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... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
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Is there any way to improve this situation? My ex is now working here and is dating a guy with a bigger job than I have!
Q. So I guess there are two parts to this that need explained. First my job. I've been working in my job for a while now; it's a job in the intended career path I've chosen for myself (got a degree at university to do this line of work). I'm go...
A. 25 February 2014: Hi, You need to put as much distance from the ex. Unless she is in your face then greet other wise don't go out of your way to be polite. You need to be professional with her new BF, yes it suck but if you don't you will risk your job and remember ... (read in full...)
Falling in love with a man who might have to move away. We discussed it, but what did he mean?
Q. I started dating a man about three months ago. We see each other almost every week-end. We'll spend most of it together. The week-ends usually consists of hours of conversation, laughing really hard, watching movies, sex, eating, driving, laughing, ...
A. 21 February 2014: My advise stands as I did read it as he had not made any promises or you would not be here asking for advise.... (read in full...)
Should I contact my ex? It's 6 months since I finished the relationship, and this would have been our 6 year anniversary.
Q. Hi aunts, I'm feeling a little low. I was in a relationship for 5 and a half years. We were childhood sweethearts and got to together at the age of 17. I loved him to pieces but the relationship fizzled out after around the 4th year. We stayed ...
A. 20 February 2014: I don't think calling him is a good idea as he is ignoring your messages. I also think that it is part of why you want to contact him, we don't like being ignored.
If you call and he ignores you , you will become more obsessive in terms of wanti... (read in full...)
I don't want to kiss my BF because of his bad breath! What should I do?
Q. So when me and my bf got together, there were no problems, 'cos we hadn't kissed until three days ago. When we kissed, I couldn't help gagging at how horrible his breath tasted. I didn't tell him, though. So I played along. We kissed regularly and ...
A. 20 February 2014: Honey, carry a pack of mint sweet and when ever you meet over him, so when you do kiss its a breath of fresh mint.... (read in full...)
Falling in love with a man who might have to move away. We discussed it, but what did he mean?
Q. I started dating a man about three months ago. We see each other almost every week-end. We'll spend most of it together. The week-ends usually consists of hours of conversation, laughing really hard, watching movies, sex, eating, driving, laughing, ...
A. 20 February 2014: Sounds like you still did not get any answers from him. I did not read anywhere that he says he loves you and is willing to make this work even if he moves. You just might be a casual fling. He is the only one that can tell you what he feels and ... (read in full...)
I have an uneasy feeling about my husband's use of Cialis and his locked cell phone!
Q. My husband has been secretly taking cialis for some time now. At first my brother in law would give them to him, but as of July last year he has a prescription. Problem is, he uses them even when we are not having sex. I found one in his pocket, he ...
A. 19 February 2014: Don't confront him as he will just out right deny it and you will end up looking the bad one. Also he will be more careful if he is in an affair.
Can you not get his telephone account? Also maybe its time to surprise visit him with lunch at work ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals from girlfriend's best friend.
Q. I am getting confused by a girl I have feelings for. I told her a while ago I really liked her and asked her how she felt she just said I'm a no go area. She likes talking to me but says not about that and we should forget about that, but looks at...
A. 19 February 2014: You are a no go area because you are her Friends BF. Her actions indicate that she is interested in you but she will not cross the line.
I suggest you end things with your GF as this not fair on her and after a reasonable period, try to pursue t... (read in full...)
Is my husband trying to get the custody of my child?
Q. Hi I and my husband are getting divorce a "friendly" one! we got help from a mediator,so no lawyer. My husban is a plaintiff which the mediator said it doesnt matter but I felt in some ways she has my husbans's side! close to the court day i goft my ...
A. 19 February 2014: I would suggest you get a lawyer to help you as your husband might be moving in that direction. Why are you giving up your rights to any child support or right to his assets assuming you are married community of property. If that was agreed when you ... (read in full...)
I cheated - is there any way to fix this?
Q. So I've been dating my boyfriend that's about 8 years older than me for over two years now. For the last six months or so, I feel like our relationship has been quite stale and stagnate. I have learned to accept this because he is in his 30s and I'm ...
A. 19 February 2014: You cannot blame alcohol. You are not happy with the BF and you clearly see the age gap as a set back in your life and you still want to go out and party, where as the BF is in a different phase of his life. The right thing to do is end things and ... (read in full...)
He's been so disrespectful to me, I didn't even want to contact him except to tell him I'm moving so he can get his things!
Q. The guy I was seeing for a few months broke up with me a few weeks back. Well, I say broke up, he more or less ignored me til I got the hint it was over. When I finally spoke to him and asked why, he said it was because I was too much of a flirt ...
A. 19 February 2014: Best form of revenge is move on and be happy. I would not even meet him when he come to collect his stuff, arrange for a friend to be there.
Don't let him up set you or spoil your day by checking up on his facebook. Maybe you need to stop goi... (read in full...)
He's intelligent and confident and I'm worried I couldn't keep up!
Q. I am really attracted to someone - I know he likes me too. The problem is that one of the reasons that I like him is that he is absolutely amazingly intelligent, extremely knowledgeable on loads and loads of topics or, if he isn't, you feel with ...
A. 18 February 2014: His passion lies in keeping himself knowledgeable and that does not make you any less attractive. He obviously see certain qualities in you that he loves and wants to be with you. But your self doubt and lack of confidence is s sure way to kill a ... (read in full...)
I got involved with a male colleague who's not single. Now he's cut me out of his life. How do I move on and forgive myself?
Q. Hi all I'm not asking for niceness but I feel extremely low. I stupidly fell for a guy that was attached, we were good friends and he helped me through a lot of personal stuff, he was with a girl he bought a house with. He told everyone at work...
A. 18 February 2014: You are human and we make mistakes. After all even God forgives us for our shortcomings. So I suggest you find a hobby or a friend, anything to keep busy and KEEP AWAY from this guy. You are on very very dangerous territory of becoming obsessive and ... (read in full...)
I feel like my boyfriend didn't make enough effort on Valentines Day.
Q. My boyfriend of 10 months dint give me anything for valentines day, I'm not being superficial but I thought he'd atleast put in some effort because I took a lot of time in picking his gift and brought him 2 things, not that I was expecting anything ...
A. 18 February 2014: You expected more hence the fact that you are disappointed. I suggest you have a discussion not now closer to special occasions and tell him what you like. In passing you can say I would like to be swept off my feet with romantic diner, chocolate ... (read in full...)
How can he love me and want to share me?
Q. I have met a man who seems wonderful in every way. We have an incredible connection on so many levels yet I have a question. He has said to me that if I feel the desire to have sex with another man in his presence he is ok with that. Even turned on ...
A. 18 February 2014: Hey, I am with you, I believe if the man loves me he will not share me with anyone. Sounds like he is looking to experiment or live his fetish at your expense. Lose the baggage because if you compromise on your principals and assume the relationship ... (read in full...)
He said he loves my company, but I think I'm in the friend zone
Q. Hello dear Aunts and Uncles, So, i have recently met a new friend (about a month ago)... The thing is i like him as more than a friend... the other thing is i don't know if there are any chances he might like me back... The night we met he gave m...
A. 17 February 2014: Like the other aunt and uncles suggested just ask him to clarify the status of the relationship. Also you best you know where you stand than be strung along and develop feelings only to find out he is not into u. Take the risk as you have nothing to ... (read in full...)
He lied, and his real age has freaked me out!
Q. Making this short because I just recently found out. I don't know how to tell any of my friends about this either but I've been dating this guy I work with for about 2 months and all this time I thought he was 25 because that's what he told me. He ...
A. 17 February 2014: If age is just a big thing to you and coupled with the fact that he lied, dump his sorry ass and just say to your friends that it did not work out. Move on and don't panic/stress... (read in full...)
I am writing because I feel so low .............
Q. I'm writing this because I'm feeling so low, and maybe any answers might help. To cut it short, I met this guy many years back, we started off as friends, He lived away from me, but when we met up, it became more than friends. I then found out he w...
A. 17 February 2014: Hi, I really believe if the guy loves you he will not bend to family pressure. Further, why start something with you knowing there was no future? Let him go and don't contact him again. He is not even worth having as a friend as all he does is mess ... (read in full...)
He got me absolutely nothing for Valentine's Day!
Q. Should I be upset he got me absolutely nothing for Valentine's Day? My boyfriend and I both agree that Valentine's day is not a big deal. We are in a long distance relationship-been together about 8 months. We don't see eachother very often in pe...
A. 17 February 2014: He might have thought taking you to a hotel and diner was a valentines gift. Also the fact that he made an effort to see you over the weekend when it was not planned. Sometimes its not the physical gift but the action. ... (read in full...)
I tolerated him making changes but it's killing me when he goes out!
Q. Dear Cupid, I do not know what to do. I am in a 4.5 years of relationship. Like 3 weeks ago, eveeything started to change. They go every friday to play volleyball or play poker and I used to go with him. One day, he told me whenever I go with him...
A. 14 February 2014: He's actions indicate that he has already one foot out the door. I suggest you look to walk away from the relationship with grace as the next step is for him to tell you its over.
I hope you have the strength to walk away as you are setting ... (read in full...)
I can't get my boyfriend's ex off my mind..
Q. So this is my last resort.. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a while with a little break in between (my choice). And in that break, he got in contact with his ex. He told me he only did it to make me jealous. And it worked.. I started ...
A. 14 February 2014: You are understandably hurt and insecure after the ex just said that your BF and her hooked up during the break. However, you guys were not together and were free to date anyone. What you have going for you is that even though he may or may not have ... (read in full...)
I get jealous of the girlfriend my boyfriend had before me
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm in a relationship with the most perfect guy in the world. We knew each other for years and been close friends before we started dating a year ago. I know lots about him and he is beautiful person inside out and the way he treats m...
A. 12 February 2014: Hi, look at it this way, if you and the BF break up, you would be in the same position that is not the first for guy assuming he is a virgin. We accept the person we love as a package deal, their past and their flaws, most importantly the way they ... (read in full...)
We haven't dated long what should I get him for Valentine's Day?
Q. Hi everybody, This might strike some as being a daft question, but I'll ask away! I've recently started seeing this guy (ie. 3 dates) and I know he wants to take me out on Valentines Day. However, I don't know what to get him if anything - it...
A. 12 February 2014: Hi, not sure what your budget is but generally a perfume is a lovely gift for a guy. If all else fails, that's what I get.
If you have a limited budget , then chocolates like Ferrero will do.... (read in full...)
I don't think she's given me the full story about this man!
Q. I have been married for 7 years. Everything was great for the first 5 1/2 years then in the fall of our sixth year things changed she became distant and sex which up till then was great it suddenly stopped everytime I approached her about it she ...
A. 11 February 2014: All signs are there that there is more to this story. Unfortunately unless she comes clean or you put a trail on her there is no way of finding the truth. Its rather strange that she does not remember how she came about helping this guy that does ... (read in full...)
We're trying again, this time without it officially being a relationship, but he's wanting more than I'm comfortable giving
Q. I recently split with my boyfriend a month ago as the relationship was breaking down constant arguements and my lack of trust. I tried to sort it with him and he didn't show up and not a word was said. So I decided to end it. We met up a week later ...
A. 10 February 2014: You probably have built a wall because you have been so hurt by him. It will take time to either heal and trust him or you will realise you don't want this relationship any more. Its hard to be the GF and do the things that are expected when you ... (read in full...)
I don't want to tell people my engagement ring is fake!
Q. I dont want to tell people my engagement ring is a fake "diamond". It's actually cubic zirconia. But apparently according to the jeweler who charged my fiance $700-800 USD , there are two levels of cz, the drug store $12-40.00 and the "better" tier. ...
A. 7 February 2014: Hi, just don't say anything or volunteer a response just ignore it. Also not everyone can afford diamonds and they do settle for Cubic. I suggest you let it go and don't think about it again. Congratulations enjoy being engaged and just remember you ... (read in full...)
My roommate crushed my self-esteem because he picked her over me!
Q. I came to London to study a short course. I found a roommate (flatmate as they call them here) for a month out of the three months I'll be here and found him extremely attractive. We chatted a lot before I moved in and it became something a bit ...
A. 7 February 2014: I don't think you have any deep feelings for him, I think your ego is just bruised. No one likes to be left feeling second best. Remember you went into a casual relationship, which you both agreed. You need to understand that this is the ... (read in full...)
He turned me down for a date so what is with his new attitude toward me?
Q. I asked a guy out a while back and he politely declined me, so I kind of accepted it and got on with things. I still liked him, but I'd understood that he didn't feel the same way, so I never mentioned it again. About two weeks ago, though, his atti...
A. 7 February 2014: Hi, just treat the attention with indifference. He either likes you and has to grow some balls and ask you out or he is leading you on. Either way, you should sit tight and move on as he did say no and the balls are in his court. Just don't hold out ... (read in full...)
After being my girlfriend's rock for a year, she now feels secure but I don't! . Any advice?
Q. I've been having some issues from the past come back up and rear their head in my relationship. I don't particularly know how to deal with them. I've been with my gf for about a year and a half. The last six months have been stable and great...
A. 6 February 2014: You are correct there is no point rehashing the past. If things are great there is no need to rock the boat. I understand your insecurity, especially when she walked out on you so many times. I suspect she was scared to trust and did not believe ... (read in full...)
Getting over cheating - should I have believed him? How do I move on?
Q. Im married but almost a year into the marriage i found some naked photos on my husband's email. he had sent the photos to his email from his phone. They were of an ex girlfriend of his who he had only been on 3 dates with. When i found them i asked ...
A. 6 February 2014: Hi.this happened a year ago, you need to either let it go and work on the marriage or walk away. Its not healthy and not fair on either one of you. Secondly if you did not believe him, you should have contacted the ex and got her version. What you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps promising me big gifts but gets me nothing
Q. My boyfriend told me throughout our entire first year that he had a huge birthday surprise for me... along comes my birthday Jan 29 and he just called me in the morning and then never came over (even though he promised). His reasoning was that he ...
A. 6 February 2014: Its not just about gifts, its about remembering special occasions and making the person feel special. Your BF has failed on both. Surely on Christmas he should have got you something. I don't care how rich or poor, its simply the thought that ... (read in full...)
The only problem is that he never wants to remarry or have children with me, it's tearing me apart. Advice?
Q. I feel like there is no hope for my relationship even though my boyfriend has never cheated, lied or hurt me. I love him, and I have never thought of anyone else since I met him. I honestly see no one else as my future but him. The only problem ...
A. 5 February 2014: You may love him and want to be with him. I just don't think you are ready to give up your dreams of a marriage and a child. I suggest you look to start disengaging from the relationship as your BF has been honest in respect of what are his ... (read in full...)
I need some help with talking, opening up, and nervousness?
Q. I need some help with talking, opening up, and nervousness? Every time I attend to approach this girl lets call her Amber I freeze up or everything I was getting ready to say just disappears. I know I like her a lot and I've been working on self ...
A. 4 February 2014: If she is on face book or whatsapp , befriend her, Start chatting, so when you meet face to face it become natural. Try asking her to meet for coffee , start light and try just friendship, you are expecting too much on the first engagement hence ... (read in full...)
Is there a good way to ask a guy why your dates never occur during normal "date nights" without sounding needy?
Q. I've been dating a very busy post-doc research fellow for over three months now. Whenever he is with me he compliments me profusely and behaves like I am the only person he's into. He treats me well and we have fun when we're together. During t...
A. 4 February 2014: Sounds to like you may not be the only woman in his life. He asks about your availability on weekends at the last minute and hopes you busy so it looks like he wanted to spend the weekend with you. I would put off meeting on weekdays and see if he ... (read in full...)
Big age difference. How should I approach him and ask where I stand in our relationship?
Q. Last year I started a part-time job at USPS as a material handler. I'm very timid, often at times people tend to think I'm a teenager and I just started dating a 51 year old guy who's worked for USPS for many years. He lives down the street from my ...
A. 4 February 2014: He is double your age and you are yet to achieve certain things in life, before you find out what his intentions, do you know what you want? Seems like there is a problem about going public about the relationship, either he is scared of the ... (read in full...)
Yes he has a Gf, and yes I'm engaged. But I still have a feeling he has a bit if a crush on me. What do you think?
Q. So I just wanted some input from a guys perspective ideally . (Ladies, you can comment too. So I'm in my early 20s and this coworker of mine is 10 years older. He works in the same department of mine and he's a musician. A singer/songwriter and I am ...
A. 4 February 2014: You need to decide if this flirting and attention is worth risking your fiancé. Also you need to find another job and keep your distance from this guy if you decide you want to stay with your fiancé.
I cannot see any future happiness in this cru... (read in full...)
My ex is back in town for the week, should I see him?
Q. Hi Everyone, I'm having a hard time right now and could use your advice. I dated my ex for a year, we broke up almost a year ago and he moved to a different city a few months ago, but is back in town this week. He emailed me to ask if I w...
A. 4 February 2014: Sounds like you are still in love with him. Are you sure the differences cannot be worked out. I would think since he also wants to see you there was a deep bond. Go for it as you will regret not meeting up with him.... (read in full...)
He is badmouthing me to mutual friends. Should I confront him?
Q. I had a falling out with a guy friend some months back. I discovered he had feelings for me (I had feelings for him too), things became complicated and our friendship ended on a very sour note. He ended up blocking me on all social networks. I ...
A. 31 January 2014: Hi, you could send the text as Llifton suggested, but you do realise that he may just ignore it and continue bad mouthing you.
I would make sure I make friends with his contacts on Facebook and Twitter and then I would write something about ho... (read in full...)
I feel I'll never attract someone of the same religion because of my looks and personality.
Q. hi... I am really a lost soul at the moment... I come from a Muslim family. My mom is moderate-liberal Muslim and my dad is relatively conservative. So I've been brought up with conflicting views... Anyways, so I'm at uni and I feel too conservat...
A. 31 January 2014: Hi, what you need to do is join a social club. A friend of mine who has struggled to meet someone has joined a social club, where they get together and do things like mountain climbing, social events etc. This allows you the opportunity to meet ... (read in full...)
I really want to be with my FWB but then I get scared!
Q. I really miss my FWB. We were the worst pairing imaginable and man he could push my buttons but I was crazy about him. after nearly two years, he decided he was finally ready to give 'us' a chance at a relationship and I panicked and cut conta...
A. 27 January 2014: Are you happy the way you are? If not then will you be worst off if things did not work out with this FWB? I would suggest that you take the risk and pursue a relationship with him. He needs to end things with his GF before you pursue anything with ... (read in full...)
He put food on my plate, does that mean something?
Q. I have liked one of my guy friend for three years already. Whenever we played the game truth or dare at social events he would admit in truth that he liked someone. I decided to ask him one time who he liked..and he went completely silent on me. I ...
A. 23 January 2014: Don't read into kind gesture and silly things like food on your plate. Not wanting to burst your bubble. If he like you and wants you as is GF why has he not asked you out. You are setting yourself up for disappointment. If he has not asked you out ... (read in full...)
I love my wife, but I am in love with her sister
Q. I think I have fallen for her. Six and a half years ago I found out that my wife had cheated on me, prior to this our relationship had been cold for a while and I found myself having lustful feelings towards her sister who used to stay over fairly f...
A. 23 January 2014: You need to grow some balls and divorce your wife. Yes she had an affair but you chose to stay in the marriage. You have fallen for the wife's sister, divorce your wife and pursue her. I don't think you will do it as a lot of men that try to step ... (read in full...)
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