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... Send *inktopaz a private message | | | *inktopaz's profile:I'm 29 and born and raised in California.
I've gone through quite a few relationships! Some were great and some were down right terrible!
I really enjoy trying to help people get through relationship woes. Sometimes they can be life consuming and everyone can use a little help from time-to-time.
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He's prepared to live off mommy's money -- Is this an irreconcilable difference?
Q. My boyfriend is a spoiled "mama's boy." He's 21 (as am I) and we have been together for four years. His mother is very wealthy, has fancy cars and 6 apartments and recently told him that he will inherit all of this. Since this discovery, my ...
A. 14 December 2013: I'd probably give him an ultimatum on this one. Either he gets his act together and starts to become a responsible adult or you're going to dump him.
Myself included, would not want to be with someone like this either. Who wants to be with som... (read in full...)
I feel I'm at my emotional limit with this relationship
Q. I need some help and advice with a relatively new relationship I'm in. The relationship started out complicated but that in itself is a very long story so I'm hoping I can escape going into that. Basically, we got together in September and ev...
A. 14 December 2013: Well he's controlling and abusive and has manipulated you into staying with him because you feel bad for him. He doesn't need your help...only he can help himself. You've only been together since September, you should still be in the honeymoon ... (read in full...)
Should I send this letter to my narcissistic ex?
Q. My ex dumped me 6 months ago. A few months ago after I read something on the Internet, I realized that I'm a narcissist victim. I'm trying to move on, but I still think about him a lot. The last time i sent him a message was 2 months ago and he ...
A. 14 December 2013: NO, if he's truly narcissistic, then him knowing you're hurt will make him happy. To truly piss him off would be to continue ignoring him and moving on with your life.... (read in full...)
Nervous about Christmas with my best friend's family because I have history with her brother!
Q. Hello advisors. I apologize for the length but I feel like you guys need to know all the details before you can help me out with this. Before any judging occurs, there has been no cheating. Probably some lying but definitely no cheating. And for the ...
A. 14 December 2013: You're probably nervous about Christmas because you don't really know what to expect. Is he going to try something again or is his wife going to be there to make things even more awkward? It's probably just the unknown, so it's understandable to ... (read in full...)
Bipolar boyfriend invited to his birthday party then I got there and he was drunk and broke up with me!
Q. It's not that I want to ask a question. I just want someone to listen to how I feel, so I'm sorry if I go on. I just came back from my Bf's friends 21st Birthday houseparty, that he invited me to. I told him that I don't think I should come, so...
A. 8 December 2013: I've had two separate relationships with guys who are bipolar (what are the odds, right?). Dump him. It won't get any better, especially if he drinks and/or does drugs. Probably not the answer you're looking for, but some of the turmoil that went ... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with the girl my boyfriend was in love with before me
Q. I ruined my boyfriend's relationship with his best friend. I didn't mean to, but it was absolutely my fault. My boyfriend (of three years) had been in love with his childhood friend for many years, and remained in love with her when we started ...
A. 7 December 2013: You kind of already answered the question yourself: it's because you're insecure. Hope my bluntness doesn't offend you, but if you were comfortable with yourself, then you wouldn't worry about comparing yourself to her.
Do you think that maybe yo... (read in full...)
Do you think he is "into me" beyond just the physical aspect?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month and a half now, and we became intimate right away. At first I thought that, perhaps, I'd goofed and "gave it up" too soon, therefore ruining all chances of a real relationship, but this guy has continued ...
A. 7 December 2013: I know this isn't going to help, but maybe yes and maybe no.
I had a relationship with a guy that lasted for years, and it started off with me "giving it up" right away. I honestly thought he was just going to be a one-night-stand, I met him in a... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty that I broke up with my boyfriend so close to Christmas!
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend, of 3 years, yesterday. He'd been emotionally abandoning me for quite some time and we'd been having problems the last few months that we couldn't get past. I told him time and time again that I wouldn't keep "waiting" ...
A. 7 December 2013: Okay, makes more sense now.
I think it's better to break up with someone before Christmas than after...I mean, so many people will stay with someone they don't even want to be with because their birthday is coming up or a holiday is coming u... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty that I broke up with my boyfriend so close to Christmas!
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend, of 3 years, yesterday. He'd been emotionally abandoning me for quite some time and we'd been having problems the last few months that we couldn't get past. I told him time and time again that I wouldn't keep "waiting" ...
A. 7 December 2013: Wait...what? You "broke up" with your boyfriend of 3-years by just falling off the face of the Earth?! No wonder why you feel guilty! I know you want some encouraging words, but that's not a very nice way to break with up with someone you've been ... (read in full...)
Wife of 10 years has put on weight. How can I motivate her to exercise?
Q. My wife and I have been together for 10yrs. and she is putting on a fair amount of weight. I have tried to get her to exercise and move but it is very hard to get her motivated. Any suggestions?...
A. 7 December 2013: Do you exercise? I only ask, because if you don't, then maybe you can get into it together...and it might be a little hypocritical if you aren't fit yourself.
Also, losing weight is pretty much 80% diet, 20% exercise. So look into that and let ... (read in full...)
Does getting back into a relationship with an ex ever work out?
Q. Hey I have a question. Does getting back into a relationship with an ex ever really work out? I was with a girl for two years and we have been broken up for a year now. I took it really hard when her and I broke up. I have had 2 short term relat...
A. 4 December 2013: For me, it's never worked out, BUT we didn't go a full year inbetween.
First, I don't think you should feel bad at all for breaking up with her when you did, because that was the best thing to do. She was trying to have her cake and eat it too a... (read in full...)
Am I friend-zoned or is she not interested? And should I persist or give up and break contact?
Q. I've been casual friends with a woman i've known for about two months. I kept getting mixed signals from her one day she'd be really warm another day she'd be really cold. Anyhow I asked her out on a date and this is what she told me: 'I apprecia...
A. 4 December 2013: Well I think it could be one of two things:
She is interested and she said that because she thinks that since you've had a casual relationship (I guess that means hooking up?) that you don't want anything more, so she's testing you to see if you'l... (read in full...)
I found a lipstick in my partner's car and my gut feeling is telling me there's more to this. What do I do?
Q. I don't know what to make of this situation so hoping someone can give me some advice. My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We've had a great relationship and friendship. This morning I found a lipstick in his car. I have no r...
A. 2 December 2013: I think you should go with your gut feeling on this one.
It may not be proof but it's definitely evidence that there's something else going on he's not telling you. Some might be against this, but I'd "research" a little more--you know, li... (read in full...)
Husband and I agreed to break off our affairs but now his mistress is pregnant!
Q. I am 41 and I have been married for 6 1/2 yrs..been with my husband for 11yrs total. We have no children together..both our children are all adults. I found he was cheating on me in April so I confronted him. He lied to me that he wouldn't do it ...
A. 2 December 2013: I wouldn't want to be his wife even if she doesn't keep the baby.
As far as dealing or coping with this, you really need to find someone to talk to. You're not going to be looked at as "crazy" or anything like that, we all need a little help som... (read in full...)
I'm 29. How can I have a grandfather in my life if my own have died? Am I asking too much? Or is there another way to fill this void?
Q. Hey guys, This is a question about a family relationship. I'm new to this site but I don't imagine it's ever been asked before. I know it sounds kinda crazy, but I need advice about this desire of mine. Is there any way to make my wish come tru...
A. 2 December 2013: Well I think you have this idea what it would be like to have a grandfather, but your idea isn't how it always is. I have one of my grandfathers around still, and I don't ever have to take care of him or anything, but I do love hearing all of his ... (read in full...)
Could it be over before it began?
Q. I met today with the guy I asked the question about sending the Happy Thanksgiving text. I really liked him, but it seem like he didn't like me. I am very shy and I wasn’t able to maintain the conversation interesting. So, my bad! I know I screw it ...
A. 1 December 2013: I think you gotta let this one go. He didn't reciprocate on wanting to see you again, just that it was nice meeting you too. At least he's polite and isn't trying to be rude.
Maybe you two just don't have that much in common, which is why the ... (read in full...)
Sex life with fianceé is suffering. How important is sex to women in a relationship?
Q. I just want to know how important sex is to women in a relationship, and also if it is important to them to maintain a healthy relationship. My fiance and I just got engaged a few weeks ago and we've been together for a year and a half. The first ...
A. 30 November 2013: I think it's probably just as important to women, but because we were made differently, it's easy for sex to become painful or uncomfortable for us. And of course, if something is painful or uncomfortable, you don't want to do that particular ... (read in full...)
Am I about to be used in revenge sex with a longtime friend?
Q. This is a long and complex story of infidelity and revenge sex. So here's the short version. My friend had been cheating on his wife unknown to me. I've know them both since childhood. I kept our friendship at a respectful distance because I could ...
A. 25 November 2013: Well if it's revenge sex, she's definitely going to want to tell her husband about it. That's something you don't want to be in the middle of!
Even if something more blossomed out of this "revenge sex" she'll probably end up using you as a reb... (read in full...)
I want to break up but how? Or am I overreacting?
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years. Typical love story, we met while travelling to our home town at a friend's place, we met we hit it off instantly, we promised to keep in touch, we emailed, we sent text messages, spent ...
A. 25 November 2013: I also find it odd that you have to arrange phone calls with him. In a normal relationship (long distance or not) you're pretty free-at-will to call whenever. Did he give you a legit reason for that? Or did he just say so? Because it does sound ... (read in full...)
So what's going on? Has she lost interest?
Q. I met this girl on a dating site. Well, a woman. She is 38. I am 39. We went out for drinks a week ago and ended up kissing. Before the date we'd been emailing every day, and after the date (Friday) I wasn't sure how long to wait, but I sent her a ...
A. 24 November 2013: Well I'm gonna be the black sheep here and say, she might be playing games...only because you appear to be. If you saw her Friday and waited until Tuesday to text her, then she probably thought you were playing games so now she's "busy" this ... (read in full...)
I accidentally missed a call from a guy I'm interested in. What should I do?
Q. This guy tried to call me late last night. What should I say to him? I met this guy last weekend, and we have been texting each other quite a lot this week. I texted him last night, asking him what he was doing, and he said he was going playing ...
A. 23 November 2013: I agree, it was a booty call. I wouldn't even mention it the next time you talk to him and just carry on a conversation like it never happened. You don't need to explain anything to him or apologize, he's not your boyfriend.... (read in full...)
Slept with a married work colleague
Q. I have worked with this man for a year. We flirt all day everyday and for as long as I've known him iv been attracted to him, hes also attracted to me but hes married. On friday we had a work party and i stayed in his hotel room and we had sex. Ther ...
A. 19 November 2013: What you need to understand is A LOT of people that have affairs see each other everyday. Why? Because the workplace is the #1 place for people to have affairs.
He may not be lying for HIS point-of-view, but there are two sides to every story. ... (read in full...)
Slept with a married work colleague
Q. I have worked with this man for a year. We flirt all day everyday and for as long as I've known him iv been attracted to him, hes also attracted to me but hes married. On friday we had a work party and i stayed in his hotel room and we had sex. Ther ...
A. 18 November 2013: Everyone always thinks that what the married guy tells them isn't "cliché." They always want to be different. Everyone always thinks their situation is different. It's not. Believe me. Been there, done that. If he's that unhappy, then he ... (read in full...)
Sister-in-law propositioned me, and I'm tempted ...
Q. Hi I have a dilemma, I don't get on with my sister in law, she is an obnoxious self centred person, a habitual liar, thief and cannot be trusted even slightly. I have tried in the past to give her the benefit of the doubt but have always had my ...
A. 18 November 2013: "She is an obnoxious self centered person, a habitual liar, thief and cannot be trusted even slightly."
That would be enough of an answer as to why she came onto you.
Come on! Gross! Do not sleep with her! Or any other woman except for your ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend loves me but isnt physically attracted to me
Q. Girlfriend just told me she doesn't find me physically attractive? Said she loves me and is emotionally connected to me, therefore she is into me physically. Said she sees her life with me. But just that it's not a sexual thing. I'm really confused ...
A. 17 November 2013: Wow, that's a backhanded compliment to give you.
Something along the lines of, "I don't find you physically attractive, but because I feel connected to you, you're attractive to me."
I know what she's talking about, BUT this is something she... (read in full...)
I always feel I'm annoying my FWB when I text him
Q. So, it started back in 2010 when I met this boy and we were just friends with benefits.. I started to really like him and he said he didn't want anything more and then he just randomly got a girlfriend with this girl I disliked at the time. So, ...
A. 17 November 2013: You need to go No Contact. Look it up.
That way you can work on yourself and hopefully get over him. Or at least build your confidence enough to screw with his head when he tries to come back.... (read in full...)
Is it too much to kiss on the first date?
Q. I went on a first date last night.Met online and exchanged a few messages over about a week. Went to two different bars, had some good conversation and laughs. He walked me home and then leant in for a kiss. We kissed passionately for 45 mins ...
A. 17 November 2013: I don't think kissing is too much. But it's a good thing you didn't invite him in, that would have led to too much.
Kissing could be a sign of anything. A kiss is a kiss...even if it was good, it doesn't "mean" anything really.
Keep in mind,... (read in full...)
After you meet for a date how long do you wait before contacting them again?
Q. Online dating. After you meet for a date, you kiss, you want to see her again, how long should you leave it before contacting her? She seemed interested but I don't want to come on too strong. Also I went online today and she was on there at the ...
A. 16 November 2013: I think it's reasonable to follow up the next day. If I like a guy and had a good date with him, I'd hope to hear from him really soon.
Yes, she could have been checking out other profiles. Especially if she hasn't heard from you, she might th... (read in full...)
A beauty you fancy turned out to have had major plastic surgery done. Would it bother you?
Q. Right so this is a toughie. I'm hoping you guys can help me...cause I really need it!! I met a girl several weeks ago at a club. A real stunner. Beautiful green eyes, blonde hair, lovely figure, very high cheekbones, full lips. She was chatting...
A. 14 November 2013: Besides not wanting to be called superficial...I'm really bothered by the fact that you thought she was a "fake" somehow because she didn't have a boyfriend! Where is the logic behind that? If you're attractive, you're supposed to be with someone? ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a friend to mention your skin color?
Q. I invited two friends over...I am of a mixed background, roots-wise, one of them who doesn't know the people of my country, told me though cautiously gentle polite inonation and all whether that my people had darker skin than I do..I am not dark but ...
A. 14 November 2013: I agree, sounds like she was just curious. Nothing to get offended about.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend joining coast guard?!
Q. So me and my boyfriend have known each other for 6 years(he was my male best friend) and been together for 2 years now and recently he has decided to join the coast guard and I am now officially worried. I know this would be a great opportunity for ...
A. 13 November 2013: My niece's husband joined the Coast Guard. I think that's why they got married so young. He likes it and she likes it, it's not too bad. I don't think it's as "bad" as far as other branches of the military. But just like how a lot of military ... (read in full...)
Should I trust that gut feeling that tells me to move on, or should I stay?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We started dating online while he was deployed and continued when he got back a few months ago. At the start I was really happy and felt like he could be the right guy for me. But then, cou...
A. 11 November 2013: Well what he said was really disrespectful to you and your culture. BUT it was also a sign of immaturity on his part. I could see it being a problem in the future if you don't address it now or soon. But I think it's something he could realize ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with retroactive jealousy?
Q. Hi there, this will be long but I'm in need of help and would appreciate the time and any advice you can offer. I'm 27 living in Los Angeles Cali, working at a video game company. I have suffered from retroactive jealousy since my ve...
A. 11 November 2013: Ever heard the phrase, "Don't shit where eat"? There's a reason for that. Workplace relationships cause a lot of unnecessary drama and insecurities.
Most people have an ex or had some sort of relationship with another person, whether it was casu... (read in full...)
Is 6 guys alot for a girl to sleep with?
Q. I need some advise, please be honest and tell me what you think and what you would do in this situation. I recently found out my fiancé of almost 6 years had been with 6 guys before me( she was my first- she's 3 years older than me I was 22 when we ...
A. 10 November 2013: Six?! That's not a lot. The fact that you guys even went over who she slept with and the "story" behind each is seriously weird.
The amount of people she's had sex with doesn't define who she is. It's not grounds for dumping someone unless i... (read in full...)
Could he really be happy with his wife and act that way with another woman?
Q. I am single and met a married man recently. We spent a lot of time together talking and the chemistry was intense. We both said some extremely suggestive things we probably shouldn't have. We both wanted to go home together but he couldn't do it as ...
A. 10 November 2013: Some married men do act that way. Doesn't mean they're unhappily married. He might just be bored or likes to know that someone could still possibly be interested in him.
But seriously, don't even entertain the idea. You will hate your lif... (read in full...)
Her reasons seem a bit odd to me -- anyone else every decide a guy was just too good?
Q. Has anyone had to make a decision like this? I was dating someone a while ago, but it ended after two months. Since then we stay in touch as friends as she said I was important to her. In the meantime we both date other people although the per...
A. 10 November 2013: Hmm...I've had girlfriends say they wouldn't ever want to marry a guy that's super attractive because then they wouldn't have to "worry" about him cheating on them. Which, I think is kind of a dumb reasoning, because ugly people cheat too. BUT ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend slapped me across the face, was it my fault?
Q. My boyfriend slapped me across the face, was it my fault? My boyfriend has Bipolar Disorder. He drinks a lot sometimes, and this annoys me, whether he is being annoying when he is drunk or not. Sometimes, he is hyper and happy when he is drunk...
A. 10 November 2013: No, he didn't have a right to slap you and push you! Granted, yes, he had every right to be pissed off at you for pulling off his covers and bothering him, but he still shouldn't have physically attacked you.
No, I don't think you should apologiz... (read in full...)
How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man?
Q. This question is for everyone: How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man?...
A. 9 November 2013: I wouldn't do it...... (read in full...)
FWB: why hasn't he contacted me?
Q. Do fwb's suddenly go silent? I've been friends with benefits with a guy on and off (mostly on) for nearly a year. He is sexy as hell, I approached him, but at the time was going through a rocky patch with my then-boyfriend. I was open with him ...
A. 8 November 2013: You've been coming on way too strong. The only way to turn things around is to ignore him back. It does work most of the time, but you can't jump right back in and start texting him all the time, you have to let him. If you don't hear from him, ... (read in full...)
I want him to respect me and want me again, but am I pushing him away?
Q. So I've posted here twice the last week about my ex who I've been dating for 2 months. We broke up because I started pressuring him for more of a commitment. He wasn't ready. Weve been fighting for 2 weeks. He finally called me a drama queen and ...
A. 7 November 2013: I think you did the right thing. But, I do think that by now, he should be able to decide if he wants to be exclusive or not.
I think you should just try going no contact for a few weeks and see how you feel. I know it's hard (I'm doing it... (read in full...)
My friend and my husband are flrting and texting. Please help!
Q. My friend and my husband have been flirting with each other for some time. Texting each other a lot. Her son is also a friend of my son so the situation is very delicate. I noticed my husband watching her if we were in company and following her ...
A. 7 November 2013: I don't know how you can keep it together because I would have taken her aside and I would have told her that the next time she touches my husband I'll break her hands. BUT that's me!
I do think you need to talk to hubby about it again and tell... (read in full...)
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