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... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
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Crushing on a guy I've never even met outside of Facebook!
Q. I'm in a weird and kind of silly situation and don't know what to do. I find myself crushing on my guy friend's best friend. And I haven't even met him in person. My guy friend talks about him a lot (because he's his best friend obviously) and I...
A. 8 May 2014: I am with CindyCares, you can reach out to him and see if he takes the bait. Noting ventured nothing gained. Just remember not to create any expectations as its best to see if he is open to first being friends since u guys have not even met.... (read in full...)
Is he cheating, texting her, wanting her back?
Q. I have been in a relationship for going on 6 months. After falling madly for each other I thought that we were doing great. He was attentive, we rarely had harsh words and he ended up moving into my apartment with me. Just last month I noticed that ...
A. 7 May 2014: Its simple, the current situation is untenable and will eventually lead to a split and he will blame you for the relationship ending as an excuse to get back with the ex. The safest and difficult route for you , is to tell him you need a break from ... (read in full...)
I asked him to delete his ex's number ...
Q. I am seeing a guy for two months and i found out that he texted his ex last week saying how much he misses her and how she would feel if he got a new girlfriend. Ex said it'll be weird but nothing I cant get over and I'll be happy for you. He ...
A. 19 April 2014: Hi, CaringGuy is 100% correct you need to let this guy go, he is only with you because he cant get the ex. I can rest assure you he has stronger feelings for her, pining for her and will leave as soon as he can get back with the ex. Not what you ... (read in full...)
Do I dive off the cliff, hope for the best and ask her out or do I just leave it?
Q. I'm in college now. My friend recently broke up with her boyfriend. I know both of them and get along with them quite well. I really like her but I'm not sure wether or not I'm in the famous "friend zone" or wether she likes me too. We text daily ...
A. 16 April 2014: I agree with Honeypie, take the plunge and ask her out. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Worst she says no at least you know where you stand and can then move on. Go for it ask her out.... (read in full...)
Should I be friends with him or not? I think I am attracted to him though I am happily married and deeply in love with my husband!
Q. I have been married for 6 years and I am deeply in love with my husband . However I have a friend very close to my heart and we get along really well ! We like each other's company and do spend a lot of time chatting on Facebook ! Recently, I have ...
A. 16 April 2014: Hi, I am in agreement with SVC. You are bordering on crossing the line and you need to end all contact with this friend or risk destroying your marriage over a fantasy. You should be talking to your husband and sharing your problems with him. If you ... (read in full...)
I feel like I failed as a girlfriend
Q. I'm feeling hurt and in need of some advice.. I talked to my ex boyfriend recently (whom I am still in love with) and he said although I was "great" he was unhappy in our relationship. I am very hurt by this because I really tried my absolute best...
A. 16 April 2014: You did no fail as a GF, he just does not have the balls to own up and say that he fell out of love and fell in love with someone else. You are not the problem, if anything you were a loyal wonderful girlfriend and he was the one that could not true ... (read in full...)
I just feel hopeless
Q. Ive been involved with this guy (b) who is 16 yrs older than i am, our relationship began my i cheated on my ex (A) with him, but my ex (A) was cheating and treating me badly before i met this guy and i use to complain and tell him what was ...
A. 15 April 2014: The question why are you still with him. You know what he is doing to you but you still stay around. Is this self inflicted punishment.
Loose the garbage bag and get help as abused woman struggle to move on without having someone to help them. I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend likes my little sister!
Q. I have a boyfriend and we have been dating for the past 5 months.about two weeks ago I've been noticing that my boyfriend has been messing with my little sister. What I mean by messing with her I mean like talking and hanging out with her more it ...
A. 14 April 2014: I would not bother to confront him. Just end things as the sign are there. I really hope there is loyalty between you and your sister and your sister kicks his ass to the curb.
He is just not worth it.... (read in full...)
His family and friends hate me because of our past
Q. Please bear with me as this could be long. I got into a relationship a while ago with a man who I'd been friends with for a while. Things were great to start and as we'd been friends so long our families and friends all got along with each other. I...
A. 10 April 2014: You need to understand that the family and friends are just concerned what another break up with you will do to him. You need to be patient and in a way earn their trust - its not like you have done anything wrong, they just scared what if you leave ... (read in full...)
I made a mistake. Now how do I choose between my pregnant wife and unborn child, and the love of my life?
Q. Between 2006 to 2009, I was dating this amazing and wonderful girl, due to the long distance of our relationship, she suggested we take a break from our relationship to finish our education, I was so hurt but I agreed. During this period, an old ...
A. 4 April 2014: I would generally say stay in the marriage and make it work. But you clearly have already left this marriage. You told your wife you don't love her and you clearly have taken steps towards an exit. Be kind to your wife and continue to finance her as ... (read in full...)
Was there any need for him to send this message to his ex?
Q. Hello friends. I have been dating a guy from past 10 months. Our relationship was quite good but we had some problem because of his ex. I think he is still in love with his ex. He still have her photographs and messages and still saves some memory f...
A. 2 April 2014: He probably suffers from a bruised ego and making a point that he is happy and with you and not pining for her. I actually think he may not be completely over his ex. But I also don't think you asking him or insinuating that he is not over is going ... (read in full...)
Has any woman here suffered from PMS and been able to 'manage' it without taking anti-depressants?
Q. Has any woman here suffered from PMS and been able to 'manage' it without taking anti-depressants? I start to feel extremely weak and depressed about 5-7 days before my period. Often I feel nausea and for about 5 days before my sleep pattern is...
A. 2 April 2014: Hi, I can identify with you. I started watching what I eat in the month and stay away from starch and sweet stuff. Oh yes I crave these food but also noticed that I was more depressed and short tempered. I also started to exercise 3/4 times a week ... (read in full...)
Can a man control his arousal?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend and I have decided to get married before sex. This is his decision. I am divorced on my mid thirties and he is on his mid twenties and saids to be a virgin. Well turns out he's religious aswell. When we kiss and fondle heavily , ...
A. 2 April 2014: Why is it if a guy wants to wait for sex after marriage mean that he has erectile dysfunction. IF a woman said that I bet the comments would have been different, like how he should respect your wishes and you should do what you are comfortable ... (read in full...)
Can we stay friends? We dated and were intimate.
Q. I met this guy online 3 months ago, We have been dating off and on during that time period. We have been intimate and that has been a major problem during our "relationship" I have called it off several times because he didn't want to be exclusively ...
A. 2 April 2014: He is not interested in relationship with you, not now and very unlike in the future. Strikes me as someone that hooks up online with woman for sex. When they want more he conveniently offers friendship so he is guilt free.
Don't hang onto thi... (read in full...)
The bio father has never shown any interest in her but she's been messaging him
Q. My daughter has recently been messaging her biological father through Facebook. I'm really not sure how to handle this or feel about it. He has never shown any interest in her and has never actively tried to see her. I know that now she is 14, I...
A. 26 March 2014: I have a niece whose father abandoned her from birth and when she became a teen, she wanted to meet her father and have a relationship with her dads family. Her father nor his family did not contribute a cent to her up bringing. What we realised is ... (read in full...)
His idea of a compliment left me troubled
Q. Hi. I would be grateful for some opinions please. My partner of ten years has never paid me many compliments but the other day, he said he had been watching me sleep and had made a decision. He said he thought to himself, "Yeah, she`ll do". He said ...
A. 26 March 2014: I agree it was an arrogant remark, but I also think he had been obviously admiring you and has finally made up his mind that he wants to be with you. You admit he has been unfaithful and its unfortunate that he was unsure when he first got into a ... (read in full...)
I don't like the engagement ring he gave me
Q. I'm disappointed with my engagement ring. I feel like a horrible person. I love my fiance to death, but he picked out a gorgeous ring, with a sapphire as the centerpiece stone. It really is a beautiful ring-but I am very traditionally mi...
A. 24 March 2014: I will only add that telling your fiancé that you don't like the ring, will not sit well and will be start of troubles to come in your relationship. Would you risk the relationship and hurting his feelings for the ring of your choice?
I must adm... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me I'm no longer included in our group vacation
Q. So I am with my boyfriend for over a year , and its your typical relationships with petty fights about jealousy and everything, but we do have a good relationship. Over the last few weeks, he has changed in some ways, like always saying before he...
A. 24 March 2014: I hate to say that this but this relationship has run its course and its a matter of time before he ends things with you. He does not look forward to seeing you as all your'll do is fight and the fact that he wants to go alone on holiday.
You a... (read in full...)
IS it crazy for me to try to work things out with my ex?
Q. I broke up with my bf last November after being together for 2 years. We're both in our mid 30's and were in somewhat of a long distance relationship causing us to only see each other on the weekend. The main reasons for the breakup was that we were ...
A. 20 March 2014: He should first get his act together and show that he is prepared to take responsibility for himself. If he moves in with you, the next time you will here complaining how lazy he is and sponges off you. You sound like an independent person and I ... (read in full...)
Isn't it better to have loved and lost then to have never have loved at all?
Q. I met this girl while I was traveling in Thailand where I ended up saving her life, 3 months later she leaves Canada and comes to Australia for a year working/traveling. Everything was going great for the first few days then when we talking about...
A. 20 March 2014: It seems this girl is trying to get over someone and she likes you as a friend. I also don't think she is into you. Don't push it and accept the friendship as you risk the fact that even if she gets into a relationship with you, you will be the ... (read in full...)
I think my husband has a crush at work and its making me uncomfortable
Q. Would anyone else think anything of this? Or am I just being paranoid? My husband of 6 years has recently started a new job. He's been there about 2 months now. He works in a team of 7 others, one Man and six women. For the past 3 weeks he h...
A. 20 March 2014: I do not recommend confronting him as he will say they just talk and there is nothing more other than the fact that he will say your are being paranoid and don't trust him.
He will also stop talking about her and you will then be non the wiser. Y... (read in full...)
I'm feeling like a fool after calling my ex again
Q. I was at work Saturday past and i was thinking of my ex so i decided to call him, we talked and then he started to bring up the past so it lead to arguing and now he says that he feels good that he made me mad. My question is y do he keeps bringing ...
A. 19 March 2014: You called him, in moment of weakness. You loved him and still miss him. Its that simple. He obviously was a real ass to have been arrogant and self righteous when he was the one that betrayed you.
Don't be hard on yourself, you were just vulnerab... (read in full...)
Why would he delete my number after all this?
Q. Hey, so I've been dating this guy for a month we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend but he likes to say we are and act like it. Anyway we cut things off a while ago and decided to just be 'friends' his choice not mine (He's muslim and said we can't be...
A. 13 March 2014: I hate to say it that he knew he was never going to marry you and should never have got into any form of relationship. He googled your pill to ensure it was birth control and you were not going to fall pregnant and trap him. That was really low of ... (read in full...)
His texts are becoming less frequent and he always leaves the conversations hanging. Lost cause?
Q. I began seeing a guy at the start of this year after meeting him on an online dating site. Now we immediately hit it off and in the back and forth of our conversation we figured out that he worked in the company I was just starting in. Things de...
A. 12 March 2014: Hi, don't let him treat you as a fall back plan. Don't sit around waiting for calls, messages or dates. Time to move on as it takes two to make a relationship work.
Why are you doing all the work? Let this go or you will most likely get hurt
... (read in full...)
Need a place to turn in a marriage where I feel like I have no choice
Q. My stepdaughter has always been a source of problems, particularly when it comes to her relationship with her mother: whatever stepdaughter wants, stepdaughter gets. Over the near 17 years of my marriage I've been mostly able to afford these ext...
A. 12 March 2014: Since your wife thinks you are the bank to cash roll her and her kids, I think getting a divorce will be expensive as I gather its community of property.
If your wife is an honest woman, she would only take what belongs to her that is what she... (read in full...)
We used to laugh together but now I'm not laughing with him
Q. How do I tell my boyfriend that he is seriously hurting my feelings? We've always been the best of friends for almost 5 years, the kind of friends that could cut up together, with sarcasm, and humor. We've said some of the most rudest, meanest ...
A. 11 March 2014: If you start getting too defensive and loose your sense of humour you risk losing this guy. What he loved about you was probably the sense of humour and by starting to get defensive just might tell him that you have changed. I agree the sense of ... (read in full...)
It's late now, isn't it? We'll never get married, will we?
Q. I've been living with my so-called fiancé for 10 years. We have 2 kids. Originally we planned to get married right away and went so far as to fill out all the paperwork but never ended up having a ceremony because of my student loan debt. Flash ...
A. 11 March 2014: He is in his comfort zone and why buy the cow when the milk is free. The loan is an excuse as you can marry someone anti nuptial contract, he then does not assume your debt. If the wedding means so much to you, then you need to stop being his ... (read in full...)
Should I? I want to confront my ex. We broke up 2 weeks ago. We dated for 4 years.
Q. I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years two weeks ago and now I want to confront her. Following the break up, I came to the conclusion that she's been interested in someone else - a "friend" - while we were dating. She had in fact cancelled p...
A. 10 March 2014: Hi, even if you call her and tell her exactly how you feel it will not achieve anything. You will feel worst as you have now shown her how much she hurt you. There is no point in giving people the satisfaction and the best revenge is to move on and ... (read in full...)
He dumped my in a cruel & demeaning way and now I pathetically stalk his instagram account!
Q. I was enjoying a healthy single life for years after a bad teenage relationship when I met this guy who swept me off my feet in as little as a couple months. It started as friendship where we talked all day long, only to turn into a fling very soon, ...
A. 6 March 2014: There is nothing you can do but move on. If you don't let this episode go you will become bitter and unhappy. Don't contact him again, don't stalk him move on and try and keep busy. You will find peace and happiness. What you started as a game ... (read in full...)
Is this really the end?
Q. Was seeing a guy for 6 months we had a few little arguments mainly because of finding time to spend together and a little to do with my insecurities from my past! Anyway last week we argued he's said it's over and he doesn't want me to contact him ...
A. 5 March 2014: You need to stop contact with the intention of moving on and not with the hope that he will miss you and come back. I know its sucks but its best to let go, you begged cried pleaded and obviously its falling on deaf ears. You need to sort out your ... (read in full...)
He said he wanted a threesome and then turned the tables on me
Q. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost a year. We have had our ups and downs and he doesnt know how to communicate very well. I have an anxiety personality so when I don't hear from him after an argument it trips a trigger I have ...
A. 5 March 2014: Hi, Sounds like he was testing you and you failed. I suggest you let this go and move on. He obviously does not want to hear your version and clearly has made up his mind. I might add chasing after him and hounding him with messages is not going to ... (read in full...)
I accidentally missed my first date with a guy. I apologised but has he had enough already? What should I do?
Q. Hi, I was supposed to meet my online date in person, for the first time, earlier this afternoon. We have been chatting online for approx 2 months and have been looking forward to meeting each other. I, unfortunately was unable to meet him in pers...
A. 3 March 2014: I am glad he is giving you a second chance. Goodluck... (read in full...)
My male friend has become distant since I confessed to being interested in one of his friends
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because it was very clear how much we had grown apart in our 3 year relationship. A few weeks before I broke up with him, I started hanging out with a guy regularly. I was never attracted to him romantically but ...
A. 3 March 2014: We will not be able to say for sure as its anyone's guess. I am inclined to think he realised that he had feelings for you and when you made your choice he wants to move on and it is difficult to maintain just being friends with you. He is not being ... (read in full...)
He invited me, so why shouldn't he pay?
Q. Dear ok Cupid, I have male friend who I haven't talked to for over a year, asked if I would accompany he and his family to Disney Land n July 2014. He told me that all I have to pay for is my airfare. If this was an invite, don't u think he...
A. 3 March 2014: If he is just a friend, your expectations are too high. It was rather generous to pay for the hotel and entrance. ... (read in full...)
He said he's met someone else ...
Q. I'm sorry. I cant write all the details of this at the moment as I am so upset.My boyfriend has told me that he has met someone else. I cant understand it. He still seemed like he was in love with me when I last saw him on Tuesday. He went to his ...
A. 3 March 2014: You need to let it go. Its difficult, but if don't accept it and continue to seek answers and he will not give you the answers as he was a coward and ended things via message. Yes its sucks, yes your heart is in a thousand pieces. Dust yourself , ... (read in full...)
Lying LDR boyfriend is having dreams of me cheating?
Q. I recently found out that my LDR boyfriend have been pretending to be single. The girl he was talking to (I don't know her) messaged me out of the blue and sent me screenshots of texts where my boyfriend is claiming to be single and asking her out. ...
A. 28 February 2014: Honey, YOu really want to believe he did not meet this girl he was texting. If he was texting and asking to meet, he most likely did. This girl obviously wants you guys to break up but does not mean she is lying. We all blame the other woman but men ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my Bf's extreme aversion towards contact with me when I have my period? His actions are hurtful.
Q. my boyfriend is good to talk to, not a great listener, but he is very passionate when he cares, is helpful, understanding and not egotistic and is generous. but when it comes to me been on my period, it is a whole different box of cookies, i cannot...
A. 27 February 2014: If we will not listen, then write a little note explaining how his actions hurt you. I must admit not all men are open to having sex during the time a woman has her period. But your BF has taken it onto whole new level not wanting to share the bed.... (read in full...)
Things were a bit of a blur when we saw each other and I'm not sure how to respond to him!
Q. Why did my ex contact me, and what should I do?. Last time I saw him, I went to his place. We have met a few times recently. We went out for drinks. It went well at first. I had some cider, which I am used to drinking. However, he gave me some ...
A. 26 February 2014: I am actually inclined to believe that he wants to get back with you. Why would he waste time calling when he already go sex. You however need to decide what you want. I agree anonymous, go ahead and call him and meet and clear the air. Sounds like ... (read in full...)
Why is the ex back in touch? Is he just playing games or is he for real?
Q. Dear Cupid... Its me again.... its been over a month now and I have not talked to my ex, he started calling me back about a week ago and he is still calling and sending me text messages.I have not responded to him at all. I mean he said that he did ...
A. 26 February 2014: It depends as there is insufficient information to go by. How long were you in this relationship and were there problems. Also how did this relationship end.
If you love him and want to take the risk of giving him another chance , there is nothi... (read in full...)
His ex limits my access to their daughter, but she's about to get a sibling
Q. I'm hoping someone can give me some advice about the situation that I have found myself in. My boyfriend and I are expecting a baby in the summer, and my boyfriend's daughter from a previous relationship is really excited about having a baby bro...
A. 26 February 2014: The only right to seeing the kid is the father, I know you mean well but the mother has every right to decide whether she wants you near her kid or not. I agree what you doing is a creating a healthy relationship and of course its great you want ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to improve this situation? My ex is now working here and is dating a guy with a bigger job than I have!
Q. So I guess there are two parts to this that need explained. First my job. I've been working in my job for a while now; it's a job in the intended career path I've chosen for myself (got a degree at university to do this line of work). I'm go...
A. 25 February 2014: Hi, You need to put as much distance from the ex. Unless she is in your face then greet other wise don't go out of your way to be polite. You need to be professional with her new BF, yes it suck but if you don't you will risk your job and remember ... (read in full...)
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