New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244938 questions, 1084216 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap
*lderthandirt agony aunt

*lderthandirt

  (Male   XML/RSS

Like what he writes?
... Add *lderthandirt to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *lderthandirt a private message

*lderthandirt's Ratings
Excellent54%
Average11%
Poor35%
*lderthandirt's profile:

I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot.

< Prev4567891011121314Next > [62 pages, 2450 answers]

He said he "was thinking about me while getting his lapdances,"and thinks it's not cheating. Should I give him another chance?

Q.   My bf, J (23) and I(25) are both military and have been together nearly 3 yrs, mostly long distance (we're 10 hrs apart now). At the start, we made boundaries for cheating. Since we're both jealous, we said kissing, flirting and all the various ...

A.   16 June 2015: What a crock. The ONLY way he'd be thinking of you during a lap dance is if you do that for him on a regular basis when you two are together. I didn't think so either.... (read in full...)

How much should a partner pay for 'board' in their partners home?

Q.   Hi, My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year now and recently got engaged at the beginning of the year. He moved out home and moved into mine (i have a mortgage). We agreed he would pay a certain amount a week to cover bills. I pa...

A.   16 June 2015: Oh Me, I'm so glad I grew up in the "old days" before all this new who-pays-what-nonsense came into being. It was much simpler when tradition dictated that the man supported the household and the woman contributed as needed. Things are too ... (read in full...)

My ex: Does he still love me? Or does he just want us to maintain a friendship?

Q.   I was once dating a guy way back in junior high, he was in high school then. We broke up because my parents found out about my affair with him(because i wasn't of the legal age then) but since then, he has been calling me almost everyday telling ...

A.   14 June 2015: My gut instinct tells me he's looking for an old flame to be his back-up girl friend to a failing or already failed relationship and he's just "testing the waters"... (read in full...)

Do you think I might still have a chance with him?

Q.   I have a friend who I've known about four years. A few years ago he said he had feelings for me. I said I had previously liked him, but at that time i saw us more as just friends. We kept in touch very close, until I got into a relationship...

A.   11 June 2015: It sounds like he is living in a "what if OR if only" moment and is testing the waters to see where he stands so(one more metaphore) sounds like the ball is in your court. Whatcha gonna do?... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my husband's secret instagram profiles?

Q.   My husband and I have been together for a few years now. I don't really question his being physically faithful. We spend our weekends together, he rarely hangs out with friends or looks secretive on his phone. The other day i was going through ...

A.   11 June 2015: OMG! you mean people arfibbing on their profiles? Isn't anything sacred...See what Facebook started... LikeI have been saying since day one. ALL these stupid social media fiasco sites are a product of the FB phenom that allows everyone to pretend to ... (read in full...)

Is he abusive or suffering a mental illness? Do I stay or go? What support might help?

Q.   I would like an outsiders point of view. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, but dated 3 years ago for about 9 months. He was my first for everything and I do love him deeply. He...

A.   8 June 2015: He sounds unstable and I'd recommend you find a new BF that is rational. You can't save the world but you can save yourself.... (read in full...)

Is it reasonable that I was shocked that my Bf made a video of himself masterbating?

Q.   So I accidentally found a video on our lap top of my boyfriend masterbating. It really shocked me and made me upset. He says he made the video because he's curious about his body and he never sent the video to anyone. We've been together almost 2...

A.   7 June 2015: Stupid is as stupid does. What a dooche. Do you really want to be around some clown that would even think of doing that kind of dumb bunny stuff?... (read in full...)

I can't remember if I cheated on my fiance, or not, last year, as I was so drunk. Should I tell my fiance?

Q.   My fiance are together seven years, and for two years we struggled with infertility, which had us fighting a lot and caused a lot of resentment, stress and guilt for me. I felt like I had failed him, I couldnt give him what he wanted most. Last y...

A.   6 June 2015: I feel that you are looking for some "easy way out of this dilema and thatmaybe just maybe theis a sympathetic voice out here to ooth your guilt but in the end you will have to face the music and confess your problem to the one who should be the ... (read in full...)

Am I too sensitive and am I overeacting to my Boyfriend's comments about other women?

Q.   Tell me if I'm over reacting... My boyfriend and I are in our 40's and have been dating for almost 2 years. He has a habit of putting women down. It could be a stranger that walks by in public "wow is she fat" or even a friend of ours such as ...

A.   5 June 2015: Yp, sounds like one of those mysonogists to me hateshe females around that don't fit his vision of girly-girl. I'd get him some help. He obviously didn't have sisters growing up. They'd have whipped his butt early on and taught him a thing or two ... (read in full...)

I'm crushing on a stripper!

Q.   Went to a male strip club with a friend and had a blast! We weren't there for anything but dancing and the shows. I was dancing with my friend when I turned around and saw two very sweet blue eyes. He was a new dancer who seemed kinda serious and ...

A.   5 June 2015: You're most likely caught up in a fantasy that seems so lifelike that you feel a need to act upon it but to be safe back off and take a long sober look at yourself. Men fall for female strippers all the time and then find out later that most are ... (read in full...)

Do women lose interest when he starts taking you for granted?

Q.   Is it normal for a woman to lose interest in a man when she feels he no longer finds her special . I find that when im in a relationship with a man and he begins to start noticing other women more than me ir not making me the main focus of his ...

A.   3 June 2015: The response from 'You wish" could not be more on the money She shows an in-depth reply to your question that most of us could not come up with if we thought about it for a week.... (read in full...)

Do men see ''love'' and ''future'' differently?

Q.   Do men have different opinion of “love” and “future”? I have been seeing a guy for almost three years. He is constantly telling me he loves me, but lately if feel there is something not right, that I might not be more than a friend with benefits...

A.   3 June 2015: Ihe's vauge about the future then it may be tat he is vauge about his feelings too. I'd press him for a comitment and if it is slow in coming then I'd take a hike.... (read in full...)

Boyfriend like swinging, me not so much. Will I be enough for him?

Q.   The general dilemma is that my boy for three years likes to swing, or likes the idea of swinging. After a few times of play,.. I have realized that I am not so much. about 6 months after we started dating we looked into one of his previous "fu...

A.   1 June 2015: Different strokes for different folks But I cn see swinging as a lifestyle having anything ut heartaches and complication due to the very nture of concept. My advice is to steer clearof any potentially drama inducing turmoil. Life is complicated ... (read in full...)

So men, does it have to be one or the other? Do you think he just doesn't want me?

Q.   I am a good person, devoted and loyal to my boyfriend. Problem is his porn addiction and total obsession with woman, his rude comments hurt and he knows I don't like it, but hasn't stopped. Sex is very rare and mostly he wants oral sex. I'm lonely ...

A.   1 June 2015: Not pretending to speak for all men..my thought is that he's not the guy for you. If he knows there is something(ANYTHING- not just porn) that he does that you don't like then there's no respect. and, sex is not all that frequent, I don't think he ... (read in full...)

It makes me sick that I keep visiting prostitutes but I can't stop. Please help!

Q.   i:am lonely an can"t stop picking up prostitues. it makes me sick and I don't no what to do.please,please help me...

A.   29 May 2015: "Notsohappy has it pegged. You are playing a dangerous "game" and you are damaging yourself emotionally to assume a prostitute will fix your problems. They might get you a disease but won't cure loneleness.... (read in full...)

Why do I continue to have drama in my life with friends? How can I be better, what should I do?

Q.   I continue to have drama in my life with friends. No matter what I do, drama follows. Nothing seems to work. I still end up losing friends. I partly think it's because I expect so much from them. Whenever I have a friend, I expect them to treat me...

A.   29 May 2015:  bet you have heard the term "fair weather friends" That is what the majority of friendships are in life. Unless you get extreemly lucky and find a friend that will stick by you no matter whay happens. fair weather friends(a.k.a aquaintenances) ... (read in full...)

Do you think someone can have an affair without having sex with another person?

Q.   I married my high school gf just over a year ago. Shortly after we got engaged I started working a new job and met this girl named Sarah, she's funny, sweet and we just had tons of fun working together. We started hanging out with each other ...

A.   29 May 2015: You CAN be involved with another in a no-sexual but deeply personal way outside of marraige that is just as risky as a sexual afair. You need to watch yourself and disengage before things get out of hand.... (read in full...)

Why does so much of porn refer to women by using demeaning names for the women?

Q.   I was reading some other posts here and it got me thinking. Why does so much of porn refer to women by using demeaning names? I can't really repeat the titles as children may read her but even the biggest most popular sites have titles that refe...

A.   28 May 2015: No real good answer for any of that oher than to turn on the viewer more. Using "bad" language is kind of naughty don't you know. The first time I heard a girl use the 'F word" I was sort of tintilated as it's not an everyday thing to hear girls ... (read in full...)

Do you think being set up on blind dates will help me?

Q.   im kinda shy guy....i cant talk to girls. i try and try but i fail. im not that social but the friends i have are very supporting and they are very good to me....like me n my friends have a strong bond. im cool to talk to my female friends but not ...

A.   28 May 2015: Yp,I agree with theothers... o for it. Avoding girls will not help you to overcome your shyness.... (read in full...)

My husband and porn..he has me..so why does he need that?

Q.   I feel so inadequate and undesired. I've been dealing with something for about a year now. I'm in a relationship for about 5 years and sex was so amazing the best I've had but in this last year it's taking a nose dive. I need some ideas and some ...

A.   28 May 2015: If you don't see the intense feelings grom watching porn then you should find a different partner that feels like you rather than feel un loved.... (read in full...)

Should I tell my good friend that I'm worried about her? Drinking and drugs?

Q.   She’s 40 and I’m two years her junior. We’ve been friends since I was born. We even lived together for 3 years (I let her stay with me because she had nowhere to go) and we get along well. However… as we grew up our lives changed. I got married an...

A.   25 May 2015: Ylady, I'm concerned for you rather than your friend. that is to say; How will you feel if you say or do nothing and your worst fears are realized? For exzmple she dies from an overdose or auto crash due to impaired reaction. I bet you could find it ... (read in full...)

Its going on 2 years, we've never met and he won't respond to my questions of "what are we"

Q.   So I've been in this Long-distance "relationship" for more than over 1 yr., almost 2. I'm 21 and he's 26, we met on an app and have been talking ever since. Yes we have seen each other so there's no cat fishing here. He lives more up north and I ...

A.   22 May 2015: You were correct to put quote marks before and after the word relationship, because there is not a relationship of Any kind you have nothing to emote about. he is vapor on the net and you have an imagination. Lest you fret over this subject for... (read in full...)

He says nothing is wrong but always has excuses for not contacting me

Q.   I met this guy on a dating site. He texts me often and we decided to meet in real life. A few days after we've both returned to our various countries he starts to ignore me. We had so much fun times together. He's active on facebook and Whatsapp but ...

A.   22 May 2015: Don't continue to waste your time and emotional equity on anyone that is that indecisive and undecided on his position on anything. Forget him and look for a new guy that is more assertive and commited. Losers are easily lost in the rear view mi... (read in full...)

Why is he now so much more responsive, in a positive way, to everything I say now?

Q.   Hi, me and this guy have been friends for 7 months.. We talk everyday but our conversations were short but recently, the conversations have been long and he laughs at nearly everything i say. whereas before he never did that and i'm more happ...

A.   21 May 2015: I think it means he is feeling more at ease with you and can respond to your humor more easily. Maybe he was very shy before and now that shyness has faded and he is giddy about it. As long as you are happier about it and he appears to be happy why ... (read in full...)

My ex-boyfriend cheated on me and he and my former best friend, (who is also my cousin), are now a couple. How do I get over this betrayal by the two of them?

Q.   I was relationship with a guy like for 4 years suddenly one day he told me he is seeing someone else and that girl is my cousin. She knows everything about our relationship and also she knows how much I loved him. But I don't know why the hell a b...

A.   21 May 2015: First thing I would do is to distance myself as far as possible from both of them;i.e. no emails, no FB, no conversations of any kind. Just disappear from their lives as much as you can. Stay out of their business and keep them out of yours. F... (read in full...)

I'm considering quitting my job before I go on vacation.

Q.   I've been working part time at a job for 4 years now and I'm starting to become very annoyed and bored with it. Also, both of my managers are assholes and treats me like shit, despite me being one of the best and most hardworking employees there. I...

A.   21 May 2015: NEVER quit any job until you have a new one securely in hand. From experience I know that ifu quit any job you'd better be certain you have another one "in the bag" not just a promise or someone saying they know they can help you get one. I got ... (read in full...)

Why have I had no luck in love?

Q.   Why have I had no luck in love? Is it normal for a woman who has been told she is fairly good looking with a good personality to have had such bad luck in love? For one thing - I never really started having relationships until I was in my ...

A.   20 May 2015: Can't even make a guess on this one. Not enough info to go on. relationships are not based on luck. They involve nurturing and time. Kind of like tending to a garden.... (read in full...)

What does privacy in a marriage mean to you?

Q.   Thinking In regards to a traditional old fashioned marriage like your grandparents had/have, what does privacy in a marriage mean to you? What is considered snooping into other peoples things? Examples? What is considered snooping as far as social...

A.   20 May 2015: Privacy to me means a closed bathroom door is sacred ground.... (read in full...)

Can a 62-yearold man climax twice in a day? Is this possible? The norm?

Q.   Anyone know what the turnaround time is for a 62 year old man to have an orgasm? Could he have two in one day? One in the morning and one at night? Or is the recovery period longer that he must wait to go again the next day? Just curious be...

A.   20 May 2015: Old guys can rock and roll too. Never count usout. A man's sx drive is much stronger than a woman's. Women generally begin "giving up" on sex long before men. If the old dude is healthy he will outdo you and your best friend. If I were you, I'd work ... (read in full...)

Should I text him, or just leave it be?

Q.   Hi I usually answer problems as an auntie on this website, but I have a question of my own. I have been flirting with a man I like for about a year. He has done most of the flirting, I'm not good in being forward, but I do let him know his attentio...

A.   20 May 2015: Let sleeping dogs lie. He sonds like a guy at is cofused as to eherhe stands with you and with thatas an isue there may e no weldefined future for the two of you. It may be that he is just generally akward around women. If that is the ase do you ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my good friend that I'm worried about her? Drinking and drugs?

Q.   She’s 40 and I’m two years her junior. We’ve been friends since I was born. We even lived together for 3 years (I let her stay with me because she had nowhere to go) and we get along well. However… as we grew up our lives changed. I got married an...

A.   19 May 2015: A.If you care about her at all you WILL definately perform an intervention and voice your concerns. If she is really a good friend she will listen and either follow your advice OR if she's really not that good of a friend you will see her spir... (read in full...)

Is this normal I love her so much!

Q.   I hope I can get some help here because I am getting concern about my feeling towards my fiance. I'm 38 years old and she is 37. She was my classmate back in uni. I was in love with her and she even didn't know that. When I got the ball to tell her ...

A.   19 May 2015: Yep, the first cut is the deepest and it will remain that way for a lifetime. You will never forget the feeling of loss. Sadly, one's first love is usually the one held by the heart with an iron grip.You will however, and this is the good news... (read in full...)

I contacted abusive ex and am regretting it

Q.   Dear all. I finally got out of an emotionally abusive relationship ten weeks ago. It was very toxic. He gave me the silent treatment for weeks at a time, used to slam down the phone on me, was unreliable and a whole host of other things. Anyway, I ...

A.   16 May 2015: Yu cannot be serious? Unless you enjoy abuse?? Forget this clown and be about what's best for you. Are you the sadist or the machocist in this merry-go-round Best wishes and good luck... (read in full...)

I'm at a loss as to why this non-committal man is now ignoring me!

Q.   I am a bit confused and upset. I started to see a non committal man a while ago. Who kept changing his mind about what he wants. He decided he wanted a relationship then changed his mind. We still met up some weekends I stayed but was aware he ...

A.   16 May 2015: You met an oxymoron...a "non-commital man" wow, kind of like military intellegence. Keep looking, this guy is not for you. good luck... (read in full...)

Online guy I've been chatting with is missing his teeth and it turns me off. What should I do?

Q.   Well I don't want to sound rude but want to know your thoughts and maybe some suggestions I met a guy online and we've been talking for about two months now. I really like him and he seems real nice so far. I would like to further our ...

A.   15 May 2015: I would never recomend you even ing up the subject of teeth.i would imagine he is painfully aware of his problem and has probably punished himself enough over the subject without more help. Why can't you just tactfully tell him you have met this ... (read in full...)

Any tips to help a male virgin become a man?

Q.   I'm 24 and I'm a male virgin who hasn't kissed a girl and hasn't been on a date. I really would like to change that, I wish I could be a stud. It's a little bit difficult since I'm far from tall, dark and handsome. Even the girls in my size...

A.   9 May 2015: First and formost; Being a virgin doesn't mean you are not a man. being a man" has NOTHING to do with how many women you've slept with. It has everything to do with being responsible, courteous to others and being responsible for things you have ... (read in full...)

Should I have to pay my ex gf any money back?

Q.   My gf moved in with me 2 years ago. She didn't like the way my house was decorated and insisted I get it re-decorated. I own the house. I certainly couldn't afford the whole cost, and my gf earns pretty well. We agreed to split the cost, at £5000...

A.   9 May 2015: If you both agreed to split the costs. That means she agreed to spend that money on the changes you both made. Assuming there were no strings attached; It's kind of like saying "lets go in halves on Perso's birthday gift so we can say it's from both ... (read in full...)

Should my Mom and I continue to share the same boyfriend?

Q.   My mom A fell pregnant at 15 and dropped out of school. She later completed her matric and qualified as a nurse. While my mother was studying my grandparents cared for me. My mother did not neglect me but regretted that she could not give me all ...

A.   7 May 2015: Tor a really bad porn flick.....The situation is not a "healthy" one. You need to find a gracious exit and take it. i can't see any gooat can come from this.... (read in full...)

He's fine in person but is awful at texting!

Q.   I was just hoping for some general advice. My boyfriend is incredible, and I'm head over heels for my relationship. We're both in college, so I know we're young, but I've never been happier with a significant other. He treats me like a princess. The ...

A.   1 May 2015: T" of texting is awkward to learn so why not give it a rest and just use the phone as intended and speak words to each other? I suppose a few decades ago the art of sending carrier pidgen notes was seen as hard to master.... (read in full...)

Why does every girl just want to be friends? I don't get past date three. And now this girl'stopped texting me !

Q.   so this girl was a regular customer at my store, and we had so much in common. (How many girls love giant monster and horror movies lol) and we started hanging out, nothing serious at all. We would watch cartoons together over Skype and text all the ...

A.   30 April 2015: Brown wolf has got it right! don't "expect" more than a frienship when you meet a girl. They don't just swoon into your arms and want to raise a family. Like any good thing. love needs to be cultered over time. Lower your expectations and be ... (read in full...)

He has the stamina. But why can't I achieve an orgasm with my Bf? Do I need to see a Doctor?

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, we are very close and he knows me well. However, during sex I just don't seem to get an orgasm. He'll thrust and continue until he ejaculates and then bam, he's done. He can last for over an hour befo...

A.   29 April 2015: His main "goal" in sex is to make you achieve orgasm before he does. Oral stimulation seems to work best in my view, however, assuming you can give yourself an orgasm, you could try doing so while he is in you.... (read in full...)

*lderthandirt's friends

These are mutual friends, so *lderthandirt has added them and they have added *lderthandirt!

Miamine agony auntMiamine

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.156250399999408!