A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a pretty big problem. Im in love with the most beautiful, smart, funny, amazingly fun to be around girl in the world. My friends loved her, she loved my friends, our parents are friends, they adore me and my parents adore her. When we first met, we had instant chemistry, and i knew that it was meant to be. I have been heartbroken in the past, but she made me forget about all of that and made my life better because she was part of it. But all of this is not the problem, her ex boyfriend is.Her ex has notoriously beaten her and is a drug dealer with a lot of connections. When he found out she was seeing someone else, he didnt handle it very well. She got drunk one night and after i had finished talking to her for the night, unbeknownst to me, ahe received contact from him(as she had for a while, but up until now i was under the impression she had not and would not respond to it because it was either belittling one minute or overly sensitive the next). She went over to his place, and what i was told was that he took her inside, knocked her around, went back out and called me from her phone. Imagine my surprise when the voice at the other end of the line is telling me he is going to kill me if i ever talk to his girl again, that she came over and wanted sex from him, and that she didnt want to talk to me. Had i not called her parents and informed them of all of this, according to her, she would not be here today.For the next couple of weeks, things started to get even better. She was frequently visiting me, and we were happy. All of a sudden, out if the blue, i get a txt from her number saying "dont txt me again" at 1230 at night. I didnt hear from her again until 9pm that next night, when she told me that she had in fact sent that txt message to me, and it was because she is still in love with her ex who is abusive.I am dying over this whole situation. I love her, and iv told her that i am falling in love with her, but i tried to be as calm and supportive as i can possibly be, telling her to be careful because i dont know what i would do in the event i heard that he hurt her again. How do i win her back. How do i convince her that i am the best option for her. This guy went to jail for suckerpunching a guy at a bar, and im convinced that he is probably going back after his trial is over, but how do i get her to see that he is bad for her. I miss her more than ive ever missed another human being, but i dont want to stalk her through txt or calls like he did, and i dont want to badmouth this guy like he did me...but i dont want to lose her. Im worried for her. Is there anything i can do?
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drunk, heartbroken, her ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): Forget it. She likes where she is too much to leave him.
A
female
reader, happyhay  +, writes (21 December 2009):
Sometimes the only thing we can do is nothing. She is caught in a cycle with this man and the only time she will leave for good is when she's ready. Your contact could make the situation worse for her but you can always be there for her silently and when she needs you. A domestic violent relationship is complicated an hard to understand from the outside. Relationships are rarely as black and white as they seem and this is no exception. She needs planty of support if and when she leaves but do not pressure her with choices she is likely to stay. Gather up contact information for local womens domestic violence support groups. Good luck
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (21 December 2009):
 If the punches couldn't convince her he is bad for her, what could you do, really? This guy sounds very dangerous (be careful!) and is probably convinced he 'owns' her because she still follows him around. All you can do is let her parents try and talk her into more sense and if I were you, I would stay away from someone with such poor judgement. The restraining order won't help if she tells the police the guy is a saint. I would be more worried about your own persona. All the best.
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A
female
reader, ShadowGoddess231 +, writes (21 December 2009):
 Get a hold of a lawyer and get a hold of the cops and have her sit down with a therapist and put her first no matter what. He has her believing that there is no one better than him and she is damn lucky to have him (witch is not true). He has her rapped around his little finger, and she is scared of him and what he can do, so she may lie for him and cover up for him cuz she is really scared of him. That is where the therapist comes into play. The lawyer will help you get a restraining order on him and have her get one on him as well so you both will be okay, and that is where the cops come into play, he comes and try and bully you two around call 911 and there you go.
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