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*lderthandirt agony aunt

*lderthandirt

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*lderthandirt's profile:

I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot.

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To what extent does scent affect attraction?

Q.   A question for the uncles! How much do you enjoy a female's scent? Would you pick a clean but plain smelling girl or rather one who had on an distinct added scent such as perfume, deoderant, shampoo etc.? To what extent does scent affect attractio...

A.   28 February 2015: A huge turn off is too much perfume. It means another smell is being covered up or something. Clean and fresh is the best! All those shampoos scents and perfumes are sickening.... (read in full...)

My friend confided in me that her husband was a cheater and then later that night he was hitting on me. Now I don't want to be around them! Help!

Q.   Dear Agony Aunts of DearCupid, Something happened to me a few weeks ago that has both shocked and upset me and I don't quite know how to handle it. I am good friends with a married couple who live in the same apartment block. They like a few...

A.   28 February 2015: Eeeewwwww!that sous too wierd for my taste also. I think sunlight s the bes disenfectan here. Bthat I mean tell her about it and b clear that if he does it againou'll be foced to reprt it to t authorities out of fear for your safety. ... (read in full...)

He's a good man but I miss having cuddles and sex

Q.   hi, i have been in a relationship for just over 9yrs. i love my partner very much. we used to have a very healthy sex life but over the last 3/4 yrs we hardly have any sexual relations at all, nothing. no kisses,cuddles,touching etc. i have tri...

A.   23 February 2015: Just a thought...Have you tried "spicing things up" ? Like greating him at the door in the nude? Going topless around the house? If that won't get his attention then you are in for a long winter. Sorry to hear that but some guys just fade away a bit ... (read in full...)

He gets mad over the small things?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I love him dearly but I'm starting to get fed up.. I go home a lot near tears or just in disarray because of his yelling and stuff. An example of this is when he had locked himself in his ...

A.   22 February 2015: juvenile comes to mind...I'm gonna stomp my foot and spit so there! He's not mature enough to understand that it's just idiodic to not stand (or sit) and talk things out like an adult. Eithe wait til he grows up a bit or date someone older that has ... (read in full...)

How can I cope with this? Hasn't been a good marriage. Wife is leaving me.

Q.   So after five years of marriage my wife is leaving me. It hasn't been a good marriage, with her spending our money and leaving me to pay off he debts, she has ben humiliating me. She makes herself look good, but she rarely helps around the house et...

A.   21 February 2015: Rather than look back and wonder what the heck happened...Look foward and plana newer better life without whoits.... (read in full...)

My wife wont talk about our sexless marriage and thinks everything is ok!

Q.   Hi I'm been married 27 years After my wife had breast cancer 20 years ago she as gone completely of sex when I try to touch her she just turns around I've tryed talking to her but she's not interested I still love her but ate being regected all ...

A.   17 February 2015: There is a sad "truth" to her assessment. The fact is; afte menapause and after 50 (40 in most cases) the female libido is 'zeroed out' With men, it can be about the same. Ergo, afer 40 to 50 years of marraiage forget about it. Preserve your ... (read in full...)

If he upsets me he leaves me alone

Q.   Is it odd the way my boyfriend reacts to upsetting me? Whenever he does something that upsets me, whether it be something big or small, he's usually perfectly fine. He says sorry for what he does, but he gets into a sort of mood where he's like, ...

A.   16 February 2015: We men are inept at talking about "feelings"go ... (read in full...)

I'm feeling resentful towards my wife for her lies about her sexual past. Has this permanently changed our relationship?

Q.   I will make this simple short and sweet. My wife lied to me about her sexual past and was not honest about it. She had made herrself sound innocent and I knew she wasn't a virgin when we met. Being dumb and naïve I didn't press the issue further....

A.   15 February 2015: Alright, ow some may feel your"pain" and attempt to cosole you but that's not me. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. life does not come without ups and downs. Try to get over yourself. and like the song says; love the one you're with. You don't get ... (read in full...)

Should I take her back if she wants me to?

Q.   My girlfriend broke up with me because she wanted to do stuff with other people without having to answer to me and that she doesn't want the title of "girlfriend".And we've been dating for 6 months and I saw a message on her facebook to her ...

A.   13 February 2015: No! I know hat hurt. i was dumped way back whe I know the desperation you feel but she's a loser that enjoys causing pain to others and she'll just do it again and again It's a sadistic behaviour that she'll never outgrow. Stay as far away as you ... (read in full...)

Can some men be interested in just being nice and your friend?

Q.   Can some men be interested in just being nice and your friend? I know a man from work and have became good friends with him over the past few months, he has also helped me out around the house. I have just moved into my first house myself, he helps ...

A.   13 February 2015: honepie is wise and you should give her second read.... (read in full...)

My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Faking Orgasm's!

Q.   My boyfriend thinks I'm faking orgasm's! We have been together for just over a year and I have never faked an orgasm with him. I don't even think I would be very good at faking one! First of all, why does he think that? My downstairs tenses and ...

A.   13 February 2015: As a man that's "been around" some. I can atest to the facthat it is very difficult totell if you've satisfied your partner or not. He is young and doesn't quite understand the female body. He can only draw from what he has heard or seen. When he ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend broke my hymen but we did not have sex. Am I still a virgin?

Q.   please i am a virgin but my boyfriend put his penis on the tip of my virginal. it did not hurt me but suddenly my hymen broken and bleed but we did not have sex. please am i a virgin?...

A.   11 February 2015: That sounds like you had sex to me. you can rationalize it any way you want but 'almost sex" is sex. You can't be a "little bit" pregnant.... (read in full...)

Why is my partner of one year suddenly interested in performing cunnilingus?

Q.   I have been a relationship with this man for a year. He never performed cunnilingus on me until about a month ago. It was not a big deal for me as he was great at everything and it did not make a difference. but WOW I was so surprised and he is ...

A.   11 February 2015: Who knows? maybe he just evolved into a real lover. Going down on a woman can be very satisfying as long as she is brought to orgasm. Otherwise it can be a waste of time.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend talks about getting married but I have just found out he is cheating on me!

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months ...we have a great relationship and fantastic sex....his job means he has to work away recently I found out that he stayed in a hotel with his accountant I looked on his fone and discovered he hasn't been ...

A.   11 February 2015: My "2 cents worth" is as follows; 15 years is a lot1 15 years from now you'll be 62(his age now and he'll be 77. Think about it. You could stay with him but you better get a bunch of life insurance. I don't think the marraige will last that long ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says that I have betrayed his trust because of a message on my social media

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend over 3 years(I'm 29, he's 31) I work in health care and watch a client of mine at his house to make some extra cash. A man who lives at the house with the client and is around my age, we have developed a platonic ...

A.   10 February 2015: methinks he doth protest too loudly. Perhaps it is he that is the doer of mistrustfull deads?... (read in full...)

Boyfriend is too rough during cuddles

Q.   Hi everyone. My boyfriend isn't violent at all and he loves me very much, but when we go on our bed to cuddle and stuff, he's really really rough. He always squeezes me, pulls on me, pinches me and stuff and it really hurts. I've told him to stop ...

A.   7 February 2015: He sounds like a brute. I'd tell him in no uncertain terms that gentle is best. If he refuses. dunp the dude.... (read in full...)

Can I object to certain types of porn?

Q.   Am I wrong for being angry at my partner for watching female solo masturbation? I am fine with him watching normal porn, as I do too.. BUT I feel watching a solo (gorgeous) girl masturbate and orgasm is a little different.. It has really hurt me a...

A.   5 February 2015: Sure, you can oect to anything you want but when did "they" have a determination that solo masturbation porn wasn't "normal"?... (read in full...)

I'm afraid I'll bore him to death! How do I make myself more interesting?

Q.   I'm seeing this guy,, I know him very well now, and I'm pretty sure it's a relationship, or about to be. He's mentioned to other's I'm his girl, his friends call me his girl or he is my man or that I am with him. They treat us like a couple. Well, ...

A.   4 February 2015: You don't sound boring at all. Here's a trick to getting a conversation started or "unstuck"... Ask him about himself. You know like what was your first job? Have you ever been to _______( you name the town)? What would you do if you wom the otto? ... (read in full...)

First partners and oral sex?

Q.   When you dated your first boyfriend, did you give him oral sex?...

A.   4 February 2015: No, she didn't and I wouldn't have expected her to. That came much much later. And never enough either.... (read in full...)

Being raped at university is ruining my life. Please help.

Q.   Hi guys, not sure if this is the right place to ask for advice but I'm stuck for anywhere else to turn. Basically, whilst I was at university I was raped and ended up developing PTSD, which combined with the long court battle impacted on my degree ...

A.   3 February 2015: anon has a great deal of info to process. she may have "been there" so pay attention to her reply.... (read in full...)

We've been together for 7 months and he has no interest in sex

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. We live together. I absolutely adore him. He suffers from erectile disfunction. We had a good sex life at the beginning, now we have sex once per week. He just does that to keep me happy. He has no urge at ...

A.   3 February 2015: Before you give him the old "heave ho" and run him off for limp member syndrome. Why not have him see a urologist? It could be an enlarged prostate or other treatable problem. There's always the pills you see ad nausium on TV that solve all the ... (read in full...)

Lately I have no desire for sex -- how do I get around this?

Q.   Hey aunts and uncles. I'm 18 and in my first year of uni. My question is to do with sex... I don't like it! I lost my virginity last Summer, and it was good, great, fine. I have also had a one night stand since I have been at uni. Obviousl...

A.   1 February 2015: Relax, you're not the only one feeling the pressures of going off to school. Thepressure and stss of adapting to a new environment far surpass the normal feelings. Just take your time and relax. verything will 'fall into place' once you've adapted. ... (read in full...)

We haven't had sex since our baby was born 6 months ago! Is my husband getting sex somewhere else?

Q.   My husband and I have not had sex since our 2nd child was born... Almost 6 months ago! Once we were in the clear 6 weeks after I gave birth I was ready. He said he wanted to make sure I was healed before we try. Funny how he didn't seem to be so ...

A.   28 January 2015: Not necessarialy. If he is like I was after my wife had our son, i was fearfull of hurting her. I mean the physical trauma of childbirth to a guy is almost unworldly. You don't know if she's ready or not tio resume sex, and you are afraid to ask. ... (read in full...)

Am I in the wrong with this about a guy I was seeing?

Q.   This guy and I were kind of seeing each other for about 3 months. He introduced me to his family and friends. He would ask to see me most weekends and invite me to events. I remember this one time we were out, and I was talking to another guy and he ...

A.   28 January 2015: Hds like a loser to me. A pic of his abs? that dudeis way into himself.avoid him!... (read in full...)

Can our relationship survive his family crisis?

Q.   Hi everyone. I need some advice on my selfish personality traits. My partner has a very large family and whilst I get on with them I wouldnt say I was extremely close to anyone but his mother. I wouldn't exactly say they were a close family but...

A.   27 January 2015: Ait seems to be that you are specifically asked by your BF to be with him while he visits. It would seem to me that he should be the one to be asking you not to be there. In the absense of him asking you to not be there. logic would tell me that you ... (read in full...)

We've been together for 7 months yet he rarely wants sex!

Q.   We have been together 7 months, and have just started living together. I'm 42 and he's 38. From the start we saw a lot of each other but he would only stay over at weekends, so we would have sex then and sometimes during the week. I thought once...

A.   27 January 2015: This sounds all upside down to me. here must be something going on physically9i.e.prostate problem,etc.) or, i suppose it could be high stress on the job or in private life. it just doesn't sound 'normal' for a man to turn away from sex. It's ... (read in full...)

I am confused about lots of things.

Q.   Thought id message in as id heard about this site, feel confused about lots of things so just wanted to see some other peoples opinion on this. Basically i am worrying about the future as i am coming up to 35 years of age and really hoped by now...

A.   27 January 2015: WiseOwlE has it right on.... (read in full...)

I met the perfect Christian guy, but he's gay and has a boyfriend! How do I get over him and stay strong?

Q.   I'm a Christian girl and I met this Christian guy through a mutual friend at a party last Halloween. He was really nice and as I got to know him I totally fell for him, he was very respecting of women and he does things like help poor people. We get ...

A.   27 January 2015: There is no such thing as the "perfect Christian gay man" tyhat I know of.... (read in full...)

I'm having doubts about marrying him!

Q.   Can anyone offer some well needed advice please? I've been with my fiancé for 10 years - I got with him when I was 20 and he was 29. We are getting married in August. I do love him otherwise I wouldn't be with him but I keep getting doubts as...

A.   27 January 2015: Runny thing about doubts is they evolve into distrust and then years later into regrets. MY advice is to always trust your instincts. They can't fail as they(the instincts) are your ONLY self-defense mechamnism. You might ask yourself the ... (read in full...)

Why is he sort of giving me the cold shoulder now?

Q.   This guy and I were kind of seeing each other for about 3 months. He introduced me to his family and friends. We used to speak every day, and he would also call. He would ask to see me basically every weekend and invite me to events. Due to my busy ...

A.   25 January 2015: re-read janniepeg she's got it going on.... (read in full...)

How do I approach my wife about having anal sex?

Q.   I would like to know how to broach the topic of anal sex with my wife...I want her to do anal with me. I want her to wear a strap-on and have anal sex with me. I'm uncomfortable asking her to do so but the thought of it turns me on. Has any body ...

A.   25 January 2015: My instant respo prior to self-edit was "from the rear". However that was a "that's what she said' response and in poor taste. So, after my self edit my official response is; are you nuts? If she's not into it then you should drop the subject ... (read in full...)

Would it be wrong for us to date?

Q.   Hi, I would like to know if this man likes me, he is older than myself I'm 26 and he is 50. I know him from Church and he has always been really lovely to me when we speak he always strokes my back or arm at some point. I have caught him staring at ...

A.   25 January 2015: Mopinion is; he finds you attractive and like all men that I know would like to fulfill a fantasy of older man younger woman. However, be warned. If he is married (I know but separated) I repeat, IF he is married then it is not OK to date him. even ... (read in full...)

I feel like I might be doing something wrong but I'm not sure. I need perspective.

Q.   Two weekends ago my buddy and I were out at bar having drinks, we are both police officers and were off duty at he time, when we decided to leave we took a short cut around back and saw two guys trying get a very drunk young girl in their car she ...

A.   24 January 2015: Yes, it is normal to feel like you're doing something wrong wen you are. So, back it up. You have the answers to your questions. OK did a good deed. You protected and served. Be conent with that and return to your real life.... (read in full...)

He talks a lot but never does what he says he will! I have to do all the planning.

Q.   I am quite a bit distraught about my husband. We are married for 6 month, were dating for 2 years and then 1 year after proposal. He is a good man, good natured, generally happy. What I worry about is several of his qualities that started t...

A.   20 January 2015: Some folks can organize stuff and some can't. Sounds like he can't and you can so he 'lets' you do it all.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend misses his kids -- what can I do to help?

Q.   Hi all, I've been wit my boyfriend believe we are soulmates. He has 3 kids from his previous partner. His youngest is 5 months old. His ex partner got pregnant just wen they decided to end their relationship. So far me and him have been doing good. ...

A.   20 January 2015: One must assume that he has tried to get "visitation rights" If he has no court ordered visitation, there's not much you can do short of adoption or giving him a child of your own. Divorce is a wicked monster It hurts the kids most of all.... (read in full...)

Is being 22 and a virgin off putting?

Q.   I'm 22 and have never had a boyfriend, i've never had sex. I have given a blow job before to a guy i thought really liked me, apart from that nobody seems to be interested in me? Is being 22 and a virgin off putting? A turn off? ...

A.   17 January 2015: The short answer is.....................NO, not a "put-off" just refreshing and therefore intimidating somewhat.I'd venture to guess that most men don't even know how to act around a virgin. By the age of 22, it's rare to find someone that's not ... (read in full...)

Her lack of sexual desire has me wondering if I should break up with her.

Q.   So Ive been with this girl for over 2 years now and nearly everything is great with her. We moved in together 6 months ago and we still get on really well and I love her very much the problem is her lackof sexual desire. She has admitted she no ...

A.   13 January 2015: Here's the facts as presented; You enjoy sex and she does not. Should the two o yoy together? In my opinion ,no way. The desires or sex will become a friction that wi crush any relationship. She needs to find omeone that is not interested in sex. ... (read in full...)

Are most people judgmental?

Q.   I expected that people in the working world etc. would be more mature but they aren't. A lot of adults are so petty (both genders) and gossip about/say stupid things like "that client looks old" or "that co-worker is weird" or "Spanish people ...

A.   13 January 2015: People of all ages,genders,races,etc.i.e. All of us have our predjudices and bias' intergrated into r brains throughout the maturation process. It is just human nature to have bias towards thins and othepeople bas on our experiences. Iuspect from ... (read in full...)

I really like him but he never went to university.

Q.   I really like this guy I've been chatting with. He's caring, kind and hardworking but, I just found out that he didn't go to university. I know this shouldn't matter, but I cant seem to get over the prejudice that because he didn't get a higher ...

A.   8 January 2015: Some of the smartest and successful people I know never went past the 12th grade. So, a degree that you spend tens of thousands of dollars and countless hours attaining is not the big deal that it used to be. Back when I was a kid playing just ... (read in full...)

Is it bad to be in a relationship and watch porn?

Q.   Is it bad to be in a relationship and watch porn? I used to love Watching porn til I met my bf. my bf feels that watching porn will only destroy our relationship and gets mad if I do watch it... But he watches it behind my back so I get upset over ...

A.   8 January 2015: "Is it bad"??? Since I don't understand the facination with watching erotic images of "actors" doing things men can only dream of happening to them I guess I don't see the harm(the bad).... (read in full...)

What is the average time for liking somebody?

Q.   This maybe bizarre and I am not sure why I am asking this as its a vague question. But what do you think the average time is for liking somebody ? Last year a girl started working with us who had a chap , and well I just worked with her as a...

A.   8 January 2015: 'm not sure there's a set time or you ever "get over" someone you iked a whole lot. One axiom I have found that seems to be true is your taste changes every seven years. Probably not applicable here but interesting just the same.... (read in full...)

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