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... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
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Is my fear of us ending our relationship irrational?
Q. I am in deep love with my boyfriend. We've known each other for five years but I only started dating him four months ago. And I love him. In the past it has been extremely difficult for me to be romantically attracted to someone. At one point, my...
A. 13 November 2013: Hi, Its perfectly normal to feel a bit insecure. However don't allow him to say or do anything that adds to your insecurity as that will destroy you as a person. Further, never confess your insecurities as generally its human nature to use it as a ... (read in full...)
A beauty you fancy turned out to have had major plastic surgery done. Would it bother you?
Q. Right so this is a toughie. I'm hoping you guys can help me...cause I really need it!! I met a girl several weeks ago at a club. A real stunner. Beautiful green eyes, blonde hair, lovely figure, very high cheekbones, full lips. She was chatting...
A. 13 November 2013: Don't let it bother you. Question is would you still have dated this woman before her surgery, if yes, then its the same person.... (read in full...)
Nutjob? A-hole? Relationship-phobe? He's just not that into me? A relationship he hasn't told me about?
Q. I recently met up with someone I had been involved with abroad. We hadn't done the long distance thing and just said we'd see what happened when I got back to town (after him). We spent a day together on the weekend, having lunch (he shouted), ...
A. 12 November 2013: Best put this down as part of experience and close this chapter of your life, if not you will always second guess what he feels for you and why he behaves or don't behave in a certain way.... (read in full...)
Now that I'm losing him I realize that he's great
Q. where to I start? i meet one of my brother-in-law's friends earlier this year. He tried to get with me but at the time i wasn't interested. After a few months I decided to called him. we were talking for a month or so. by the way i live in usa and ...
A. 8 November 2013: Honey, he is not into you and you were just a trophy. He has no called and responded to your messages. Let him go. I don't think you into him either, its more of wanting something you cant have.
Its time to put this down to a one night stand an... (read in full...)
I'm very confused by these lingering feelings for my ex! How should I handle this?
Q. hi, need some help here please. its been 5 years since my ex and I parted (we were each others first loves) as he had a year-long commitment to concentrate on but he told me he will come back to me after that, which he did. but I rejected h...
A. 8 November 2013: You are not in love with your current BF, he is there because its all you can have for the moment.
You have serious unresolved feelings for your ex and you never had closure because it appears that there was never a real reason to actually... (read in full...)
My friend and my husband are flrting and texting. Please help!
Q. My friend and my husband have been flirting with each other for some time. Texting each other a lot. Her son is also a friend of my son so the situation is very delicate. I noticed my husband watching her if we were in company and following her ...
A. 7 November 2013: Oh this is simple, you tell your husband that you will respond to her messages as him and then you mention how much he loves u and how fantastic a wife he has, all the things another woman don't want to hear about his wife.
Take it one step fur... (read in full...)
Advise on friends with benefits, please. I have no one to talk to about this.
Q. So if you read my previous post some months ago a guy I am very interested in gave me his number, I texted him went out a few times and within a week of going out we became physical. But now am totally heart broken because after our first time tog...
A. 7 November 2013: You want to know what he feels for you, stop sleeping with him and tell him you want to be properly courted and introduced to friends and family as his GF. You will then know where you stand.
Continuing to sleep with him , will leave you with a b... (read in full...)
I want to tell him to stop contacting me because I feel like he is playing with my heart, does he miss me or is he just saying hi?
Q. A guy I met broke up with me and said he doesn't know what he wants. he said he is lost. I asked to help him and he said no. I decided to accept it and now after almost two week no contact he texted me out of the blue and said "hope everything good ...
A. 31 October 2013: Hi, just ignore his messages and he will stop. There is not need to respond and you don't owe him anything. Ig you want to heal stop all contact irrespective of him initiating the contact.... (read in full...)
Will taking this break help?
Q. My fiance and I are on a break to give us time to think and figure things out. He didnt want to take time out but I forced it because we constantly kept fighting and he constantly broke his promise never to get angry at me over small things. And ...
A. 30 October 2013: This relationship sounds there is too much drama. If you guys have broken up before and patched up, only after he does the chasing, sounds like you enjoy him chasing after you?
When you take a break, its to figure out what you want from the rela... (read in full...)
I don't want to let go of my ex ... what do his recent actions mean?!
Q. I fell for a guy just over a year ago and we got together, we were together for a couple of months and everyday he would message me 24/7 and I would message him back, we'd talk until all hours of the morning until one of us fell asleep. It was ...
A. 29 October 2013: Honey, he is playing games, running hot and cold with you. Time to move on and stop all contact with this loser. You deserve better and he is not the one. Remember your dad saw through him now you need to see him for what he is and stop thinking ... (read in full...)
My husband told me he was in love with another woman
Q. I do not know where to even go with this. My husband and his step-sister sat me down and informed me that they have been in love for over 30 years and that they would be together right now except they promised her dad that they would not. My ...
A. 24 October 2013: Walk from this marriage and screw him for every cent. Is that not what he did to your life, screwed it up by not being honest about being in love with another woman and the entire marriage was a lie! You deserve better, so don't try fighting for a ... (read in full...)
Do I struggle to stay and finish my course and graduate with my friends or do I take a year off? Help!
Q. I need some serious honest advice, i'm having to make the biggest decision and I'm stuck. My whole life plan has been ruined by something major and I didn't prepare myself for the outcome of changing plans. I had an accident over summer which mea...
A. 18 October 2013: Honey, if you can cope I would recommend completing the studies. Stats has shown that people that take a break rarely ever go on to complete their education.... (read in full...)
The man I secretly love finally made out with me while drunk but doesn't remember it
Q. Being the only Asian girl in a small Midwestern town, I got picked on a lot while I was growing up. It didn’t help that I was small, mousy-looking and extremely shy. I also had a bad case of buck teeth and had to wear these huge, hideous looking ...
A. 17 October 2013: Its time you tell him how you feel, or regret it when he ends up with someone else.
You have nothing to lose, so stop lying to him and yourself that you are his best friend.
Worst case he is not interested and you can then move on and stop... (read in full...)
Do I chase my dream or give it up for my boyfriend?
Q. Hi there...i had posted a question about my boyfriend getting depressed since he didn't get placed and all..my dream company will be hiring freshers from my campus next week and I was dying for them to come..now my bf is asking me not to attend the ...
A. 17 October 2013: Go for your dream and its is healthier for the relationship that you do not work in the same company as your BF. Also this is clearly reflected by the first step where he is scared that you will succeed where he has failed.... (read in full...)
FWB guys says that I'm not intellectually compatible with him. What do I do?
Q. I am currently in FWB with my best friend for a year. We know each other for long and i love him a lot, he does too. But he is not making our relationship official as he says he is not into relationship stuff. He is not seeing anyone i.e. not ...
A. 17 October 2013: Hi
He seems to either think of you more than an FWB and made the comment about not being intellectually compatible as he was not referring to you when he was talking about woman that enter into FWB relationship.
However having said that, the o... (read in full...)
FWB guys says that I'm not intellectually compatible with him. What do I do?
Q. I am currently in FWB with my best friend for a year. We know each other for long and i love him a lot, he does too. But he is not making our relationship official as he says he is not into relationship stuff. He is not seeing anyone i.e. not ...
A. 17 October 2013: Hi
He seems to either think of you more than an FWB and made the comment about not being intellectually compatible as he was not referring to you when he was talking about woman that enter into FWB relationship.
However having said that, the o... (read in full...)
She ditched me to hang out with her ex!
Q. Dear Cupid, Its been a long time since I wrote to you (I apologize), and now I am here again asking for help for more of my girl problems. In advance, I apologize for any grammar errors or fallacies since my english writing is not that great. ...
A. 17 October 2013: She is not into you. Stop waiting for something that will not happen and if it does you will be her second choice. She is still hung up on her ex and does not appear to want to let it go.... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend still want to be friends with his ex...and could he still have feelings for her?
Q. Dear cupid, My boyfriend has told me that the break up with his ex girlfriend who cheated still hurts him a lot. (It's been a year since they broke up). Could this mean he's still not over his ex? or is it just that he's not over the hurt it caused ...
A. 3 October 2013: If he is in contact with a woman that betrayed him, its very possible that he still has feelings and there is a risk that they could hook up.
Clearly he is prepared to risk his relationship with you, or he would stop all contact.... (read in full...)
Former FWB situation--am I just too available for him?
Q. I am love with my best friend. I lived with him for a year and helped him through some tough health issues including cancer. We were friends with benefits and had a great time, playing, laughing, teasing. Then a girl came back from his past and was ...
A. 1 October 2013: Best to stop being available and let him realise that you are worth chasing after. If he does not come after you , you know its time to move on.... (read in full...)
Can an affair with a married man ever end happily for the other woman?
Q. Hello everyone. Before I begin, I realize I am opening myself up to a firestorm of very harsh judgment, name calling and comments from Dear Cupid's advice givers and readers. Please do not judge me. We all walk different paths in life and make...
A. 19 September 2013: You need to walk away , it is not easy and not what you want to hear. If you don't, assume the wife finds out, will he stand by you or dump you and apologise to his loving wife and how this affair was just a huge mistake and he never meant it to ... (read in full...)
Do I go on doing my job without justifying? Or do I try confronting her? What's the best strategy?
Q. Hi I started a new job and before we signed the contract, I asked my boss that I do not to wish to do particular tasks at work - which we have discussed at the interview but he forgot all about them once he handded out the tasks...I remind...
A. 18 September 2013: I would be curious as what is the nature of the job, that you don't want to do and the other staff has to do? You cannot go around being critical of your boss, firstly you are new, secondly he has advised the other staff, late but was done.
Also ... (read in full...)
No strings relationship. When is it appropriate for me to contact him?
Q. I started this relationship that is supposed to be no strings attached and we both seem to like each other more than we should. We talk everyday and he usually initiates the conversations. We have only met twice. I have heard nothing from him...
A. 18 September 2013: Don't wait for him to call, you want to call, go ahead and phone him. Just tell him, he came into your thoughts and you wanted to hear his voice. Also you need to find out where you stand especially if you have feelings for him, if he cannot ... (read in full...)
Did I make the right decision? Long distance relationship - decided to cut contact temporarily
Q. For the last almost 2 months, my boyfriend was on a different continent for a work commitment, so there was an 8hour time difference between us. The first month or so was ok, but he was very busy, both with work and he never seemed to miss out on p...
A. 18 September 2013: It appears that your lives are at different paths. Your BF takes this opportunity to enjoy life and his new found freedom/adventure. You are stuck in the past and the relationship you had which you pine for.
Time to start living and not make you... (read in full...)
In a Long term relationship but tempted by others. How do I cope with my curiosity over this temptation?
Q. Dear aunts/uncles I have just started college in a different city and I moved from my rented apartment which I share with my bf of six years. I love him dearly and taking on my new course was a challenge, as I had to leave everthing I knew...
A. 18 September 2013: For you to want to consider other options, means you are not satisfied with your BF.
If you are truly in love and want a life together, the lack of experience or adventure would not in the least bother you.
People have dated one person and m... (read in full...)
Two guys. Which date to cancel? Considering the circumstances?
Q. Hey, I seem to have gotten myself caught up in a very odd situation. So, let me start off by saying that I had my boyfriend for 4 months, then we broke up, except it wasn't a clean break up. We decided to stay friends, although I only agreed to that ...
A. 18 September 2013: If your BF was unfaithful, and this relationship sounds like it has a history of break up and reconciliation, you are better off ending the relationship and pursuing other options.
You should consider having a healthy relationship than one that... (read in full...)
Two guys. Which date to cancel? Considering the circumstances?
Q. Hey, I seem to have gotten myself caught up in a very odd situation. So, let me start off by saying that I had my boyfriend for 4 months, then we broke up, except it wasn't a clean break up. We decided to stay friends, although I only agreed to that ...
A. 18 September 2013: If your BF was unfaithful, and this relationship sounds like it has a history of break up and reconciliation, you are better off ending the relationship and pursuing other options.
You should consider having a healthy relationship than one that... (read in full...)
Is this where I draw the line, are there 'rules' for when you are told to F yourself?
Q. My boyfriend has said "fuck you" to me at increasing frequency. I remember the first time being offended, he said it with anger towards me in an argument. The next time it made an impression, I remember thinking I was numb to hearing it, and ...
A. 17 September 2013: You did tell him to shut up, yes was disturbing your programm and anyone including myself would have been offended. I am not condoning the language he used but if you are going to be rude , then there is obviously no limit to how far he will be rude ... (read in full...)
Why is she so quiet and boring?
Q. I recently met a beautiful girl that's 10 years younger. Physically, she's perfect but she is extremely quiet on dates. It's very awkward as we never engage in conversations. We can go 2-3 hours without saying much to eachother. I try to sometimes ...
A. 17 September 2013: Sometimes it takes the right person to bring out a persons personality. No one is perfect, I think you need to reach out to her and she will eventually start to enjoy the company and social life. Do be too rash, you maybe losing something that is ... (read in full...)
Why does he say he feels no connection ?
Q. My Bf of 1 year says he feels no connection to me. he says he is not my BF. yet we go out, have sex. We started out wrong with sex. He had a cheating GF that lived with him and since then several years of not dating. Now me.. and he says no c...
A. 17 September 2013: Hi, why are you still with him after what he has told you? You entered a relationship as his GF but he sees you as FWB, loose this guy and find someone that has more respect for you and love you.
This is a dead-end and you will get hurt, remember... (read in full...)
How do I learn to say no to people, especially my so called friends?
Q. I know this is going to sound weird but I always say yes to people even if i don't want to do it. This weekend I'm going away but i don't want to. These people are supposed to be my friends but they are planning against me. They hate my boyfriend ...
A. 13 September 2013: Who needs enemies when you have friends like yours. I would suggest if you cant say no, make an excuse that someone is ill and you cant go. You should consider changing your friends that are true and supportive. Remember friends that are around only ... (read in full...)
People think my guy is so great but they don't see what I see!
Q. Has anybody ever gone through this, or at least seen it happening before? I have what I would call a normally very sweet guy. My family love him and my friends always tell me how lucky I am, and wish they could meet someone like him. They ask why we ...
A. 13 September 2013: Why are you still with him. You will end up losing your confidence and trust in love if you continue to be in an "abusive" relationship. Its time to step up for your self and believe that you deserve better. If anyone says that you are giving up a ... (read in full...)
I feel like this guy somewhat ruined this relationship for me and that she might still be attached to him in some way. Explain this female mind to me!
Q. Ok I really need your guys' insight as to what's going on. So my girlfriend and I have been dating for around a month and a half now, but we've been good friends since freshman year (I'm a senior). Everything's been great, except ever since we ...
A. 13 September 2013: I would take the advise given and would also not have any intimate sessions other than a hug and a peck. If she queries, tell her you love her and will wait for her, but the heavy make out session is on hold as you cannot handle the hot and cold ... (read in full...)
I know I need to let her go because of how she treats me, but I'm in love with her and scared to be without her!
Q. This past week and a half my girlfriend hasn't been acting the same and shes done nothing more than push me away, she picks fights for no reason and no matter what i say i'm a monster, there is no making her happy anymore and when i ask her whats ...
A. 13 September 2013: She is being nasty because she wants to end the relationship, but she wants you to do it so she can come out the victim. The fact that she risked the relationship to contact her ex, tells you that she wants him back.
You really need to walk awa... (read in full...)
Is he just looking for hookups?
Q. I have a question so I met a guy in a dating site three weeks ago we chatted through text for two days and have gone on three dates.. 1st date we went out to eat I picked the place and he paid then we went out for a few drinks near his house s...
A. 12 September 2013: Hi talk to him, and tell him your expectations. He is obviously going on to the dating website to keep his options open or he is seeing other woman. A talk without sex and make out session at a coffee shop is what's required.... (read in full...)
How to tell my sister the disturbing news about her husband that he is player?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need your advice. I had disturbing news about my younger brother-in-law from a friend who works at the same place and I try to digest it. She says that he is a player and emotional seeker. According to her, she plays games to lead the...
A. 12 September 2013: Don't say anything to your sister, however confront your brother in law and tell him you need the air cleared as you have doubts and would like to hear his version. Keep calm, no temper and tantrums just hear him out.
Are you sure your sister's... (read in full...)
Guy not committed?
Q. I started going on dates with this guy in May, and we are still just going on dates. He doesn't call, only texts, to ask me out. In between I don't usually hear from him. But I can just expect him to text once a week. Consistently inconsistent. When ...
A. 12 September 2013: Is it possible that there is a another woman? Usually in a new relationship, the calls and messaging are excessive. I would do some homework before assuming that he is just broke. Usually when there is another woman they keep low profile and less ... (read in full...)
What happened with this guy? What changed?
Q. Dear Cupid, i'd like to ask for an advice. There's this guy that i'm dating for a m0nth n0w. He's my co worker, same c0mpany but different department. I enjoyed his c0mpany and i fell in love with him without him kn0wing. I'm hurting right n0w coz ...
A. 12 September 2013: Meet him without setting any expectations to avoid disappointment. He seems decent to want to explain, hear him out, either way you will know where you stand. Hope it works the way you want.... (read in full...)
Men, what is my ex-FWB thinking after I said goodbye two weeks ago?
Q. I ended 2year "fwb" ... had to walk away! I honestly believed that we met for such great reason, so choosing to end all, for someone I truly liked and cared for hurt. I hadn't heard from him like "normal" and when I sent a casual, "hello' ...
A. 12 September 2013: You are not holding out friendship, you have a false sense of hope that he will reciprocate the feelings and realise what a great opportunity he let go. Don't do that to yourself, close this chapter, you cannot be friends with the man you love, at ... (read in full...)
I've changed so much since I had an abortion!
Q. I had an abortion last year march (please do not jugde me). It was a tough decision. As my boyfriend and I came from a strict family, besides I have just ended by diploma, I was jobless and my boyfriend was in the army serving the nation. There was ...
A. 12 September 2013: I think its the guilt you feel and you are taking it out on everyone around you. You ask us not to judge you and you go to detail to explain the abortion. If you continue this way you will drive your fiancé away. I suggest you get counselling. The ... (read in full...)
Lost my boyfriend and my best friend, I should just let go, shouldn't I?
Q. I had a few posts here and i appreciate the advice i got. This is my last post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/broke-up-with-ex-4-months-ago-and.htm Ive been reading a lot about how to move on. I kept myself busy too, but its extremly difficu...
A. 12 September 2013: Honey, its part of the grieving process, you need to keep busy and focus on everything other than the memories and the good that you remember in a relationship. If he was such a great friend, you would not be in this state. He has moved on, use that ... (read in full...)
Our first anniversary is here and he has porn on his phone and a hidden facebook account, I feel disgusted!
Q. My husband has been good to me in the past 12 months of our marriage however, i have recently found him out to be having pornography (pictures) in his cell phone and he also keeps a facebook account he told me he lost some two years back. His sole ...
A. 12 September 2013: Porn, seems acceptable, lesser of 2 evils, either another woman or just some strange woman pictures. The Facebook account, I would create a fake account, invite random people to look like its not a set up, invite him on face book, then ask him on a ... (read in full...)
What happened with this guy? What changed?
Q. Dear Cupid, i'd like to ask for an advice. There's this guy that i'm dating for a m0nth n0w. He's my co worker, same c0mpany but different department. I enjoyed his c0mpany and i fell in love with him without him kn0wing. I'm hurting right n0w coz ...
A. 10 September 2013: I agree with Honeypie, go ahead and give him a call to see if you can clear the air. If this fails, let it go as you will be seen as stalking him.
Hope you get a positive response.... (read in full...)
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