Like what
she writes?
... Add *ugarplum786 to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
|
In love with my sister's male friend but my sister doesn't approve!
Q. hello i am a 19 year old Hindu girl and I have fallen for my sisters 23 year old white male friend and he feels the same but my sister has band me from seeing him. (they have been mates for over 20 years) a few months ago i finally got up t...
A. 25 August 2014: Are you sure your sister does not have a crush on this friend. What I don't understand is the rather strong objection to you dating him.
Maybe you should try talking to your sister and understand why the strong objection. You will have to decide w... (read in full...)
I don't want to move on as she is all I know, she's my first love! How do I go about this?
Q. Hi I had been with my girlfriend for nearly 9.5 years.. We got together when we were 18. We were both madly in love with each other and confided in each other. I was her best friend and lover all in one and she was everything to me. Our ti...
A. 22 August 2014: Unfortunately you need to accept its over. I suggest you take her reason for the break up at face value or you will always look for that glimmer of light that there is hope. Don't hurt yourself and put off the inevitable that you have to move on ... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend to forgive and forget
Q. i am dating this Boy for Three years now, a long distance relationship and unfortunately we are going down everyday cos i had an affair with a Boy a year ago and My bf found out and obviously was very sad and disappointed in me. But he forgave me ...
A. 22 August 2014: You need to separate for a period of time and let him heal. He has to be able to forgive you in order to move forward. At this point he is looking for attention outside the relationship and looks like that is the first step of him being unfaithful ... (read in full...)
I'm not going to contact him but is there any chance he might contact me and we could salvage something?
Q. Dear cupid, I am needing your advice on this please, My ex dumped me and Things ended very friendly between us, he just didn’t want a relationship and I do – I’m heartbroken, all I can do is work and sleep. Anyway he contacts and we chat...
A. 20 August 2014: It is over and you cannot be friends with some one you love as you will not move on. You will hide behind the friendship name and always be wishful that he takes you back. Accept its over, this is the only way you will start to heal. Yes it hurts ... (read in full...)
The dates went well but he just wants to be friends
Q. I'm confused!! A few months ago I went on 3 or 4 dates with a guy I work with. We weren't friends before the dates but met at work. The first 2 dates we got on really well, he text all day and if I didn't reply within a few mins he would text aga...
A. 18 August 2014: He is just using you to make him self feel good. You need to tell him to get lost and only contact you regarding work related matters that is if you have to work with him.
You need to move on or you will self destruct as you will be come an obses... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheated and got another girl pregnant but I still love him
Q. my boyfriend made another facebook account hidden from me and the cover photo was a picture with this girl whom i do not know. i accidentally saw their pictures on july 2 2014 and i confronted him but he said that its not what i think thats why i ...
A. 18 August 2014: If there was no kid, I would say give her chance. But since your BF had unprotected sex, (risk giving you a disease) and is likely the father, I suggest you move on. He lived a double life and hurt you and you risk once the baby is born that they ... (read in full...)
Is it too late for us to fix things?
Q. I have been in my relationship for over 5 years now and now we are engaged. The problem I am having is we argue constantly. I screwed up in the past and had this front where I was very sexually experienced, which was false I was a virgin. She never ...
A. 18 August 2014: You need to sit her down and have this chat. Tell her what you told us. But also tell her these are the problems you identified and by no means a reflection of that making her a bad person and she probably can list the problems she has with you. But ... (read in full...)
We've been together seven years and I'm ready to start a life away from our parents, but he wants to wait
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together 7 years. We started dating in high school so of course back then we weren't thinking about marriage and children. I have always wanted to wait anyways until I was done with school (college too) and had a good ...
A. 18 August 2014: If you are wanting to move out of your parents to be on you own, then by all means find a place. But if its to have a life with the BF, then put it on hold as he is not where you are. Also you can save for a deposit to buy your own place. Don't move ... (read in full...)
I went farther than I'm comfortable with this early on
Q. I met a guy recently and we went on a first date for drinks which was a really great evening and we both wanted to see each other again. We went for a second date a week later which involved going for drinks, going for dinner and after dinner drinks ...
A. 18 August 2014: Just be honest and tell him that you believe that things are moving to fast and you want to slow it down as you are not interested in a casual fling. You would genuinely like this relationship to flourish and therefore if he can accept no more late ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with one man's baby but I am in love with another
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in doubt, I do not know if I am happy or not (probably not) anxiety and sleepless nights are wrecking my world, It feels like i am swimming for so long and my feet cannot touch the ground and I can see no shore. Let me explain a...
A. 15 August 2014: Go find out what is there between you and the ex. You will never have peace of mind until you have walked that path. Sometimes people love once just because they give 100% of themselves. Sounds like you and your ex have matured and you no longer do ... (read in full...)
How can I stop hating myself because I forgive her?
Q. Short and sweet. My best friend of 5 years and girlfriend of a year just up and left me. I found out she messed around with 5 other guys while she was with me. The only way I found out was one of the guys that she was messing with told me cuz he ...
A. 15 August 2014: You are just too nice for her and she does not deserve you. Don't be hard on yourself and just move on. If she ever comes back wanting friendship or a second I hope you are strong to tell her you are not interested. She broke all the rules of being ... (read in full...)
I let her in to my life and it was a mistake
Q. Really needing some advice. I went through a very horrible relationship many years ago. The girl cheated on me, was violent, really messed with my head. I now suffer from anxiety and had PTSD. I still have regular nightmares. I'm really a shadow ...
A. 12 August 2014: You probably going to have to tell her you saw her with another guy to avoid a drama - as she will assume that since she has slept with you , you used her and dumped her.
I would suggest sending her a sms , to the point and tell her your'll ... (read in full...)
Had a moment of weakness. So how do I regain my confidence, self esteem and sense of power over myself?
Q. ok so i was seeing someone last year and i really liked them. He ended things with me and i got really hurt. I have spent the last 6 months trying to get over him and it has been really hard as i am so heartbroken. I had started getting better a...
A. 1 August 2014: He knows your weakness and loves the power he has over you. Its a bruise to his ego and you need to learn to be strong or every time this happens you will hit ground zero. Try to change jobs or change department, start making friends and having a ... (read in full...)
I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!
Q. My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...
A. 30 July 2014: You must remember that you are in a better place than you would be if you reconciled with him and you certainly don't want to start from scratch again. You need to start going out with friends and having a life. It makes a world of difference in ... (read in full...)
Every time I sleep with him I fall more in love with him! Advice needed, please!
Q. I've been sleeping with this guy on and off for about 6 years when I say on and off I mean 2-3 time a year. Each time I've seen him I've fell more and more In love with him. The only problem is he's married with a kid, this is where it gets ...
A. 24 July 2014: As much as you love him and want to believe the relationship is different, all woman that are in a marital affair believe they are different. But 99% of the affairs remain just what it is as he will never leave his wife and kid to be with you.
... (read in full...)
My heart is broken....I don't know how to fix this. Help me!
Q. My husband asked me to fulfill a fantasy for him. He wanted me to have sex with another man and video it for he and I to watch later. I am not as open minded as him and it took me a while to process the idea and agree to it. We did it this ...
A. 22 July 2014: Bad idea. He clearly has his imagination running wild about what happened in the room. What I don't get if your husband loves you, why would he want to share you with another man? Was this a sick idea of his to test you? He obviously hate the idea ... (read in full...)
My parents cant stand my relationship with my much older B/f. Should I even invite them to my wedding ?
Q. My parents have never been supportive if my relationship with my older boyfriend. We have been dating for three years and he is 19 years older then me and was also a family friend before we started dating. Once we started dating they but me out o...
A. 17 July 2014: Life is too short to hold grudges. You need to understand that if they did not welcome him is because they thought you deserve better and was only looking out for your interest. Its easier for you not to see as you are in love and all you see is ... (read in full...)
I don't want him back but I know I have to arrange for him to be able to see our baby!
Q. I really need some advice on how best to deal with my boyfriend cheating on me and setting up some form of contact for our baby while I allow myself time to take it all in. My boyfriend of three years had cheated on me while I was pregnant, it was...
A. 12 July 2014: Hi, this is a difficult period for you and you definitely deserve better. I would suggest that you don't rush into giving him visiting rights to see the kid until you are stronger and in a better frame of mind. When you do allow him, he should ... (read in full...)
He said he was "taking a step back" ... what did he mean?
Q. I'm having a hard time dealing with a break up right now. The guy I was dating have been liking each other since we were young but went separate ways after high school. About seven months ago, we got back in touch and rekindle the flame we had. I ...
A. 10 July 2014: I think he is embarrassed that you saw him at his worst and does not want any ones pity. He is just distancing himself from you and prefer not to see you because of his embarrassment. It basically means he needs a break from the relationship and he ... (read in full...)
Now I've got him why aren't I satisfied?
Q. I've been having an affair with a married man for almost over 18 months now, he's been wed for about 6 weeks, has a 2-year-old son, and on Wednesday he announced he's leaving his wife for me. He said he'd told his wife "I'm leaving you, got a new ...
A. 5 July 2014: Sounds like you were in a relationship before he got married. Which doe snot sense why he went ahead and married her if he felt so strongly about you. You are feeling guilty and naturally so. Yes you are worried that he will the same to you.
If yo... (read in full...)
He is 13 and never met his father, who now has a brain tumour
Q. I am a single mum of 1 son whos never had a dad in his life hes had male figures like my dad and brothers , ive just found out the father of my child has a brain tumour, we split before our child was born and he hasn't seen our son ive read up on ...
A. 5 July 2014: Your son will always wonder about his dad. Get in touch with this man and arrange to take your son to visit. Its better the one year than never seen his dad. Children end up with issues of abandonment all sort of complexities if they constantly ... (read in full...)
I'm in turmoil. I love my husband, so do I stay with him or move in with my lover?
Q. I've been having an affair with a co-worker for the past 6 months behind my husband's back. I'll admit, our marriage has become a bit stale in the bedroom department, all my husband talks about is bills, paying the next bill, financial st...
A. 3 July 2014: I am not going to lecture you about you actions and advise as requested. You have a good husband and he still wants you. Seek counselling and try to make your marriage work. Like any new relationship comes passion and excitement but then the routine ... (read in full...)
Husband sulking over old school pal
Q. Hello Thankyou in advance for any advice..sorry it's so long I've been with my husband for a long time and we have a 8 year old daughter together and older kids from our first marriages, on the whole we've been happy, but about 6 months after we ...
A. 3 July 2014: I agree with Honey pie either he sits and talks and resolve this matter or you leave and file for divorce. This is unfortunately not going anywhere with the childish behaviour. Further unless he has done something more than an emotional affair he is ... (read in full...)
My fiances sister is a great girl, but I don't want her living with us!
Q. I understand that some of you may think I am purely being selfish but please try and understand what I'm saying.... Ok, so my fiancée and I got our own place last year. We had both saved to be able to buy our own place, and when we got engaged i...
A. 3 July 2014: Why don't you invite a family member for a holiday at your home and tell you fiancé that the sister needs to move out as its only fair that your family can visit. Its got to be seen as a compromise. Hopefully after the two weeks she will move out as ... (read in full...)
He came back from a holiday and ended the relationship
Q. I really need some advice. I'm having a hard time getting over my ex. We were seeing each other for about a month before we became official, when we were just seeing eachother he said he didn't want me seeing anyone else. He was pretty paranoid...
A. 2 July 2014: Give it time , yes everyone is telling you that but with time the pain fades. No contact is great and you may be missing him but you are doing a lot better than some, you are holding your head high and staying clear of him. He does not deserve a ... (read in full...)
Fired after only two weeks on the job?
Q. Hello, got a job i was told i would be trained for 2months .now, the manager told me to leave after 2 weeks, saying his not satified with the results. Is This normal , i mean i heard others complaining about his abuse, but This was a surprise....
A. 2 July 2014: Not much you can do if the contract says that the company can cancel the contract within 2 weeks of joining. Also did you get it in writing that you would be trained for two months? Did you leave another job before joining this company? You can go ... (read in full...)
Don't give me a lecture because I am only in it for the money!
Q. We dated for two years and he was a lovely person we separated because of me...i was not reliable. However his back, wants back... I dont really mind him being around because he is good to me. And doing financially badly, i wouldnt min...
A. 27 June 2014: You need to learn to earn a living so you don't sell yourself to someone for financial support. How is what you doing different to a prostitute other than the fact that guy willing enters into a transaction? Its your call, but remember can you hold ... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my FWB and yet I still kissed his cousin!
Q. An year ago, I went with my then 3 month old friend with benefits (lets call him A) on a vacation to his hometown. We were FWB but we were firstly very good friends. The whole 3 weeks when on by perfectly, lots of fun, sex, doing nothing, going da...
A. 27 June 2014: You came clean with the kiss, the details are not required whether once or twice.
Something that you both need to understand that when its FWB, you both are free to kiss date and do as you please. So when the relationship became GF/BF and if you t... (read in full...)
I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!
Q. My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...
A. 27 June 2014: You seem to be doing just fine. You took a stand and that was the right thing to do. No one deserves to be treated the way he treats you. He obviously needs help to sort his problems out, but you are not the psychologist to fix him therefore he may ... (read in full...)
He brought an 18 year old home and wanted a 3some. What to do to cope with my bad feelings over this?.
Q. I am dating a guy that I am crazy about, I am not what you would call a woman that has had the greatest track record with men, two divorces and several lost relationship problems in between with men and woman. Needless to say, been single for a wh...
A. 26 June 2014: The relationship is over. If you don't accept this then be prepared that there always will be another woman in your bed. I am one of those that believe that if a man loves you then you alone should be sufficient and he would not want to be with ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps playing games, breaking up with me, taking me back and being controlling. Please help!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 2 years plays break up game with me often these days. It goes like this: i'll make him angry by not keeping our place clean as I came late from work or ask him what's wrong when he is sulking or demand I need attention from h...
A. 25 June 2014: Well its time to grow some "balls" and walk out of this relationship. He is using the power you gave him to control you. He know that if don't listen, kick you out and you will beg and come crawling back to him because you are weak, emotionally ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so crushed that this girl I barely know is leaving?
Q. Have you ever just met a person and just as you were getting to know them well, and found out that you have a lot in common, all of a sudden they announce that they are leaving/moving away/something else? That's what happened to me in the past m...
A. 25 June 2014: You fell in love and unfortunately only realised it when she decided to leave. Accept that it was never meant to be and its best that she left as she could never be yours. Grieve the loss and move on. No contact is best as you need to heal.... (read in full...)
How can I trust my boyfriend when he promises he won't cheat on me again?
Q. I want to be able to trust my boyfriend, I really do but at times I can't help but doubt what he says when I know he has cheated and lied to me before. We have been together on and off for four years, nearly five. He cheated on me after about a ye...
A. 25 June 2014: Your BF cheated twice and you rightly so cannot trust him. Why did you go back to him, do you really think he would change? He cheated twice and the only reason he feels bad is because you found out. You know it and that's what you cannot accept is ... (read in full...)
Should I give my ex a second chance?
Q. I broke up with my ex of 8 years about two years ago. Towards the end of our relationship he became a bit mean and I started emotionally detaching myself I suppose over time when this happened. He's a procrastinator and I couldn't see him wanting to ...
A. 24 June 2014: Life is too short, no harm in giving the ex a second chance. Its been 2 years and I am sure you both have grown and matured.... (read in full...)
He knew religion was important to me, but now he says he won't convert
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year and have been dating for about 6 months. We absolutely love each other and we have a very strong relationship. I am Muslim and he is Christian. We used to be close friends before we started ...
A. 24 June 2014: Honey, let him go. You cannot marry him and in Islam the marriage will not be recognised unless he converts. I am afraid you lost your heart to the wrong man. People have converted whether to hindu jew Christian to marry the person they love, but ... (read in full...)
Should I try to change career?
Q. I'm a 22 year old female, i have a son who is four years old. I have been in and out of jobs since he was born but i never stick to a job. I am now studying towards a law degree but i feel like giving up already, i thought it would be for me but i ...
A. 24 June 2014: Don't quit, not everything is greener on the other side. People say you need job satisfaction, not everyone finds it. I am also a firm believer that you make what you want of a job, ie you either learn and grow from it or move on. You seem to lose ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to convince my ex to give me a second chance?
Q. Is there any way to convince my ex to give me a second chance? My gf and I met 18 months ago and we ended up in a relationship literally over night. Our relationship moved extremely fast with me moving in within the first month. She is 7 yrs you...
A. 18 June 2014: You need to gve her space. the fact that she called you when the kid was sick she has feelings and is just hear the way things turned out.
I would also suggest you stay single and not start another line of partying because if she wants you back... (read in full...)
He seems awfully close to his ex
Q. So I've been dating this guy for a month almost to. Him and his ex just recently broke up. And he's still friends with her. They talk every single day and all day! Even when he's with me sometimes. They dated for over a year and lived together. ...
A. 18 June 2014: Its simple he loves her and you are the rebound girl. Save your pride and don't ask for any clarity or make a choice. He has made his choice. I am truly sorry this happened to you but this guy is a real a$$hole and you deserve better.... (read in full...)
I feel like I need to move on, but I'm not sure how! Help?
Q. I've got a question and I don't want to be judged I just want some light shed on the situation Basically I was with my ex partner for 5 years we had a son together had a relatively happy relationship. He did after our first year together cheat o...
A. 18 June 2014: He is just telling you what you want to hear. He is happy to have you when he visits and when he is back home, the GF does the job. In other words he has best of both worlds. Time to kick his ass to the curb and move on.... (read in full...)
I just want to be confident and happy, so I need a nose job
Q. I'm looking in to getting a nose job, all through my childhood i have been so self conscious of my nose, i am a pretty girl but the only thing that lets me down is my nose. Everyone i know says they like me the way i am but im certain i want a nose ...
A. 18 June 2014: The only thing I want to add is that there is always a risk that the surgeon could mess it up or you not be happy with the outcome. Also beautiful actors and actresses have had their plastic surgery go bad. So make sure you are prepared to accept ... (read in full...)
I'm nervous about seeing my ex again. Should I not go?
Q. At the beginning of the year, I broke up with my gf of 3.5 years because we weren't compatible for marriage. I haven't seen or spoken with her since. Unfortunately, I'm still very much in love her and I haven't been able to get her off my mind. ...
A. 18 June 2014: If you still in love with her, not a good idea to see her. If you broke up with her and did not think you guys were compatible , then you need to review whether its was something you could work together on and whether a reconciliation is an option. ... (read in full...)
| *ugarplum786's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ugarplum786 has
added them and they have added *ugarplum786!
|
