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... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
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I don't want to start a relationship with her, only to find she's crazy!
Q. Ok so I've met a girl and we get on really well. I want to ask her out, but there is a problem: Some people I know, who also know her, have told me she is a little crazy. Apparently she caused a whole load of problems with her ex boyfriend, and some ...
A. 3 December 2013: If you like her, go out with her as friends and make up your mind. The woman you go on a date with does not necessarily become your GF. Give it a shot and give her a fair chance without any preconceived ideas/notions that people have planted.
... (read in full...)
I just need to feel loved
Q. Hi im feeling very lonely x I've been living with my partner for 6 months or so but I known him all my life,although he never showed any interest in me before his divorce 18 months ago,he also can drink sometimes say 4 nights out of 7 a large bottle ...
A. 3 December 2013: Well if he is not into you, then its time to let this man go and find someone that loves you and appreciate you. He wasn't into you when you were thin and why do you think now that you are losing weight will change him interest.
I think its grea... (read in full...)
Nasty comment has caused devastation and despair.
Q. I am seeking advice for a close friend. She is from Latin America, moved to Canada a few years back so English is her second language. She is hoping to work in Health Care, she now has her masters and was asked this evening to do a presentation. ...
A. 3 December 2013: You will always get those people that feed their egos by being nasty and spiteful because they are actually jealous of other peoples success.
Tell her that by running away , she is accepting defeat, also tell her why let one ass waste 5 years of... (read in full...)
I want to use him the way he used me
Q. I've been living out of the country (I still am) ... i met this guy a couple of years ago where i go to school. At the time i was still dating my bf, whom just broke up with me. I met this guy in my finance class and we exchanged numbers because he ...
A. 3 December 2013: Hi, you are emotionally attached to this guy and although you say you want to use him, this runs a lot deeper. Don't call, maintain no contact because once you start seeing him, and he then leaves, I promise you , you will be back here hurting and ... (read in full...)
Why is boyfriend so upset? I love him so much!
Q. So my boyfriend was very quiet, he didn't talk much over the weekend. That's very unlike him cause he's usually very chatty and makes me laugh so much to point where I'm always peeing hehe. I asked him why he'd been quiet he said he's not...
A. 3 December 2013: Either he genuinely don't trust you or he has done something and portraying his guilt onto you? Don't cry cause no man is worth the pain and heartache , if he truly loved and cared for you, he would not hurt you.... (read in full...)
I found a lipstick in my partner's car and my gut feeling is telling me there's more to this. What do I do?
Q. I don't know what to make of this situation so hoping someone can give me some advice. My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We've had a great relationship and friendship. This morning I found a lipstick in his car. I have no r...
A. 2 December 2013: There is another woman, its a question of how long and also , you need to get hold of his old telephone records to see who he has been phoning.
If he was innocent, he would not have behaved in the manner he did. Don't bother to ask the friend a... (read in full...)
I'm nasty when I'm drunk and my boyfriend hates it
Q. Hey! I've got a really, really serious problem and I wish someone could help me because I really don't know what to do. I'm 19 years old and the guy I'm dating is 27 (quite a big difference with ages but that doesn't bother us). We have been dat...
A. 2 December 2013: Its your choice, drink and lose the BF eventually or stop drinking and save yourself and relationship. There is no other advise anyone can give u.... (read in full...)
I'm 8 months pregnant and my boyfriend has asked for a break in our relationship
Q. My boyfriend of nearly two years has asked for a break in our relationship and I dont don't know or understand why. He said he loves me not to see other people just have a break and we aint over just to give him that. Im so upset at 8months pregnant ...
A. 2 December 2013: Honey, you should take care of yourself and the baby, that should be your priority. Yes you hurt like hell and all alone, but don't give him the satisfaction of destroying you, stop all contact and focus on yourself and healing. For him to do this ... (read in full...)
We're not married but he put me on his life insurance. Is this a big deal?
Q. Just a simple question... my fiancee of 6 years has put me on his life insurance but we are not married. He keeps saying that no other man will do that to me and that im lucky to have him, he keep saying i wont find another man like him. But he...
A. 29 November 2013: People life your BF are very insecure and fear losing you, hence the manipulation and threats. You need to decide whether this is a healthy relationship that you want to stay in or its time to break free and find someone that can be confident to ... (read in full...)
He flirts and it irritates me
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years often flirts with his immediate boss or co-workers, someone or other. Its not that he flirts with everyone, he picks a person for a time, flirts with them until he loses interest or they lose interest and then move on...
A. 29 November 2013: What is good for him is good for. I suggest you give him a bit of his own medicine and lets see how well he handles.
Alternatively, you need to tell him that if he does not stop and respect your wishes its the end of the road.... (read in full...)
I told him I used to have a crush on him and he turned nasty
Q. I have a boyfriend, for starters. And everyone knows about him. I was friends with one of my colleagues and I thought he was a really nice guy. We spent lots of time together and slowly, I developed a huge crush on him. I went totally out of m...
A. 28 November 2013: Stop beating your self up. I would simply make light of his rudeness and also go to the extent of saying makes me appreciate the wonderful boyfriend I have even more, at least he knows how to treat a woman with respect. Say it laughing and in a ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend of 7 months still has feelings for his ex girlfriend even though he says he doesn't.
Q. Hi everyone I think my boyfriend of 7 months still has feelings for his ex girlfriend even though he says he doesn't. They broke up about a year and a half ago. I feel this way because he is still friends with her even though she treated him ...
A. 28 November 2013: He is in contact with the ex, in love with her, cannot get her out of his system. You are what he has settled for because his heart is "safe" with you. He may never leave you for her but you are not the love of his life. This must hurt but you need ... (read in full...)
Trying to end the affair but he won't take no for an answer
Q. It's been 4 yrs since I have been friends with a married man. We are not sexually active but we like each other a lot. What keeps me from having sex is the fact he is married and 36 yrs older than me. It bothers me that I care about him. It even ...
A. 28 November 2013: Just threaten to tell his wife, that should be the end of the affair. No need to actually tell the wife, why cause her pain, at least you don't be the one to break it her.... (read in full...)
How can I get someone to return my things without making a scene?
Q. I lent a friend (Nick) a DVD box set about 18 months ago. I then broke up with my boyfriend (it was awful) and I needed to go down the no contact route. This meant that I didn't see Nick nearly as much anymore because I was no longer going to the ...
A. 27 November 2013: Hi, Can he just not send a registered mail, where you collect at the post office? This should resolve the problem, unless he is not interested in returning it to you.... (read in full...)
Relationship lacks intimcy, fiance wont let me get close.
Q. Hi ladies and Gents, My fiance is 22 and i'm 26 in a couple of weeks. my relationship lacks intimacy, I am feeling frustrated and rejected by her. we have sex once a week, if that. the times between sex are becomming further and further ap...
A. 26 November 2013: A frank discussion is required and she needs to understand that being in a relationship includes sex and ensuring your partner is happy.
You could suggest that if this continues , you will consider moving out of the bedroom. If she reacts i... (read in full...)
Its great that he's a good dad, but I want to feel important too!!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years has a 2 year old daughter. I have changed myself to accept this situation and moved past it. But now, when he invites me to hang out with them, i usually don't bc i don't like how it makes me feel around them. And i don't ...
A. 22 November 2013: Hi, put yourself in the little girls shoes, she only get to spend one day a week with her dad. How would you feel if someone was writing this on this site?
I get it , you also want his love and attention, but when you chose him, this is a package ... (read in full...)
Should I just wait until he's in a space where he wants to contact me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I met this cool guy through a friend. Im 21, he's 23. She sort of hooked us up, we hadn't seen each other in person but we saw pictures of one another (she showed me), and she got us two talking as I thought he was good looking (in...
A. 22 November 2013: Hi, just send a polite message once a week, telling him he is in your thoughts and wishing his mum a speedy recovery. He would appreciate it. Don't call as you would be putting pressure on him as he seem to be a person that likes to grieve privately ... (read in full...)
How to get my BF back and move on in the old direction?
Q. I was in 4,5 year long distance relationship. We were seeing each other every 2nd weekend, which is quite often for 2 countries that are far away. It was love at first sight, we had the same taste, traveled a lot together, planning to marry and have ...
A. 21 November 2013: It sounds like he was never really committed to you, if an argument can lead to the end of a relationship that you both have been waiting years to be together. I know you say that there is no one else. You maybe wrong as this was a long distant ... (read in full...)
Why is my fiancée's mother bribing me with gas cards?
Q. Why is my fiancee's mother bribing me with gas cards, when I've put on 6300 miles in the last two months? My fiancee can't drive because of her seizure disorder (though it has been getting more under control recently). We currently live 45 minutes ...
A. 21 November 2013: The only vested interested she has is that you keep her daughter happy and she probably is helping her daughter by giving you gas money coz her daughter cannot drive to you. Its just a mum looking out for her daughter.... (read in full...)
How can I help my son financially without it causing further tension?
Q. 21 November 2013: My 29 year old son has just got himself a good job but he is on 6 months probation before his position is confirmed. He needs a car to get to and from work and has no money to fund the purchase himself. He is unlikely to be able to ...
A. 21 November 2013: Can I suggest you tell him that this is a car you want and will be loaning it to him, till he can afford to buy his own car. Sounds like you offering a finger to help him and he wants your hand.
If he is ready to turn a new leave and make a s... (read in full...)
Should I just wait until he's in a space where he wants to contact me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I met this cool guy through a friend. Im 21, he's 23. She sort of hooked us up, we hadn't seen each other in person but we saw pictures of one another (she showed me), and she got us two talking as I thought he was good looking (in...
A. 21 November 2013: You need to give him space and let him deal with his sick mom. I suggest you send him a nice text telling him that you would like to get together when he is up to going out. Also tell him that he and his mom are in your prayers and wishing her a ... (read in full...)
Is there still a chance for us? Should I contact him again within a few months? Or should I just forget about him?
Q. I'll keep it short since our 'relationship' was short too. I met this guy at a party 3 weeks ago. We had an instant click and an amazing evening. He told me he came just out of a long relationship and was single for just 1 month. He's 23, i'm 26 ...
A. 21 November 2013: You are going to have to move on. You were his first rebound relationship and he was honest that he is still getting over an ex. He probably feels guilty that he betrayed his ex or feel that he is not into you.
I suggest you start heeling and move... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wouldn't be sending flowers to his ex girlfriend every year on that date, would he?
Q. I saw that my boyfriend has been forwarding himself an email about a reminder notice to send flowers the last couple of days . I had seen it quickly over his shoulder and then took a peek yesterday which I don't normally do! The flowers were ...
A. 20 November 2013: I would not recommend asking as he will get defensive and not be happy with the fact you snooped and don't trust him. I suggest you find an alternate way of establishing if he is still sending flowers.... (read in full...)
I recently found a bunch on naked pictures of my wife's privates on her phone!
Q. Hello everyone, i need your help...i recently found a bunch on naked pictures of my wifes privates on her phone. we have been married for 9 years and she has never done anything like this. i checked the dates on the pics and they have been take...
A. 20 November 2013: It depends on what you want to do, before confronting her again, you decide whether if this is the end of the marriage. If you are afraid that you do not feel this is conclusive evidence, I suggest you let this go and start closely monitoring her, ... (read in full...)
Haven't seen him for years but I want him to see me now
Q. Hey everyone, When I was 18 I met this guy on a social networking site we spoke for 6 months day in day out and he came to my city to meet,we just kissed nothing else happened..but I must add however superficial this might sound I wasn't a pretty t...
A. 19 November 2013: You want to contact him, because you still have a torch burning for him.
No one would give an "ex" that much thought if they still did not have some feeling. If you like him, go ahead and tell him you are in town, does he want to meet for coff... (read in full...)
Not close to anyone in my family and hate feeling so alone
Q. Hey everyone. I first want to say I appreciate everyone taking their time to read this and give their advice. This is truly a great site. I'm not trying to have a pity party here but this is something I want to get off my chest and maybe even s...
A. 19 November 2013: Honey, you are a good kid, considering the environment you were brought up, you did not get hooked on drugs and alcohol. Even though you may not have family to be there to support you, you still have done well on your own. Does not mean even if you ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend loves me but isnt physically attracted to me
Q. Girlfriend just told me she doesn't find me physically attractive? Said she loves me and is emotionally connected to me, therefore she is into me physically. Said she sees her life with me. But just that it's not a sexual thing. I'm really confused ...
A. 18 November 2013: She basically does not find you attractive but she loves you on an "emotional level". The question I have if she is so in love with u, why the hell would she be okay with you dating other woman while she waits at home. I don't think she is into you, ... (read in full...)
Should I dump my wife? She keeps calling me by her ex's names!
Q. my wife intentionally called me by her ex-husbands name and her ex-fiances name(i caught her texting him later after we were married, she claimed she thought it was his mom)I am having a hard time getting over this. should I dump her?...
A. 18 November 2013: It sounds like your wife is hung up on the past. Calling you the ex fiancé name, texting the "mum". She is not into this relationship.
Or she is bored and seeking attention outside the marriage. You should have one last open talk with her and if t... (read in full...)
How do I realize that marriage isn't as important as I'm making it out to be?
Q. Hello, all. I regularly give advice here, and now I need help myself... In short, how do I let go of the fact that my life partner and myself may never get married? I am in an extremely happy, close (when I let it be, more to come on that), fa...
A. 18 November 2013: Honey, you say it does not matter whether he marries you, but you do care what people think and especially your parents. My counter argument to if the relationship living together is so great why don't just formalise it. As much as people are happy ... (read in full...)
Why is wife hiding her past from me, and has lied about it
Q. why is my wife hiding her past from me? she tells me its my problem, and not hers. she has lied to me over the years about it. we have been married for several years now 31 , while dating she said she was in love with her first, but a ye...
A. 18 November 2013: It sounds like for whatever reason she is not interested in being honest let alone wanting to discuss her past? To avoid her lying can you not let this go, are you unhappy with her, is she not a good wife, do you think she is unfaithful.
If ar... (read in full...)
Should I trust my boyfriend that he didn't cheat?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend rarely goes out drinking but he was out on Saturday night with his (single) friend. I have trust issues and I can get a bit paranoid and jealous.i did the wrong thing and looked at his mobile phone call history.(we live...
A. 18 November 2013: Honey, its hard to tell whether he is speaking the truth. You need to just pay closer attention to him movements, but do not confront him until you are 100% sure. Continuing to question him, will just aggravate the situation, so let this incident ... (read in full...)
Was she so much in love with her ex or she just didn't like me enough?
Q. I was with this girl for a while (almost two months). She liked me but it was kind of flakey; sometimes she was more into me than others. After a while I found out that she was still obssesed with her ex bf after one and a half years (!) of not even ...
A. 18 November 2013: You were the rebound guy, she probably really tried to forget the ex, but her heart is with him. The relationship will not survive as long as she is hung up on the ex. She was never into you and settled because she could not have the ex back.
... (read in full...)
Sister-in-law propositioned me, and I'm tempted ...
Q. Hi I have a dilemma, I don't get on with my sister in law, she is an obnoxious self centred person, a habitual liar, thief and cannot be trusted even slightly. I have tried in the past to give her the benefit of the doubt but have always had my ...
A. 18 November 2013: You want to consider an affair with your wife's sister? Seriously? Then kiss your marriage goodbye. Think about it this woman you describe a a liar and thief, well next you can add blackmail to her character as she has no morals, and she will then ... (read in full...)
Fears that if I don't put the Spark back in our Relationship I'm Going to Lose Him.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. Things have been going really well, especially the past year and a half. I've accepted that he's a bit of a "commitment phobic" but we've seemed to work past that, and I've felt that we can work through ...
A. 15 November 2013: Then its time for you, to stop doing the work and trying to keep the relationship going.
Stop calling and messaging him as he does not seem that keen to keep contact. Let him reach out to you.... (read in full...)
Does he like me? Very close contact left me shaken
Q. There's this guy that I really like in my music class. He's really shy and he's never had a girlfriend but he is possibly the nicest person I have ever met. I asked him once if he wanted to go out somewhere a few months ago and he politely said that ...
A. 15 November 2013: Don't read into anything, yes as much as we would love this little display to be what we want. You have asked him out and he politely declined. He needs to do lot more than touching your music instrument , like ask you out.
Its just not worth se... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is still contacting her ex! It really hurts me!
Q. Dear agony aunts, Once again I need your advice. We've been in a relationship for 3 years, and as of July 2013, we live together. When we started dating, my girlfriend told me that her ex was calling her stuff and making threats. I took no part i...
A. 15 November 2013: Hi, sorry to tell you but she is still hung up on her ex and you are the back up plan. Nothing will change and seems like the ex likes the attention he gets and keeps her hanging. She also was prepared to risk everything for him by not respecting ... (read in full...)
I have a second chance with my ex but its on harsh terms- should I go for it?
Q. Hey all Its day 4 post breakup here, i havent started 'no contact' we are still talking every night all night (i know this is not the way to go) Our split was down to distance..5 years in an LDR with neither of us willing to give up our jobs ...
A. 15 November 2013: I think you need to decide do you love her? If so then take the risk, also see if you can commit to a short term lease, so it leaves you with options.
Goodluck
... (read in full...)
She lies to me a lot. It's confusing me. Can I trust her? Is there a future for us together?
Q. I am stuck and confused. Should I leave my long distance girlfriend of 7 months? So here my story goes.. I like and love this girl a lot, as we were classmates earlier for a year then she took admission somewhere and me somewhere else. We ...
A. 15 November 2013: Hi, she is not into you, you are probably a fall back plan or a comfort for her. This is not said to hurt you, but you are wasting your time with this woman and she appears to be easily taken with men that give her attention.
Before she breaks y... (read in full...)
Too soon to move on?
Q. Hi there. I'm 20 and 2 1/2 months ago my boyfriend of 2 years dumped me. He said he loves me and is happy with me but I'm not "the one". We never had any big arguments but he said we "aren't right" for each other. At first I was really upset but the ...
A. 15 November 2013: 1 month or 2 months is not a deciding factor as to when you sleep with a guy. You need to be comfortable and you will know when you are ready. No such thing as unfair to make him wait. If he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will wait ... (read in full...)
He suggested I share the cost of having his vasectomy reversed
Q. Is it wrong of me to feel like he shouldn't expect me to chip in for the cost of his vasectomy reversal? Things have been getting serious with my boyfriend, we've talked about marriage/kids/etc. He had a vasectomy about 8 years ago. I've read t...
A. 13 November 2013: Don't pay unless you are married. Well you certainly did not ask him to have the vasectomy! I find his request strange, especially if there is not even an engagement ring on your finger. If you don't want to upset him, just tell him when you get ... (read in full...)
Is my fear of us ending our relationship irrational?
Q. I am in deep love with my boyfriend. We've known each other for five years but I only started dating him four months ago. And I love him. In the past it has been extremely difficult for me to be romantically attracted to someone. At one point, my...
A. 13 November 2013: Hi, Its perfectly normal to feel a bit insecure. However don't allow him to say or do anything that adds to your insecurity as that will destroy you as a person. Further, never confess your insecurities as generally its human nature to use it as a ... (read in full...)
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