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How do I tell her no without hurting her feelings?

Tagged as: Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 May 2013) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 June 2013)
A female Nigeria age 26-29, *archie writes:

i've known this girl for @ least more than a year now and we've been friends, im 18 n she's 24. I like her so much and appreciates the friendship. I hav a bf, a guy i so much love n will not like to loose. To the story, the way she behaves wen im around her i kind of suspects she's a lesbian. Because she's so so free with every guy that comes her way, and is somehow shy in front of girls, she cant even put up a nice conversation.

So today i told her i was comin to her place, she accepted. i went to her place, and saw her with her bf. Meanwhile, we chatted on facebook about lesbians, and she told me she has a couple of lesbians friends but told me she was not a lesbian, i beleived her. Her bf soon left the house to his n we were alone. I laid down i was so tired wen she came up on me, and started plantin kisses on my neck i was so turned on i couldnt resist her becos i was scared of her reaction and i was also scared of mine.

But now, i regret what i did my question is how do i tell her no without hurtin her or without makin her feel rejected.

View related questions: facebook, lesbian, shy

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A female reader, lilly123 United Kingdom +, writes (11 June 2013):

lilly123 agony auntfirst of all i'd like to know if you were turned on or it because of her reaction you let her do it??? that part doesnt make sense and you cant answer this properly without knowing

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A female reader, sugarplum786 South Africa +, writes (21 May 2013):

sugarplum786 agony auntHi, sounds like you need to tell her that was a mistake and you are straight. You also need to keep your distance in order to avoid a situation where you find yourself compromised again.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (21 May 2013):

Ciar agony auntWhich one was it? You were so turned on or you went along with it because you were afraid of her reaction?

If she hasn't made any more advances then there is nothing to say. Consider it bullet dodged. If you're going to continue some kind of association then only meet with her during the day, in public places and with others present. If she doesn't get the hint, spell it out. If she's going to behave like a man, she might as well learn to accept rejection like one.

Just keep it brief and don't try to sugar it. Dragging it out and trying too hard to be nice lets her believe she can keep pushing or that what you have to say is so awful you can barely bring yourself to say it.

Chances are she won't be that broken up about it. The most she would have is a crush. It's more likely she just wants to explore sexually and you were evidently a safe person with whom to do it.

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