A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I seem to have gotten myself caught up in a very odd situation. So, let me start off by saying that I had my boyfriend for 4 months, then we broke up, except it wasn't a clean break up. We decided to stay friends, although I only agreed to that in hopes that we'd get back together. About a week after breaking up he did something very terrible that made me decide to move on. (I'm not going to go into details, but if it's an important part of finding a solution I'll give details in the reply.)The next day I create an online dating profile, this actually would help get him off my mind, trust me. The next week, my ex comes back on bended knee BEGGING for forgiveness. Of course, we decide to take things slow. However, I thought we were dating, but apparently not, he made that clear. So, I end up meeting a very nice guy online. I promised to go on a date with him, but did not tell him that I was in full contact with my ex. That very next day my ex considered me his girlfriend! Of course, me being head over heels in love with him, couldn't refuse such an offer.I completely forgot about this upcoming other date. (The date I promised was to help him go furniture shopping because he just moved to my town and has no furniture.) So, I received a message from this guy telling me that he's going out of town because his best friend was in a deadly car accident, and won't make it much longer. Now, I feel terrible. About a couple days later, my boyfriend and I break up due to an argument. THEN, today, my boyfriend and I apologized for the arguing and whatnot, and decide that it was immature on both our parts, we got back together.Now, this other guy told me that his friend passed away, and he's very upset. I comforted him and gave him my sympathy and he only tells me that he's looking forward to our date, that he really needs one good thing this week. I feel so terrible for bringing him in this. Should I tell him the situation and agree to meet up as friends?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, get back together, got back together, immature, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (18 September 2013):
 Sort your relationship and your feelings out with your boyfriend first before you start seeing other people.
If you still had feelings for him, you weren't ready to start dating other people.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 September 2013):
 Going shopping/looking for furniture is not a romantic date, so I don't see the big problem there.
However I do see a problem with you keeping getting back with your ex. Do you think you can somehow FIX him? Make him a better guy? Because you can't. Love doesn't work like that.
What exactly is that you LOVE so much about your BF? You were only together for 4 months when he messed up, then he messed up again and again and YOU.... keep taking him back thinking OH this time it will be perfect, but it isn't and it won't be.
Call the new online guy explain the situation, if he still wants to hang out shopping with you, cool. If he wants nothing to do with you, cool. Either you can be a friend to him (if he wants that) or you need to cut the contact. If the online guy think he has a chance for you, you NEED to set him straight and not jerk him around this mess of a relationship you are having with your BF.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): Your relationship with your boyfriend sounds toxic - you were only together 4 months and already a break up? Then a make up, break up, make up, break up...?It was too soon for you to look for someone new - you had not even processed what happened with your boyfriend/ex.The guy you met online will get hurt if you continue being on off with your boyfriend, so only contact him when you are really broken up, and 3 months later contact this guy, otherwise keep him only as a friend or you will have a bad love triangle.This online guy is vulnerable right now, going through a bad time losing his friend, so he needs sympathy but don't confuse that with love.
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 September 2013):
 If your BF was unfaithful, and this relationship sounds like it has a history of break up and reconciliation, you are better off ending the relationship and pursuing other options.
You should consider having a healthy relationship than one that is full of drama.
You could always tell the "date" that you are not serious about a relationship but would love to meet as a friend.
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786 +, writes (18 September 2013):
If your BF was unfaithful, and this relationship sounds like it has a history of break up and reconciliation, you are better off ending the relationship and pursuing other options.
You should consider having a healthy relationship than one that is full of drama.
You could always tell the "date" that you are not serious about a relationship but would love to meet as a friend.
...............................
A
male
reader, GentleGiant +, writes (18 September 2013):
Excuse me please...Why are you going back to a person and relationship in which he did something to break your trust and love you had? Things happen for a reason. Please give yourself a shake and rethink this past relationship.You dont need this man in your life. You can read past relationships on dearcupid in which women went through the same thing as your are experiencing now or thereabouts. I have been dating my current girlfriend going on past two years and we only had one fight and it wasn't because of how we treated each other in our relationship. It was because i forgot that my girlfriends mom was coming over to her apartment and low and behold i was caught singing in the shower and prancing around with only a towel around my waist. Excuse me i deserved a little tongue lashing for that. But that is it.Good relationship where both people are happy , fulfilled and love each other and yes we do make the odd mistake. Can you honestly say you come anywhere close to what kind of relationship I have and still do with my present girlfriend? Take my advice and pack this man in and move on. Any man who has suffered a loss of a friend or loved one and still wants to have a date with you deserve that opportunity. Life is too short and fighting just adds years to your beautiful face and figure. Really not worth it. Who knows this man could be the one that will give the relationship you need and deserve at this point in life. Think hard and carefully on what i have told you. Please don't you become anybodies fool and end up saying I should of, could of and would of but only didn't take a opportunity.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 September 2013):
Well if you tell him your situation, chances are, he probably won't want to date you anyway. However, you clearly keep putting yourself back into this toxic relationship with your ex and you were not ready to date to begin with. You were looking for a rebound.
So, I think instead of leading on this other guy and putting him through your drama. Cancel it completely and figure out your situation. I'm sure he's talking to other girls and can find someone else to go with.
In the meantime, really figure out your relationship with your ex/boyfriend whatever he is. Based on your track record, you guys are going to break up again in the next couple weeks or months and you're going to feel bad again. Once you have it figured out and are REALLY ready to move on, then you should consider dating other people.
...............................
|
