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... Send *nowbird a private message | | | *nowbird's profile:I am a mother of 2 grown up boys who have had problems of their own, and I have a lot of experience in relationships, (Was married for 31 years, but to the wrong man), so am about to face a divorce. I have been through a lot of traumas in my personal life, both in my childhood and throughout.
I still see the good in people, though I have been through it somewhat, and still they all say I am very young for my age - something I always reply to that I refuse to get old!!! (Don't like it, won't have it!!!) :o)
I have helped a lot of friends, one bereaved at a young age of her husband, a few who have had cancer, (and survived); one who did not - a family member who has suffered sexual abuse at the hands of a man she was getting to know as her step-dad; one very dear friend who has just died and will be so sorely missed - by many people, not just me; and my sister, who was deserted by her boyfriend of 14 yrs and deprived of ever being able to have a child thanks to him; the list goes on - yes, you could say I have had a lot of life experience. I see things from all sides and try not to judge.
I live in Sale, near Manchester, England.
Without wanting to sound 'cheesy', the things which make me tick are people who go the extra mile for others, and, whilst I am no Mother Theresa, I try to live by the same ethic. After all, why else would we have been put on this earth?? I just hate to see good people being treated badly..we all have to live in this world, after all..
Not really religious, but try to do the right thing! Usually find a sense of humour helps too...thanx for reading this! |
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I love her so much that when we are apart it hurts so much, how can I deal a bit better ?
Q. Is it possible to love somebody TOO much? I am engaged to a girl, she has made me the happiest I have ever been in my life. When we are together, I am in heaven, but when we are apart, I am like a lost puppy. When she is not around, I become moo...
A. 6 September 2006: This is so romantic! I feel your pain, and do hope you can very soon get together on a permanent basis - like the old saying goes - "Love will find a way"..you really need to look after yourselves though!... (read in full...)
Not sure if my net guy is playing hard to get or does he just want to be friends ?
Q. i have been chatting to a man on the net for 2 months and met him last wk.his really nice and i have never felt so comfortable around someone in meeting for the first time,even his friend kept asking if we had met up before,as we were so relaxed and ...
A. 31 August 2006: Fingers crossed here too, and going from your letters I think you are more than capable of charming this guy's toes off!! I do hope all goes well for you. Take care, chicky!!... (read in full...)
Caught him with his pants down, was it more to it?
Q. hi, my bf and i have been together 3 years, about 10months ago i saw my bf doing something which i have always qestioned in my mind. im 20 his 25. one day i was coming home afer school early , i opened our front door and walked in and saw my bf st...
A. 31 August 2006: You would definitely be better off without him. If someone is cheating, and is found out, the first thing they do is counter-attack by accusing you of snooping...My answer to this retort is that a person who cheats forfeits their right to ... (read in full...)
I love her so much that when we are apart it hurts so much, how can I deal a bit better ?
Q. Is it possible to love somebody TOO much? I am engaged to a girl, she has made me the happiest I have ever been in my life. When we are together, I am in heaven, but when we are apart, I am like a lost puppy. When she is not around, I become moo...
A. 31 August 2006: Is there no way that you could move closer to her? Can't one of you re-locate? Silly question, maybe, as you have probably already considered it, but the way it is affecting you, even to take a cut in wages for a while, could go some way to ... (read in full...)
Pete is AMAZING! Shall I go for it?
Q. Hi, uh, I'm new to this so bear with me. I'm 18, and I've got a friend named "Pete". Pete is seven years older than me (25). I've known him since I was 15 and he was 22. And nothing happened, trust me. We just became really close friends over the...
A. 30 August 2006: Lovely toaster, Yos, now... to make some virtual toast!! (reads virtual instructions...)... (read in full...)
Is he really getting married or was he lying?
Q. A guy that I care about recently told me he was getting married it was only me and him around, he told me his wedding date but when I asked him her name or who she was he didn't tell me. Why is that? Is he really getting married or lying, should I ...
A. 29 August 2006: This is really tricky!! A poem,eh? Maybe he is harbouring romantic feelings for you, and is having second thoughts about his impending marriage..perhaps he is trying to jerk a reaction out of you, to see how the land lies.
Any way, though, if he i... (read in full...)
How can I get her to open up a bit without causing friction ?
Q. Let me give you a little bit of background before I get to my question. I have been seeing this lady for a little over two years now. She is a few years older than I am, which is one drawback according to her countrys customs (she is not ...
A. 29 August 2006: Perhaps if you open up a bit to her she will see what you are feeling - it is a two-way thing, and if she is not sure how deep your feelings are for her, she may be hesitant about telling you how she feels. You say that you have discussed marriage ... (read in full...)
Is he really getting married or was he lying?
Q. A guy that I care about recently told me he was getting married it was only me and him around, he told me his wedding date but when I asked him her name or who she was he didn't tell me. Why is that? Is he really getting married or lying, should I ...
A. 29 August 2006: How well do you know him? Does he think you may know her, and pass judgement or dissaprove?
I doubt if it would be that he is trying to make you jealous or get your attention - Getting married , or pretending to, is guaranteed to throw you off ... (read in full...)
Ideas needed for my bf's 23 rd birthday. Something romantic (non-sexual) and not too intense.
Q. Would appreciate any suggestions of something really special I could do for my boyfriend's 23rd birthday (non sexual cos we aren't there yet!) in a few months. Something romantic and sweet (not involving vast sums of money as we both don't have ...
A. 29 August 2006: How about a nice walk somewhere where you can shelter (if it's cold or raining) involving a picnic, some bubbly (cava is a lot cheaper than champagne, and just as nice, IMHO) or something you know he likes to drink, some food he loves, and maybe a ... (read in full...)
Tips for eating before the Gym!!
Q. Hello, need some health and gyming advice. Is it recommended to have a meal before gyming? If you have a heavy meal or dinner then go to gym thereafter, does it do more harm then good?? Thanks...
A. 24 August 2006: I'm not a doctor, but popular opinion is that it is risky to eat for the hour before any exercise, as the blood supply is diverted from the muscle groups (heart, etc) - to go to the stomach/intestines to digest the food. This can result in muscle ... (read in full...)
How do you tell if the affair is over ?
Q. how do you know if an affair is truly over? I only see my lover once a week anyway but are usually in contact throughout the week by either phone or texts,the last time we were together felt wierd because my lover is a friend who people knew i w...
A. 24 August 2006: Just ask him, but going on what you say about having discussed not 'seeing' one another, I think he may have taken it that you already know the outcome, and I guess he does not want to cause any pain or awkwardness. Can you leave it for a while ... (read in full...)
I love her so much that when we are apart it hurts so much, how can I deal a bit better ?
Q. Is it possible to love somebody TOO much? I am engaged to a girl, she has made me the happiest I have ever been in my life. When we are together, I am in heaven, but when we are apart, I am like a lost puppy. When she is not around, I become moo...
A. 24 August 2006: Just enjoy it - I don't agree that 'it will pass(!?!)..but it will calm down after you have been together for a while. It is the 'absence which makes the heart grow fonder' - a cliche for sure, but the only way that a cliche can grow, is if it is ... (read in full...)
Is my sneaking bad?
Q. Hi, I'm 13 and my step cousin is 15,and I think i fancy her. Ok, shes family (in a way) but I'm attracted to her and take pictures of her on my mobile saying i'm texting. I've even sneaked into her room when she was out and saw a bra on her bed...
A. 24 August 2006: Proud of ya, have a good future, n' be happy!! xx... (read in full...)
She was too needy, so we split and now its even worse...
Q. I broke up with MY ex of a year and a half almost a month ago. She was excessively needy and had to be around me 24-7 other than work. I tried to have nights out with out her and told her ther were to be as such. Then she ended up coming to where...
A. 24 August 2006: From now on I would definitely keep your whereabouts TOP SECRET, and make sure your new group of friends are sworn to secrecy too. Stay away from the usual haunts until this girl gets the message. It will probably be a long time, but I do wish you ... (read in full...)
Pete is AMAZING! Shall I go for it?
Q. Hi, uh, I'm new to this so bear with me. I'm 18, and I've got a friend named "Pete". Pete is seven years older than me (25). I've known him since I was 15 and he was 22. And nothing happened, trust me. We just became really close friends over the...
A. 23 August 2006: This is gettin' just plain silly!!! - just up my street! lol, hehe..... (read in full...)
Handy Work!!
Q. hi all i was just windering if anyone could tell me how to toss a lad off i don't ave a clue what to do.... plz help xxx...
A. 23 August 2006: Haaaaaa-hahahahahahaha!!
But the girl only asked a question!! lol..... (read in full...)
I told my boyfriend that I wasnt excited about our relationship anymore, now hes very distant and I regret it... Please help!!
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently made the mistake of spilling some feelings I had to my boyfriend. What was going on was, since we've been together for quite awhile, I was feeling a little bored with our relationship and not very excited anymore and I told h...
A. 23 August 2006: What on earth did you tell him that for???
He now feels hurt, as though you don't feel anything for him anymore..now you are going to have to mend that bridge, or if you don't, he will think you don't care that you hurt him, and will be waiting for ... (read in full...)
I enjoy getting off to lesbian porn, but dont actually fancy women !!???
Q. am i gay? i am 19 im attracted to guys and love having sex with guys but i keep havin lesbian fantasies and it turns me on to watch lesbian porn but im not attracted to girls, i am so confused........
A. 23 August 2006: You could be just empathising, and imagining it happening to you, as most women know that nobody knows a woman's body like a woman does (obviously), so she is bound to know exactly how and where to touch, etc.. it does'nt nesessarily mean you are a ... (read in full...)
Which accent do you find more annoying: Liverpool or Mancunian?
Q. OK I know this is going to be controversial especially if someone reads this from one of the 2 cities. This is really for people who have been to Manchester and Liverpool in the UK: but what accent is more annoying, Liverpool or Mancunian? I ask be...
A. 23 August 2006: Whatever floats yer boat - I live on the outskirts of Manchester - in Stockport, but used to live in Bath. I had the mickey taken something rotten when my family first came over from Canada, picked on at school, etc, and had to endure the same when ... (read in full...)
Is my sneaking bad?
Q. Hi, I'm 13 and my step cousin is 15,and I think i fancy her. Ok, shes family (in a way) but I'm attracted to her and take pictures of her on my mobile saying i'm texting. I've even sneaked into her room when she was out and saw a bra on her bed...
A. 23 August 2006: This is creepy behaviour and you know it is wrong. You are invading her privacy and that is not fair to her. Imagine how she would feel if she found out. Nothing would ever be the same. Get rid of the pictures and learn some self-control. You ... (read in full...)
She is my silly part of my brain that is telling me not to jump
Q. i was out this evening and i met a girl and we had a nice time to getehr and i really liked her. The only problem is i have a girlfriend. And dont get me wrong i would never and have never cheated on her. We have been together for 1 year and 8 ...
A. 19 August 2006: You will know the answer to this one when you go to uni, as the decider will be how much you miss one another after spending a few weeks apart. Also, when you are away from the situation you will see it objectively, and see more clearly how you ... (read in full...)
Do guys want to marry sexy women?
Q. Hi there, This may seem a silly question but for some reason it has me worried! I am 25 year old blond female. Most guys I meet who get to know me always say I am very sexy. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Do guys w...
A. 17 August 2006: Just to flip the table somewhat, my man is a blonde (thankfully, natural), he cooks, cleans, irons and does all his own housework - and the garden, I find him sexy!!! I may just have to marry him!!! ;o)) hahaha... (read in full...)
How can I stop perspiring so bad...it's really embarassing!
Q. Dear Cupid, This may sound gross, but it's really been bothering me, and I was hoping that someone on this site would be able to help me out. One of my biggest problems is that I sweat. Now, I'm not talking about after gym class or cheerle...
A. 17 August 2006: Do see your doctor, I'm sure there is something they can do about it.
There are laser treatments for this problem, though I don't know too much about them. They are available from beauty salons and plastic surgery clinics.
I appreciate what ... (read in full...)
Caught him with his pants down, was it more to it?
Q. hi, my bf and i have been together 3 years, about 10months ago i saw my bf doing something which i have always qestioned in my mind. im 20 his 25. one day i was coming home afer school early , i opened our front door and walked in and saw my bf st...
A. 17 August 2006: Give him a few scars to match, and perhaps a few emotional ones to match the ones he gave you!!!
Then GET OUT of that damaging relationship and find someone who can be SEEN to be being honest with you..
BTW, IF , and only IF he was telling the ... (read in full...)
Is he having thoughts about dumping me ?
Q. Hiya, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months now. It's my 1st relationship in some time and I really like him, however, maybe im a bit paranoid but recently he has been acting differently. He will only say I love you if I say I love you to him ...
A. 17 August 2006: I certainly disagree with the male respondee who had the knee-jerk reaction that he is cheating on you!! What was THAT all about!!!
More likely that he is jealous of the guy you go running with, why don't you ask him? Easy solution would be... (read in full...)
Do guys want to marry sexy women?
Q. Hi there, This may seem a silly question but for some reason it has me worried! I am 25 year old blond female. Most guys I meet who get to know me always say I am very sexy. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Do guys w...
A. 17 August 2006: Thinking 'outside the box', as it were, I have heard of men who have tried to make their wife/gf feel unattractive so that they have'nt the confidence to stray. I knew a bloke who made his wife so devoid of self-esteem that she used to ... (read in full...)
Update on previous question:- "Advice from those having affairs"
Q. On July 19 2006 I posted a question "Advice from those people having affairs please." Forgive me if it came across that i was looking for validation for what i was doing,that was not my intention.I know i made a choice(albeit most think it a bad c...
A. 17 August 2006: It is unrealistic for you to imagine that you will not have sex again with your lover if you continue to see him, even as a 'friend'..You say you broke it off before as you were falling in love with him..well I'm here to tell you that those feelings ... (read in full...)
Will our parents interfere?
Q. I like this guy and my friend this he likes me. We have great fun when we get together. He has never made a move on me and I have never made a move on him. We both have baggage and are both very shy about getting involved. I have been giving h...
A. 17 August 2006: There are two of you in this relationship, no more, and if you are meant to be together, then so be it. Of course I'm not saying it won't be a bumpy ride, but look at it this way. You guys might just be the cement to mend the relationship between ... (read in full...)
Should I just kiss him first or wait until he makes the move?
Q. Alright....This Adam Guy asked me (finally) if I wanted to be his "girl." Well, I said yes, of course. It's been about 1 week and 3 days and he still hasn't kissed me?? Should I kiss him first. There has been about 2 or 3 times when It could've ...
A. 17 August 2006: Yeah, just go for it..wait for the right moment, and just start with a soft peck, and look at him as though you are waiting for a response, smile... It does'nt have to lead straight into full-blown snog, or sex, (be ready for a strong reaction, as ... (read in full...)
Had sex and now I'm experiencing tenderness in my lower abdomen. Any advice?
Q. Yesterday, I had sex. It was long, and very passionate and at points- rough, but today, my thighs are tender to touch and my lower abdomen is again tender to touch. The thighs I can explain but the pain in my lower abdomen I can't. Can anyone hel...
A. 16 August 2006: It could have been the 'roughness' of his thrusting which, coupled with the length, making contact with the mouth of your cervix which caused the pain. It could be a little bruised, but a visit to your GP or of course, ob/gyn will clear the matter. ... (read in full...)
Am I right in thinking that a threesome would ruin us?
Q. is a 3 sum out of the question??? my boyfriend has recently admitted he wants to see me with another girl, at 1st i was unsure but sed i would consider it. now he says he wants a 3 sum where he can join in. this has made me insecure as i fe...
A. 16 August 2006: He is extremely selfish to keep pressurising you over this. It displays a huge lack of respect on his part, and I would strongly advise you to get the hell out of that relationship, as it is destroying your self-esteem and you deserve so, SO much ... (read in full...)
Not sure if my net guy is playing hard to get or does he just want to be friends ?
Q. i have been chatting to a man on the net for 2 months and met him last wk.his really nice and i have never felt so comfortable around someone in meeting for the first time,even his friend kept asking if we had met up before,as we were so relaxed and ...
A. 16 August 2006: Hi there 'Giggles', me again!
Have you considered that he may be feeling the same way as you and is on the net in the first place as he is unable to converse face to face easily?
He has put xx's on a convo, so that, to me indicates affect... (read in full...)
Is he after an affair?
Q. A married man keeps winking at me and telling me i've seen his 'nice side'.... do you think hes after an affair?...
A. 15 August 2006: More info required here... you can't just assume that he is after an affair because he winks at you, and says you've "seen his nice side"! He may merely like you, as anyone else, he may just be flirting innocently, as he may do with any female. It ... (read in full...)
He tells me im his first true love, but Im still hung up on his ex, because I think he really did love her!!
Q. I have a HUGE problem which is eating me up from inside. I have been with my bf for 10 months, he is 25 and im 20, i love him alot and i know he loves me, however i cant get over his PAST, i dont know whats wrong with me. We are both asian-india...
A. 15 August 2006: I would also add to Camille's excellent comments that, as he waited 6 months before going out with anyone else he was making sure that any following relationship was not going to be out of revenge for what she did to him. It could be that once he ... (read in full...)
Will things ever change? Will he always say hes too tired to be bothered to go out together ?
Q. Am I wrong to feel peeved by this? My boyfriend of 1 year and I hardly ever seem to go out these days. He always says he is too tired after work or is working on his house. I see him most nights but we usually just stay in at his and he'll cook ...
A. 15 August 2006: Could you perhaps book a table - early doors, perhaps, and tell him that you are saving him the chore of cooking dinner tonight as he 'must be so tired, you thought it would be a nice treat'?
You could suggest perhaps a short walk followed by Sund... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me?!?
Q. Whats wrong with me? one minit i hate him the next i love him. whats up?...
A. 15 August 2006: I don't think you hate him, but maybe hate yourself for letting him treat you the way he does. I think you may be confusing love with liking what you do together, but it is so special when you know a guy really, truly cares deeply for you. You ... (read in full...)
I need help in getting over my recent past love...
Q. Are there any good ways to get over someone? I just split up with the person i love and am devastated. I need some help, ...
A. 14 August 2006: One of the most difficult, and it does'nt get any easier with age, I'm afraid! I find it softens the blow if you just throw yourself into work, or an absorbing hobby or sport, or go to the gym to take your mind off of things. Get out there amongst ... (read in full...)
We broke up because he says I pick up on stuff and argue... how can I get him to change his mind ?
Q. Hiya.i am feeling very low at the moment.I'm 16 and my boyfriend is also 16. We spilt up on friday, because i often pick on little things and start arguing with him when he has done nothing wrong.He said he didn't want to be with me anymore cos have ...
A. 14 August 2006: Sorry, don't know WHAT happened there..oops!! :o)... (read in full...)
We broke up because he says I pick up on stuff and argue... how can I get him to change his mind ?
Q. Hiya.i am feeling very low at the moment.I'm 16 and my boyfriend is also 16. We spilt up on friday, because i often pick on little things and start arguing with him when he has done nothing wrong.He said he didn't want to be with me anymore cos have ...
A. 14 August 2006: Aw, sweetie, don't cry!
At least he still cares for you..Are you sure he has done nothing wrong, or can you think of why you have picked on those little things he does?
Does he listen and take notice, or does he still keep doing it? - and if h... (read in full...)
We broke up because he says I pick up on stuff and argue... how can I get him to change his mind ?
Q. Hiya.i am feeling very low at the moment.I'm 16 and my boyfriend is also 16. We spilt up on friday, because i often pick on little things and start arguing with him when he has done nothing wrong.He said he didn't want to be with me anymore cos have ...
A. 14 August 2006: Aw, sweetie, don't cry!
At least he still cares for you..Are you sure he has done nothing wrong, or can you think of why you have picked on those little things he does?
Does he listen and take notice, or does he still keep doing it? - and if h... (read in full...)
He cheated but I was sure it would work, we went out it was great, now hes getting with someone else!
Q. i have been on and off with this guy for a year and a half and yes he has cheated etc but i still think we could work through it and make a good relationship,so i met him the other day and we had such a good night together we were both so happy,so ...
A. 14 August 2006: I think if you read your letter as though someone else had written it, you would be saying "RUN FOR THE HILLS!! HE IS A PLAYER OF THE WORST KIND! Furthermore, he does'nt respect any woman's feelings!!
Sorry, but you must be able to see what you... (read in full...)
Not sure if my net guy is playing hard to get or does he just want to be friends ?
Q. i have been chatting to a man on the net for 2 months and met him last wk.his really nice and i have never felt so comfortable around someone in meeting for the first time,even his friend kept asking if we had met up before,as we were so relaxed and ...
A. 14 August 2006: 'Tis the nature of the beast which is on-line dating, methinks'!!!
This is always the awkward, walking-on -eggshells time in a relationship, where you have to be led gently by one another's actions..
He on the hand, may feel he knows you well e... (read in full...)
My online dating turned a bit sour....
Q. Can anyone give me their thoughts on my situation? I'm sorry this is so long... I chatted to a guy from my dating site for about a week on msn. Then we met up for a date last week. I'm 33, he's 32. Before we met, he told me some quite heavy...
A. 13 August 2006: You are indeed a sensible, rational person - and I think here - 'Question asked. question answered' I do hope you are successful in finding someone who appreciates and deserves you. Your innate 'gut instinct' will not, I trust, let you down. ... (read in full...)
Do men really think stretch marks are okay ? Or do they say they dont mind to be kind ?
Q. i just wanted to know what men truly think of strech marks?? i had my second child 6weeks ago, my first child is 15months, as you can see i didnt hang about, and from having two 9lb babies close together and a miscarriage in between them , i have ...
A. 9 August 2006: You go through life, and LIVE it...You EARNT every little mark, sag and wrinkle. They are part of who you are, and unique to YOU.. No-one stays visually beautiful till the day they die, unless they die young - which way would YOU choose - to die ... (read in full...)
His friend is freaking me out!
Q. My bf and i have been together almost 3 years, the problems is not with our relationship (its great) the problem is with my bf's male friend. my bf's friend has stayed at our home countless times in the past and my bf has recently told me some thi...
A. 9 August 2006: I'm shocked and surprised that your boyfriend has sat there and listened to his friend speak about you in such a disrespectful way, drunk or not!!...Consider also that the 'friend' has had the confidence to confide in your boyfriend.. It could just ... (read in full...)
Do I stay or go? We have been violent with each other...
Q. i have been with my partner for 7 yrs, 3 of them living together, in those 3 yrs he has hit me twice while drunk as i hit him first. he is a good provider but lately i think i should go, he was verbally abusesive the other day while i was defending ...
A. 8 August 2006: I think you know the answer to this one..You have to leave not just for your sake, but for the sake of your children. This is not a good environment to bring children - of any age - up in, and the two of you at each other's throats will not be ... (read in full...)
Why are women such idiots!
Q. Last Wednesday I had a teeney tiny argument with my girlfriend, I later on apologised (even though it wasn't my fault). On Friday I asked her did she want to do something or go somewhere and got no reply.....fine. On Sunday still no word so I rang ...
A. 8 August 2006: Hi Tray-c - ok, point taken...consider though if you will that us 'idiots' sometimes give mature, unbiased and very concise solutions to the questions posed on these pages, as the men do, and a throw-away comment such as this is a bit of a 'slap in ... (read in full...)
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