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... Send *ugarplum786 a private message | | | *ugarplum786's profile:I am no expert but my experience it life allows me help people and also I really love helping people. I live in South Africa, I think the media makes it out to be worst that what it is and I am loyal to my country. I am qualified professional and enjoy the business world, might add still very male dominant.
I am married to a fantastic guy and have two lovely kids. I thnk life is close to perfect and thank God for it. But it was not always perfect as life throws you all kinds of curve balls and one needs to just learn to deal with it and help you grow stronger. |
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Do I keep fighting for love or pull back?
Q. My 9 year relationship with my boyfriend just ended 6 weeks ago. The first 5 years were great. The last 4, not so great. I gained a lot of weight and pushed him away. Wouldn't have sex with him. Wouldn't even let him touch me. I was mean to him. I ...
A. 14 June 2013: Hi, you have out yourself out there and showed him you have changed. I suggest you stop cleeping with him and let him go. You will hurt a lot more when he starts dating someone else.
Also this gives him the opportunity to realise he loves you and ... (read in full...)
Why did I fall out of love with her so drastically?
Q. Why did I change? Why did I fall out of loves with her so drastically? I was in a relationship for just over a 1 1/2 years. I never really felt like she was the right person for me, but I stuck it out because we were having a lot of fun together,...
A. 12 June 2013: You were in love with the idea of loving this "perfect" person, she was not the love of your life. You woke up and realised you want it all, just that you took too long and in the process you also hurt this person - no fault of hers.... (read in full...)
Caught cheating with his ex..what do I do?
Q. My boyfriend and I were having problems because he is obsessed with his cell phone. I broke up with him because nothing else would show him that im serious. well we got back together in a matter of days,decided to work on our problems. and yesterday ...
A. 12 June 2013: You know he was cheating in the begining of the relationship, continue to cheat and you go and fall pregnant with his child?
He is not over his ex and there is a constant pull. You need to now decide if you want to continue a relationship with a c... (read in full...)
I love him but I think he's going back to the woman who cheated on him. How can I prove to him she cheated?
Q. This is really weighing on my heart. I'm confused about whether my friend is going to get back with his ex wife or if he wants to. My big question is, I heard that she has another boyfriend and she cheated when they were married. I feel like it'...
A. 12 June 2013: Sounds like he loves her and wants her back with all her faults. He has also told you he loves you as a friend. You are bordering on becoming obsessive in getting this guy at all cost.
I suggest you start the no contact rule and try moving o... (read in full...)
Our marriage is hanging by a thread. My husband changed his facebook password and won't give it to me!
Q. I need help trying to not let it bother me that my husband changed his fb pass on me and wont give it to me cause i cant trust him. Our marriage is hanging by a thread and im trying really hard to fix this prob. It doesnt help that most people I ...
A. 12 June 2013: You want your marriage, let this go. But remember he is under no obligation to give you his password, however it does sound suspicious that he has something to hide and willing to risk his marriage.
If you are convinced he is upto somethin... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend's constant texting with his ex die down or should I worry?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for around two years and have an apartment together. We have been very happy together. Recently, my boyfriend's ex came back from a study abroad program in Europe. When they split up after dating for 4 years, t...
A. 11 June 2013: You do have a problem that she is making a play for your BF, however the bigger problem is your BF is entertaining her. It will not take long to rekindle with an ex if they had real good chemistry. This is dangerous and it depends on the strength of ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to reconnect with my friend that I haven't talked to in over a year?
Q. I have a really unique situation here. I met this guy more than one year ago on the internet. We were pen pals and wrote back and forth for over 6 months. I was traveling to NYC and we decided to meet for the first time there: best day ever. Two ...
A. 11 June 2013: Contacting is not going to make you feel better. If he wanted to stay in touch or felt the same way about you, he would have reached out to you. Remember you expressed your feelings and he was polite by telling you it will not work out. Honey, just ... (read in full...)
I love flirting with this guy at work? Is it wrong? I am happily married and my husband works at the same place as me.
Q. I am a happily married female. I work in the same department as my husband. However I see him a couple of times throughout the day. He has his own group of friends and I have my group of friends. However I am starting to become very attracte...
A. 7 June 2013: You are threading on very dangerous grounds. Ar eyou open to having an affair, then I suggest you continue flirting. If not then you need to keep away from him and interact if required by work and keep it very very professional. Read the list of ... (read in full...)
Long distance relationship and he says I am demanding?
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship now. We have been apart for about 6 weeks out of the possible 7 months. My boyfriend and I chat on the phone mostly every day. I am in full time uni so I really have to take time out of m...
A. 6 June 2013: Its really simple give him a taste of his own medicine. Stop sending cards, letters and gifts. Dont call dont text.
In order for him to appreciate you he has to value you and by the lack of effort indicates that you are not priority.
You can... (read in full...)
He keeps saying we should meet but never follows through with it
Q. i,ve been talking to a guy on a dating web site for 8 weeks he seems really nice but he keeps saying we should meet but every time i suggest a day or time he can never make it i sent him my mobile but hes never used it what should i do?...
A. 6 June 2013: He is either playing the field or he is married and loves the attention he gets from the website.
Time to move on , if this is so diffivult even before you met imagine what he would be like when u start dating him. Love should not be so hard.... (read in full...)
Should I down play myself? Are men intimidated by me?
Q. So I am a 26 year old female living in the Midwest. I have been single for about a year. I am putting myself out there, going on dates regularly and even do online dating....but still no luck. It seems the guys that like me, I don't like...and the ...
A. 6 June 2013: You must not be totalling controlling directing what happens in the date, let the guy do the initiation and feel the need to lead and win your attention. As the previous aunt said talk less and remain a mystery so the person is intrigued.
I als... (read in full...)
Would it be a bad idea for me to continue dating this guy who lives with another female?
Q. Hey everyone I have a question. Would it be a bad idea for me to continue dating this guy who lives with another female? I've been dating a guy who's roommate is his best friend and it's a female. He jokes around saying he loves her and that she's ...
A. 6 June 2013: No need to walk away as long as she know u are his GF? On casual coversations ask him she has a BF and has he ever been interested in her.
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It appears if he wanted to date her/sleep with her they are already living together so why wud he want ... (read in full...)
Is it common that I can't orgasm? I'm only 18
Q. Hi people. I am 18, I want to know if it is common for a woman not to be able to orgasm at my age? Or feel that cumming sensation without helping my self during sex? My boyfriend says it's weird and it hasn't happened with any of his ex's. It's ...
A. 6 June 2013: The aunts have advised you correctly. Also you might want try sex just after your periods as woman are most fertile and turned on easily, it also depends how much time the BF spends pleasuring you, tell him to focus on you as this time its about you ... (read in full...)
Please have dinner ready by 8:30 he asks me, but can't be bothered to let me know he'll be late?
Q. My boyfriend of 5 years asked me to cook dinner for him and his brother after his soccer game. Please have it ready by 8:30 he said. So off he goes. I had to race home from errands to have it done by then. 9 pm comes along and he finally calls to ...
A. 5 June 2013: Sounds like he threatens you with breaking up if you dont do as he pleases. I suggest you start ensuring you are independant so he can get the message that you are under no obligation to him to be his maid.
I assume the home is not yours, y... (read in full...)
Advice on getting him out of my head needed!
Q. So I have liked this guy for 9 months now and I can't seem to get him. ut of my head. He has a girlfriend or did last time I knew, she said how she was moving back to where she's from. And i'm not sure if he's going with her or not. He lives in on...
A. 4 June 2013: Move on to greener pasteurs, not somes BF, that just spells heartache.... (read in full...)
Please have dinner ready by 8:30 he asks me, but can't be bothered to let me know he'll be late?
Q. My boyfriend of 5 years asked me to cook dinner for him and his brother after his soccer game. Please have it ready by 8:30 he said. So off he goes. I had to race home from errands to have it done by then. 9 pm comes along and he finally calls to ...
A. 4 June 2013: I agree with you especially since I also work, if my husband indicated that he was brining guests at a certain time that I inconveniced myself to make diner, a lame excuse that he did not want to distrupt his conversation to let me know not to ... (read in full...)
Do you think he's ignoring me because I refused his marriage proposal?
Q. Hello, I am going to try to keep this short. So there's this guy. November last he asked for my hand in marriage with my bro in law. i did not know the boy then. I had never seen him. However, since my parents want me to pursue my further edu...
A. 4 June 2013: Whose ego would not be hurt after being refused a girls hand in marriage.
If you really really want this guy, I would suggest you get a common friend to indicate that you are interested and explain that you had no idea about the proposal and you ... (read in full...)
Its over btwn us but I can't break the communication. Please advise?
Q. I had a long distance relationship with a woman who I started dating from the time I was served for divorce 9 months ago. While we both know the relationship is now over I am having a hard time breaking all communication with her. I know she is not ...
A. 4 June 2013: You are not weak just human. Its is diffuclt to break familiarity / habit.
I advise you delay calling her or texting her till the moument has passed.
It will take time, dont be too hard on yourself. Also try keeping busy or distracting your... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about my older sister? Or is it too soon?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a month now,we are exclusive and it was love for him from the very start and he has expressed quite a number of times both thru words and actions how he feels for me,I haven't told him those three 'magic words' ...
A. 3 June 2013: I dont think what your sister did is relevant to yor relationship. I personally would not mention it as its not right to wash other people dirty laundry in public, be it your sister.
People make mistakes we all do, but we dont have to tell it ... (read in full...)
Should I contact my ex to see if he is ok even though he disappeared out of my life with no reason?
Q. My ex and I broke up 7 months ago. We only dated for 6 months and he was having a terrible time from the 2nd month we were dating and onwards. His ex-wife was demanding money, his father died and he moved house all in the space of a month (that wa...
A. 31 May 2013: No point contacting him he cut you out of his life, with no thought about the pain he will cause you. Just move on dont get lost in the past as he is not worth it. You will only feel worst and more miserable if you call and he ignores you or be ... (read in full...)
I made a mistake and I want her back but I'm not sure how to win her back!
Q. My girlfriend and I recently split up, after being together for 7 months. I broke up with her: I was insecure and scared that she didn't love me back. For some reason, I had failed to notice many of the subtle, beautiful things she did for me to ...
A. 31 May 2013: Hi,you have spoken to her and told her how you feel. Remember you hurt her and she is scared to trust you. You could send her flowers and a teddy telling her you love her and want to work things with her. But after that stop sending mesages and ... (read in full...)
My childhood sweetheart wants to reconnect but never mentioned his fiance to me!
Q. I recently reconnected with my high school sweetheart after not tlkn or seeing each other for 9 years. We live on opposite sides of the country. We have talked about getting back together. I found out he has a fiance. He didn't tell me about her ...
A. 31 May 2013: Hi, i believe that its best these kind of feeling are resolved befor marriage and not just do what is right. What may seem risgh now might create more heartache especially if the person compromised and married the person because they were engaged.
... (read in full...)
How do you know if attraction is mutual?
Q. Is mutual attraction usually mutual? I have been in a situation where I have always wondered if this particular man was ever attracted to me. Has anyone been in this situation and what are the signs the attraction is mutual, not imagined? Thanks...
A. 30 May 2013: Oh I think its those signs and if they find every excuse to phone u and send messages! Just casually ask to meet for coffee, if he takes the bait he is interested if he makes excuses you know.... (read in full...)
What exactly is going on between us?
Q. I have a fairly weird relationship with my male best friend. We started off purely as friends initially, but then as we got closer, we became increasingly flirty around each other. We will admit that we think of each other day and night and miss ...
A. 30 May 2013: You live once, nothing ventured nothing gained. Go ahead and in a casual conversation just say want to meet for coffee? If he takes the bait, you can see where things progress from there without ruining the friendship or reading mixed signals. Best ... (read in full...)
Was it a one night stand or does he have other plans?
Q. So I went home to my sister's wedding and I met this guy, he is Danish, anyway, we end up getting so drunk and we spent all the wedding day together, to make things short I went back to his hotel room and we had sex. I was actually the one that ...
A. 30 May 2013: Go ahead and date him. he seems decent enough and does not think of you as a one night stand, he just might be a keeper. Relax and enjoy. If you want something meaningful I suggest you hold the sex and get to know one another or he just might think ... (read in full...)
The light switch relationship--now she's pregnant with someone else's baby and I don't want kids!
Q. ok so. i got this on again off again relationship for about the last couple years. shes 20 im 23. seems every time we have a drink together we end up in the sack together. shes always telling me im the sweetest guy she knows. and stuff like that. i ...
A. 30 May 2013: You are right to take a decision that is what best for you and her. It would be unfair to take responsibility for a kid that is not yours and the fact that you never wanted a kid. You did all of yourll a favour. Just dont shacking up with her again, ... (read in full...)
My husband always looks at other women and tells me that's normal. I can't bear it! Help?
Q. whenever i am out with my husband, he always look at other womens which i can't bear. its hurting me always. due to which i don't talk to my husband 2-3 days. but still he does the same. i spoke to him about this. he says it's normal. but i can't ...
A. 30 May 2013: Oh wants good for him is good for you, also point out the good looking woman and good looking guys to him, that will make him uncomfortable. This is a difficult battle to win. My husband use to do it and I started pointing out the good looking ... (read in full...)
Fiance walked out on me while pregnant, I found out he's living with his ex. He wants me back but I can't get over the hurt!
Q. he walked away without a word and left town when I was pregnant. two days later said he left to give me space. I was hurt so I didn't allow him to come right back. then I had the baby he said he was so sorry about hurting me the way he did by ...
A. 30 May 2013: I think your Fiance escaped from you when you fell pregnant as he could not handel the responsibility. Sound like he runs for the hill everytime there is complications or difficulties.
He shacked up with the ex as an escape from the reality ... (read in full...)
Has anyone with retrograde jealousy ever come to terms with it and found peace?
Q. About 2 years ago I posted an issue in this forum about how my wife cheated on me while we were dating and how lost her virginity to another man. This was despite her telling me she would not have premarital sex with anyone until married and I ...
A. 30 May 2013: You love this woman and you cannot let her go but you also cannot forget her infidelity. You will never have peace of mind until you make a decision. You even question whether the kids are yours, whether she is still sleeping around, this is not ... (read in full...)
My partner's great, but my ex has come back into the picture ...
Q. This will be long so I apologise in advance. A couple of years ago one of my very best friends became my boyfriend. He is a wonderful man who treats me better than I ever thought possible, he adores me and would do anything for me. I found it very ...
A. 30 May 2013: It is not fair to your partner, the man that helped you over come a break up, who stood by you and you are now being emotionally unfaithful.
What you dont mention is why you and the ex broke up? You were hurt very badly , do seriously want to ... (read in full...)
Huge row and now he isn't talking
Q. HELP me and my bf are 15 and been together for nearly 11 months, its now the half term and me and my bf had a huge row Friday night because I saw him hug one of his female mates, I texted him asking why this happened he told me she hugged him b...
A. 29 May 2013: Hi, dont chase him or hound him with calls and messages. You need to create some space for him to forget and miss you. The more you push, you are likely to lose him. If he loves you, he will come around and contact you. You have done what you can ... (read in full...)
Fiance had feelings for old school friend, how should I have handled this
Q. I am a 23 year old woman, and am about to get married to my fiance, but I have an issue. He has some feelings for a girl he used to go to school with, and I let my insecurity get the better of me and caused this girl a situation where I humiliated ...
A. 29 May 2013: Hi I dont understand what you did to this girl, but one thing does stand out which drove you to such extent is that your Fiance is in love with this girl. If that is the case and the only reason this girl walked away from this relationship is ... (read in full...)
The thought of this man really excites me but I don't want to lose my husband
Q. I am riddled with guilt, anxiety, and excitement. I am married 15 years to a man I have known 20 years. Recently I met a man at a place I usually shop. We struck up a conversation, and met almost every day there. Finally he asked me if I am ...
A. 29 May 2013: Its simple you are married and love your husband. You need to stop this "affair" before you lose everything.
All relationships start of with the excitement and ends in a comfortable lazy companionship. So stop behaving like a teenager with rag... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of the pain he caused me, should I call him back or wait for him to call again?
Q. Hello good people So I have been writing about my unplanned pregnancy with a gut that I barely know and denied the pregnancy and left me. Well he hasn't come back yet but I'm delighted to inform you that scary as it was I am HIV negetive I'm so...
A. 29 May 2013: Hi, dont contact him, he needs to do all teh chasing and begging if he wants you back. If he does not either way you are better off without him in your life. Dont open old wounds, you sound like you have received a lot of insults frm this guy to ... (read in full...)
Ex sent a facebook request, is there a hidden agenda or is he trying to make me more miserable?
Q. Dear Cupid My ex-bf broke up with me a month ago. As soon as dumped me he blocked me in facebook, messager, phone..... He was verbally and emotionally very abusive towards the end of the relationship i.e. for past 6 months. He called me wors...
A. 29 May 2013: Honey, just block him. He treated you badly and ceased all contact when you needed him the most. Accepting his friendship will set you back and confuse you regarding whether there is hope for a reconciliation.
Dont give this another thought ... (read in full...)
Torn between fiance and ex boyfriend.
Q. I have been in relationship with H since past 6 years, our relationship is good, as I remember a lot of happy times and yes a few bad ones but that's how life is. I have had 3 relationships before H which all lasted less then 1 year. My las...
A. 29 May 2013: Hi, sounds like when things get tough you run for comfort to the ex. That in itself is not healthy as then your Fiance looks worst for wear than the ex.
You and the ex broke up for a reason and by your own admission the past problems are still th... (read in full...)
do I let her go again or be a friend from afar?
Q. I bumped to my best friend in high school, I used to like her so much but we stopped talking because I started having a girlfriend and she didn't like the fact that I had feelings for her. I never asked my best friend how I truly felt about her and ...
A. 28 May 2013: It is best you keep your distance, you have expressed your interest and she has told you that she loves this guy she is seeing.
It will not help you move on as you likely to hope that you can be more than friends. THis is not healthy and will not... (read in full...)
He asked me for a FWB relationship and I don't know how to proceed from here
Q. I have a guy friend, let's call him A, whom I've known for around an year. He's nice, funny, very intelligent, respectful - basically, he's a nice catch. A month ago I started hanging out with him and a bunch of friends, all male - I'm the only f...
A. 28 May 2013: Hi, why are you settling for FWB, I also suspect you have a major crush on him and hoping that it becomes more than sex. Honey, dont do it, you will get hurt. He is in love with another woman and you are sex on teh side. You will get hurt. WOman ... (read in full...)
Attracted to a married man. He is making me feel guilty because I pulled away.
Q. I had a falling out with this man I work with. He is married. I am single. We have been friends all along but there is an attraction between us which changes the friendship aspect of the relationship into something more and potentially something ...
A. 28 May 2013: Hi, you did the right thing, if you think this is difficult, imagine if you had an affair and he decides that he no longer wants you.Dont regret your decision and remember you did him a huge favour by keeping away.
Why should he be hurt, he is st... (read in full...)
My wife misses her mom who lives in another state
Q. My wife and I have been married almost 21 years. We met in California, which is where we have chosen to live. However, my wife's mom is from the South. Her mom lived in other places during our marriage including Alaska, Washington, and Californ...
A. 28 May 2013: Hi, would you not consider a quarterly trip (if you can afford it) to visit her mom and she could stay longer if dhe desired. This should settle the matter as its a compromise.
... (read in full...)
I feel like I will never find anyone like my ex
Q. Ok so i dated this guy for 3 years on and off and inbetween the break ups he had 3 kids and got married well recently i sent him a friend request its been 3 years since i seen him and i messaged him sayin hi . Well lately it seems like i cant stop ...
A. 28 May 2013: Hi, you are making things worst for yourself. You risk becoming his mistress and settling for scarps thrown your way. He has a wife and kids, let it go. Yes he is your greatest love but surely you deserve better and someone that can give you ... (read in full...)
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