A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello so my boyfriend left a week ago to visit his family for his brothers wedding in india and I made it clear I wanted to hear from him at least once a day even if it was something like "I am going to bed goodnight" he is 10:30 min ahead of me. And last time he talked he seemed a little bit angry because I was curious on if he was still going to tell his mother about me. ( we have been dating for 11 months. I was still making sure he wanted to tell is mother because im insure that he wont. Well anyways he wrote me at 4 am my time and hasn't wrote me since which is more the 24 hours ago for me and I see that hes on Facebook updating stuff and talking to other people... And I am just a little pissed that he cant send me something or whatever. I am I being rational ? Is this a logical reason to be angry ?? I just miss him so much and I feel like because hes not talking to me he doesn't miss me or feel the same way as I do. If in not over reacting please tell me how to approach this with him and what should i do not necessarily get him back but maybe show how it feels if that's a logical thing to do Thank you
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 October 2013):
I think you're being irrational. He's spending time with his family etc. and I think you should respect that.
I know it's easy to think that you should be on his mind 24/7 and that he misses you like crazy and should want to talk to you at any chance. But it's the real world and it doesn't work like that. He'll miss you once you give him a chance to. He doesn't miss you when you're demanding he contacts you once a day. Let him do it on his terms, not because you're forcing him to. It causes a person to become resentful and not want to bother. Chill out a bit. He'll contact you soon.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2013):
 Yeah, I think you should release this iron grip. Hey, it's only one week, he won't forget about you or like you less in one week. He's home, surrounded by tons of family, old friends , social acquaintances he has obligations to. If he is staying at relatives, and involved in a big traditional wedding, his time is not all at his command , he's got to go with the flow of the people around him. Plus, the big time difference. Last but not least, if his family does not know anything about you ( THAT would worry me, instead, rather than him not reporting to base daily, 11 months you are dating and you are still a secret ? ) most probably he does not want to be " caught " contacting you, eliciting curiosity, and having to explain who are you and why he has to get up in the middle of something ( dinner, conversations etc. ) to talk to you.
He has not ignored you since when he's left, he simply has not checked with you daily- IMO, that does not mean that he does not miss you, just that he's a little less obsessive than you and has got also other things in mind, beside his love story- and probably, so should you !
I agree that if he had PROMISED to keep in touch daily and he has not followed up, this is annoying and disappointing ,promises should be kept, if only humanly possible, otherwise it erodes trust. Nevertheless, I would not get angry or confront him or push about the " report to base " issue- you may get your way for the future, but eventually it will backfire, for him contacting his gf will become , rather than a pleasure and a special moment , like a chore, or doing homework. And he will resent you for imposing it on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): Your expectations are what is unreasonable. What makes you think you are the boss that you can make up these rules?
If you don't give your bf the choice to call you or not call you as he wants then you are creating a negative environment by being so bossy and angry. A negative environment can make him not want to call you even if he has the chance. Then you will have to make more rules to get him to call you since he doesn't want to do it by himself. See where this is going?
So what if he doesn't call for a day or two. Learn to deal with it. As little as 20 years ago most people didn't have cell phones or email and long distance calls were expensive. You wrote letters to your loved ones far away. The letters took days or weeks to arrive. We learned to deal with separations without freaking out.
Don't make him the focus of your whole world. That isn't healthy for you and is not fair to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): Be careful. You're acting like a demanding child. He doesn't have to check in and report to you like you're his mother or boss. How long has he been gone?If the wedding is traditional, he will be seeing a lot of relatives, neighbors, and friends. His time will be filled catching up, visiting with family, and helping out. The time difference is ridiculous. He has a right to contact other friends, and update social media whenever he pleases. His life does not revolve around you.He doesn't have to live according to your instructions. He will contact you when time permits. He will tell his parents about you when he's ready. You're not his finance'. Cultures differ greatly when it comes down to who you're dating.If he hasn't told his family about you; it may be because he is dating outside of his religion. They live in India; and they may be religiously conservative and inflexible in their ways. They may also be prejudiced about his dating American women, or outside his nationality. Being concerned because you haven't heard from him is one thing; being "angry," because he's being disobedient to your demands is another. He already has a mother, and a father. They make enough demands on him, and most likely set high expectations as well.If he isn't treating you well, or has been disrespectful of you the past 11 months. Then perhaps you should not continue a relationship with him.While he is away with family, his time is theirs. They live halfway around the world; and he doesn't get to see his family as often as he gets to see you.Being angry is childish.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): I don't think you are being irrational. You want to approach this without sounding too controlling or like you're stalking his facebook activities. I would perhaps tell him that you really worry about him, and that you want to hear from him regularly because when you don't, you start to worry about his safety and wellbeing. He will likely be more inclined to give in to your request of calling you if he thinks that you worry about him, and not because you are desperate or controlling or insecure about whether he's told his mom about you.
Though if your bf truly doesn't miss you or feel the same way you do, will forcing him to call you and say goodnight somehow make him miss you more or feel the same way you do?
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