A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What really makes us worthy of love?I have been losing hair since teenage years and my hair density has gradually declined (not bald yet). With treatment, I have stopped the hair loss to some extent and seeing some new hair growth. But, fighting a genetic hair loss is fighting a losing battle. And sadly, because of something out of my control, I may not have a head full of hair at 35 or 40.And this makes me feel, I am not worthy of my man's love. Even if I love my partner sincerely and have a healthy body, lack of dead keratin growing on my head makes me feel inferior to other women.I am still struggling with self-love. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2018): Thank you! My sister realized she had little time left and she made the best of it. Hair-loss was the least of her concerns!
You can continue going crazy hiding it from him; while listening to him make commentary about your hair, knowing you're losing it.
How about your personality and self-esteem? Those are traits you're judged by too! It's uncommon to find women with all their real hair (without some extensions); or with their natural hair-color these days!
Losing hair is not like losing your sight, hearing, or a limb. People have a variety of cosmetic ways to conceal hair-loss, and you simply have to choose one or two. First and foremost, you have to accept it. Losing your hair is far from lethal, nor is it a gross disfigurement. Yet you're torturing yourself over it.
Vanity out of control is far worse than losing your hair. Most of your anxiety is based on unsubstantiated fear. Making grave assumptions and jumping to conclusions about WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN!!! What he might say or do! What he's saying, when he has no clue you're losing your hair.
I'll be blunt. You're making no sense. If you can't pull it together; then maybe you need a therapist more than you need a boyfriend right now.
When you place too much stock in your appearance; you tend to neglect the more important things about yourself.
What's your problem? When such a huge percentage of women wear wigs, weaves, and hair-extensions these days anyway!!! You live in a day and age when there are too many choices to worry over such things! You're too busy hiding the truth and it's eating you up! You'll lose people faster being dishonest and hiding things from them. Tell him and get it over with.
You can hope for a miracle, or bite the bullet and get everything out in the open; so you can stop silently flipping-out about what he might think.
If a guy will dump you over hair-loss, then he wasn't really that into you to begin with. He'd be pretty shallow, and would have found a lot more fault about you than just your hair!
If he's worth prematurely falling in-love with; maybe you should give him more benefit of the doubt. Judge him by what he knows about you, not by what he doesn't!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you each one of you for taking the time to make me feel better. I have always thought that if i go to the extent of becoming bald, i could shave my head and embrace it. But since meeting my boyfriend, the anger and depression of 'why me?', 'why can't I have normal hair like everyone else' is haunting me. I was in a previous relationship for 10+ years that ended very abruptly because my ex said he didn't love me anymore. With a crushed self-esteem, it has taken me close to 2 years to let myself fall in love again with another man. Its been only 3 months since we began our relationship. I truly want to believe that my boyfriend will love me with or without hair. But my boyfriend cares about how i wear my hair, he constantly insists that i grow and style in a certain way. I even joked one time that I would cut my hair super short once i get older and he convinced me not to. He doesn't notice my hair loss nor thinks i have thin hair as he has not seen my originally thick hair. plus my paranoia has reached a whole new level after he uttered those 3 words. I want to be perfect for him and I am trying my best to be. But i am confused if i must share my fear with him and tell him i would understand if he decides to walk away, or wait as my hair condition is uncertain? I would be so unlucky to lose him over this :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@WiseOwlE I am very sorry for your loss! Your sister seems like a beautiful person who was dearly loved by everyone. And thank you for your kind words, I wish to learn at least a little of your sister's positivity in facing life's shortcomings. Much love to you and your family!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 December 2017):
 A woman carries her pride in her hair. It is no wonder you feel the way you do with hairloss. For majority of women, their hair is their pride, their femininity, their self esteem. There is a reason why cutting a womans hair was seen as a terrible punishment in old days.
Despite this, you are not the one who decides if you are worth love or not. It's not up to you. It's up to the person who loves you. Your job is to determine if the person you are with is worthy of YOUR love, not the other way around.
So you worry about your love for your partner. And your partners love for you is THEIR responsibility. You can not control that. Nor do you have a right to tell them they can't love you. It's not up to you to decide, really.
My advice to you, in terms of your self esteem, is to stop thinking of the hair you used to have, or could have had in a dream world. Cut if short or maybe just shave it all. Just do some act of acceptance for how it is, and be honest with yourself about the realities. Then move on to something else. It is what it is, you can not change it or control it. So move on to the next thing: find another way to express your femininity and sexuality. Bald women, or women with thin hair, are sexy too. Find your sex appeal, find your beauty in something else other than your hair. Look to other women with hair similar to yours, and figure out what they do to feel good about themselves. Learn from others. Maybe join a group on facebook or a forum on the internet (I am sure there are such groups). Talk to others with the similar problem and get ideas for how to feel good about yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2017): I understand that female hair loss is nothing like male hair loss in that society largely accepts that many men go bald yet a woman's hair loss is considered much more unusual so I do understand that it has a dramatic affect on you . Additionally , women's looks have also been much more judged by society and a woman's beauty more prized . We are constantly flooded with messages of how 'visual ' men are and how we somehow owe it to them to look attractive . Minimising statements telling you it's no big deal are not helpful I know because to you it is a big deal I know , but the importabt thing to know is that any man who sees this as a deal breakers is not a man worth having in the first place You are a beautiful worthy woman and you can find that power and strength within yourself to let that shine . Many people have various issues or areas of themselves that make them feel somehow inadequate but at the end of the day we are all, every single one of us , very much equal . I can promise you that even those who look ' perfect ' on the outside will have some area where they feel wanting . Itperhaps an experienced counsellor who can empathise and also empower you and who understands the differences between male hair loss and female hair loss will help you
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 December 2017):
 One of my closest friend's husbands felt the same way you do. He started dramatically losing his hair when he was 19 years old, resulting in Patrick Stewart-level hair loss by the time he was 21.
He turned it into a multi-million dollar hair replacement business he now owns. Lots and lots of women like you are his best clients, and very often, they end up with better looking hair than they even had naturally. He married and has two children who have now grown, and stand to inherit millions of dollars, all because this guy went bald early in life and did something about it.
I was born needing constructive surgery, and I found love. There is NO SUCH THING as "Not being worthy". The right person will love YOU for you. Hair is an easy fix. I've seen paraplegics (I had an uncle who was one who married my aunt in a wheelchair) find love, and their worth was absolutely not questioned by anyone - especially his very happy wife!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2017): My dear, I don't think having or losing hair determines our worthiness or value as a human being. Love is blind. Only lust focuses on vanity!
My sister had a beautiful mane of long black waist-length hair nearly all her life. She was diagnosed with Hodgekin's Disease, which developed into leukemia.
She had to undergo chemo-therapy, and lost most of her lovely tresses. She told me a story how she was feeding my niece her bottle, and the baby grabbed a handful of hair and tugged it. It came out! She laughed through her tears. I guess we both did. It was shortly after that, she went to the salon; and just had what remained shaved-off. Before, it was patchy with bald-spots. She sported her peach-fuzz, and she wore it well.
She was courageous and beautiful from the inside out. She wore lovely scarves, sometimes she sported a clean-shaven head with makeup and lovely earrings.
She leaned to embrace it. She had the option of wigs; but she felt being alive for her baby girl, her husband, and her family gave her a natural radiance. I think it was true. She never seemed ashamed. She lost her fight. We have dozens of pictures with and without hair.
The hair-loss never detracted from her beauty. That smile of hers! Her loving personality. She lost the fight.
My brother-in-law has never remarried. When you saw the two of them together, it never seemed to bother him whether she covered her head. It was simply an option, never a necessity; unless is was too hot or too cold. My brother-in-law is Persian. Women always cover their heads where he's from.
I've seen several actresses sporting buzzed-haircuts, or wearing it very closely-cropped. It seems to bring out their eyes and best facial-features. They look glamorous all the same!
It is said a woman's hair is her crown and glory; so it might be hard to convince someone losing their hair, to wear it with grace. I can only say my beloved sister did. Her peach-fuzz looked ravishing with her natural long lashes and deep dark eyes. They were more noticeable, and I never really realized how lovely her eyes were; because you usually noticed her hair. She had my mother's eyes. Now her daughter is her clone. Those same eyes and that smile.
Adorn your head with wigs if you feel really self-conscious; but a good stylist will work with what you have, and bring out your best facial-features. Earrings and lipstick are optional!
Sometimes you've got to love life, yourself, and make the best of what nature has dealt you. You have your youth and your health!
Don't be down on yourself. A man's love is not based on the fullness or length of your hair, my dear. It's who you are.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (12 December 2017):
I can see you really need your hair back. Have you considered hair extensions or a wig? As long as you can't grow it, you should go in that direction as it is your only solution.
I know a beautiful blonde woman whose hair got "fried" two years ago due to a harsh chemical treatment. She has extensions but I never would have known if a mutual friend hadn't told me. Her hair really is striking...I'm quite sure it looks better now than it did prior to the accident.
You are, of course, no less worthy of love due to what hair you have or don't have. Us men - including me - would be in very deep trouble if that were to be true, so we understand and sympathize with the situation perhaps more than you do.
I have known a few women who have occasionally cut their hair to total baldness (as a style) and they all seemed not to suffer due to their lack of hair.
Seventeen years ago I made a career switch into the film/television side of the entertainment business, working here in the heart of it all, Los Angeles. Making the switch was very enlightening as I had no idea how many women wear extensions or wigs. Or have breast implants, for that matter. So don't let your hair keep you down...go for it!
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