Like what
she writes?
... Add *itterblue to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *itterblue a private message | | | *itterblue's profile:
My name's Anna, a mod on DC since 2007, I feel we have here a small community I grew very fond of as I am always looking forward to read your thoughts, I like the exchange of experiences and I think this is a wonderful site as it provides us with the opportunity to be solidary and learn from one another.
Best wishes to you all. |
|
Stay Married or Separate - Stepdaughter issues
Q. I am in my second marriage now for 7 years as of February 2010. I am contemplating separation due to my stepdaughter and I don't feel as if I love my wife. My stepdaughter is 22 now. I came into her life when she was 15 and I sort of knew that this ...
A. 25 June 2010: I'm sorry to hear that. Nobody can say you haven't tried, by the look of things. The daughter must have felt encouraged if it was 2:1, was it. I assume the situation would have been very different if the wife had taken a more firm stand here. Talk ... (read in full...)
How do you end a friends with benefits relationship but still remain just friends?
Q. How do you end a friends with benefits type of relationship but still remain friends? I'm thinking of telling him something like this: When I'm with you I have a nice time, but I'm not going to sleep with you anymore. Like I said I have a good time ...
A. 18 October 2009: If he likes to disappear like a magic act, doesn't make time to worry about you, to check if you are still fine with this "agreement", if you fully understand it - e.g. have you changed your mind, how is it affecting you, do you want to go back to ... (read in full...)
Why was my girlfriend angry with me?
Q. Last night my girlffriend was annoyed with me and continued berating me even after we had gone to bed. In short she was angry with me for not contacting her as soon as I arrived home. The background goes like this. I work full time and have ear...
A. 17 October 2009: The way I see it, your girlfriend is probably not happy about the fact you work too much or has other dissatisfactions and this failed night out for dinner only gave her an outlet to release some of the heavy burden she was carrying lately. Maybe ... (read in full...)
What can be done about my incontinence?
Q. hello everyone i want to know to control my urinary bladder. i am unable to control and i urinate in my panties i feel shame even in this age i cannot control. for example i go to parties or anywhere i am unable to stop for long time when i go to ...
A. 11 October 2009: You should see a urologyst for this problem. You could have a hyperactive bladder, the doctor will be able to help you more, the sooner the treatment is begun, the greater the chances to prevent complications. ... (read in full...)
She only visits my boyfriend when I am at work!
Q. I have a girlfriend of my brother who comes over to my house to see my boyfriend while I am at work only, My brother used to live with us but he moved away, He has since moved back and she is still coming around. I asked her months ago not to come ...
A. 9 October 2009: How close our close friends should be when we are in relationships?... It often depends on the relationship. Unfortunately, two people getting together to complain how unhappy they are in their relationships can lead to more than just talking. Are ... (read in full...)
If you have an open relationship, is it possible to cheat?
Q. I wanted to have an open relationship with my boyfriend because he would start getting really clingy and jealous and started alienating me from everything. He said he was okay with the open relatinship because he wanted to do "anything to kee...
A. 4 October 2009: The "open" concept signifies the two partners can have other lovers outside the couple, whereas in your usual type of relationship this would be a limitation. For an open relationship to be successful one very important aspect is to discuss the ... (read in full...)
Is our love fixable after 20 yrs together?
Q. We have been together for 20 years I am 40 and he is 39 . We were college sweethearts and very intensely in love. HE would play guitar and serenade me outside my window. Bring me flowers the whole thing. THen we had a child. I watch enough OPRAH to ...
A. 25 September 2009: It could be fixable, if you try. Yes, the open marriage might sound well in theory, and with some couples even in practice, it seems you resorted to this as a way to rescue your marriage, ironically, but you were lead to an opposite effect. In any ... (read in full...)
Why does she dress to impress when I'm not around?
Q. hey whats up guys and girls i need help i don't know what to do. my girlfriend always dresses nice when I'm not going to be around like when she goes to school or work or something she never wears nice things when i am. does she have something on ...
A. 25 September 2009: I don't think she is cheating on you if you base this guess on her choices of clothing only, it could be just her sense of fashion, and an indicator she likes to be in the centre of attention (the revealing clothes). Maybe she doesn't dress to ... (read in full...)
Stay Married or Separate - Stepdaughter issues
Q. I am in my second marriage now for 7 years as of February 2010. I am contemplating separation due to my stepdaughter and I don't feel as if I love my wife. My stepdaughter is 22 now. I came into her life when she was 15 and I sort of knew that this ...
A. 24 September 2009: I bet it's not pleasant at all to have your step daughter treat you like this but I think you ought to consider first and primarily how you get along with the mother to make a final decision. The problem with the daughter comes second here, however ... (read in full...)
My friend is living a different life and I am concerned about her family!
Q. Well, this post is about my friend/co worker. I have been very close to her and share most of the fun she is into. She is younger than me and is very beautiful, most men who see her would always second glance at her. She is almost perfect. And life ...
A. 23 September 2009: If I were you I'd be a little scared. These people that display lack of remorse are dangerous. She doesn't seem to feel remorse for what she is doing: doesn't seem to miss her children, sleeps with an old man for money, cheats and lies, is ... (read in full...)
I crave being wanted but then feel I don't deserve it! How do I fix this?
Q. This isn't exactly a relationship question, although I'm quite sure my relationship (or lack thereof) with my father affects my relationships with men. I've hardly had any contact with my dad for my whole life. He hasn't wanted much to do with ...
A. 23 September 2009: You feel you don't deserve men's attention because you probably blame yourself for the poor relationship with your father. AND/OR you feel you are "too much work", too complicated, not fun enough perhaps - due to your issues as a result of this poor ... (read in full...)
Threesome is not working out for me and now she lives with us!
Q. I am 35 years old and my husband and I have been happily married for 13 1/2 years (until recently that is). About two months ago, my husband and I started having threesomes with an 18 year old female friend of the family. Everything was going great ...
A. 21 September 2009: Not many couples can handle a threesome without this putting a strain on their relationship. You opened Pandora's box. "I really just want to figure out a way to be okay with all of this." The only way is probably to put an end to threesom... (read in full...)
Bisexual with both girlfriend & boyfriend
Q. Ok... I'm a bisexual guy and though I have a girlfriend, I've also had a boyfriend for the past 4 months. They both knew about and were fine about each other, so that wasn't a problem and so for a while it all worked out well. I really liked ...
A. 21 September 2009: Break up more gracefully next time if you wish to stay friends with the "dumpee", certainly don't do it by e-mail, it's simply disrespectful, do it face to face. He's in his rights to not want to see you or be friends, maybe he thinks it will be ... (read in full...)
My passionate feelings are disappearing for her
Q. How would you act? I have a wonderful woman, lovely, sexy, intelligent. She knows how to please me, she has a lot of love in her, she is honest. We are a few years together and have still an intensive sexlife, what we both need. We have a go...
A. 14 September 2009: Maybe one problem is this - express your concerns on a more serious note to her, tell her that since she is at home for a longer time, it is only fair that she should be much more responsible for the maintenance of the household work and you will ... (read in full...)
My passionate feelings are disappearing for her
Q. How would you act? I have a wonderful woman, lovely, sexy, intelligent. She knows how to please me, she has a lot of love in her, she is honest. We are a few years together and have still an intensive sexlife, what we both need. We have a go...
A. 14 September 2009: Yes, "almost" the perfect couple, I was wondering what your problem was after such a positive preamble. Do make her aware to these problems, if you haven't already. I don't see anything that can't be made better, as long as that is what you both ... (read in full...)
Part of me wants to beg for him to come back...but is this actually for the better?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm desperate for some advice other than what my friends have been telling me. I've been with my boyfriend for around 2 years now. Our whole relationship has been pretty rocky in that we are completely different people and so our pers...
A. 12 September 2009: This is easy. You say you are completely different and you know it didn't work although you have tried to make the relationship work more than once. Breaking up is often painful even when the relationship is far from an ideal one, because you were ... (read in full...)
Desperate for answers... please...
Q. I am a gay woman in a 2 year relationship with my partner. I also have a 5 year old beautiful, intelligent little girl. My partner is extremely strict with my child and only shows her affection when we have company around us. This is hurting me ...
A. 10 September 2009: There was once a poster whose problem was that she felt guilty for not loving her step-daughter deep inside, although she acted kindly towards the child. I think that's fine. One difference seems to be that your partner isn't even kind to your ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be seen as a homewrecker if he leaves his girlfriend for me!
Q. I am in a bit of a messy situation. Last year I reconnected with a very old friend of mine. We have history, massive attraction and flirtation, and an emotional connection that I have never felt with any other guy before or since. The only reason ...
A. 10 September 2009: I don't think you should give him any ultimatums, just continue to be more neutral. I wouldn't like it if he is trying to make sure he has "got" you before breaking up with the other woman (can't stand being in between relationships, has to always ... (read in full...)
Desperate for answers... please...
Q. I am a gay woman in a 2 year relationship with my partner. I also have a 5 year old beautiful, intelligent little girl. My partner is extremely strict with my child and only shows her affection when we have company around us. This is hurting me ...
A. 10 September 2009: Great reply from the previous poster. You obviously can't make her love your child, but could she realise how this is taking away from this wonderful relationship you say you have overall, so she needs to review her attitude a little and make an ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't she want anyone to see us being affectionate in public?
Q. I have been dating a woman for over a year, she is a mom of three. Her kids are 17, 20, 25. In the beginning, she would show affection in public, in the car, anywhere with no mind to anyone, thing etc. We even got busy outside her oldest daughters ...
A. 7 September 2009: I am suddenly reminded of this mature and attractive lady who won't date because "how would it look? The mother is dating while the daughter/son has no one?" - so you see, the reasons could be many, maybe she simply disagrees with PDA or she fears ... (read in full...)
Do you think the relationship might not be progressing because he is inexperienced with women?
Q. I had given up on this guy liking me, but now I find out he hasn't dated anyone before, it may throw new light on things. I thought he wasn't that interested because: - he sometimes wouldn't reply to texts or call me for a week or more, then he'd ...
A. 7 September 2009: Well, you almost pity him for a second when you say "it must've been really hard for him to say" he liked you. I don't know how hard this was but I have seen more difficult situations. Maybe he indeed is a busy person, I have seen others with little ... (read in full...)
We hooked up, because he lied about his status! Why do I feel bad?
Q. I met a guy on the internet and we really got on well.... We eventually met and the sparks were all over place.... It was my first time in my life to bed someone on the first date. Never ever happened through out my life. I was in a relation...
A. 5 September 2009: You feel bad about seeing him when he was dating someone else or you feel bad about having to let go of him? I don't understand this clearly, maybe both are the case. Are you sure we can talk about a bond? It doesn't seem you have been with him for ... (read in full...)
No sex on our anniversary! Is he cheating or tired of me?
Q. it's my anniversary and my husband never thought of having sex with me. i wonder if he's cheating on me. we have sex maybe once a week or often longer. he's a truck driveer, we argued most of the day while he was warking. he came home a hour or so ...
A. 2 September 2009: I won't comment on your relationship in general because you only tell us here about a day, is it a typical day in your marriage? What I can say is that I thought by reading this that you can be very capricious sometimes. Try to be a step forward. ... (read in full...)
Is it a one night stand if you've know the person for awhile?
Q. Do you consider it a one-night-stand with someone if you've known them for a while. I've always thought a real one night stand is when you meet someone at a bar, club or party for the first time and sleep with them that night. If you've known a ...
A. 1 September 2009: What is it that you are afraid of? That you will be judged for having a ONS? You know what that is, whichever way you word it. I think you do score a goal when you say you didn't have sex with someone you have only just met at a bar. If you are so ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might be wasting time on this man, I really want to settle down with him but he seems to be unsure of what he wants!
Q. Dear Aunts, I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now - I am 34, he is 39. Neither of us has children, although he has been married before when he was in his early twenties. Their breakup was amicable, they had grown apart. At the...
A. 1 September 2009: PS: I agree with Klara about you seeming a fast burner, I thought so when I read you told him you loved him quite soon, etc. I must say, to balance the other points I was making, that after all the fact you are not of the ideal age isn't an exc... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might be wasting time on this man, I really want to settle down with him but he seems to be unsure of what he wants!
Q. Dear Aunts, I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now - I am 34, he is 39. Neither of us has children, although he has been married before when he was in his early twenties. Their breakup was amicable, they had grown apart. At the...
A. 1 September 2009: You say "I don't want to wake up in 5 years time still seeing him at the weekends only." Are you seeing him at weekends only? This is what caught my attention most of all because as one poster says, this situation is not unheard of, there are other ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend, but I cant stay faithful? How can I stop?
Q. I have a women and I love her but I like having sex with other women. I want to get help for my promblem. What can i do? ...
A. 30 August 2009: You like having sex with other women than your partner. Google "sex addiction". If the urge to cheat is very intense and difficult to control, you need to address a therapist. If it is an addiction, these usually spring in exchange for other needs ... (read in full...)
He won't let me break up with him
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for five years and we have lived together for the last two years. He is generally a nice guy, but I am certain that I want to break up with him. I am not really enjoying the relationship as I feel I should be, we are ...
A. 29 August 2009: You have a long list of things you dislike about him. I see why you would prefer to break up, if that is what you wish then don't let him hold you back, ask him to respect you and your decision. It seems he convinces you every time to try again but ... (read in full...)
Problems with the wife
Q. I've been married for almost a year and I am so miserable. I try so hard to keep my wife happy and I know she is so happy. Before she meet me is was just living and not happy, she is like a new person. I made a connection with her straight away and ...
A. 27 August 2009: Let's see, one problem at a time. She probably doesn't see "all the rejection and misery she has caused me" as you put it. Why don't you discuss about your sex rhythms, each of you trying to understand the other's points in a civilised fashion? ... (read in full...)
Why would a girl go through so much trouble to let you know she's interested, if she's in a relationship?!
Q. Hello, i'd like some opinions plz if it's not too much trouble. Why would a women get to know you, go all out to make you realize she's interested in you, even to the point of exchanging phone numbers, and risk it all by telling you she's single ...
A. 27 August 2009: Because not all players are men? Not only SOME men like to sleep around and lie to achieve this? You can steer clear of such people by being cautious. I bet you would not like to be in her partner's shoes if indeed she is in a relationship already. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend answered his phone during sex! Why is he acting so weird?
Q. My guy never answers his phone for me when he is with his friends, but, When we are together he is texting and he has even answered the phone in the middle of sex! He has been acting really weird lately. He also just told me a few hours ago that "He ...
A. 25 August 2009: You are dealing with a recent loss in the family and you must realise you can be somewhat sensitive at this time, so when you are absorbed with any life situation that makes you sad, remind yourself of your being more vulnerable at the moment, and ... (read in full...)
My mother-in-law is too clingy. Please help?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and i know that he's the one. i love his family and they have much love and respect for me, however there is a lil bit of a problem lately. his father passed away a year ago right after we got ...
A. 25 August 2009: It sounds as though they formed a coalition against you ("they both gain up on me and it makes me to the point where i don't even want to say anything, b/c of the comments they give back to me"). I think you should talk to your boyfriend (talk ... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my drinking husband because of our daughter?
Q. I am a 49 year old female with a 14 year old daughter. I have been married 15 years and for the entire time I have known this man he has drank; but it seems every year his drinking is getting worse. Even though I am married, I feel like a single ...
A. 23 August 2009: You are teaching your daughter to stay in an unhealthy marriage for poor reasons, I'm sorry to say this. It seems he does nothing to confirm his presence in the house otherwise than by drinking. Does he ever even go to work? You are sure things ... (read in full...)
Husband lunching with one of my female colleagues. Should I worry?
Q. My husband has come to take me to lunch at work, if I couldn't go he would ask one of the the other girls to go, someone always went with him. Thinking about it now it was mostly the same person. I feel this was a bit off. We were only a few minutes ...
A. 22 August 2009: I like what sugarbuns had to say and one more thing I would like to say on the subject: I don't think this is unimportant and you should not either. Whatever bothers you is important, or more exactly the fact you are bothered. So don't say, like you ... (read in full...)
Husband lunching with one of my female colleagues. Should I worry?
Q. My husband has come to take me to lunch at work, if I couldn't go he would ask one of the the other girls to go, someone always went with him. Thinking about it now it was mostly the same person. I feel this was a bit off. We were only a few minutes ...
A. 22 August 2009: You know when you are not safe? When he starts pouring out private thoughts to the other woman and conversations at home are less needed, less juicy. To avoid this make sure you are not neglecting his emotional needs, the need to be listened to, to ... (read in full...)
I thought when she turned 30 sex would be better... it's worse, emotionless... Advice?
Q. I have been married for just over 9 years. My wife is my best friend and we are still madly in love, so much so it’s almost embarrassing. HOWEVER, sex is still a bit of a mystery. As time goes on, she slowly gives me hints of what she ...
A. 21 August 2009: You say "I don’t even bother going to bed at the same time at night anymore because I end up just getting mad." - The problem is not beyond repair, you have not YET abandoned the idea of sex and passion altogether, although you seem not very far ... (read in full...)
I feel like I am always the bad guy in our relationship!
Q. hey guys its been awhile. my girlfriend just recently dumped me just cuz i told her there was a few things that made me uncomfortable. like when i was teasing with her she uses a knife on me as a joke, personally i think she went too far, but she ...
A. 19 August 2009: Oh my, this reminds me of a case in the news where two lovers used a handbag to hit each other playfully forgetting they had a knife in there - on the way back from a picnic, I suppose. Thankfully you are both safe and sound. This sort of playing ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive and forget about the past and give my relationship a second chance?
Q. I left my boyfriend 6 months ago after 4 years as he didn't want the same things as me i.e. I wanted kids and to get married he didn't. I meet someone else and have been living with them for 2 months I've had no contact with my ex as I've ignored ...
A. 19 August 2009: Are you sure he doesn't just want what he cannot have? Some people only become interested in their partners once they lose them. They are usually people who don't know much what they want and don't know much about relationships either. Whether this ... (read in full...)
I want a child, he doesn't, get rid of him?
Q. Hi Everyone, I am a 37, about to turn 38 very young looking female. I have not met anyone special for almost 6 years. Finally I did! He is 30, has a 5 year old daughter. We spoke about me wanting to have a child. I would only like to give bir...
A. 15 August 2009: Why not, get rid of him if you think 'special' people can be found at every street corner! You say he is special and I will take your word for that. Here is what I think, you shouldn't make any hasty calls. Your maternal instinct may be strong but I ... (read in full...)
Just how insulting to men with erection troubles can women be?
Q. I lost my erection about a month ago and my wife is just on my back all the time about it. Why can't she just leave me alone while I work this out? She's got a damn' vibrator, is it too much to ask that she backs off? And for that matter, why do ...
A. 13 August 2009: Are you considering having a doctor's opinion about your problem? I think you should do this. There are many treatments and among them successful ones, and maybe it is just a temporary condition, if you are going through a period of exacerbated ... (read in full...)
We went too far and now she doesn't want to do anything
Q. My girlfriend has recently lost an interest or 'need' I guess you could say in intimacy. When asked about it, and I spoke with her about it, she said it was because the last time we fooled around we went too far. (Keep in mind we are both still ...
A. 10 August 2009: So you crossed her line of comfort, if so apologise to her and tell her she can stop you whenever she doesn't like something or she says 'no' to you. If you haven't listened to her in the past when she said 'no', this is why she is so defensive now. ... (read in full...)
My husband is very quiet and doesn't make much conversation with anyone... including me! What can I do?
Q. Hi, i'm at a loss as to what to do about my husband. He just doesn't make conversation- with me nor other people. He's got worse as he's got older, not better. And the worst thing about this is that i've got a really outgoing personality and ...
A. 8 August 2009: Well, he can't 'get' a personality, he already has one, it seems he is the phlegmatic type. He sounds a bit apathetic too. You can't change the situation much. How come you haven't considered this before marriage, I wonder? It may be a boring life, ... (read in full...)
| *itterblue's friends
These are mutual friends, so *itterblue has
added them and they have added *itterblue!
|
