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... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
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What happened with this guy? What changed?
Q. Dear Cupid, i'd like to ask for an advice. There's this guy that i'm dating for a m0nth n0w. He's my co worker, same c0mpany but different department. I enjoyed his c0mpany and i fell in love with him without him kn0wing. I'm hurting right n0w coz ...
A. 12 September 2013: Meet him without setting any expectations to avoid disappointment. He seems decent to want to explain, hear him out, either way you will know where you stand. Hope it works the way you want.... (read in full...)
Our first anniversary is here and he has porn on his phone and a hidden facebook account, I feel disgusted!
Q. My husband has been good to me in the past 12 months of our marriage however, i have recently found him out to be having pornography (pictures) in his cell phone and he also keeps a facebook account he told me he lost some two years back. His sole ...
A. 12 September 2013: Porn, seems acceptable, lesser of 2 evils, either another woman or just some strange woman pictures. The Facebook account, I would create a fake account, invite random people to look like its not a set up, invite him on face book, then ask him on a ... (read in full...)
How can you just not care if your partner had orgazm or not
Q. I am in my early thirties, met a guy in his late 30s. Went on a date several times and we had sex. It was so lousy that I am not sure that i want to see him again. I would understand if it was someone young and inexperienced, but he was married, now ...
A. 11 September 2013: I am not sure what you are asking as you seem to have made up your mind. If you want to give it another go, tell him what he needs to do to please you including directing him. The question is , is he worth the patience and extra effort in bed.
... (read in full...)
Is it alright to date my ex's friend? I don't want to look like a floozy!
Q. I dated this guy for a month. Things were really intense and went really fast. We work together and when we thought management found out he ran. We had a very bad breakup. I was really upset he dropped me so fast. We fought for a while but have now ...
A. 11 September 2013: Well, the best way to find out, is to hold off having sex with is friend for at least three months and if he is still around, he is really interested in you. You will have to stop contact with the ex.... (read in full...)
GF left me for another guy wants me back the NEXT DAY after having sex with him
Q. gf of 1.5 yrs dumps me over txt saying she needs time to "think about what she wants". shows up 3 days later drunk on my doorstep crying admitting she F***ed some dude at her gym but it meant nothing and she wants me back. i tell her to F*** off....
A. 11 September 2013: Hi, you cannot go with her appearing to be "distant", you agreed to give this relationship another chance, its best you talk to understand if there is a problem.
I can understand your concern and fears and this will not go away anytime soon, un... (read in full...)
I'm worried that I've inadvertently become a friend with benefits, and it isn't a label that I like or think I deserve
Q. Hi all, hoping for some impartial advice! A guy approached me on a night out and asked for my number. Was bit out of blur but he was cute so I said yes. He messaged me quite a bit and we arranged to meet for a drink. We were out with our groups of ...
A. 11 September 2013: He could be feeling the same way, that is you are not that into him. I suggest give him a call and see if he can meet for a cup of coffee and have an open chat. Tell him you would like to be official. Worst he says he is not ready. You cannot sit by ... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend saw me with my new friend!
Q. I was in a relationship for a year and I recently broke up with her. Its been about two weeks and we only talked once. I broke up with her because she cheated on me. She blacked out and I guess from what she told me she made out with another guy ...
A. 11 September 2013: I think you are not over the ex and are using this current GF to get over , this is a rebound relationship. You still love and care for the ex or you would not bother about the fact she saw you with this new GF. Further its not fair to the current ... (read in full...)
My friends and family are judging me for having a relationship with a man who is my mother's age
Q. I'm in a relationship with a man that is much older than me. I just turned 18 and I recently met this guy that is 37 years old. He has a son that is 2 years older than me and he is not married. I strongly believe that age is just a number. All my f...
A. 11 September 2013: Hi,I dated a guy not 19 years older than me but 10. I loved him too and generally people cant understand why you want to be with an older guy. Its simple, they are mature, make you feel loved and can be very understanding. You need to be mature if ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex wife plays a huge part in his family life, whereas I'm ignored.
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year, we recently moved in together, and I have a good relationship with his children from his previous marriage. He is 12 years older then me, and even though he is divorced and has ...
A. 11 September 2013: Firstly you BF is trying to be supportive, but careful you don't border on being a nagging GF. With regard to the ex, as soon as she starts talking about herself, steer the conversation and focus on the kids, this way you cannot be accused of being ... (read in full...)
What happened with this guy? What changed?
Q. Dear Cupid, i'd like to ask for an advice. There's this guy that i'm dating for a m0nth n0w. He's my co worker, same c0mpany but different department. I enjoyed his c0mpany and i fell in love with him without him kn0wing. I'm hurting right n0w coz ...
A. 10 September 2013: I agree with Honeypie, go ahead and give him a call to see if you can clear the air. If this fails, let it go as you will be seen as stalking him.
Hope you get a positive response.... (read in full...)
Why did my sincere love for her wind up with me in such pain?
Q. I think have posted abut my problem many times but this one is different related to my Ex American wife. I met here through internet and she came to Pakistan and we married here. She applied for spouse visa for me in the US and close to my ...
A. 10 September 2013: You need to stop all contact. Not even follow her on facebook. You will not heal and move on as long as you continue to follow up on her life. Yes its not easy but its possible.
You were not meant to be and its an end of a chapter, however ... (read in full...)
He's not that close to this girl who he used to have a crush on, so why did he get up at 5.30am to meet her at the airport?
Q. Hi everyone! I love my boyfriend we get on but sometimes he drives me crazy! We have been together 4 yrs and live together, he has a few friends but hes really close to this family who have 2 daughters! He was in the same year at school with one ...
A. 9 September 2013: Sounds like he is defensive and will continue to go the extra mile for this family. I would use womanly instincts and attend all meetings with this family so they get the message you are in for the long haul. I would also make sure that I keep my BF ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is clearly attracted to my friend and its starting to bother me, what should I do?
Q. I have a dilemma. My boyfriend and I have been together just over 2 years and in the last 6 months we've been spending a lot of time with another couple. One of my close friends got with a friend of his so we spend a lot of time together the 4 of ...
A. 6 September 2013: He has a major crush/interest in your friend. Sorry but you came here to hear the truth.
You need a break from this relationship. You are not second best and don't let him make you feel that way. No point discussing or fighting over it as it will ... (read in full...)
We really like each other, but he dated my friend in high school? What should I do?
Q. I've known this man since high school. We had casually talked and flirted while in school, and even after we graduated, but nothing ever happened. Then a few weeks ago, I happened to see him on a dating site I was on, so I sent him a message. We ...
A. 6 September 2013: Go for it. You both adults and she cannot be a factor in who you date. But seriously this friend has deeper issues, why would her not seeing you send her into depression? Her life and your life cannot revolve around one another. Its got be a ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke things off and says he needs person time. How much time does he need?
Q. My boyfriend and i broke up saturday due to me bitching, complaining and naging about everything every day we lived together but he ended up moving out and staying with his friend. he keeps saying over and over that he needs time for his self, i ...
A. 6 September 2013: If there is any hope of salvaging this relationship, you need to stop contacting him. This relationship is either over or the BF genuinely needs a break from the unhealthy relationship?
You need to give him the space and not send him and messages... (read in full...)
Friend from childhood resurfaced. He's married and we started an affair. How can I end it?
Q. I'm a separated mom of 3 girls. In early May of this year, my childhood friend started coming around me and my kids. At first it was just casual visits and then he started making advances which I was totally against. I made it clear to him that we ...
A. 5 September 2013: Hi, I am with SVC, tell him to make a decision and either leave you or divorce the wife. It is unfair to the wife that he is married to her but in love with another woman. That marriage will never work but he needs to have the courage to make a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied to me about his past and his sex life and I don't know how much to believe him now.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. Things have been fabulous, we’re looking at getting engaged soon. However, there are some things which are bothering me and I need some men’s opinions on this. I was a virgin when I met him b...
A. 5 September 2013: He lied which is wrong, does not justify it but seems like he was not prepared to lose you.
You say that you believe in only having sex with the one man the one you plan to marry. Assume you break up with this BF, this belief will no longer h... (read in full...)
He used me but I still can't get over him
Q. So, I'll cut to the chase as quickly as possible, and i'm not trying to sound desperate if it comes off that way. This boy I've liked for almost a year is just absolutely amazing. But i found out some things about last year that is too much to ...
A. 3 September 2013: Just stop paying or buying him things and he will do the job for you, making you accept that he is using you and disappear from your life.... (read in full...)
How do I get over the resentment I feel for my partner/baby's father of nearly 3 years who has never offered to marry me to this day?
Q. I am with my bf nearly 3 years now and I am upset that he has never to this day offered me marriage. I hate to sound demanding by writing that and I really don't know why this starts to bother me so much as it never bothered me this much before!! I ...
A. 2 September 2013: You guys sound like an old married couple, that is generally what happens when we forget to do things as a couple and focus only on family.
To stimulate the relationship, set aside date night once a week, maybe movie, ice cream or a quiet night fo... (read in full...)
I like her, but she is going through a divorce and I'm confused
Q. I'll try to make this quick. I'm 33, I met this girl(mid 30's) who I would see occasionally at her work when I stopped by there. I'm kinda shy and she was always busy so we didn't talk much. I got her number, texted her but her responses seemed ...
A. 2 September 2013: Hi, you need to stop asking her out as she is not giving you a positive answer. If is interested in you she will make some attempt. Sit back and look at this situation, you seem to be doing all the contact and she appears to be polite or just gently ... (read in full...)
Should I accompany my boyfriend, who will leave for another country for 13 months?
Q. Hi, Not sure if you can help me but I need some advice. I was married for 5 years and then divorced (married a bad man) anyway didn't think I would find someone so soon after but I did. I met my current BF 1 year after my divorce was final. Anywa...
A. 2 September 2013: Hi, you are making a huge sacrifice for this man, you cannot be faulted for being in love, however would he do the same for you? If you agree what is he willing to do for you? Why is LDR not an option, can he not trust himself? Does he not love you ... (read in full...)
Should I cut ties with my friend so her brother (my ex) will accept her again?
Q. I never really got over my ex boyfriend when he broke up with me. It's been 5 years since we split and he is marrying the woman he started dating right after we broke up. We had dated for almost 4 years and planned on marriage. About 6 months before ...
A. 2 September 2013: I think its the fact that you never got closure on the relationship that you are still caught up in the past, also the fact that you keep in contact with some family members, its your way of not letting go.
Have you ever tried calling him, or ... (read in full...)
Help with boyfriend please. He's been increasingly distant, with no contact for past 5 days.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He's 35 and I'm 31. We don't live together but see each other a few times a week and will stay over at the other's house on the weekends. Things the last 6 months or so have been so horrible. We basicall...
A. 2 September 2013: Its time for you both to take a break from the relationship. Yes it hurts but it will get better. If you go back to him, don't expect anything to change as you will been seen as desperate and he will walk all over you.
Sometimes people just nee... (read in full...)
Creepy Guy: Ignore or Confront?
Q. Almost all of my friends are males. Most of them also work in my department at work. Usually this has never, ever been a problem. However one of my male friends just... can't take a hint. I'm not interested! A few months back he told me that he ...
A. 29 August 2013: "poor guy" just want to get your attention and unfortunately it is irritating you. I would ignore it and make an excuse to keep conversations short. Should you confront him, I think the situation could get worst. Better still if you have a BF or ... (read in full...)
Think he's a got a old crush to keep an eye on! Insecure and need advice!
Q. Hi guys! I have a great long term BF (4yrs) who treats me right, but I can’t help the fact that he really only makes friends with girls. He says his friendships are plutonic and harmless, but another girl has re-entered the picture who seems to ...
A. 28 August 2013: hi, from what you said I gather you have had this chat with your BF and also about your insecurity. The reality is that he does not treasure his relationship with you and is willing to risk everything over this "friend". You are correct it is not ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's adult son moved in, uses my car, doesn't contribute
Q. My boyfriend let his 23 year old son move in with us 3 days a week. He has a place with his girlfriend but instead of going to junior college near where they live he picked a college that is 25 miles north of us. We live 70 miles north of them. The ...
A. 28 August 2013: No point talking to your BF as I assume its his house and he will put his son before you. You need to accept you are financially dependent on the BF and he has every right to let his son use the car and his house within his rules and not yours. I am ... (read in full...)
Why do men go to men caves unannounced, go no contact, leaving women worrying?
Q. I posted an issue on the site a few days ago. The link is provided. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-are-soulmates-but-now-hes-ignoring-me.html If you are unable to access it through the link it is under the archive of August 19th and i...
A. 28 August 2013: Don't contact him again. He is ignoring you and is a coward for not clearing things up with you. He is best forgotten and move on to someone that can love and appreciate you.... (read in full...)
Friend of my ex was put up to break my heart! How do I get over this?
Q. Hey everyone, About 2 years ago,I met this guy at my gym we had the same trainer we started talking,hit it off,he asked me out but from the very start I wasn't looking for anything serious,I made it clear to him..he fell in love with me things g...
A. 28 August 2013: Sorry that your ex was such an ass. Trust me this guy that played you, will always live with the guilt and certainly not forget the relationship. He is not worth it and remember he had to feel something or he would not just have been intimate. I ... (read in full...)
Emotional affair that I'm having trouble getting over
Q. I was in a long distance relationship and at this time I met another guy I had a crush on. Since it was just a crush, I never mentioned it to him and we became friends. The more we got to know each other, the more I realized he was recovering from a ...
A. 28 August 2013: Hi, you cannot be true to your marriage and your husband as long as you have feelings for another guy. Have you wrote a list of pros and cons on both men and figured what about them attracts you.
When you realised you had feelings for this fri... (read in full...)
My wife came back to me after an affair but she's pregnant and I don't know if it's mine
Q. My wife left me for another man last year, she was carrying this hidden affair for a while. I was clueless or chose to be blind about it. She broke my heart because I really do love her, I tried really hard to get her to come back and she did. She ...
A. 27 August 2013: Do not stay in a relationship where you cannot accept the child, it is unfair on you and on the kid who will be a consistent reminder of your wife being unfaithful. I also do not believe its fair to ask your wife to chose you or the kid, the kid get ... (read in full...)
What should I do with an old jealous ex I shared 6 years of my life with?
Q. I dated my ex for a little over six years before I'd had enough of his pessimism and serious lack of a sex drive (believe me, I tried everything to keep him happy and satisfied). Honestly, there wasn't a lot of give and take involved. Clearly, he ...
A. 27 August 2013: Hi, sounds like you still have feelings for the ex, read your last line again. The question is are you willing to risk losing this wonderful new guy over a possibly changed ex?
The reason he became your ex and why now when you finally meet som... (read in full...)
I have a girlfriend and a friend with benefits. What am I going to do?
Q. I think I'm in love with 2 girls. I have a girlfriend but lately I've been getting close with a friend of mines. Myself and my friend are what you could call friends with benefits. She doesn't know that i have a girlfriend though, and I'm starting ...
A. 23 August 2013: You need to let both these woman go and figure out what you really want. Its not fair to either one of them and if you get caught you just might lose the woman you really love. Its great to have two people stoking your ego but when reality settle ... (read in full...)
Why is this old flame from the past still playing on my mind?
Q. I have been with my partner for a over a year and a half, we're happy together and we're planning a future together now. So why can't I get my ex boyfriend out of my head? I had a few relationships in the past and don't give any of my other exes a ...
A. 23 August 2013: Some times a person can have a profound effect on us that we cannot just simply close the chapter. It does not mean you have to live in past. As long as your past does not affect your current relationship. Having said that you should also not be ... (read in full...)
I've been involved with a guy from work who also has a girlfriend. Things were great but I feel like he's backing off. How can I keep him interested?
Q. I've been seeing a guy from work for a while, i started there in April and I've had so much fun working with him and flirting away. We get on great! The flirting increased about two months ago and we started sending dirty texts and pics, which ...
A. 22 August 2013: Hi, it was a fling for him, and the novelty has worn off. There is nothing you can do to keep him. YOu were too easy for him and he is now off to explore other options. Sorry you will have to let him go or will be seen as desperate and stalking him. ... (read in full...)
I once let a guy film us having sex, which he then showed to his friends. I'm dating someone new and I'm not sure whether I should tell him about this incident.
Q. Once in my past, I let a guy that I trusted briefly film us having sex. He then showed it to a few of his friends, and for some reason I didn't stop him. I told him no, that I didn't want him to, but he did anyways and I just didn't know what to do ...
A. 22 August 2013: Hi, say it to him the way you wrote it. Also if you think this relationship is long term , then tell him as you don't want him to feel like you had something to hide.
Goodluck and don't allow another camera in your room.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend forgot my birthday and I'm furious
Q. My boyfriend of eight months forgot my birthday. First of all he knew my birthday was coming up and I had to ask him if we would have plans. He needed time to think about it and suggested that I might have plans with my friends. So I followed up ...
A. 22 August 2013: Hi, the only time I forgot a person's birthday was a guy I dated and was not that into him. I was immature and did not consider how that would hurt a persons feeling. I would suggest you rethink your relationship, because you did remind him and he ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend forgot my birthday and I'm furious
Q. My boyfriend of eight months forgot my birthday. First of all he knew my birthday was coming up and I had to ask him if we would have plans. He needed time to think about it and suggested that I might have plans with my friends. So I followed up ...
A. 22 August 2013: Hi, the only time I forgot a person's birthday was a guy I dated and was not that into him. I was immature and did not consider how that would hurt a persons feeling. I would suggest you rethink your relationship, because you did remind him and he ... (read in full...)
He says he can't marry me because of his parents but we are intimate. Should I stop this?
Q. Well I don't know from where do I start. I'm in a very difficult condition to be understood by anyone. My story has started one year back when I kissed him for the first time. It's not that I haven't kissed any guy before him but with him something ...
A. 21 August 2013: Hi, you are worried about leaving him and when he marries someone of his parents choice and leave you, how will that make you feel? Will you then worry is his wife sleeping with him?
You are really setting yourself up for serious heartach... (read in full...)
He's with me only because she wouldn't take him back
Q. Hi I'd love some advice please as I'm heartbroken and confused right now. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. After a year together, he broke up with me because he said he wanted to be single and go travelling. I was devastated but t...
A. 19 August 2013: Hi, its a difficult situation and its not fair. The question is can you settle for being second choice? Also can you trust that should his ex come back , he will not pack up and leave? Can you trust him?
If there is an element of doubt regardin... (read in full...)
I can't shake the feeling that she cheated on me
Q. think my girlfriend cheated on me but she denies it. She had a very dramatic event occur in her life and had to go stay with family friends for a couple of months. The family had a son near her age who she opennly admitted she found attractive. ...
A. 16 August 2013: I can understand your doubts if she lied about being friends and the fact they did hand out, your GF chose to lie and this resulted in the doubts that you now have. It seems like you will never know and that will create a strain the relationship. ... (read in full...)
I regret breaking up with my girl, now I want to make up with her
Q. I think I made a mistake in ending my relationship with a girl who was deeply in love with me. I had reasons but did not make it known to her. She was quiet confused, but just agreed for our separation. I'd love to make up with her but will she be ...
A. 16 August 2013: Hi, you can call her and ask her to meet for coffee. If she accepts the invite that can be a start to try and get her back.... (read in full...)
My parents gave me up to foster care and it seems no one is on my side
Q. I want a normal life style but yah right! I'm not a normal kid like everybody else. My parents gave up on me! 7 years ago me and my brothers and sisters got taken away by foster care. I had to grow up fast and see and hear things that a lil one ...
A. 13 August 2013: Honey, if you are in a stable foster care, ignore everything around you and use this as a means to better yourself, nothing is more powerful that getting an education and having your independence. Also not everything is greener on the other side. ... (read in full...)
He says he can't marry me because of his parents but we are intimate. Should I stop this?
Q. Well I don't know from where do I start. I'm in a very difficult condition to be understood by anyone. My story has started one year back when I kissed him for the first time. It's not that I haven't kissed any guy before him but with him something ...
A. 25 July 2013: Hi, he has told you he will not marry you, why did you not break things off completely. You are now in sexual relationship and nothing will come of it. Remember don't see things that are not there, when he said he will not marry you he was speaking ... (read in full...)
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