A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just got out of an abusive relationship. Not only was he physically and verbally abusive but now I found out that he had been cheating on me our entire relationship. He always had accused me of cheating and now I know why because he was the one truly at fault. I've heard mixed things that they are insecure or that they feel entitled to cheat. So my question is why do abusive men cheat?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): Been there myself.
There's no real answer...every situation is different.
I sometimes think that the cheating might be part of the cycle of abuse, they want to hurt you anyway and every way they can.
Or they have no respect for women, and don't treat women well in general...
My late Grandma's husband was that way because he was an alcoholic and had rage issues. Again, no respect for women or himself.
Then again the two don't always go hand in hand. There are guys who cheat and don't abuse...just like their are guys who abuse and don't cheat.
Could be narcissistic personality disorder, as others have said.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 November 2013):
I agree, why do you care? Are you hoping to find yourself a faithful abusive guy?
There's a ton of reasons why people cheat, and it almost always has little to do with the person they're cheating on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): The real question is 'why do you care?'.
Op the guy was abusive, who cares why he did anything he did. The only thing you need to ask yourself is why you still care, why you stuck around to be abused, what signs were there early on, how can you ensure you don't end up with a similar guy. You know? Focus on learning lessons, healing and moving on here OP, not why an asshole is an asshole because honestly you'll never know.
If you asked him he'd just blame you as that's what abusers do.
If you're asking us if it was somehow your fault he did then no it isn't. Other than that what good is knowing why? What value has that answer to you? None. Move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): You are better off without this man in your life, that goes without saying.To answer your actual question,,, whether insecure or Narcissistic, or has borderline personality disorder, he cheated and abused you becasue it made him feel powerfula nd in control of you,and also probably whoever else he cheated with.Sadly there are men AND women who have insecurities which manifest in different ways.Trying to understand what is wrong with him will not help YOU, indeed it will only allow you to make excuses for him.If he is that way now, he will always be that way. Nothing will change that.He hurt you,,,therefore,you are best to let him go. Allowing him anywhwere near you now will only enforce to him that you can be walked on and hurt again,Take care of yourself xx
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (7 November 2013):
 "so my question is why do abusive men cheat?" it all comes down to men that are like that think of nothing but them self, they really don't have enough love for anyone else but them self. they are out to get what satisfies them, and wants total control of the woman they are with.
it all comes down to the lack of good character in a person that cheats ect. anyone can cheat, its the integrity of a person in a relationship that does not cheat.
an abusive man is more than likely insure like you said, and feels the need to have total control.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 November 2013):
 I agree with the other aunties, it's to that black and white. It's not all abusive men who cheats and not all cheaters are abusive.
I DO think you need to stop focusing on him - the ex. And focus on yourself. Figure out why you stayed so long in an abusive relationship. That he was BOTH abusive and a cheater should give you extra incentive to be OVERJOYED that you no longer are dating him.
Him being abusive and him being a cheater is no reflection on YOU. It's all on him. So leave where he belong - in the past. Work on healing yourself.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 My question is , instead : you were PHYSICALLY abused- you were being beaten up or anyway subjected to actions detrimental/dangerous to your physical health annd well being- and you worry about him cheating ??... that's a peculiar list of priorities,let me say.
Anyway, he did not cheat because he was abusive, he cheated because he was he.
There are non abusive men who cheat too. And there are abusive men who abuse but don't cheat.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 November 2013):
 Heh, my question is, Why didn't you leave him sooner?
This isn't a generality. You had a defective, stupid, mean, cheating asshat of a guy. What else is there to say? Non-Abusive guys cheat, and some abusive guys never cheat, but obsess over their girlfriends to the point of mental illness.
All I can think of is, he's someone else's problems now. Those women he cheated with would rue the day they ever got serious with him. Toxic is toxic.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 November 2013):
It isn't just abusive men that cheat, men that aren't abusive cheat too. So really you'd have to ask why men in general cheat and there's lots of reasons, just like there's a lot of reasons why women cheat.
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