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*amille agony aunt


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*amille's profile:

I'm 36, live in the U.K and have experienced severe highs and lows. I went to see many counsellors and it took many years to find one that worked for me and helped me move on. I then began studying person-centred counselling for 2 years but had to put my Diploma studies on hold due to other committments (work etc). I miss the whole process. The truth is, many people think counselling is giving answers but that's not what it is. I do have an opinion and so here I can give it whereas in Counselling you shouldn't. I always liked the idea of helping people work through their problems / issues & to encourage them to question themselves. I prefer agony aunt answering as you can challenge people's processes outright and give help, advice and opinions. People can choose to listen or ignore it, but at least they have an outlet and i think that's a good thing. I feel I have been through allsorts of situations that may help other people through their troubled times.

I hope to give good advice without judging anyone.

I am happy in my relationship but that's due to making many mistakes in the past and finally learning from them!

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Do tender breasts, bloody discharge and headaches mean...I am pregnant?

Q.   i am on the pill and after my week off i forgot to take it for a few days and i had unprotected sex with my boyfriend a few times when i was period is not due for another few days but iv been getting a bloody discharge and my breasts are ...

A.   11 December 2006: They all sound like pre-period symptoms to me, except the discharge which is a usual side effect from a missed pill. Get yourself a pregnancy test (many now work extremely quickly) to find out for sure and in future, take care to remember the pill ... (read in full...)

His demands for sex is ruining our relationship! What should I do?

Q.   Ok I have a problem. Me and my boyfrien have been dating for 10 months now. I'm 20 and he's 25. He was a man whore before we hooked up. He must have slept with over 100 women(which I knew about before we hooked up). I've always been in ...

A.   11 December 2006: DUMP HIM! He has no respect for you or your feelings/needs. He has a serious sex problem in that his behaviour is not 'normal'. There's nothing worng with feeling horny all the time, but the constant touching, forcing himself on you, his ... (read in full...)

My gf works and I stay home to take care of the house. She always seems to be in a bad mood, though! What's going on and what can be done?

Q.   My Girl has an easy life (after work) but she say's she unhappy, depressed. am i stupid to think she shouldn't be like this? i live at home with my mom and family and my girlfriend my mom does all her washing , tea's. everytime she wants a drin...

A.   11 December 2006: I'm sorry but it sounds like you do for her to get something for yourself and that's not what giving is about! Your girlfriend is not to blame if everything outside work is done for her, that's you and your Mum's doing but it doesn't mean your ... (read in full...)

She was secretly meeting w/ another guy. I don't know what to do about this!

Q.   Is it cheating if your fiance is talking to another man when you are at work and meets him out at restaurant without you knowing and the only way you found out is by a friend telling you? This was going on for a month with him calling and then her...

A.   11 December 2006: Cheating is lying, she lied. I'm sorry but if there was nothing to hide, there'd be no secrets. She may say she knew it would upset you, but the fact she still did it knowing that, isn't the greatest excuse. It doesn't mean there was anything ... (read in full...)

When we were having sex she did some anal play on me and now I feel weird about it..any thoughts?

Q.   I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time at the weekend and when she was masturbating me she put her finger in my anus. I really liked it but now i feel weird. I feel like ive done something wrong. Is it ok, i mean am i stressing about ...

A.   11 December 2006: That's where a man's G spot is so I wouldn't worry. Men think that liking anything to do with their anus means they're gay but that's not the case. If you like it, don't worry about it! Most people don't like the idea of it so they don't try, but ... (read in full...)

Having sex for 3 years and I never had an orgasm..what's it like?

Q.   hey im 16 and i have been having sex since grade 9 and im in grade 12 now and i just wanted to no what an orgasum is i dont think ive had one and like to no about it ...

A.   28 November 2006: Maybe if you'd waited until you were of a legal age to have sex in the first place, you'd understand more about how to achieve one. 13 is way to young emotionally to handle sex and it's obvious the physical gratification was to please boys. Now you ... (read in full...)

She told me to stop smoking weed... so I did.. then I found out she's been poppin' pills!

Q.   Hey i was with my girlfriend for 1 year and about 4 months, both 16 it went well till on the 9 months. it was all tearing apart she told me to stop smoking pot so i did and i found out she was taking pills everyday since then its never been the same ...

A.   13 November 2006: It sounds like your girlfriend was being a hypocrite. Maybe if you both lay off the drugs you could give it a go, but having sex with an ex isn't really very respectful to each other. If you really care about her, talk to her, make some sacrifices ... (read in full...)

I broke up with my fiance and now she's devastated. I feel so guilty. What now?

Q.   Hi, I feel so bad i just want to die somewhere alone. I got engaged to my girlfriend because she loves me to death and i thought that i would grow to feel the same way. I broke up on Friday the 10th three weeks before our marriage. She's complete...

A.   13 November 2006: It's a very traumatic situation for you both and all I can say matter how awful it is, you did the right thing for you both. Better to do it now than at the altar or years down the line. Ok, so you maybe should have done it sonner and not ... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin and know nothing about contraception. Too scared to ask mom!

Q.   im a virgin and have no idea what kind of protection is best for me and im a little scared to ask my mom! please help?...

A.   6 November 2006: You don't mention your age or whether you're actually in a relationship. I think if you are very young and still single, perhaps you can read articles on the net and specialist books at the library. Then when you meet someone and are ready to start ... (read in full...)

In two weeks, I will be marrying this guy who I think is arrogant and stubborn? Advice needed...quickly!!

Q.   Please can you answer this ASAP - im in a bit of a state. I am due to get married in less that 2 weeks. My fiance is driving me totally mad. I know the run up towards a wedding is stressful enough but he is impossible. All the traits I knew he...

A.   25 October 2006: You are going to have to get some inner strength and be brave. Please don't get married thinking you'll be letting anyone down if you don't go through with it. Talk to your parents, they'd much rather their daughter be happy. They will understand. ... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin and she's already had sex so why now does she want to wait til she is married!!!

Q.   This is actually two questions I need answers to. I asked my girlfriend the question about if and when we should have sex but she says she wants to wait until she is married. I think that's a bit hypocritical as she has been in a sexual relation...

A.   25 October 2006: Q1, No you're not being selfish but you're maybe misunderstanding. Just because she's had sex with 2 people does not make her a hypocrite. Have you asked for a reason why? Is it one that you understand? If you weren't a virign you may see it ... (read in full...)

I was thinking of dumping her but she dumped me I am shocked and gutted! How do I get her back?

Q.   A few days ago i told my g/f i was unhappy and stated a few reasons. I told her she didn't make me happy, but i wanted to work at it and not split. Now, after 3 days she has come back and said " you are right, i agree, i thought i was happy , all ...

A.   25 October 2006: Seems you were both thinking the same deep down, but squashed pride aside, it doesn't matter WHO did it, it obviously wasn't working. This could be the making of the relationhip, but of course... it could also be the breaking. Relationships are hard ... (read in full...)

Is he using me for sex and getting more on the side?

Q.   i have asked my bf to focus on foreplay more, but he just seems to want to get like 5-10 mins of foreplay (if that), and about the same of sex just til he cums every time and he doesn't seem to think about how i may feel. Just be straight out and ...

A.   25 October 2006: Dump him! You've talked to him but he hasn't taken it on board. If you're in a relationship, it should involve more than just sex, so if that's all you're doing in the one time you see each other, it doesn't sound like he's too committed to this ... (read in full...)

Can I get in trouble for having sex with a 16 year old girl?

Q.   The age of consent is 18 in california. The question is this: if I'm 16 and I have sex with a girl who is also 16 and we had no problems, could i get in trouble?...

A.   25 October 2006: I am not entirely sure but I THINK the law is there to protect children against adults having sex with a minor. As you are both underage and consenting, it's unlikely a prosecution could take place. Hopefully someone will have the correct ... (read in full...)

His mom's death is making my boyfriend seem distant! Help!

Q.   My boyfriend is 30 years old and he has 5 siblings but have to take care of 2 younger ones after his mother’s death 5 months ago who died tragically. I understand it is a great loss to get over I had lost my father too so I know how it feels like ...

A.   25 October 2006: All I am going to say is that you have only been his girlfriend for 2 months and he had a mother for his whole life so far. You have only just got together so it seems him moving, you wanting more etc is all a bit hasty. As you say, everyone deals ... (read in full...)

Why does he always pull out knowing I'm close!!!!

Q.   The last few times that i've had sex with my bf,he always pulls out of me so that he doesn't cum inside, but the thing is he knows when im about to cum because i make a few noises, but always seems to put out just as im about to have an orgasm and ...

A.   24 October 2006: You need to spell it out as he may not know you're close? Him pulling out is better than coming inside you, but just communicate with him, tell him how you feel or ask him to manually bring you to orgasm when he's done. It's only selfish if he knows ... (read in full...)

Doe anyone here find it hard to get along with their Mother-in- law?

Q.   Hi just a quick question, does anyone here find it hard to get on with their mother-in-law/mother-in-law to be? Me and my fiance have been together for almost a year and even now I find it hard to get on with his mother. She drives me mad! S...

A.   24 October 2006: It's unfortunate when this happens and yes I have a tense relationship with mother in law to be. We have distance between us though, but I feel absolutely hated! I know this has been the same for all her son's exes too so maybe I shouldn't take it ... (read in full...)

Do any of you see your exes as good friend?

Q.   Hi everyone, could you see your ex as a friend?...

A.   24 October 2006: Some people do, but personally no. If I was in a relationship where it was real love and therefore someone's pain at the end, I find it of no interest to stay in contact. Some people stay friends as they're still in love with the person and this way ... (read in full...)

I'm a 25 yr old who loves having sex with men! Is this right or wrong?

Q.   I am 25 years old and i want to know if i have a problem, as i have slept with about 80 - 90 men, and i feel a bit bad but i love it. I'm single and i quite like it that way, because when i'm in a relationship i just want to sleep with someone else. ...

A.   24 October 2006: The fact you're asking is answer enough. You are obviously not 100% happy about it or you wouldn't care what's wrong or right in anyone else's eyes. It's your decision and therefore your opinion that matters. For what it's worth I do think there ... (read in full...)

What are good romantic background music to play while making love? Any tips?

Q.   when you have sex is it better to have romantic music on in the background? if it is why? and what songs would you have on?...

A.   24 October 2006: Personally music puts me off. It's too distracting. Also, you can find yourself moving in time to the music and so it's not a natural response really. Although if I had to suggest something, how abouyt Marvin Gaye?... (read in full...)

Is he right or just using me??

Q.   Im seperated from my husband and i have 3 children.I have been seeing my lover for over 3 years but he has a partner (he's not married to her.They live seperate lives and sleep in seperate bedrooms as she is alot older then him and doesn't want sex ...

A.   23 October 2006: So, "They live seperate lives and sleep in seperate bedrooms as she is alot older then him and doesn't want sex anymore"....says who? You don't know that for fact. Chances are that's a lie. You're having an affair not a relationship. after 3+ years ... (read in full...)

Urine sample

Q.   I heard that if you don't pee after sex you will get a yeast infection. Is this true?...

A.   21 October 2006: That's not a fact, no. If you can pee after sex, do. If you can't or don't need one, don't worry about it. As Leah says, it has been given as advice but it's not imperative. ... (read in full...)

We can't be seen together so only meet once a month to a hotel together!!!

Q.   i have been seeing my girlfriend for 6 years but for reasons we only go out once a month to a hotel on a thursday (because we cant be seen together)our sex life is great but when she cant make it on thursday ive asked her to change to a tuesday ...

A.   21 October 2006: I'd say without knowing the reasons why you only see each other once a week in a hotel, I couldn't advise you suffieciently. 6 years of that? It's very suspicious. If you are the reason it's a secret and keeping it hidden, why should she change her ... (read in full...)

Have had only 2 sexual experiences and both were lousy. Is it me?

Q.   Im 15 years old and hav had sex with 2 people. On neither occasion has me or the guy came and the sex wasn't really that i doing something wrong?? ...

A.   21 October 2006: No offence but yes, probably. You're 15 years old and so very young for this. Having had sex with 2 people already suggests you're putting out far too easily and it's the best way for you to get a bad reputation, not to mention an STD, a baby or ... (read in full...)

He had sex with me and dumped me. Now he's getting cozy with me again! What should I do?

Q.   Im 15 recently went out with a guy who i really liked and slept with him too. Except he dumped me a week after. I still like him and recently when weve been hangin out hes started cuddling me and gettin abit cosy with me. I dont know if he likes me ...

A.   21 October 2006: Chances are he wants to have sex with you again and so as you're under age anyway, my advice is to stay away from him. It does sound like he's using you. A sad yet true fact is that most boys aren't too interested in girls who sleep wiht them ... (read in full...)

Should I eventually tell my kids I was raped as a teen?

Q.   I was raped at the age of 14, my husband knows about this, and is very supportive of it, should i tell my children, when they are old enough?...

A.   20 October 2006: In a world where children are taken from their own bathrooms and raped, it's a subject that perhaps people should talk about sensitively with their children. However, I don't see what they will gain from knowing about your experience. Heaven forb... (read in full...)

I thought we had chemistry but now he's back with his es gf. I'm confused-so what should I do?

Q.   Hey! Well my issue is.. I'm 27 and I have feelings for a friend of mine that is 20. We've been friends for about 6-7 months now and we have such a great time together. The first 3-4 months of our friendship, we'd spend every weekend together hanging ...

A.   20 October 2006: I'm sorry to say but you have to respect his decision even if you think that he's being untrue to his feelings. His life does sound complicated and for someone who's been in a relationship since he was 15 and now has a baby, he sounds really ... (read in full...)

He lied about loving his ex gf. Now I am wondering-am I just a replacement...second best to him?

Q.   I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 6 months. He's amazing and we love each other and he has helped me out so much. We come from completely different backgrounds, so I know nothing about his past except what he tells me. The other day, I ...

A.   20 October 2006: Stop testing him and setting him up. If you see stuff, tell him. If you're snooping, expect to find nasty surprises but face up to those consequences. Tell him what you know and apologize for doubting him but ask why he lied. He's allowed to have ... (read in full...)

Is grinding with guys going to make the guys think I'm not a nice girl?

Q.   Is grinding with guys going to make the guys not like me or think I'm not good? I love dancing, all kinds, but I don't want to give anyone the wrong impression. I don't drink very much and I don't have sexual relations with guys, so am I leading ...

A.   20 October 2006: It's a suggestive way of dancing and so likely that some men may take it as a come on or a sign that you're "up for it". But if you take care of yourself, keep yourself out of danger and make your intentions clear when confronted, there's no harm in ... (read in full...)

How do I make this married guy leave his wife and kids for me?

Q.   i am currently "dating" a married man that i work with. i too am married. he told me that he loved me almost 6weeks into the relationship and i returned with i love you too. he has 3 kids and i have 1. we see each other maybe 2-3 times a week and ...

A.   20 October 2006: You say you're a mature adult yet you speak of this as if it were some kind of game; a challenge. The fact is you are both married so perhaps the first thing you should do is leave your husband if you do not want to be with him. Then see what ... (read in full...)

Why is masterbating while laid on your front dangerous?

Q.   dear cupid, i have always masterbated by lieing on my stomach but now ive heard tht this is dangerous y is this dangerous? cculd i be in dangering my self?? plz help anyone im reali worried thnx xx...

A.   20 October 2006: It's not. That's fact. Unless you're using a dangerous implement........... then which ever way you do it could end up...ouch, can't even think about that!... (read in full...)

I think my husband is up to something or thinking about it!

Q.   i know my husband is up to something everytime i ask him straight out he makes an excuse and has to go somewhere or hides behind the kids how do i bluff him so that he has no option but to be straight when anyone comes in he's very attentive to me ...

A.   20 October 2006: I trust my gut instinct more than anything and it sounds to me like you have just cause for concern. You need to get your husband somewhere where he cannot avoid the question. Take a trip and whilst travelling down the motorway, ask him then! Or get ... (read in full...)

Bf is giving me confused messages about getting back together. How should I handle this?

Q.   what do u do when you was seeing some one and they want you to go and see then so you do and they say that ya back togeter and in the next breath he tells you that he has been in love with a woman for a long time but he dont wanna be with her and he ...

A.   17 October 2006: What do you do? You walk away! He can't tell you it's back on, he has to ask. And if he bothers to, say 'no'. Do you really want to be someone who's in love with someone else? It sounds like you're his second option and surely you have more respect ... (read in full...)

How do I find a way to stop being attratced to my bf's best friend? Any good tips?

Q.   Hi, this question isn't going to be quite what it sounds like at first so be sure to read everything! I'm 26 and I feel as though I've been in enough relationships to understand how they work and what helps to make them work. I've been with my boy...

A.   17 October 2006: Maybe the fact you don't see each other often is what perpetuates the crush? Not that I'm suggesting you spend more time with him! I'm confused though, you've been with your boyfriend for 2 years and yet known his friend for 3.5 years? That doesn't ... (read in full...)

It's my my friend's word against his...who do I believe?

Q.   hey i have been dating this guy for a while now but here lately we have been arguing alot. we were best friends before we started going out and he told me that he loved all of his other girlfriends and now he tells me that he really does love me??? ...

A.   17 October 2006: This is tricky because if your friend does have feeling for him, it's feasible she's made stuff up to split you up. Emotions make people do and say weird things that may seem out of character. You say you were friends with your boyfriend befo... (read in full...)

Eating disorder has caused me to have irregular monthlies...will the Pill help me?

Q.   Hello! I have had an irregular monthly cycle for a year due to an eating disorder. Now I haven't had it for 5 months, which I know is bad but anyway, I was considering to take the pill now and I bought one but it says that one should take it on sp...

A.   17 October 2006: Do you still suffer from the eating disorder? If you do, the pill wouldn't help prevent pregnancy as you need it to remain absorbed, so vomiting for example would render it useless. I would get help with the disorder and when you get better, make... (read in full...)

Met a girl, one year younger than me and I like her. Is it wrong to like because she's younger?

Q.   i went to my mates birthday. i met this really nice girl. i've just turned 16 last month. she is turning 15 next month. she is really pretty. we met first time and she was so sweet. she chose my food for me, she talked to me the whole time, she sat ...

A.   17 October 2006: Just ask if she wants to go out with you. If she says yes, great! Sounds like you both like each other. Take your time as you're both still very young so just get to know each other slowly and have some fun. My only advice is to save the physical ... (read in full...)

How do I know if a guy isn't going to use me?

Q.   How do I know if a guy isn't going to use me? I'm a virgin (18) and I'll save you the whole male/daddy issues I've got, but practially I've been in several relationships where the guy has had to break up or I've broken up becuase I just can't trust ...

A.   12 October 2006: You've had some good advcie here. i just want to add: please don't discount going to a counsellor as it sounds like a deep rooted problem. It's highly confidential and no-one else need know you're seeing anyone. They remain totally impartial so it ... (read in full...)

It was his idea to stay friends so why isn't he being a friend???

Q.   After i had been going out with this guy called (P), mind you i was 19 an he was 29 yrs, he broke up with me but suggested about being friends. I said yes to that. Now after about 2 months, the past month or more he has been ignoring my txt ...

A.   12 October 2006: I'd guess he felt bad about finishing with you and thought it would be easier to suggest being friends. He has a new girlfriend now and so basically he either doesn't want to stay friends with you, she doesn't want him to or he's wrapped up in his ... (read in full...)

When someone does something nasty to me I end up thinking it's my fault!!!

Q.   I have a problem I never seem to be completely happy and whem somebody does something nasty to me, specially men I try to justify it and end up thinking it's my fault I feel nervous many times and I don't feel confortable with some of my friends as ...

A.   12 October 2006: It may help to go see someone but what I can tell you is that you need to work on the self, on you. Try to build your self-esteem and confidence in yourself, but... also self-respect. Basically there are many men/boys who will not be too interested ... (read in full...)

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