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male
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*unkley
writes: I broke up with MY ex of a year and a half almost a month ago. She was excessively needy and had to be around me 24-7 other than work. I tried to have nights out with out her and told her ther were to be as such. Then she ended up coming to where I was, saying she was going to hang out with "other people", who she did not talk to and spent the evenings around me and the people I was with. This happened repeatedly so I broke up with her. Now that we are apart, She constantly calls My sister and my Best friend, wanting to come out with us, she has friends other than mine. She is at the same place I am at every night. She tells me she will do "anything" for us to get back together, She even baught me a present. I broke up with her because I was around her to the point of her presence alone angering me. Now that we are apart, it is Worse. She walks in the door I walk out. It has been a month. I can't take this. Is there anything I can do. This is driving me crazy.
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 From now on I would definitely keep your whereabouts TOP SECRET, and make sure your new group of friends are sworn to secrecy too. Stay away from the usual haunts until this girl gets the message. It will probably be a long time, but I do wish you luck, and hope you will in good time be able to get on with your life.
I can't beleive your old set of friends taking the attitude that they did - after all, why did they think it was just you being 'moody', when they should have seen it was 'cause and effect'?
"Every action has an equal, and opposite reaction"..(Newton's third law)
A
female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (3 March 2006):
 Good for you and good luck! Sorry your 'friends' didn't understand, more fool them for liking the stalker!!! They'll eat their words when she turns on them! LOL!!!!! This is a stage that I think everone at least once in their lives. You find out what your 'aquatances' are really like or how gooda friend someone is. When you see their true colours you either move on or stay. I beleive that every single person in teh whole world can count the number of their true friends with one hand.
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male
reader, Bunkley +, writes (3 March 2006):
Bunkley is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Guys An update. for you . I talked to Them yesterday. Something was said about me being moody and the like and I need to get over it. And they do not understand what they did. I told them "Later" And I am finding other things to do. They do not understand have this "I know her so it's different attitude" so I am not going around anymore. I have other people I can hang out with. But I have talked to them over the phone and My Ex has ended up Calling and talking to EVERYONE I have introduced her to. They for the most part don't like her so.. I shoudl not have anyhting to worry about. But I am going to keep a log of situations.
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female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (2 March 2006):
After reading what you wrote in reply to all of our sugestions I change my mind about being stern with HER its your FRIENDS that need telling! Why are they encouraging her to come round. Its not their responsibilty to 'take her on'. Sit your friends down now! And explain to them exactly how they are NOT helping the situation!I think you need to find out where you stand with them and find out if thye actually care how this is affecting you! If not then you should leave all of them be and move on yourself. Maybe you've just out grown this group of people!
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (2 March 2006):
 Avoiding her is probably the only thing you can do then. But I must point out if you were a girl and her the male, then her behaviour would be taken a lot more seriously than this. It's creepy and obsessive.
I do think you need to be contacting the police tho, to build a case against her, in case her behaviour escalates.
What she is doing is called STALKING and this is illeagal, well at least it is in the UK. But the case has to be built over a period of time. You should report her to the police after keeping a couple of weeks log of her behaviour.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2006): Sue her for emotionally ripping you apart. See how she takes it. [grin]
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male
reader, Bunkley +, writes (1 March 2006):
Bunkley is verified as being by the original poster of the questionP.S. I already talked to a lawyer and he said that there was nothing He could do about it. I don't think the police can be of much help either.
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A
male
reader, Bunkley +, writes (1 March 2006):
Bunkley is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone has responded and basically said to sit her down and explain to her what and why. I have told her repeatedly, My friends have told her repeatedly. She doesn't get the picture at all. It goes in one ear and out the other. I explined to her when we brok up that I don't want to be friends for a while. She ignored that. I tried saying mean things to her and making jokes at her expense to get her to leave, that didn't work. I tried ignoring her. I even tried to be friends with her. None of it is working. Now when she comes around, I say a few polite goodby's to friends and walk out the door. My friends don't really see the problem with her being around, and are wonder why I'm "not over it". She went to a shrink and they put her on Lithium or something. Said she has insecurity issues or something. but this is really getting ridiculous. Also She told all of her friends to go away, and claims to not like ANY of them anymore.... This is starting to put a big rift in my relationship with me and my friends. I am sick of it. Any other ideas other than physical violence, Im not about that. I'll be a hermit befor I let that happen. I damn near am now.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (1 March 2006):
Her behaviour will noty be stopped until you tell her that there is absolutely NO chance of you getting back together. If that means you have to be overly harsh DO IT!
Tell her you are sick of being stalked (because that is what this amounts to) and tell her there is no chance of you getting back together.
Then if she wont listen contact the police.
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (1 March 2006):
 I think I can be a little more gentle in my response and say that your ex isn't necessarily a stalker or bunny bolier, especially not the latter. I feel very sorry for her and believe she must be critically low in self esteem to be doing this now and doing what she did when you were together.
There must have been reasons why you were together and she has friends so she obviously isn't a terrible girl just currently walking along the wrong path.
Okay, this isn't fair on you because you want to live your own life without her being around but I believe the very best thing you can do is to explain to her once more, in a tactful way, that you want to lead your own life, you don't want to hurt her and you want her to be happy but that you want to simply get on with your own life without her being there.
Then, what you do is ignore her every time she is there. I know this is harsh and I don't know if you have been doing this (did you accept that present from her?)but there is no alternative. Completely snub her because eventually she will realise that she is utterly wasting her time.
When you have your talk with her, tell her you are going to do this so it isn't unexpected. This way, you have played fair.
If she rings anyone in connection with you, tell them to say to her that you don't want anything more to do with her.
You have to be firm and this way you will have spoken to her, prepared her and then done what you said. If things had been different, perhaps you could have been friends and it is so sad when it comes to this but this is the best you can do.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (1 March 2006):
Forget being sensitove to this girl, she is stalking you. You need to sit her down and be very stern with her. Lay down your boundaries and make them clear and cut.
Tell her exactly why you split up with her, this might make her realise how far her actions have gone. She is way too possessive. If a guy was doing this to girl he could get into trouble! I see no reason why it should be any different if a girl is doing to a boy.
After you've made your feelings clear you really need to stand your ground. Ignore her don't respond to her If she hassles you leave, turn your back, say 'go away' It might sound harsh but if you don't do something soon either you or her will end up taking it too far and doing something yo regret.
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (1 March 2006):
 She is a stalker, bunny boiler or any other name you can think of for someone who just wont let you go, you have become her obsession and believe me you need to do something about this before she ruins your life.
Some people just cannot let the past go and she needs to be told once and for all that it is over, you have no feelings for her and are fast starting to despise her, harsh but necessary words.
Sit her down, make her get the message then walk away, dont look back and dont ring her.
If she is in pub or somewhere you are, then ignore her and make a point of this, if she tries to engage with you, cut her off, you have told her it is over if she cannot accept this and move on then it is not your problem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2006): I too am the kind of girl who is needy, although by the sounds of it, not as much as your ex. Your ex is probably so needy because of low self esteem, and because of this you need to tell her your sick of it, in a clear, but sensitive way. If you havent already, tell your girlfriend the exact reason you broke up with her, and make her realise that what she is doing now is just creating a much bigger wedge between you. Tell her if she keeps acting the way she is, what chance at all is there of you getting back together.
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