A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts. My bf moved in with me 2 years ago and then his ex wife ordered him to move back (his old place was close to hers and with me he was an hour away) because he was not so available for the 2 kids. Which he did. Now he is looking at a new job which is in my town with a good salary and wants to move back, he says this will benefit even his kids because he can provide more for them plus we can be together. I think if the ex finds out she will either stop him of if he goes ahead manipulate him into going back. I can't face it again, the last time I had a sort of emotional break down and it took me a year to be ok, we almost broke up. Should I try? I don't want to get hurt, and it may work out, but I am worried I won't cope with another disappointment.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (10 May 2013):
 Hi, once bitten twice shy. He hurt you once that was a mistake you made getting involved with him. The second time its pure stupidy because he cant be trusted.
I guess I am no different, we are humans and just want things to work out even though all the warnings are there. Bad Bad idea, but guess what you love him and will let him move in!
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (9 May 2013):
 If there is one thing I can't stand it's women who use their kids to manipulate their ex and that's exactly what she is doing. Do they have joint custody or does she have custody and he has visitation. I understand that he would bend to her wishes because if he doesn't he won't be allowed to see his kids.
He sounds like a good dad, but he shouldn't let his ex dictate where he lives or who he lives with. An hour commute shouldn't pose a problem. I'm not sure what the ex wants him so close for, if he knows in advance that he has to go get his kids and it's an hour a way then i don't see the problem.
She could ruin this again and she might not, depending on where your man stands with her and what kind of agreement they have. I would have him prove that he can be trusted again, get a place of his own in your town and live there, that way you aren't seeing him all the time at your own place and perhaps that might lessen the blow of him having to leave if it comes to that.
Good luck!!!1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): Your boyfriend has two kids & an ex wife who still runs his life. You don't mention if you have any children, but this is a lot for you to take on. I'd rethink your relationship with this man, if he can't stand up to his ex wife, where does that leave you?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Hi
If he is planning on moving back in with you then no, it is not a good idea.
If he gets his own place and keeps it for say, a year, to prove he is stopping in the area, then fine. That will make you feel more secure.
You know his kids will always come first and he sounds a good dad. I don't see how an hours commute was a problem though so I don't know how available his Ex expects him to be and for what.
Think hard about what you want, how old the children are and what your limits are in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (9 May 2013):
 HI
Sounds a bit suspicious to me to be honest. Why would he move back when she is his EX? damanded or not she has no right and why would he do what she says? I think maybe his been doing a bit more than seeing the kids.
If however he is just a complete push over I would not risk it again.Your right if she finds out again and uses the kids as emotional blackmail he will go running back.
I can only suggest that you sit and tell him that if your ever going to make it work he needs to seek professional help i.e solicitor or citizes advice , and get joint visitation. She can NOT be allowed to rule his life and ruin your relationship again.
Good luck
Mandy x
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