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... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
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I feel like I will never find anyone like my ex
Q. Ok so i dated this guy for 3 years on and off and inbetween the break ups he had 3 kids and got married well recently i sent him a friend request its been 3 years since i seen him and i messaged him sayin hi . Well lately it seems like i cant stop ...
A. 28 May 2013: Hi, you are making things worst for yourself. You risk becoming his mistress and settling for scarps thrown your way. He has a wife and kids, let it go. Yes he is your greatest love but surely you deserve better and someone that can give you ... (read in full...)
There's a part of me that wants to go back to my ex but I know its not a good idea!
Q. Hi. Im new to this so please bare with me. My bf and I broke up after alot of bullshit between the both of us.we were both emotionally cheating.we decided to take a break. But I felt like during this break he was blaming everything on me.i felt I w...
A. 28 May 2013: This relationship sounds toxic and you both are best apart. I really think you both need time apart to heal and bury the pain caused to one another. Once you both are willing to accept that the love is worth fighting, you both will move towards the ... (read in full...)
I'm hurt that he didn't wish me well or say he was sorry for how things turned out
Q. I was seeing someone on/off for 3 years. He got divorced about 10 months ago. Seemed interested at first, but then we had a disagreement. He then back tracked ever since. Which was 7 months ago. He insisted he didn't want to be in a relationship. ...
A. 28 May 2013: Hi, let it go and dont torture yourself my over analysing and wishing for closure. You are not going to get any comfort and he is unlikely coming back to you. I suggest you close this chapter in your life and move on to avoid you becoming a bitter ... (read in full...)
How do I get my husband to focus on me in bed?
Q. Hi guys. My hubby and I have a good sex life. But I was wondering how I can get him to focus on me in bed? He doesnt give oral- so thats out of the question. When we are intimate, I think I initiate a bit more, Ill kiss him rub his body, give him a ...
A. 28 May 2013: Hi, when you are being initimate, turn it into a game, tease him and stop and smile and tell him, if you want more this is what you have to do for me, and tell him what you want. Sometimes through guidenance and help you can get him to give you what ... (read in full...)
The men I date always talk about their ex's is this normal?
Q. Hello, I just want an honest opinion on this one. Im an attractive, pretty cool young woman who is independent. I wonder why men that I date always tell me or talk about other women? When I say other women I mean ex girlfriends or some women in ...
A. 27 May 2013: Hi as per the previous advise, just change the topic. Sounds like they suffer from an inferior complex and have to make it seem like they are in demand!
Also if they ever ask why previous relationship did not work, mention how you dislike men that... (read in full...)
I broke up with my bf of 7 years but I miss him so much. Please help?
Q. Hi .i recently posted about my bf not speaking to me 2-3 months at a stretch after a fight. I broke up with him. But im not able to forget about him. I miss him every single moment. I have not eaten for a week and a half. I feel like calling him and ...
A. 27 May 2013: Hi, you are expected to hurt and grieve the loss of your relationship, but contacting him is not worth it as he has ended the relationship.
I promise you you make this call and if he ignores you, you will feel worst and if he take sthe call and... (read in full...)
We've been together for 8 years, passion is wearing thin and I miss romance. Please advise?
Q. So I am really confused and desperate for answers. I have been with my partner for 8 years. I am 24 and he is 27. We are engaged to be married. Obviously we are very young but this is not unusual where we are from. We moved from home and emigrat...
A. 27 May 2013: Instead of just throwing the towel in why dont you create the element of surprise and romance? Sometimes the grass is not not greener on the other side. He has not abused you nor does he take drugs. Sometimes we just we need to work on what we have. ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish? My BF wants me to wait and travel with me - I want to travel next year, with or without him.
Q. Sometimes my boyfriend’s family make me feel swamped. They talk business all the time. My boyfriend and I both attended high school together and University together though he is one year ahead of me. The plan is to finish our studies and do some ...
A. 23 May 2013: Hi, speak to him dad and tell him you would like to surpise your BF with amn international holiday. I am assuming you can afford his ticket.
Then just go ahead and book the trip. Hopefully everything works out for you.... (read in full...)
Ex BF says he won't consider a reconciliation if I go on a holiday with my friend! What should I do?
Q. I have been split up with my ex for 3 weeks now. We were living together and he said he wanted a break. We have argued constantly over the 2 years it seems he wants me of a weekday then of a weekend he just wants his mates. I can admit I have bee...
A. 23 May 2013: Hi, sounds like you want him back hence you are asking the question. If he is your ex, its your business what you do! He dumps you and then dictates what you do. You should have moved out and moved on. What makes you think if you dont go on this ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend may be hiding her past from me. How can I know whether she's a virgin?
Q. Hey friends.. I have a girlfriend and i love her much. we are in relationship from past 2 months. we met and became friends in her hometown. actually i guess that she is hiding her past from me and i dont feel good..so here her past goes.. ...
A. 23 May 2013: Hi, you cannot know. If she is everything you say, why are you even with her? I understand that in an Indian community it is important to marry a virgin, but sometimes we need to decide if its everything?
Do you not love her enough to accept h... (read in full...)
We broke up. What life lessons can I learn from this?
Q. hi aunts and uncles.... i finally got the chance to ask my ex after a year and a half of being seperated and divorced, why he left me. i wanted to know what mistakes i made so that my next relationship would not end up breaking up because of a...
A. 23 May 2013: I agree with the other aunt, seriously why would the fact you were not demanding be a reason to be unfaithful. He should have actually appreciated that you were prepared to work for what you wanted and not make those demands from him.
He is a rea... (read in full...)
Is he using me? He gives me no physical contact but wants me to buy things for him!
Q. So, I have been dating my boyfriend for a couple weeks now. So far I have bought dinners, lunch, he told me he needed sunglasses, and then that he needed rent. He doesnt have a car and have been running him up and down the road. I dont particularly ...
A. 23 May 2013: Hi,
Its not expecting too much, BUT you are being used financially, loose the dirt bag. You deserve better.... (read in full...)
Cant stop deaming about my son's father and the woman he cheated on me with....
Q. I am torturing myself over here. My ex of 2 years who I was crazy about, and I had a child together. Throughout the relationship he was abusive, and cheated, and I kept forgiving, and giving chances. After 2 years of the off and on and constant lies ...
A. 22 May 2013: Hi, you need to remember you deserve better and not be treated like yesterdays garbage. What are you crying for the heartache, cheating betrayal, is that what you miss.
Keep friends around you and start seeing other guys, dont get hung up on teh p... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my best friend who is going through a divorce, is there any hope we could be together? Or should I just give up?
Q. My heart is broken and I am wondering if I should just give up on love. I REALLY need help in this situation! I feel very broken about this. Please no mean answers... I'm hoping no one will judge me for this. I love my best friend. I love...
A. 22 May 2013: Hi, There is nothing wrong with you loving him and he is in the process of a divorce. The problem is as much as you profess your love for him, I dont think he feels that way about you, atleast based on the information given it does not appear that ... (read in full...)
How do I warn my friend about my former FWB without reliving my story?
Q. Dear cupid I was in FWB for around 3 years on and off. He was my collegue at work and I was in love with him. Long story short he was very abusive towards the end and dumped me a month ago. We see each other at work, he carries on as if I don't ex...
A. 22 May 2013: Hi, you would put yourself in an awkward position if you have to advise her. YOu could come off as being bitter or jealous.
I am afraid its best you distance yourself from this. I hope you learnt that there is no such thing as FWB - especial... (read in full...)
Should I act on this. I can't get him out of my mind. It's been three years since we've seen or spoken to each other.
Q. Greetings everyone, I am unsure as to whether or not I should get back in contact with an old high school teacher. I truly enjoyed his class and his passion for teaching emitted in the classroom. He was attractive, and well respected by his coll...
A. 22 May 2013: Hi, first do your homework, is he married, does he have a steady GF? If so dont waste your time.
If you know he is free, and if he has a FB account, I would become friends and start light flirting to see if he takes the bait.
It is importa... (read in full...)
We had a LDR. We broke up. How could he do this after he gave me his commitment?
Q. I broke up with my bf last month because we were in a LDR and he drifted apart. He never contacted me after the breakup. Just few days ago he sent me a text asked if I called him from an unknown number. If so just call from my normal number s...
A. 22 May 2013: Hi The information is insufficient in respect of why u broke up. You want closure, just call him and talk. Maybe it will help you feel better. Also dont use this call to fight and I also think if you both can agree to be friends it will give you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated on me with an old fling!
Q. Just found out my boyfriend slept with someone else on Saturday night. Background: We've been together for over a year. Moved in together after a month and although we've had our ups and downs, I've never felt this way about anyone before. ...
A. 21 May 2013: Hi dont rush into forgiving him. Also you dont know if thi sgirl is pregnant. I suggest you distance yourself from the situation and wait to see if he is going to fight for you.
Dont contact him, dont let him hurt you, you are the only one thta... (read in full...)
My ex has jumped straight into a new relationship and she wants me to leave her alone, but I want her back! What should I do?
Q. So my ex girlfriend/the mother of my child of 5years broke up with me and is involved in a rebound relationship. I really want her back but don't know what to do, I've tried expressing my feelings but that seems to push her further away and closer ...
A. 21 May 2013: Hi, let her go and no there is nothing you can say or do to change her mind.
The no contact is possible. Arrnge through a third person for you to see your kid until such a time you can do so without begging the ex to come back to you. Its the only... (read in full...)
Had the second date and I really like her, but she's not responded to my texts for a week!
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I have been on two dates with a wonderful woman and over the course of these dates I have found out that she is perfect for me in every way. The problem is that even though the dates were successful it seems that I'm n...
A. 21 May 2013: Hi, she is not into you. Dont send any messages or call her again. If we are wrong, then she will initiate contact until then its water under the bridge - move on.... (read in full...)
It upsets me that my son won't speak to me. Should my parents be offering him special treats, even though he disrespects me?
Q. I've fallen out with my son, about 6 months ago. I'm perfectly willing to discuss whatever's bothering him, and try and resolve it. He's 20 ,and a very strong character. He simply won't speak to me. He sees my parents about once a week, and I...
A. 21 May 2013: Hi, look on the bright side at least he can talk to your parents and parents can try and influence him to make his peace with you.
If your parents push hard they also risk him severing ties. You have not provided information on the fall out to d... (read in full...)
Why is my ex still trying to hurt me? He is bringing a girl into my work and my church.....
Q. Okay so my ex broke up with me. He knows my work schedule and where I work so he brings another girl to my job I work in a make up store most guys don't go in they usually go shopping or wait outside. I was off that day he brought a girl but I ...
A. 21 May 2013: He is an A$$, i suggest you act extra sweet and treat them like any other client.Dont give any hint that he is hurting as you will be giving him the satisfaction.
He is behaving very immature and of course trying to provoke a reaction out of you. ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him because of this girl and now I feel like she's replaced me. I'm really hurt
Q. Hi guys. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because he was basically cheating on me. He didn't sleep with her or physically cheat on me, but I found out that him and her were flirting a lot and always up talking all night and exchanging ...
A. 21 May 2013: You are a strong person and did the right thing. As for your ex, he needs to make a decision its her or you and from where I stand he sacrificed you for this "fling".... (read in full...)
How do I tell her no without hurting her feelings?
Q. i've known this girl for @ least more than a year now and we've been friends, im 18 n she's 24. I like her so much and appreciates the friendship. I hav a bf, a guy i so much love n will not like to loose. To the story, the way she behaves wen im ...
A. 21 May 2013: Hi, sounds like you need to tell her that was a mistake and you are straight. You also need to keep your distance in order to avoid a situation where you find yourself compromised again.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 8 months is ignoring me after a fight
Q. My boyfriend of 8 months is completely ignoring me. It's been 5 days with no contact. We got into a stupid fight about him always wanting to do things on his schedule and him being inconsiderate towards me. I was trying to have a conversation but...
A. 21 May 2013: Hi, I agree with the other advise given. He wants you to grovel so next time you dont fight with him, for fear of him ending the relationship.
It is in your best interest not to contact him again no matter how tempted as he is toying with your emo... (read in full...)
Why does he want to do it himself instead of being intimate with me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we are in love and live together. We have a really good and happy relationship apart from one thing. He would rather masturbate than have sex with me. Iv talked to him about it and he said that he ...
A. 21 May 2013: Honey, its the porn and his addiction to his hand. Its seems he cannot get turned on by a woman as he is so used to be self sufficient.
Unless he stops the porn and the masturbation, you are unlikely going to sex from him.
You need to decide w... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend has been cool with me lately
Q. Am in a long distance relationship, my boyfriend and i are best of friends, but this weekend (ie this last one) he travelled for a party, and i wasnt able to communicate well with him @ all. he sent a txt of his arrival to where the party is holdi...
A. 21 May 2013: Hi, the only way you are going to find out is by having a heart to heart talk. Its hard to tell from what you have written as it appears that although he appeared distant when he was in town, he does care by contacting you the next day.
Also ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend tells other women he's single when he's not
Q. I don't know where to start, other than to say simply -- I'm conflicted. I have been with the same person for four and a half years, since I was 17 and he was 18. I was his first serious relationship, and we were each other's first loves. But he h...
A. 21 May 2013: Hi, it has not happened but there is always the risk that if he continues to behave in this manner something may happen.
Are you not enough for him? I must admit I have been there where I end the relationship and end up the one trying to patch th... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 2 years still doesn't want me to meet his friends
Q. Hi!! Please help me, I can't understand this, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years, my issue is that he doesn't want me to meet most of his friends. (they are all male and all of them are students just like us, no drugs...
A. 21 May 2013: Hi, I would be concern. I believe if a man loves you , he wants to show you off to the world and also stand by you no matter what.
He thinks its okay to go out with his friends and their GF but dont include you, thats a warning sign.
I am no... (read in full...)
How do I move on? I really need some help.
Q. This is my first post. I feel as if I have no where else to turn. A little over a month ago, I was dumped. We were together for a year and 4 months. I did not see the breakup coming.. His reasoning for the breakup was that he feels as if we h...
A. 16 May 2013: Hi, losing your first love is hard but impossible to get over. He is not worth it, why have you not unfriend him in FaceBook and blocked his number.
You need to be strong and let him go. He is a roal piece of work that cant even respect your wis... (read in full...)
I turned her down in the past after she told me she liked me and since then she won't open up around me
Q. Was wondering if you could give advise on a girl I've liked for a long time. We've know each other for about 4 years , we've been on holiday together a couple of times and used to meet up to go to the cinema and out to restaurants, it's always been ...
A. 13 May 2013: Hi, you have your answer, you need to pluck up the courage to lay your heart out to her and let her see that you regret the initial decision. Also if you want her, you need to be romantic, woman love surprises. Send her flowers, send her good ... (read in full...)
My husband tried to hook up with my sister!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We aslo have to kids. Recently I found out that he has been talking to my sister. He told her that he doesnt love me anymore. He loves her. That he wanted to be with her if she would give him a chance ...
A. 13 May 2013: Honey, pack your bags and leave and dont look back. He is just not worth analysing and trying to figure out why. He is reall an a$$ to go after your sister. Just make sure you get a good lawyer and make him pay fianncially.
The longer you stay in ... (read in full...)
I found out I'm the other girl and I'm pregnant!
Q. I went on three dates with a guy(who said he was single)I had just met. We hooked up twice, and now I'm pregnant. We tried to make things work as a couple, but he ended that after less than a day, because he said it felt forced. We both decided to ...
A. 13 May 2013: Hi, I agree that the GF should be told , however, you need to meet with her in person and she needs to know that you did not know he had a GF. The reason you need to clear the air as this woman will also be part of your kids life when and if your ... (read in full...)
He hasn't called me back yet. Should I call again?
Q. Hello I met this guy at a bar. I liked him a lot and he said he liked me too. We sent almost 24 hours together after meeting. We met again a little over a week later and agreed that we were to meet again. That he would call. I told him I usua...
A. 13 May 2013: Hi, if you have the desire to call then give him a call. stop fretting about it.
But if he does not answer, then just wait after this for him to call. ... (read in full...)
How can I make my ex realize what he lost?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago, we were together for 2 years. I've just moved into a new place a few days ago and he is still living with my brother and another friend of his. I had been unhappy for months with him and asked him to come to ...
A. 13 May 2013: Hi, you broke up with him, so why are you struggling to move on? You made a choice and a right one. Stop worrying about what he is doing and who he sleeps with, its none of your business.
He could also just be good at hiding his feelings as your ... (read in full...)
Which one do I let go?
Q. I am having to choose between two men and its killing me inside, i was with one for a year, we got engaged after a week, we have both had a lot happen, his mum died, then my dad but before his mum died i found out he had been texting his ex over a ...
A. 13 May 2013: Hi I agree with "iAmHereToHelpYou". You need a break from both men to decide who you really love and want to be with.
Remember you are contemplating a serious relationship and cannot afford to have regret about the wrong choice. You need to be wi... (read in full...)
How can I stop my co-worker from taking credit for my work?
Q. Dear Cupid This is work related propblem. My office collegue doesnt work at all, he free rides ma all the time. But my managers everyone is basically giving him credit for my work. Everyone knows im the one who is doing everything, but still h...
A. 10 May 2013: Hi, I am not sure what the nature of your work. But generally you give minimum information to the person and empower yourself with the knowledge. In other words no one but yourself should be a able to explain to the boss what is happening as the ... (read in full...)
If she lied to me, and used me....will she now lie and use HIM as well?
Q. Right so it's been a while so i've been hurt by this girl. Long story short, i met her about 4 years ago. She was an immigrant. Striking beauty. Struck up a friendship. Soon I was giving her money because she claimed to be poor, getting by. Drove ...
A. 10 May 2013: Hi, stop worry about whether she is using or in love with another man. Stop beating yourself up. You got used among other guys, suck it up to bad experience and move on. You were smart enough to stop her using you. So its time to throw out ... (read in full...)
I don't think I can cope with another disappointment from boyfriend. What should I do?
Q. Dear Aunts. My bf moved in with me 2 years ago and then his ex wife ordered him to move back (his old place was close to hers and with me he was an hour away) because he was not so available for the 2 kids. Which he did. Now he is looking at a new ...
A. 10 May 2013: Hi, once bitten twice shy. He hurt you once that was a mistake you made getting involved with him. The second time its pure stupidy because he cant be trusted.
I guess I am no different, we are humans and just want things to work out even though a... (read in full...)
No contact with ex since he broke things off. What do I do?
Q. Hi really hope you can help i was with a man for 4 months who i really loved i met his family who i got on well with me and my ex were so in sync with each other we would say the same things at the same time we had known each other for 5 years ...
A. 10 May 2013: He has asked for the space, you need to leave him alone. Unfortunately what ever has driven him away, he needs to work through it. You cant fix something that do not even know what broke.
The no contact is best for you, and it takes time to heal ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going to spend Mother's Day with his ex and his daughter
Q. My boyfriend has a daughter with his ex, and usually he got to see his daughter after he finished class like around 9pm. Recently his ex decided that 9pm is too late to come see her (even though on the days she works, she's ok with him watching her ...
A. 10 May 2013: Hi, I really dont blame u, it looks like the ex is using the child as a means to spend more time with your BF and sounds to me its working as your BF is desperate to see his child. Which you can hardly blame him.
As much as you hate it you need... (read in full...)
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