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... Send *inktopaz a private message | | | *inktopaz's profile:I'm 29 and born and raised in California.
I've gone through quite a few relationships! Some were great and some were down right terrible!
I really enjoy trying to help people get through relationship woes. Sometimes they can be life consuming and everyone can use a little help from time-to-time.
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My friend and my husband are flrting and texting. Please help!
Q. My friend and my husband have been flirting with each other for some time. Texting each other a lot. Her son is also a friend of my son so the situation is very delicate. I noticed my husband watching her if we were in company and following her ...
A. 7 November 2013: I don't know how you can keep it together because I would have taken her aside and I would have told her that the next time she touches my husband I'll break her hands. BUT that's me!
I do think you need to talk to hubby about it again and tell... (read in full...)
Should I try to clear up the misunderstanding?
Q. I recently took an adult-ed class in my town. I have the strong feeling that this woman in the class thinks I'm a freak or something but I'm really not. For one thing, she said to me that she had lost my e-mail address and when I said we could still ...
A. 7 November 2013: Sounds kind of like she's the freak! Some people just don't have good social skills or they're just weird. If I were you, I would just ignore her and not talk to her unless you have to work with her on something.... (read in full...)
Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 7 November 2013: Probably because you took him even though he didn't treat you very well and maybe the new person won't accept it. OR he's just on good behavior while he's trying to start up something new with the new person and then his true colors will show up ... (read in full...)
Why do abusive men cheat?
Q. I just got out of an abusive relationship. Not only was he physically and verbally abusive but now I found out that he had been cheating on me our entire relationship. He always had accused me of cheating and now I know why because he was the one ...
A. 7 November 2013: It isn't just abusive men that cheat, men that aren't abusive cheat too. So really you'd have to ask why men in general cheat and there's lots of reasons, just like there's a lot of reasons why women cheat.... (read in full...)
How do I say goodbye to my teacher/crush
Q. I am a male sophmore 16 years old in southern california and i am upset because my english teacher 23 yrs old(teacher in training) is leaving beacause she has completed her training. She is extremley attracitive and even called me her best freind no ...
A. 4 November 2013: Going back to my 23-year old self (only 6-years ago) I would probably consider it flattering that a 16-year old boy looks up to me...BUT, I would not be interested in anything more.
You have to really think that it's not worth it to her to poten... (read in full...)
Is dripping in sweat normal when you both have sex together??
Q. My boyfriend and I are dripping in sweat when we have sex together. I mean, it is as if somebody sprayed a hose on both of us. Dripping wet in tons and tons of sweat!! Lol Is this NORMAL at all? And... we usually fog up all the windows ...
A. 3 November 2013: I don't normally make any follow up comments...but saying people sweating a lot because they could possibly be overweight is silly! When I worked out with a personal trainer and was working out regularly (4-5 days a week) I actually would sweat ... (read in full...)
Is dripping in sweat normal when you both have sex together??
Q. My boyfriend and I are dripping in sweat when we have sex together. I mean, it is as if somebody sprayed a hose on both of us. Dripping wet in tons and tons of sweat!! Lol Is this NORMAL at all? And... we usually fog up all the windows ...
A. 2 November 2013: I wouldn't say it's normal, but it's not weird either. I had a boyfriend that was just a sweaty guy, so when it came to sex...same thing, drenched in sweat and fog up the windows. I don't sweat a lot, so I don't know if I was drenched from just ... (read in full...)
New relationship -- when do I tell her about my fetish?
Q. hi i have fetish for satin/silk and only get aroused when a female is wearing satin preferably nightdresses , i am considering a new relationship with a female of similar age to me but how do i go about telling her of my liking of satin/silk , i do ...
A. 28 October 2013: Honestly, there's a lot worse fetishes you could have--I don't think this one is that big of a deal. Just be honest with her, she shouldn't have a problem with it, at least I wouldn't think. But I do think you should do whatever you can so that ... (read in full...)
Messages on his phone were at a minimum disrespectful, possibly much worse
Q. I noticed my boyfriend of over 3 years was really touchy about me using his phone yesterday. He didn't seem to want me around it. I decided to take a look at his messages while he gave me the phone to use to look up something. I discovered text ...
A. 24 October 2013: He may not have cheated yet...but it kind of sounds like he has thoughts of it. After that, I probably wouldn't trust him either. Those comments he made were pretty repulsive. He needs to show you he's sorry, not just say it!
Maybe going ou... (read in full...)
I think I'm dating a jerk!
Q. I think I'm dating a jerk - but maybe it's just me? We go to dinner on the one year anniversary of our first date (not the one year anniversary of the relationship) and he asks me to split it with him because he lost his ATM card and didn't have ...
A. 24 October 2013: Maybe you should ask him about it. Because it sounds like he's being a little petty, especially with the "you had more."
My only guess is that he may be acting that way because he has paid a lot over the year like you said, and maybe if you N... (read in full...)
If he is who he says he is then I'm definitely interested
Q. I'm a smart, successful, attractive woman in my 30s, and, even though I have very progressive, healthy attitudes towards dating and sex, I can't help but feel a bit like an idiot. I went out with a man I met online last weekend who was new to the ...
A. 24 October 2013: Don't worry about "playing games" because they are a little necessary. It's not like you're playing to be a jerk, but because you want him to get to know you for you, not just because he likes the physical aspect.
In my experience, the majority... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my standoffish sisters-in-law?
Q. My two sister in laws( the wives of my husbands brothers) always exclude me from hanging out with them, whether it be they're going out on family outings with their kids or if they're going out as adults. While they are out they'll both post a bunch ...
A. 21 October 2013: Here's what I'm kind of gathering from your post: either you don't have anything in common with them so they don't exclude you to be "mean" but they just don't know you well enough or don't think you have anything in common with their tastes. OR ... (read in full...)
Is it rude to not acknowledge a thank you?
Q. If you recieve a gift for a birthday from someone. Is it rude not to say thank you? A did it rude not to respond to the thank you....even if you don't really like the person? My son's birthday, and he got a gift from his grandparents (on...
A. 21 October 2013: Not necessarily. If you sent an actual "Thank You" card, would to expect them to write back a note that said, "You're Welcome"? Probably not.
Even though you sent it as your son, they probably know it wasn't him that sent it...so it's not like... (read in full...)
How do I organize a nice evening at home?
Q. Hi, I have met 2 females whose company I really enjoy. One, we have agrees to remain friends and have started sharing many secrets with eachother, the other I am very interested in. Now both have started coming over my house to hang out but both...
A. 21 October 2013: Hmm well it depends on what you all like to do.
I think dinner/snacks/wine/beer (if you drink): is always a good idea. Because if I go over to a friend's house, male or female, and I get hungry, I want to leave or ask if anyone else is hungry a... (read in full...)
I've developed a crush on my dentist!
Q. I feel really pathetic writing this as I'm in my mid 30's, engaged and have developed a huge crush on my dentist! Please nobody judge as I'm not going to do anything but I do need advice. I have had to have some work done on my teeth which...
A. 21 October 2013: So if you're not going to do anything, then what does it matter if he likes you too? And if you're not going to do anything, what does it matter if he's married?
It's okay to have a crush on someone, just because you're engaged doesn't mean tha... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is going mad because he's convinced I'm cheating on him!
Q. Hi my boyfriends thinks im cheating on him i would never do that ! he keeps on recording me and then he says he can hear me with men, i think he is going mad because i no i have never done anythink and he is sure i am i dont no how to make him ...
A. 21 October 2013: See: Othello Syndrome/Morbid Jealousy. It's real and scary. You need to have him seek help or leave him.... (read in full...)
I'm hurting so bad, I'm losing him. Please help!!
Q. I really need some advice. I feel like I'm dying a slow painful death. I've been with my bf for 3 years. We're the same age. We aren't living together but spent our weekends/a couple days a week together. We've been through, and overcome, a lot in ...
A. 19 October 2013: Pull yourself together, woman! I know, easier said than done.
I totally empathize with you, I've been through this plenty of times. It sucks! I'm currently experimenting with a guy that I've been seeing with this because he's been doing th... (read in full...)
He thinks it's not healthy for us to be together because we are arguing, what should I do?3
Q. I met a guy on the 22nd of September 2013. We been talking every single day and been texting each other and said he wanted to be with me but nobody else. he is 24 and I am 26 . he told me he smokes weed and told him to stop smoking and had an ...
A. 13 October 2013: Here's the problem: you want to fix things, including him. You said you had an argument about him smoking pot and he said he doesn't like the arguing, but you claim it's not an argument...kind of confusing.
He probably knows already that it is go... (read in full...)
Advice for a 7 year age gap relationship?
Q. Just a question: How do you feel about a relationship between a man who is 25, and a young woman who is 18? I am the 18 year old, by the way. I don't find anything awkward about it so far. We've been dating for two months, HE doesn't find any...
A. 13 October 2013: 7 years?! That's nothing! It probably seems like a lot when you're 18, but it's really not. I've dated guys 17 years older than me (but I'm 29).
It sounds like you two have a lot in common and if he makes you happy, age doesn't matter. ... (read in full...)
Am I being insecure or should her lifestyle / attitude be a legitimate concern?
Q. My girlfriend and I (3 months together) got into a fight last week because she told me that if she goes out with her friends they would have a "contest" to see who could get the most numbers at a bar or club. I found this disrespectful and odd so I ...
A. 13 October 2013: Hmmm...I think yes and no that you should be concerned. The fact that she told you that they were going to try and see who could get the most numbers at a bar was kind of a way of seeing how you'd react and she was letting you know. If she was up ... (read in full...)
Help I have pushed him away
Q. Help I am ruining my relationship! Okay my boyfriend is sweet and caring. All he thought about was me. Wanted to spend time with me. Always texting me. Holding me tight in bed. Was so good. But I became a nag constant. Always horrible. Never ...
A. 10 October 2013: You need to do what he said, GIVE IT TIME! I know you want to talk about it and get if over with and make everything instantly better, but it doesn't work that way!
Back off and let him have some space and let him think. He can't think if you'r... (read in full...)
I want to date but never get asked!
Q. It seems like many people fall in love the very first time they meet. From what I know, a lot of guys approach girls they don't know and ask them out. I have this one friend who's like a master at attracting guys. She would talk about how she and ...
A. 10 October 2013: I think you need to flirt! If you're feeling insecure about yourself and not making eye contact with any guys and flashing a smile or something, you're not going to attract anyone.
At your age, clubs might be kind of lame to you. But it's all... (read in full...)
My friend probably gave her one-night-stand guy chlamydia (he doesn't know it might be from her) and now I'm dating this guy. How do I ask him to get checked without exposing my friend?
Q. Hi all, I'm in a sticky situation! Straight to the point, I started university 18 months ago and quickly became good friends with a girl on my course. Since then we have been like best friends, we clicked instantly. She happens to be a girl ...
A. 10 October 2013: How about you suggest you both go to the clinic!
I know you said you've already been checked, but heck, it's free at some places. That way you're not just telling him you want him to get checked and he hears something like, "I think you might be... (read in full...)
I'm an unhappily married man with two small children and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake?
Q. hi everyone. im an unhappily married man with two small children.im wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake? my wife has a short temper and can stay angry for weeks about things without e...
A. 10 October 2013: I haven't been married before, but I did see you asked if there's an age where the kids will be old enough to deal with a divorce. Coming from someone who's parents started going through a divorce when I was 26, the answer is no!
In honesty,... (read in full...)
We love each other but we can't be together
Q. This is my last post. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-want-to-be-single-my-whole.html I still miss my ex like crazy. I sent him a text yesterday and he didn't reply. Then I wrote to him and said I'm sorry for the annoying message. ...
A. 7 October 2013: Okay, after reading your original post...why do you even want to be with him? He's cheated on you repeatedly and you've taken him back.
Saying you can't hang out with friends because they're having kids and families isn't a good excuse. If you w... (read in full...)
I told him I wanted to hear from him at least once a day while he was travelling -- is it reasonable to be angry when he doesn't contact me?
Q. Hello so my boyfriend left a week ago to visit his family for his brothers wedding in india and I made it clear I wanted to hear from him at least once a day even if it was something like "I am going to bed goodnight" he is 10:30 min ahead of me. ...
A. 6 October 2013: I think you're being irrational. He's spending time with his family etc. and I think you should respect that.
I know it's easy to think that you should be on his mind 24/7 and that he misses you like crazy and should want to talk to you at any c... (read in full...)
Should I leave my boyfriend? I think I deserve better?
Q. Should I leave my boyfriend? I think I deserve better? Well here is our story so you can understand my situation. I met him three years ago. Since day one I knew he had a daughter but he was not with the mother. At the beginning we only...
A. 6 October 2013: Yes, you can do better. Sounds like he treats you like an option instead of a priority, and that doesn't feel good. There's a lot of guys that will respect you and not neglect you, regardless if they have a child or not.... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you have sex with a woman on her period?
Q. What are your opinions on period sex? Especially guys... Would you have sex with a woman on her period? Would you do this only if you were in a relationship with her and care about or love her? Or would you do it with a random woman if you wa...
A. 5 October 2013: I know you want opinions from guys. But I have to agree, it doesn't have anything to do with closeness. I've had sex while on my period with almost every partner and some I was in relationships with and some it was just a friends with benefits ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend watch chubby porn even though he says he's not attracted to larger women?
Q. Hi Ok my my boyfriend (30yrs) and I have been together for a year. He watches porn, which I'm ok with - most of the time! He told me a couple of months ago that he sometimes watches chubby (or BBW) porn. He said it makes it seem more real like the...
A. 2 October 2013: The explanation I've received from an ex boyfriend is because they get bored. Sure, it's nice watching attractive women in porn, but sometimes that bores them, so they need something else to turn them on. He explained to me that sometimes he liked ... (read in full...)
Married man got caught. Would he lie to me about this?
Q. Are there any reasons why a married man would lie to his mistress about getting caught by his wife? NO judgements please........ He was caught over the weekend and told me they were having a major fight and that he would get in touch with me. I d...
A. 2 October 2013: As others have said, it could be an easy way out for him. If he were to get "caught" then it could be an easy scapegoat for discontinuing the relationship.
Or, he really did get caught but he can't really talk to you about it at the moment. ... (read in full...)
Can you get over a lack of physical attraction if the person is great enough?
Q. How do you get over not having a physical attraction to someone? I met the most amazing guy. Which is not something I say easily or throw around, I have been married and never talked that way about my ex husband. We have been talking for a fe...
A. 2 October 2013: I think some people can get over it and some people can't.
One of my best friends is with a guy(and expecting a baby)that she didn't find very attractive to begin with. He's definitely not the type of guy I would imagine her with and even she... (read in full...)
Why did my 30 years older than me coworker talk to me about his wife and kids?
Q. I don't understand why we had this conversation?what do you think the meaning was. through work i've come across a worker who now i am involved with for some work. first time saw him he shook my hand and when leaving patted my back. Thats fi...
A. 29 September 2013: Because he was talking about it because that's what people do. You don't know what he talks to other people about. Stop overanalyzing and trying to "decode" what he meant by talking about his family. Who cares?... (read in full...)
Is it safe to go to a music festival alone?
Q. Would you go to a music festival alone? I moved to a new city a few months ago, and haven't made any close friends yet. Since moving here, I have missed out on a few events that I've really wanted to go to, but have ended up just staying home ...
A. 28 September 2013: There's actually a 2-day music festival down the street from me and I'm probably gonna go check out the beer garden-alone.
If it's a music festival in the middle-of-nowhere, I'd be a little nervous. But there's usually a lot of people and it's... (read in full...)
She had a breakdown when I was her advisor and now 6 years later, she's sending me very strange emails. What do I do?
Q. About six years ago I advised a graduate student from China who didn't do well in the lab and failed to complete her project. She left with a Master's degree but also went a little nuts when she was here. I had to take her to the Psych ward at the ...
A. 26 September 2013: Echoing everyone else, ignore her for sure and report the emails to whoever you need to.
She sounds a little nuts, especially asking others about you. You don't want her to get upset and make up some lie that gets you into trouble. It's best to ... (read in full...)
Why do guys pretend like they are looking for a great personality when it's really just physical attraction they are looking for? Why don't people just admit the shallow truth?
Q. From experience and observation, I know for a fact that a huge majority men do NOT give a crap about a woman's personality. They just instantly know whether they are going to put up with a woman's crap or not. If you find someone physical...
A. 23 September 2013: What do you think men should do? Go up to a woman and tell her, "Hey, I don't really find you attractive, but you look like you have a great personality. Let's go on a date" No! It's only natural that a man (or woman) is going to go after what ... (read in full...)
She asked him to cheat but I don't know what to think!
Q. Im going out with a boy who'd ex is also one of my friends. He dumped her after a huge arguement and she recently told me that she still has feelings for him. Just a week ago she wanted to break up with her current boyfriend. She didnt want to do it ...
A. 23 September 2013: She's not a friend, she just wanted an excuse to kiss your boyfriend. I'd stop being her friend and ask your boyfriend out of respect for you to not have any sort of relationship with her either, friendly or not. You shouldn't have to alter your ... (read in full...)
He says he no longer loves me-- how can I change his mind?
Q. This will be long, so bare with me.... I am 32, my boyfriend 35. We have been together for almost 4 years and live together. I have two children, both with special needs, from a previous relationship; they are not home on weekends. Our relationsh...
A. 19 September 2013: I have to admit, he is being pretty mean. BUT, he's probably really, really tired of hearing about how you think he doesn't love you and you immediately jump to conclusions that he's mad at you and if he wants to break up. He's probably pissed off ... (read in full...)
Should I be jealous if my boyfriend commented on one of his FB friend's picture and told her she looked gorgeous?
Q. Should I be jealous if my boyfriend commented on one of his FB friend's picture and told her she looked gorgeous? I happen to see that once because it appeared on my wall and I've seen do that a few times and maybe more that I don't know about. Is ...
A. 19 September 2013: I think it really depends on the type of guy he is. If he's a guy that tends to compliment women who are friends of his when they look nice, then it could be pretty normal. If he's a flirtatious kind of guy that likes to flirt with other women, I ... (read in full...)
Can an affair with a married man ever end happily for the other woman?
Q. Hello everyone. Before I begin, I realize I am opening myself up to a firestorm of very harsh judgment, name calling and comments from Dear Cupid's advice givers and readers. Please do not judge me. We all walk different paths in life and make...
A. 19 September 2013: Well I'm not a married man, but I think his reasons for being unhappy in his marriage is pretty typical...or at least the typical excuse they give. Does that mean that their reasons are false? Not necessarily. Who really knows? You kind of have ... (read in full...)
How do I get my ex back? Or how do I move on? It's 70 days since our break-up
Q. Two months ago, The love of my life walked away because of my bad attitude. It's been about 70 days since I've seen or talked to him. How do I get him back? or How do I accept what has happened and move on? Its been a hard journey. All I d...
A. 18 September 2013: You move on the same cliché way every other website, book, video tells you to. You stop contact and do your best to try to forget them by keeping yourself busy with other things.
Yes, I know it hurts. I've gone through my share of heartach... (read in full...)
Two guys. Which date to cancel? Considering the circumstances?
Q. Hey, I seem to have gotten myself caught up in a very odd situation. So, let me start off by saying that I had my boyfriend for 4 months, then we broke up, except it wasn't a clean break up. We decided to stay friends, although I only agreed to that ...
A. 18 September 2013: Well if you tell him your situation, chances are, he probably won't want to date you anyway. However, you clearly keep putting yourself back into this toxic relationship with your ex and you were not ready to date to begin with. You were looking ... (read in full...)
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