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... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
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I'm nervous about seeing my ex again. Should I not go?
Q. At the beginning of the year, I broke up with my gf of 3.5 years because we weren't compatible for marriage. I haven't seen or spoken with her since. Unfortunately, I'm still very much in love her and I haven't been able to get her off my mind. ...
A. 18 June 2014: If you still in love with her, not a good idea to see her. If you broke up with her and did not think you guys were compatible , then you need to review whether its was something you could work together on and whether a reconciliation is an option. ... (read in full...)
I am feeling lost in my new marriage.
Q. Hi I know this will sound typical and far from what a marriage should be like. I never imagined I would feel this way and i don't want to. Me and my husband have been together on and off for about 8 years and recently married 6 months ago. E...
A. 17 June 2014: There is a possibility you are suffering from depression. I could not see anything in your post that says you are miserable and the husband treats you badly. It sounds like he has changed for the good and you cannot find peace and happiness in what ... (read in full...)
I'm utterly ashamed of my drunken behavior in front of my ex and his girlfriend!
Q. Im so ashamed and embaressed. So lastnight I went to a friends birthday party. My ex from a very long time ago was there. I had drunk quite alot and I was flirting outrageously with him. Then later on in the night his girlfriend arrives. I did not ...
A. 17 June 2014: Hi, don't apologise as they are aware you were drunk. However, maybe you should not drink if you don't handle it well. Also keep a low profile and work on your image, words alone are not enough to show you changed. Start improving your life and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex is vindictive and wants him to sign over the rights to his child.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Right after we got together he told me that his ex fling told him he had a son. They had a horrible relationship and before ending she told him she had already been with other people. Needless to ...
A. 17 June 2014: Hi, make sure that when he signs his rights away that includes no financial responsibility. I have not heard of this option. It sounds like she is trying to prove that he is not interested in being a father and remove him completely and the caviar ... (read in full...)
What does this comment mean?
Q. I work with this young married woman. As part of our job we deliver certain things around our place of work to different departments. Usually she walks behind me when we do this and she keeps slapping my bum. I once asked her what her husband woul...
A. 17 June 2014: Hi, firstly what she is doing tantamount to sexual harassment and you are within your right to report her. She is basically inviting you into an affair and later you can risk losing your job because when SH** hits the fan she ducks for cover and ... (read in full...)
Double standard where his adult children are involved
Q. I am looking for opinions of others I would like to know if I am wrong? My Husbands daughter invited us to her house For Father's Day weekend. She lives a few hours away. When we got there nothing was planned. She had no food in the house we were ...
A. 17 June 2014: Wiseowl is spot on. Your husband is just being defensive because he is hurt and disappointed how his kids treated him. Do not say anything about his kids the way they treat him as its like adding salt to the wound. I would suggest be nice and kind ... (read in full...)
I'm 6 months pregnant and my boyfriend is acting distant what should I do ????
Q. Im 6months pregnant but i feel so lonely. Let me start by saying I knew him about 3yrs, we was never a couple just friends with benefits but some how I feel in love with him through out those years. When we was friends with benefits he was with his ...
A. 17 June 2014: Hi, accept reality that he could not be faithful to his sons mum, you will be treated the same. He wants to enjoy life and not be saddled with another kid. You know his history of being unfaithful and this is history repeating it self. Start ... (read in full...)
FWB problems! Did he have feelings?
Q. So I don't know what to do anymore . I have known this guy since i first moved up to this town where i am currently living , and we never got on at first. I met him at the bar i go to and he is the barman . A month after i moved up , we had had ...
A. 13 June 2014: Well there is only one way to find out. Ask him out to coffee and tell him you want to talk. Worst case he says no and if he agrees , talk to him. Messages and just sex confuse and does not replace a good heart to heart chat.... (read in full...)
I feel he is not really interested in me but surely he would bother wasting his time like that!
Q. Hi been dating a guy for 5 weeks now we've kissed and been intimate but i don't really think hes that interested in me.....we met on a dating website but he lives locally to me sand id rather he just said if he doesn't think it will go ...
A. 12 June 2014: You put out sex too early. Try to hold back and see if he sticks around and also become more interested.... (read in full...)
Should I enjoy my Gf's amazing personality and hope that she'll make the decision to lose weight so that she can become more physically appealing?
Q. So I'm 22 and recently I've started talking to this girl who is 18. When it comes to a personality she's everything I could possibly ask for. But as far as looks she has a really cute face but she's pretty overweight. It sounds pathetic on my p...
A. 11 June 2014: Why don't you help her. You are friends just ask her to join you at the gym. If you don't get the GF you get a gym buddy. I am not sensitive to what you said as Men and woman have a preference for a certain look/body and that's their opinion and ... (read in full...)
I went into my boyfriend's mail and closed down all of his online dating accounts!
Q. So my boyfriend of one year has always had dating profiles since he was 13. (He is 21 now). He likes to talk to people though he's never met up with anyone from online since he just simply doesn't believe that something like love could come from ...
A. 11 June 2014: Just let it go and keep quiet. He is a big boy and if the sites are not important he should not miss the emails or care that he is no longer a subscriber. I think coming out and being honest may just create problems and heartache. You regret what ... (read in full...)
How often should a boyfriend contact his girlfriend?
Q. This is probably really stupid but it's something that bothers me sometimes so I want some opinions, please. I saw my boyfriend, of 4 years, over the weekend. We don't live together but do plan on doing so in the future. We had a perfect weekend ...
A. 11 June 2014: Hi, is this a normal that someone has his phone and you cant call. I would block my number and call his phone. Sounds a little suspicious. Maybe there is nothing to it? ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time with this girl?
Q. So there's this girl that I like and I've taken her out a couple of times now and just when things were looking up, she goes camping with her friends and sleeps with another guy when she was drunk. The next day this guy texts her saying he really ...
A. 10 June 2014: Well make her choice easy walk away. If she cant hurt someone and cant say no to sleeping with another guy then why are you even considering being with someone like her. She is not that into you and has no respect for you. Its sucks but you need to ... (read in full...)
I'm an ex but he doesn't remember!
Q. i went on a date with an ex he didn't know it was me its been 14 years since we last saw each other and ive put on 3 stone and now he wants to see me again do I tell him the truth who I am or shall I just keep quiet ?...
A. 10 June 2014: Why would you want someone that just walked out of your life and now returns and cant even remember you. Are you sure he cant remember you or he is playing amnesia. He may want a relationship and not want to explain why he walked out on you. Also is ... (read in full...)
Friend with benefits has an ex visiting from overseas and told me not to contact him or visit him while she's here! What should I do?
Q. I have been seeing and sleeping with a man for just over 9 months now. Just out of the blue, he told me his ex from the USA is coming over to stay with him for a month. First he said it was without warning, and then his story changed, saying it was ...
A. 4 June 2014: Save your pride and dignity and get rid of this guy all together. He has no respect for you and does not feel strongly for you , so move on. Saying anything to his EX will not achieve anything other than humiliate you. Remember is fairness you ... (read in full...)
I have lost a good friend in favour of my relationship. How can I make both people happy?
Q. I have a problem which is eating me up so I really need some advice as I don't like turning to those around me. I have an amazing, gorgeous, hilarious boyfriend. We're different, but we work. I love him, completely, and although he tries to hide it,...
A. 4 June 2014: I think you are questing your feelings because of the risk of your BF going away and you want a fall back plan. You are basically looking for a safety net. You admit you have a crush which under no circumstances should be told to your BF as you will ... (read in full...)
Was this a genuine error or a ploy to get back in touch?
Q. Ok I fell out with my close male friend 8 months ago We were gonna get together but because he was going through a bad split my emotional clingy mess pushed him away Now 8 months later he's emailed me saying he 'accidentally' used my address f...
A. 4 June 2014: Looks like an innocent mistake. If you want more then milk this error for what's it worth. Go after what you want.... (read in full...)
I either want her back or to treat her as an acquaintance
Q. This past Thursday I was dumped my girlfriend who also happens to be a co-worker. I had left a rose outside her door the previous day, and I knew by her lukewarm response that she had already made up her mind to end the relationship. I was prepared ...
A. 4 June 2014: You don't need to be her friend and you can treat her politely as any work colleague. You are hurting from the break up and in fairness need time to heal. Don't start being friends until you are comfortable to be labelled her friend and not ... (read in full...)
Pregnant from a fling -- how do I tell him?
Q. I feel like I just made a huge mistake and I'm about to pay for it forever. I don't need any judgey comments, I just need guidance. Please, help me! I met a slightly older, thankfully SINGLE man two months ago and got pregnant by him after just one ...
A. 4 June 2014: Since you want the baby, I believe its something that you need to tell him about and establish how he feels. Don't create any expectations as I gather by your message it was just sex. Remember that he is likely to challenge the paternity and might ... (read in full...)
Could this Facebook ad be a scam?
Q. Hello, i Read an advertisment on Facebook. Regarding a family looking for a caregiver, chef and housekeeper i applied for the job which Is in the Uk. They told me they Will Pay me 1200 monthly and they will pay for m'y ticket and visa, but i need ...
A. 3 June 2014: Its a scam. If they are prepared to pay for the flight and visa why not the work permit. Don't get caught, you will lose your money... (read in full...)
This married guy knows I have a crush on him and he touched and kissed me and said, "lets be casual". What does he mean by that?
Q. here's this guy a married man 47 yrs old, he's my friend and most of his family members were my friend also. last year i realized i really like him (crush). but i kept it inside me. he's so nice to me and whenever we see each other he always f...
A. 3 June 2014: What he means lets have sex and don't let the emotions come in the way, also all you will be is the woman on the side. Run.....why you even allowed yourself to get caught in such a situation, he will use you and discard you and go back to his wife ... (read in full...)
Am I to blame? My job's on the line.
Q. Hello guys and girls. So my question I will keep brief. Just need opinions really. I am the director of a public relations company. We have this new brand for a big well established company (they've put it out as side project) the new brand we...
A. 3 June 2014: You need to not get defensive when they start questing your ability and say that with any project there is a risk. Also its not just the advertising one has to look at the appetite the market has for the product. Surely your boss would have given ... (read in full...)
Help me, I'm not studying for my exams because I'm avoiding the professor I have fallen in love with!
Q. I am 32 year old unmarried female, I am working in company and pursuing B E in the evening college, I approached a professor for clarify some doubt about subject. He is married and have 2 doughters 18 year old. I is to got his chamber frequently ...
A. 3 June 2014: He is not interested in you as you said he has a wife and 2 kids. So protect yourself before he use you and hurt you. Remember no man is worth failing exams as you never know if they will always be there, so stop dreaming about romance and what can ... (read in full...)
Is my new boyfriend a tight wad?
Q. I met a 45 year old lovely guy who said he is ' careful with money' On our first date he asked if I was going to buy the second round of drinks.I laughed and said it was only a coke both times but felt embarrassed me made the point. Then we agreed ...
A. 27 May 2014: This would be a deal breaker as it reflects how things would be in the future. You are not being unreasonable but you also need to talk to him and tell him, it just kills the romance. If money is now an issue when you move in or marry it will become ... (read in full...)
Mutual close friend spend lots of money on my friend's birthday and very little on mine. Does it mean something about our friendship or am I just being ungrateful?
Q. I feel childish and horrible even posting this but there's something that's niggling at me. My oldest friend (A, whom I live with) and I have a very good friend in common (B). We met B at the same time, work with her and are (as far as I can tell) ...
A. 26 May 2014: Maybe B gave her something more expensive for her birthday or did something that she had to show her appreciation? People react and respond generally to how they are treated. I said generally and this may not apply to your situation. Let it go no ... (read in full...)
My partner of 7 years left me. I am trying to give him space but I want to start again from the beginning.
Q. My partner has just broke up with me 11 days ago. We where together 7 years and have lived together for most of this. in the last 3/4 months we where planning on moving abroad to work for the summer. we gave up are house and moved in with his mum ...
A. 26 May 2014: You need to accept reality the relationship is over. Unfortunately your ex left the relationship way before he ended it and you did not it. I suggest you start building you life, force yourself to go out with friends and be in the company of people ... (read in full...)
I'm about to serve time in prison, so how do I tell my new interest, and how can the relationship survive?
Q. A few days ago, I met this really great guy and even though it's early, things have been going really great for us so far. Yes, I know it's only been a little over a week, but he's been in most of my thoughts and I'm really confident about our ...
A. 23 May 2014: Honesty is the best policy. Have been on any therapy for anger management? You going to have to come clean and know that he might get scared off. You cannot lie or hide 5 months for disappearing. Its entirely upto him if he thinks you worth waiting ... (read in full...)
Why is my mother so cruel?
Q. Having just turned 21, I'm still having trouble with my mom. We can never have a mother daughter conversation Whenever she calls me she says I'm a big burden in her life and when she doesn't want me, I'm a waste of money and time. I'm currently ...
A. 22 May 2014: Hi, you mum is taking out her pain , disappointments and failure in life on you. She loves you and does not know any better how to express, she would not help you are all if she really disliked you. She is assisting obviously to ensure you do better ... (read in full...)
Second thoughts about lending my son money
Q. My son had been saving for a new car, in the past I have paid for his cars and spent a lot of money on them for him since he passed his test about 7 years ago. This time he has been saving for his own but we saw a very nice car and I did say I will ...
A. 22 May 2014: I am with Cindy Cares, you cannot renege on a promise. Further if he cant up with the balance is there not a risk he will lose his deposit. If you don't follow through with your promise you risk losing him as he will be angry and bitter. Just make ... (read in full...)
Insecure for over 10 years because of wife's exes, am I being a fool?
Q. When my wife and I met she insisted on carrying on seeing (non sexually I've always assumed) her exes. She took me out for dinner with one guy, only to tell me a week later she'd kissed him and let him finger her, she had another guy round for the ...
A. 21 May 2014: You made the mistake accepting her behaviour before marriage and she clearly thinks after marriage its okay to carry on in the same manner. You have tried talking and you have actually been very good to her by tolerating it for so long. You deserve ... (read in full...)
Does wanting to be me make me a bad person?
Q. Hello all, I was wondering if you'd be able to help me. I am in a bit of a predicament and when I explain things, I'm probably going to get a lot of stick for it and come across as a selfish whore but I do hope someone can answer me. I have b...
A. 20 May 2014: You can either end the relationship and separate amicably or destroy the relationship by having another affair. I am not being judgemental but is that not what happened the last time the relationship hit a tough patch. You obviously want to explore ... (read in full...)
I feel like I can't compete with the girl that my B/f kissed and it's torn my self esteem apart!
Q. My boyfriend kissed another girl on a night out a few months ago. We were having problems at the time. I was suspicious and checked his phone and then I text the girl and asked her (very nicely) what happened and if she wouldn't mind not getting in ...
A. 20 May 2014: He sees more than a pretty face in you and that is why he is with you and not her. Like you said he could have got this younger girl but he still chose to be with you and work things with you. Don't compare and accept that he loves you and wants to ... (read in full...)
I don't play office politics and need help in dealing with my boss and coworkers!
Q. Dear Cupid This is work problem, i would like all your opinions. I was in this organization for past 8 years and work life was ok until 2-3 months back. I was transferred to a different department year back and i proved myself and i was given bigg...
A. 20 May 2014: This happens in all business environment, the strongest survive.
You need to learn to make sure that when there is a problem with any ones work or they are not doing something it is put down on an email. But remember emails must also be written ... (read in full...)
Should I try again with my ex? We have 2 daughters and have been apart for 4 years.
Q. My question is whether it is a good idea to try have a relationship with an ex again when there is children involved? My ex wants to get back together after 4 years apart, and even though I would like to try, I have a fear it would affect our...
A. 20 May 2014: It takes two to make a relationship work. If you both can acknowledge that you messed up and mature enough to make it work, go for it. There are no guarantees is life but does not mean we must not take the risk. No harm in making it work just take ... (read in full...)
I'm having a hard time processing the sudden break up. What are ways that I can cope?
Q. 2 weeks ago I found out that my significant other had several profiles made on those seedy sex websites you click on by accident while watching porn. I stumbled upon it really not wanting to find it. His youtube channels username is some how linked ...
A. 20 May 2014: Hi, sorry you are going through this but you are wasting your time trying to rekindle with a person that betrayed you. He shows no remorse and only upset that he got caught. No quick magic to make the pain go away. You need to start the no contact ... (read in full...)
Why does she not reply to my messages anymore?
Q. Okay so this might be a long story but here it goes! So when I was in highschool I liked this girl and we went out, but I later said somethings and she took them as if I did not like her and then she just kinda didn't want to talk to me afterwards! ...
A. 19 May 2014: Messages cannot communicate what a person actually means and at times gives the wrong perception. I suggest you give her a call and chat to her. If she gives you the busy signal or the fact that she ignores your call then I best to leave her alone.... (read in full...)
How do I get over all this hurt and move on from this?
Q. Hi everyone I'm just looking for a bit of advice, I'm really hurting and angry infact confused and I just don't know how to get over this or move on from it. I'll tell u briefly about the history. 3 years with a guy a few years older than me (3...
A. 19 May 2014: All I can tell you that you need to go cold turkey and don't ever have anything to do with him. The pattern is transparent and nothing will change unless you move on. He will continue to hurt you no matter what you do. He showed his true colours ... (read in full...)
No contact for three weeks and now we're going to meet -- is this a good idea?
Q. My ex and I broke up last month and we have been in no contact for three weeks. He broke up with me saying we are not compatible. I took it pretty bad because it came out of nowhere for me. I did all the things i wasnt supposed to lol as in texting ...
A. 19 May 2014: Its a real bad idea because you are still in love with him. He has made it clear that your'll are not together and he will not prioritize you. Meeting him and contacting him will only set you back. Let him go and move on. You were not happy in the ... (read in full...)
Is there any way he'll ever think better of me?
Q. Could anyone please help Is it possible to change someone's perception of you ? Ok I was very good friends with a guy and it went badly wrong We got close and kissed a few times It shouldn't have happened as he was in the middle of breakin...
A. 9 May 2014: You need to leave him alone and not try to mend the fences in any form or way. All attempts would be seen as a sign of desperation. Unfortunately, you are not the one that can reach out to him as he needs to reach out to you and if he really has any ... (read in full...)
He just can't let go of my past
Q. Hello aunts, I'm having a dilemma with my current boyfriend. We have been dating for a little over a month now and we really enjoy each-other and fell in love and love spending time together when we can. We are almost one person and I've had pre...
A. 9 May 2014: Hi, Take time out from the relationship. He needs to figure it out for himself, he accepts you as a package deal or lose you. The only way is if he is faced with the reality of losing you.
If you don't take a break from this relationship the curr... (read in full...)
Crushing on a guy I've never even met outside of Facebook!
Q. I'm in a weird and kind of silly situation and don't know what to do. I find myself crushing on my guy friend's best friend. And I haven't even met him in person. My guy friend talks about him a lot (because he's his best friend obviously) and I...
A. 8 May 2014: I am with CindyCares, you can reach out to him and see if he takes the bait. Noting ventured nothing gained. Just remember not to create any expectations as its best to see if he is open to first being friends since u guys have not even met.... (read in full...)
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