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... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
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He says he can't marry me because of his parents but we are intimate. Should I stop this?
Q. Well I don't know from where do I start. I'm in a very difficult condition to be understood by anyone. My story has started one year back when I kissed him for the first time. It's not that I haven't kissed any guy before him but with him something ...
A. 21 August 2013: Hi, you are worried about leaving him and when he marries someone of his parents choice and leave you, how will that make you feel? Will you then worry is his wife sleeping with him?
You are really setting yourself up for serious heartach... (read in full...)
My parents gave me up to foster care and it seems no one is on my side
Q. I want a normal life style but yah right! I'm not a normal kid like everybody else. My parents gave up on me! 7 years ago me and my brothers and sisters got taken away by foster care. I had to grow up fast and see and hear things that a lil one ...
A. 13 August 2013: Honey, if you are in a stable foster care, ignore everything around you and use this as a means to better yourself, nothing is more powerful that getting an education and having your independence. Also not everything is greener on the other side. ... (read in full...)
Was he right to compare my body to a woman in a porn movie
Q. I've been dieting and lost 12 lbs thus far. I was doing this mainly to lose some tummy fat that settled as I have grown a little older. This seems to be the hardest area for me to lose it. My boyfriend, we are talking about marriage, and ha...
A. 13 August 2013: Hey, just tell him you would also like someone like George Clooney, now he should be able to compare to him in terms of age, next time he will think before he opens his mount.
Don't take it to heart, also if he could get a 20 year bomb, then sho... (read in full...)
My mother wants me to buy my own house
Q. This is not a relationship question. As a young adult who has a BA degree and a stable career, would you recommend I put a down payment on a home and buy it or continue to rent? My mother tells me to buy a house so that I can own somethin...
A. 31 July 2013: Hi, lets put it this way, you would rather pay rent and never own the place. But if you buy a house and pay towards a bond, you will eventually have a freehold house. The only reason people rent out their house is to get an asset that someone else ... (read in full...)
He says he can't marry me because of his parents but we are intimate. Should I stop this?
Q. Well I don't know from where do I start. I'm in a very difficult condition to be understood by anyone. My story has started one year back when I kissed him for the first time. It's not that I haven't kissed any guy before him but with him something ...
A. 25 July 2013: Hi, he has told you he will not marry you, why did you not break things off completely. You are now in sexual relationship and nothing will come of it. Remember don't see things that are not there, when he said he will not marry you he was speaking ... (read in full...)
Break up after 12 years together, she's moved on and happy but I'm miserable!
Q. Hi there. I read someone elses story and mine relates a bit. I am really hurting bad and I need advice. My girlfriend recently left me. A bit more than a month ago. We were together for 12 years. We were always good together. No cheating, no ...
A. 18 July 2013: Unfortunately, after 12 years you have made the relationship more permanent. Appreciate the time you had, and look at it as you both have reached the end of the road and have different dreams in life. Assume you had the child with her, you may not ... (read in full...)
My partner has convinced himself I have had sex with someone else
Q. Ok...where to begin. I came in from work asked my partner for a kiss, he said no. When I asked why he said...it's a bit difficult but then said during sex last night he had noticed I felt different, He then said I had taken a long time while I was ...
A. 18 July 2013: Hi, big mistake confessing to being unfaithful in a previous relationship. He needs to get over it or it will ruin this relationship. Have a talk with him and ask him if he wants out, because why else would he accuse you of being unfaithful. Also if ... (read in full...)
Did I ruin things by telling my boyfriend that he has a "grower"?
Q. me and my boyfriend were getting intimate for the first time. He has quite a small penis but it grew really large when turned on, and much larger than I saw a penis grow to compared to its size when soft. so when I saw what size it was beco...
A. 18 July 2013: Hi, its simple you need to let him know that it was the best sex you had and loved the intimacy as it brought your'll closer. Also you have never enjoyed sex the way you did with him. Assuming this is true. This should take his ego a couple notch ... (read in full...)
Went on a trip with my LDR and now he doesn't call
Q. Dear Cupid I am in LDR with my bf of 3 years for the past 6 months. We went for a trip few days back and had a very nice time. Few times he was cranky, but otherwise trip was a success. Its been a week, he hasnt called me once or returned by me...
A. 18 July 2013: Honey, you need to let go this relationship, as hard as it is to let go a dream and life you wanted to together, he is just not worth it. He does not even treat you properly nor respect you.
If you want to salvage your pride, start no contact.... (read in full...)
My partner said he will never forgive me for my shouting at him because he let our 16 week baby boy roll off a chair!
Q. We have a beautiful 16 week baby boy who ia amazing. My partner and I have been together nearly 4 years.Our son is a miracle as we were told we might have problems conceiving. Yesterday my partner told me he did not want to be with me any more, I am ...
A. 16 July 2013: I agree with SVC, help him pack and let him go. There is no way you going to change his mind. Its sounds like he was looking for an excuse to leave.
You are going to have to be strong for your baby and move on if he does not come back. Don't be... (read in full...)
I have guilty feelings from this kiss, I need opinions on the cheating!
Q. Hi all, I really need opinions and views on this as I find it hard to speak to people as I don't want my friends to judge me. I cheated on my boyfriends of 2 years (still together now) when we had been going out for just 2 months. It was heavil...
A. 16 July 2013: Hi, don't beat yourself up. Leave it in the past and enjoy your relationship. Put it down to a drunken mistake that your would not repeat.... (read in full...)
FWB should I have told him how I feel?
Q. I was involved in a friends with benefits situation with a guy for about 3 months. We had a mutual friend, and i would always be at their house, so was the guy. We would have so much fun together. One night he told me he wanted me....sexually. ...
A. 15 July 2013: Hi, you have nothing to loose, just go ahead and meet up with him for coffee and tell me that you have feelings for him. Things can only get better. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Goodluck... (read in full...)
Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?
Q. Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?...
A. 12 July 2013: It possible to love two people. But if the relationship is all about sex, ie if you stopped offering him sex, would he still be around, if the answer is yes, then he does love you and his wife. Why would you settle and always be the woman on the ... (read in full...)
I really don't want to get into this relationship because we are both married but my heart tells me otherwise. What should I do?
Q. Hello. Am having strong love feelings for my workmate. He is married with four children and according to what he always says he loves his wife and no woman can replace her although he can be available to any woman for fun without his wife knowing...
A. 11 July 2013: Don't open up to him or you are opening a can of worms. You need to keep your distance from this man and even consider changing jobs if that is an option. If you feel miserable now, you will feel worst after an affair. Its not worth it as you know ... (read in full...)
She loves me more than I love her.
Q. I have been dating this girl for 1 year and 6months. She always says things like "I love you more than anything in the world" or "I will love you for ever" or "I want to be with you forever" etc. etc. Which there is nothing wrong with that but I ...
A. 7 July 2013: I see no one mentioned the fact that you maybe unsure of how you really feel and the fact you want to try sex with someone else, the comment that you think sex is great, meaning you not sure its the best.
I suggest you try to end things amicably... (read in full...)
Please help me, have I lost perspective in this clash with my new boyfriend?
Q. I am in a very new relationship (5 weeks) with a guy. I met him via an online dating site. We get on extraordinarily well... when we see each other. In this five weeks, we've had separations of 10 days (his vacation), 5 days (my vacation) and now ...
A. 7 July 2013: I am not going to lecture you what you should not have done. However , I suggest you take some timeout of the relationship and let him come to you. If a guy loves you and thinks you worth fighting for he will try to resolve things. Also we woman ... (read in full...)
I was excited about the holidays, until my boyfriend got mad at me on the phone last night.
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years and I have just had a fight before I'm due to go away for over 2 weeks on the holiday of a lifetime. He had asked me to come round to visit him tonight before I go, and I told him I'd try my best but I'd need to see what...
A. 4 July 2013: Hey, put yourself in his shoes, would you not be upset if your BF did not make time to see you before he off on a two week holiday. He calls you and you have a friend over - (yes you did not invite the person over and neither did you expect the ... (read in full...)
I didn't realize what I had until it was gone
Q. Hi All, Hope someone can give me some advice. I was with my live in boyfriend for a year and a half. For the most part it was wonderful (we were inseparable) but when we got in arguments they were intense and I would find myself saying mean thin...
A. 3 July 2013: But he did give you a second chance when he wanted to break up and you did not stop. You need to take a long hard look at yourself and understand where those hurtful things you are saying is coming from.
No one can tell you for sure how to get h... (read in full...)
Is she only messing around?
Q. Hello everybody. I really need some objective opinions here. I'm currently in a FWB relationship with a girl I like very much. As in, A LOT. But she's clearly not that into me, she has told me that explicitly and she rejected me when I asked for...
A. 3 July 2013: Hi, stop playing games and trying to figure her out. She has told you that she wants just FWB only. You obviously want more. To avoid hurting yourself any further and risk this woman humiliating you, I suggest you move on. I am not being nasty but ... (read in full...)
I say he is the most disloyal man ever and he says he is just being honest about his emotions. What do I do?
Q. I am so sad and tired. My boyfriend of 6 years has become completely disloyal to me. One example, We auditioned for a play together recently and I was disappointed that I did not make callbacks and therefore would not be getting a speaking part in ...
A. 3 July 2013: Honey, why do let him and his children treat you with such disrespect. You would prefer to be miserable with a man like this or at peace single. Its time to lose the baggage and I do hope you and financially secure and that does not influence your ... (read in full...)
How much time do I need to get over my ex?
Q. My ex of three years dumped me. I'm trying to move on. I know I shouldn't miss him but sometimes I just can't help thinking about him.How much time do I need to get rid of him?...
A. 1 July 2013: Hi, its different for everyone. Some move on fast and others take years.
Sounds like you are on the right track and also determined to move on.
It also helps to keep busy and focus on things you like. Get out with friends and catch up on thin... (read in full...)
Why did my ex send me a photo of him and his new girl?
Q. So my ex boyfriend and I haven't talked since we broke up. He has nerve to send me a picture of him and his new girl. I'm not going to lie, it did break me. I was getting over him and I'm happy for him but why would he do that? ... I need help:-(...
A. 27 June 2013: I second CindyCares, only to add send him a response, how sweet and what a lovely couple you make, wishing you happiness. You have to act as if this does not phase you and he failed to get under you skin. Also mention that you are glad that both you ... (read in full...)
Why wasn't I enough? Why is this girl already in his heart the way I once was?
Q. I used to jump from relationship to relationship, until I learned that you need time to breathe and be alone in between. After an especially drawn out break up, I decided to spend one year single. Although it was difficult, it was also the most ...
A. 27 June 2013: Honey, you definitely deserve better than someone that can forget you at a bar or forget that he is spending the night with you and the cherry on the top, at your own birthday bash mess around with another woman and not do anything special for ... (read in full...)
Booty call to something more
Q. I met a guy via a friend. Hung out a few times. Ran into each other after a night if drinking and slept together. He texted me the next day. We texted allot. Somewhere along the line it came to light that all I wanted was a booty call. He asked if ...
A. 27 June 2013: Hi, you need to be honest and tell him that you have changed your mind, also note that if he says he does not want more than a FWB relationship, you need to end it as you will end up with a broken heart. Don't hope that he changes his mind in the ... (read in full...)
I joke that I'm guy repellant, but it kind of hurts. What should I do?
Q. There's a guy that I work with that seems like he likes me, but he's hot and cold about it. If we're around people, he'll try and say hi or talk to me. Otherwise if we're alone together he'll tense up and avoid me. I'm shy and quiet, but frien...
A. 26 June 2013: Hi, you need to build confidence, it comes from with being comfortable with who you are and also being comfortable in terms of what you wear and how you present yourself.
I honestly believe as much as people say you just need to be comforta... (read in full...)
I'm not looking for anything serious but I don't want to be lied to
Q. My fiancé and I have decided to part ways 3 months ago. We were together for 10 years. We argued way too much that the love and respect slowly faded. I am not ready for commitment at all, but wanted a little distraction. I recently started ...
A. 25 June 2013: He is also clearly not interested in anything serious with you or would not be keeping secrets or lying. Since its also what you want , why would it matter if he lied. Also this can be very dangerous , you are not serious about him but yet you want ... (read in full...)
I'm cheating and should leave my marriage but I can't! I'm selfish!
Q. I should leave my marriage but I can't! Husband very fond of me and I do my best but its gone for me and I don't want to cause pain to my grown up child. We get on but NO lust any more.I have a lover of 8 yrs and needless to say I love him tho he's ...
A. 25 June 2013: The only reason you are still with your husband is because you are scared of the unknown. You are simply using him as your comfort zone and the other man is satisfying your sexual needs. You also know there is no future with this man and he ... (read in full...)
How do I put it and keep it in my head and have it locked up in there, that its really over
Q. I get that he doesn't want me back now. I know it. I keep telling myself that. I know for a fact that its over. I don't understand why I still keeep coming back to him. Its annoying cause I send him this text brigade, text after text after text ...
A. 25 June 2013: Hi, you have to find a friend that you can trust and call when you have this need or craving to call and text your ex. She / he should talk you out of contacting the ex. Also start reading books, watching movies going out with friends. The trick is ... (read in full...)
Deep friendship or electric spark - Should I settle for either one?
Q. I was in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for more than 9 years.It was a safe sweet comfortable relationship - too comfortable. But as usual career ambitions and growing up got in the way. Both of us were unhappy for the last 2 years ...
A. 24 June 2013: Honey, the colleague has been honest and told you there is no hope for a relationship. So its no use pining for him, but to cease contact with guy and move on.
If you feel something is missing in the relationship with the ex BF why are you even... (read in full...)
FWB...is am I in for a bad break?
Q. I've been in a fwb relationship for 6 months. I knew within the fourth month, I had very deep feelings for him. I have voiced how I feel about him and even explained that he is my fantasy. He was just outta really bad breakup and new to my area. ...
A. 24 June 2013: Hi, if you have told your FWB you have feelings and he has not reciprocated, I suggest you start distancing yourself from this guy as he has made it clear that he is not interested in a relationship with you.
It will be a lot harder when he walks... (read in full...)
She broke my heart and she's expecting me to wish her a birthday message
Q. Hi, My ex- girlfriend that broke up our four year relationship would be celebrating her birthday in some days time. The fact is 4 months ago she broke up with me and recently she's been finding different means and tactics to get us talking,...
A. 24 June 2013: She was cold and heartless when she dumped you. There is no need for you to respond to her messages and also its best not sending her a birthday wish. If she is having regrets its because she thought the grass was greener on the other side. You ... (read in full...)
Should I give this jerk who dumped me a piece of my mind or not give him the satisfaction?
Q. I would love your opinion about this. I was dumped today by a low life, cheating prick. He came to my house to tell me. I am really upset by not only the fact he did it but by how he did it and how unfeeling and cold he was about it. He came t...
A. 21 June 2013: Dont contact him, getting it off your chest is not going to change the fact the relationship is over. Also you will be giving him the satisfaction of hurting you all over again.
He left is a hurry not because he did not care but because he obvio... (read in full...)
Why couldn't he show me some respect instead of leading me on?
Q. I don't mean to be angry/bitter but I was dating this guy for four months, the first two months we were not doing anything physical we would just hang out, go to the movies, have fun then after the second month we slept together, after we slept t...
A. 21 June 2013: Honey, dont dwell on why, he is simply an ass that was playing the field.
I would throw his things in the garbage , where he actually belongs and let this go.
UNfortunately put this down to bad experience and someone that is not worth losing... (read in full...)
They're both friends, she cheated -- I feel caught in the middle
Q. Hi everyone, I have friend that´s temporarily abroad for work - she´ll be back in one month. She confessed to me that she´s cheated on her boyfriend with some man there...And she begged me not to tell his boyfriend, that is my good friend too...He ...
A. 19 June 2013: Its not your place to tell him, also your friend said this to you in confidence. Assume you expose your friend and her BF decides to firgive her, you end up being the bad one.
Sometimes its best not to get involved.... (read in full...)
I am so sick and tired of losing out in love and being the lonely one.
Q. I feel absolutely hopeless. I love my friend more than I have ever oved anyone. If he goes back to his ex wife or doesn't lvoe me now is there some hope that maybe he'll fall for me in the future? I am so sick of the loneliness and pain I feel ...
A. 19 June 2013: Honey, you have your answer, he is not that into you. HJis ex maybe a whore but his heart is with her. Dont sit and wait for him to come back to you as you will just be miserable. I suggest you cease all contact with him and try moving on. Dont date ... (read in full...)
Do girls have relationships so young? I'm only 14
Q. HI, my name's Olivia and recently, I went for this competition where I met this boy who I talked to. And afterwards, we talked on facebook for a couple of weeks and we met once after that for a movie with some of our mutual friends. He confessed ...
A. 18 June 2013: Honey you are young but most important it depends on the maturity at that age. If you are not ready, tell him so and also say you would like to start as friends and considaer dating once yourll get to know one another. Dont do anything you dont want ... (read in full...)
Friend has given me an ultimatium--either be his girlfriend or we no longer talk
Q. I'm really close to my friend who told me he wanted to be more than friends about a year ago. Initially I said I didn't feel the same way and we tried to carry on as we had been before, talking everyday but I was seeing other people. Since then ...
A. 18 June 2013: You should not be pressured into a realationship, however I also get why he wants to know where he stand as you have crossed the line of friendship and have been flirting - in a way leading him on.
He obviously wants more and he wants to move on ... (read in full...)
My gf left me over a silly mistake... what should I do from here? We love each other!
Q. Thank you for reading... I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years and we are very happy together. We have always been good but she left me last week and i can't see what to do from here. I was at a party a few weeks ago and there were a...
A. 18 June 2013: You need to leave her alone and stop apologising. You kissed a girl and yes two wrongs dont make it right, I still dont think its worth your GF throwing the relationship away.
Send her a test telling her you love her and miss her and would li... (read in full...)
How can I stop my clingyness to a guy that is already involved? I am in love with him!
Q. I'm hoping someone will help me I love this guy so much but unfortunately I've made the usual mistakes clingy too emotional etc Ok he's with a girl he's been with her 5 years We got close and kissed twice last year please don't judge he said afte...
A. 18 June 2013: Hi, he is lying to you and leading you on. If she is so bad and makes his life miserable, why is he with her? He will not leave her and you will remain trapped in this obsession.
Let this go , you have let yourself hurt long enough and its time... (read in full...)
Ghost of relationship past
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and he's been struggling with how many past partners I have. I was date raped in my bed and have obviously had other sexual encounters in it. One day at random my boyfriend told me he doesn't want ...
A. 18 June 2013: Hi, if you can afford one, I would recommend you change the bed. Yes it does not disolve the scars but its like trying to make a fresh start.
If it affects him, then change the environment. It does bother him that you were raped and maybe you both... (read in full...)
My bf cheated with my best friend. How should I handle this?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out nearly a year now, and he visits me at my university halls. Last night he cheated on me with my best friend at university. We were drinking in my halls, and about 12am I went upstairs to bed, as I've just had...
A. 14 June 2013: You should dump him, if he can do this to you with your former best friend, he would no qualms about sleeping with strangers. Drunken stupor is no excuse for infidelity.... (read in full...)
Do I keep fighting for love or pull back?
Q. My 9 year relationship with my boyfriend just ended 6 weeks ago. The first 5 years were great. The last 4, not so great. I gained a lot of weight and pushed him away. Wouldn't have sex with him. Wouldn't even let him touch me. I was mean to him. I ...
A. 14 June 2013: Hi, you have out yourself out there and showed him you have changed. I suggest you stop cleeping with him and let him go. You will hurt a lot more when he starts dating someone else.
Also this gives him the opportunity to realise he loves you and ... (read in full...)
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