A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would you go to a music festival alone?I moved to a new city a few months ago, and haven't made any close friends yet.Since moving here, I have missed out on a few events that I've really wanted to go to, but have ended up just staying home as I haven't had anyone to go with!The upcoming festival is a 2 day event, and I would love to go... Is it safe? Has anyone else gone to a festival alone before? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 Chigirl, I guess I should rephrase. I found that dressing conservatively at shows greatly reduced the unwanted attention, up to and including physical harassment, that I received from men. I'm not necessarily speaking of rape. I think the most common form of physical harassment for women at shows is unwanted touching in a packed crowd setting, when it's very hard to tell whose hands are on you and my advice to the OP was given more with this in mind than anything else. My experience may not be the norm across the board but it is the norm for the (heavily male) music scene I was involved in during my early adulthood. I *can* say that from age 16 to age 23 I attended 2-3 shows per week (ranging from friends' bands in tiny clubs to famous artists at huge festivals) and one thing I noticed over and over again during this time frame was that what I wore into a crowd directly affected how I was treated by strangers around me. If I wore a short skirt or skimpy top I could pretty much count on being rubbed up against or worse, anonymously groped by some obnoxious drunk dude at some point when the lights dimmed. In jeans and a hoodie I didn't look half as cute, but I also didn't have to deal with attention I didn't want. Since all other factors remained constant, I can only assume that my clothing had something to do with the difference. Although fashion was a fun element of the whole thing I decided dressing down was well worth the improved experience. Again, can only speak for myself.OP, if you are going to be in a packed crowd at any point, my advice to you remains the same. If you don't want people to touch, try not to hang it out there :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the great answers.Although safety worries me, I'm also concerned with it being a little sad... Not too sure whether it's better to go alone (which may look strange to others), or just to skip it altogether.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 "Also, if you're really concerned about being harassed by men, you can reduce the risk of that by dressing conservatively."
This is misinformation. A rapist doesn't care what the woman wears. When I was dragged into the bedroom of a guy at a party I was wearing noting revealing at all, jeans and a top that showed no cleavage. To focus on the clothing of a girl is to put the blame on her, when the truth is a rapist doesn't care if you're dressed in a burka even. It's not the attire that makes him assault you.
There aren't enough studies on this, but the few studies there are have shown that women who are raped are drunk in about 80-90% of the cases (this was a study done in Norway by the police here though, mind you). They were drunk not because they were sedated, or had something funky put in their drink. They just had a lot to drink. And a rapist will know, just like any criminal, that a drunk person is an easy target.
The fault is never on the victim, but this points to the importance of being sober, which everyone else have mentioned. When sober you can see the danger signs and remove yourself from a potentially harmful situation. When drunk you are not able to take care of yourself, and will be at the mercy of whomever is around you. They can be nice, but they can be bad.
Look, you probably will not get raped, but if you get wasted on your own you can end up harming yourself in many ways, such as walking off on your own and getting lost, or have your purse stolen, or end up with the wrong crowd, take drugs that are dangerous etc. You make the wrong decisions when drunk.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 September 2013):
There's actually a 2-day music festival down the street from me and I'm probably gonna go check out the beer garden-alone.
If it's a music festival in the middle-of-nowhere, I'd be a little nervous. But there's usually a lot of people and it's a good way to meet new people and make new friends. Like others have said, don't take drinks from random strangers unless you actually watch the drink being made and don't leave your drink unattended.
I've gone out alone and I probably had a better time than when I go out with friends. I was able to talk/meet a lot more people than I normally do. I can definitely say I had fun.
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (28 September 2013):
I've done it (at Coachella here in the States) and felt perfectly safe doing so.Just keep in mind that if you are alone, YOU have to stay sober and unaltered enough to make good decisions and keep yourself safe. In a perfect world everyone would do this even on nights out with friends but most people let their guard down a little in a group they know. Going alone, you don't have that luxury.Don't get drunk. Don't leave your drink unattended, even for a minute. If you have to go to the restroom then finish your drink first or trash it and buy another when you get back. Not being date-raped is definitely worth $5-7 or whatever they're selling drinks for.Don't take drugs that are going to mess with your level of alertness.You're likely to get offers of drugs from strangers who see a girl alone and think they have a chance of getting with you. The year I went to Coachella alone this happened to me four times in one day. The offers ranged from weed to Ecstasy. You may be flattered by the attention, but do NOT accept, no matter how casual the drug may be or whether you've had it before with no ill effects.If the festival is held on a large compound then follow the same precautions you would walking around a city after dark. Stay out of the remote and poorly lit sections if possible. Walk with groups of people if you can.Also, if you're really concerned about being harassed by men, you can reduce the risk of that by dressing conservatively. I am of the opinion that a woman SHOULD be able to walk around naked without fear of assault, but the real world doesn't work that way. Creeps assess potential targets based on how they present themselves. You have the right to wear whatever you want, but erring on the side of showing less skin will reduce some of the unwanted attention you may get as a single girl at what is essentially a huge party.Hope this helps. Enjoy the festival!
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 September 2013):
I just remember one time I went out in Moscow to go clubbing, and I was 17 or 18 at the time. I had a male friend who was supposed to stay with me, but he ditched me in the middle of the night without even saying good-bye. He'd had a drink or two too much and didn't really think about what a dick head he was to leave me.
I didn't even go straight home, I continued clubbing and went to a different night club by taking a private taxi even, from some man from Azerbaijan who, for reasons I don't know, was driving around at 2am. On my way home from this second club I was asked by the most handsome man I've ever seen in my life if I wanted a ride home. He happened to drive one of the typical "newly rich Russian" cars too. He was going in the other direction, I was headed for the subway (at 6am, been out all night), so I didn't catch a ride with him. Walking through the underground is when some homeless man tried to grab a hold of me, but I had picked up the phrase "let go of me" in Russian, and he let go of me, and I got home alright.
How many times did I put myself in danger that night? I can't even count. Yet nothing happened to me that night. But another time, when I was with who I thought were my friends, with a friend of mine sleeping in the next room, I was almost raped by a "friend" from university who forced me into his room (pulled me across the room actually, with me resisting). I only got away because I started screaming, kicking and hitting him. My friend was so drunk she slept through the entire episode, only woke up when I went to get her to leave that place.
Lesson learned: Friends don't offer much protection, the only one you can rely on is yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): It's all about using common sense!! Anonymous female gave some good safety tips.I'm a woman, and I traveled to Michoacán (supposedly really dangerous) and Spain (RELATIVELY quite safe, I say relative because I was a woman and alone), I got teaching jobs there and more than just survived, I flourished. If I can go to Michoacan (the hotbed of all the narco violence) alone, you should be fine at a music festival. Oooh I see you live in Australia... don't you guys have dangerous critters down there, like taipan snakes? I also hear that wombats and echidnas are known to prey on and eat humans. Just kidding about that... but yeah be careful about snakes hahaha.Just tell someone where you're going, and DON'T drink alcohol or leave your drink unattended.Maybe you could ask security for help, explain the situation and they will give you extra attention. It's worth a try?
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (28 September 2013):
 I'm assuming that you personally don't need to be told this, so I'm saying this for the benefit of the readers.When going out for an event like this, make sure at least 2 people know where you're going, who you'll be with, and what you're wearing.Make sure your phone is fully charged before you go and keep it on you at all times.Do not accept an open drink from anyone. Do not take any drugs offered to you from anyone.Do not leave your drink unattended.Do not consume so much alcohol that your judgement and/or memory might be impaired.Make sure you have a "safe call" for in the morning so that if you end up missing, someone can contact the police ASAP.Finally, remember that if you ARE assaulted while enjoying yourself at an event like this...IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT. Rape culture would love to re-focus the blame from the rapist/attacker onto the victim, but Rape is ALWAYS the rapist's fault and you should -never- listen to anyone who might try to convince you that you invited being assaulted due to your alcohol consumption, clothes, or the fact that you were out of the house to begin with.Have fun and stay safe!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): Is it a camping event?If you've been to festivals before I really can't see why you shouldn't go on you own. There are inherent risks in going to a festival - alcohol, drugs, theft, assaults - but as chigirl says, going with friends doesn't eliminate risks; it simply reduces them.If this is your first festival and it's a camping event here are some tips to reduce risks (whether you're going on your own or not)1. Avoid alcohol (or only drink within you limits if you must)2. Provide your own alcohol (or buy it yourself from the beer tent.) Don't accept ready poured drinks from strangers3. Don't use recreational drugs4. Familiarise yourself with the festival site asap. Get to know where the security guards are etc5. Pitch your tent somewhere where you can find it. "Losing the tent" is the festival story I've heard most often! Pitch it as close as possible to a landmark - a tall signpost, a tree - so you can see it from a distance. Even highly patterned tents simply disappear into a crowd.6. Pitch your tent, if possible with the entrance facing away from the main thoroughfare. Try to face a tree trunk, a fence or a hedge. This might make access a bit awkward for you but it will also make access awkward for others and deter certain people from making an unwelcome appearance. The second most frequent festival story I've heard is of drunken people mistaking someone else's tent for theirs.7. Some festivals provide a separate camping area for families so camp in that section if you can. There's slightly less rowdy behaviour.8. Don't take valuables with you that you don't need and keep the ones that you do take with you on your person. Get a money belt so you can wear it under your clothes and take the same precautions as you would in any area where pick-pocketing is an especially high risk.9. Invest in a device so you can have a wee in the privacy of your tent so you haven't got to go rambling around in the night. They're available from camping retailers.Have fun!
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (28 September 2013):
 I agree with chigirl. As long as you don't get drunk, you'll be fine. I've done lots of stuff on my own: Traveling, theatre, dinner, movies, events. I actually make more friends doing stuff by myself. You'll meet the most interesting people. Just go, have a good time, chat with people and I'm sure you'll make a friend or two.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): Hi,You said you haven't made any CLOSE friends yet. Why don't you invite an acquaintance to go with you? I wouldn't trust someone you don't know well, don't get alone with them in a place where you couldn't get help if you needed it. But you guys could meet up at the music festival. That's how you bond with people, through common experience. Do you have co workers or people you have seen at school, in the neighborhood or at church or something? Just say you really want to go to this festival and suggest going as a group. They might like it, what do you have to lose?I think going alone, in the daytime, with security, is plenty safe as long as you're not drunk or using drugs... how would it be different than going to the store?
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 September 2013):
I've gone before, alone, and I don't think it is any safer to go with other people. What makes the difference is how much you plan to drink and how late you plan on staying. Whether you are alone or with friends matter little. When with friends, if you get drunk and fall asleep in the bushes and your friends are drunk they might leave you, or you might get raped and THEN your friends find you etc. It's not like you will handcuff yourself to your friend, you'd still probably end up drifting away from each other or maybe your friends finds someone she wants to hook up with and you end up having to get home alone anyways.
I'm just saying, you can't rely on the protection of friends in any case. You should always rely on yourself and be able to get by on your own.
I wouldn't go out to a club at night alone in a new city that I wasn't familiar with. But that's different, that's at night, and there would be alcohol involved.
If you go to the festival alone, and you are unsure if it is safe, then stay away from alcohol. That way you will be on alert at all times and will be able to remove yourself from a potential harmful situation (if a fight breaks out near you for example). There are also security guards around, you can hang out close to them. And then make sure you catch your bus home within a reasonable hour, or arrange for a taxi to come pick you up at this or that time so you wont have to stand by the side of the road alone waiting for the taxi. Just make sure you take your precautions and you will be fine.
What exactly are you worried will happen? If you can narrow it down to some specific things it will be easier to plan how you can prevent ending up in such situations (as far as you possibly can prevent it, that is).
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