a virgin, however when I have met the right guy I would like to take things slowly and enjoy myself when the time comes. However I have explored my body and have discovered that the likeliness is that my first time will be very painful, as i have an especially tight hymen. It is not an imperforate hymen, and I havent had any difficulties using tampons but it is quite thick and will not break!!I really really want my first time to the least painful and worrying as possible but unless this is sorted out i'm likely to be humiliated or in a lot of discomfort!Please help, I've heard some gynaecologists perform minor surgery to widen the hymen?I'm too embarrassed to go to my parents! I'm in such a dillema!Not only this but my inner labia are very large, they petrude from my outer labia and i think they are are quite ugly – I’m terrified that my partners will find them disgusting! I'm so embarrassed and ashamed...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, satindesire  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 One thing quickly, pretty much every woman on the planet has inner labia that 'protrude' from the outer labia and that's totally normal. Unless they literally hang down to your knees, they are not ugly, malformed or abnormal at all, and guys will not find them unattractive because that's what EVERY woman's labia looks like.
I wouldn't suggest numbing creams, one, because there's a chance some of it could get onto the guy's skin and numb him to the point where intercourse would be less enjoyable, and also, there's a chance the numbing cream might numb any serious damage that could happen during intercourse, like a tear or severe bleeding. Pain is a way of your body telling you that something is wrong, so numbing your body's ability to feel pain could be dangerous.
At this point, you need to understand a few things. One, your parents love you, and you should feel comfortable talking to them about these things. Sex isn't a dirty shameful thing, your parents had sex OBVIOUSLY, they are aware of it and unless they have taught you outright that sex is shameful or 'sinful', you CAN talk to them about your concerns.
Unless you plan on having intercourse SOON, I would not worry too much about your hymen. At your age, I'm PRAYING that you're not considering having sex soon, because of a few things. Please don't take offense to this because I don't mean it in a malicious way, but at your age you are not physically, mentally, or emotionally mature enough to have a baby. Not only that, but you don't have the education and finances to raise a child properly. And even if you use birth control perfectly, there is NO 100% PERFECT METHOD of birth control (even condoms AND hormones together) so you can still get pregnant. The only way to be -sure- you cannot get pregnant is to not have sex at all, period.
Right now, your biggest concern should be speaking to your parents about taking you to the OBGYN and having them examine you. The doctor can tell you if your hymen will be a problem for intercourse IN THE FUTURE.
Please remember that sex is not just a fun game, it's a serious adult action with serious adult consequences. In young teens like yourself, it can cause fatal diseases like Hepatitis and HIV/AIDS, it causes unwanted pregnancy (abortion should NOT BE USED AS BIRTH CONTROL!) and low self-esteem, feelings of guilt, regret and shame, and the possibility of future promiscuous behavior.
Once you give your virginity away, you can't ever get it back again, so keep this in mind. Most people regret having sex at the time that they did...and would take it back in a second if they could.
A
female
reader, CrimzonRayne +, writes (8 November 2009):
I was once in the same situation you're in my dear.
It won't hurt as bad as you think, just voice to your significant other that you are indeed a virgin, and to take it easy.
The first few times aren't gonna feel like a cake walk, but it's something you'll get over very quickly, and it will become enjoyable.
As far as your labia protruding, guys really don't care about that... More often than not.
If the guy really loves you, he will think your vagina is the prettiest thing he's ever seen.
I have bigger "lips" too.
It's ugly to me too, but I've had a few sexual partners and none of them ever complained.
It's completely understandable to be a little self-conscious... But it'll be okay.
Ultimately you'll become more comfortable with your body... But the only way you'll ever know a man likes your body is if you straight out ask, or through experience.
You can't hide in the closet forever.
And what one man hates, another man loves.
But if he's truly the one, he'll love you no matter what.
Best of luck. :)
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  + ♥, writes (7 November 2009):
 Yes, you can break your hymen by surgery but only very rarely is this needed, and in most cases natural intercourse is still the way to go. Even if you encounter difficulties then, there are other methods available before resorting to surgery, like creams and probably relaxation techniques and others. It's most likely that you are worrying in vain. Have you seen or touched other hymens to know yours is especially tight? Please stop worrying, and let things follow their natural course. You don't know how you will react at the moment of intercourse. Being worried and unrelaxed is what can create you problems more than this. I'm sure the aspect of your genitals is also fine, maybe a visit to your doctor will help you regain your peace of mind, I am sure you are perfectly normal. All the best.
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