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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: This is my last post.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-want-to-be-single-my-whole.htmlI still miss my ex like crazy. I sent him a text yesterday and he didn't reply. Then I wrote to him and said I'm sorry for the annoying message. He said he didn't get the text. He asked how I have been and told me he misses me a lot. We talked for like 3 minutes and I couldn't help but tell him I miss him and will love him forever and ever no matter who he's with. We both said sorry and he's not over me either. He said he will always love me too. I told him I know things happen for a reason but I don't understand why we met(we live in different countries) He thinks that we both grew a lot but it doesn't mean we won't meet again. I can tell that he's trying to move on which is something I'm trying to do too now. I don't know how I feel after talking to him. What do I do? We still love each other but both have to try to move on because we can't get back together.
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (7 October 2013):
Okay, after reading your original post...why do you even want to be with him? He's cheated on you repeatedly and you've taken him back.
Saying you can't hang out with friends because they're having kids and families isn't a good excuse. If you were determined to go on with your life you'd do it. You can make new friends getting involved in something else you enjoy.
You both live in different countries and your history is a bit dramatic. I really think you should move on. You miss him now but one day you won't. I know it sounds impossible, but you really won't. I think when everything goes to crap usually it opens a door to someone better. Don't let it hinder you from living a better life and meeting someone better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): I've written articles for people going through the emotions of loneliness, and battling with feelings after breaking up.The largest hurdle after breakup is letting go of that tiny bit of hope that he/she is coming back; and you'll have a big reconciliation, and pick up where you left off. You contacted your ex and he was nice to you. You carefully worded your text message and followed up with an apology to trigger an emotional nerve, or hit a soft spot. Well, his response is only one of concern and humanity. Maybe a little pity. Unless you parted tossing axes and shooting arrows; of course he will echo the words he loved you. You poured your heart out. Now you think you're luring him back in to you. This is how people set themselves up for more heart-break; and stir obsessive feelings over someone who has moved on.You shouldn't have talked to him; because you're refusing to let go, and you're pounding your heart against a rock.To seek advice only to ignore it, is a pointless exercise.You must read books on the subject of recovering after a breakup. You need to read the testimonies of people who are doing just what you're doing. The odds are highly against you reconciling a dead relationship. It's a small world, how can you avoid ever meeting again. Even if countries apart. There are planes, trains, ships, and social media communication.You're depressed and lonely. You reached out to him and he responded; but there is nothing to hang your heart on. He said what you needed to hear, not necessarily what he truly feels. Why didn't he contact you first, and ask to get back together again? He didn't offer to fly you over. He didn't offer to fly over to see you. He knew there was a point that he should stop. This is where you should also stop. Leave it on good terms.Letting go is a long and laborious process. It is agonizing. You will now be tempted to keep trying to maintain contact; until he is forced not to respond. That's where you tear off the scab and expose healing wounds.Seek professional counseling, or look for a women's support group. It helps to talk to other women who have been where you are; and will help you to get on with your life. You are stuck in the same spot. You are stubbornly telling yourself that he still wants to be with you; and because of that, you can't move on. It bothers me when people are encouraged to continue pursuing people who have long left them. This reinforces their false hope. Especially when the ex isn't showing any signs of wanting to come back! The intentions are good, but for some people this is prolonging their agony, or they may run into legal problems. Even destroy new relationships.Some people are just quite fragile, and every rejection is like being hit with a hammer. They want it so bad.If I haven't felt the same feelings, I'd have no right to respond to your post. I see a lady who wants to feel free and move on, but her heart just refuses to listen to her brain. The brain says it's over; but the heart says, don't let go; or you might miss the chance he will come back.What if he doesn't? Then all the time waiting postponed the healing. Let go and heal first. If he miraculously returns, that would be fantastic. Then you'll be a strong and healthy person ready to start a whole new relationship. The old one is still dead. If no one has changed since the last breakup; it's just a matter of time before the second breakup. The harsh reality is, you will hurt yourself again. You will romanticize in your mind that he is still holding back and all you have to do is keep trying until you reach him.You'll wear yourself down, before you wear him down. He may even get angry.The frustration will drain you. I know how you feel. It just takes some people longer, and a lot of repeated rejection from their exes; until the point finally comes across, and they have no choice but to give up. Don't do that to yourself. Have more strength and dignity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): Sometimes, Its natural to have those feelings again after talking to your ex, but you have to remember, there was a reason why you two broke up. If you broke up because of something silly, maybe you two both matured and maybe you could give it another try. But since you two both live in different countries, That maybe kind of hard to have a relationship. Just keep in touch with eachother, maybe down the line, theres a way that you two can find a way to be closer to eachother, mentally and physically
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