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*lderthandirt agony aunt

*lderthandirt

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*lderthandirt's profile:

I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot.

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He has the stamina. But why can't I achieve an orgasm with my Bf? Do I need to see a Doctor?

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, we are very close and he knows me well. However, during sex I just don't seem to get an orgasm. He'll thrust and continue until he ejaculates and then bam, he's done. He can last for over an hour befo...

A.   29 April 2015: His main "goal" in sex is to make you achieve orgasm before he does. Oral stimulation seems to work best in my view, however, assuming you can give yourself an orgasm, you could try doing so while he is in you.... (read in full...)

I'm not sure if he loves me!

Q.   I don't trust my bf Everything seemed to be perfect in the beginning but one night has changed him ! I told him 2 weeks ago that you are careless! I meant that he should take care of his job and health because he goes out every night and...

A.   29 April 2015: He sounds like a true loser. It is obvious to you and everyone else that your life would be better with someone else.... (read in full...)

I don't want this to happen in real life. But am I normal to have these secret fantasies about my wife?

Q.   I have a wife and am happily married but during my own time I'm constantly fantasizing about her having sex with other men, particularly big black men. It turns me on thinking that she is enjoying/ pleased more especially as they have a bigger p...

A.   26 April 2015: fantasy is just that...fantasy. We men have dozens of sxual fantasies every hour of every day. As long asou can seperate fantasy from reaity, there's no real harm it. It's when the line gets blurry you need to run to a doc... (read in full...)

Anyone else ever feel sick & tired of "trying"?

Q.   Anyone else ever feel sick and tired of "trying"? First off, I wouldn't say I'm depressed or anything, and second, I'm not looking for sympathy, just, if anyone else can relate... I've been thinking about my life a lot lately and how less...

A.   24 April 2015: Yeah,yeah,yeah...life sucks and then you die...Ever just go to the beach and watch the waves? Ever climb a mountain and stare at the clouds? Sounds like a "no" to me. Look around the world is a beautiful place. Fish, birds, dogs,cats. Get a grip ... (read in full...)

The guy I'm dating is addicted to porn but wants to stop?

Q.   I recently started dating this guy who I really like. He is very honest, and after we had gotten to know each other quite well told me he has an addiction to porn which he is trying to quit. I dont have much experience with relationships, s...

A.   21 April 2015: My first reaction is that he is feeding you a line and hoping for a reward that will exceed his expectations. But then, I thought, wait maybe he really does believe he has an addiction to porn and wants you to help him beat his addicion by ... (read in full...)

Am I always dating immature girls who need to be treated like garbage for them to like me back? At what age do girls grow into women and start appreciating 'nice guys'?

Q.   My relationships always end up in disasters because of my one-track mind. I tend to be quickly really into the girl I'm pursuing and every time she is turned off by my 'niceness' and attentiveness, causing me to pull back and make her seek my ...

A.   21 April 2015: Some don't. it's like some guys never grow up into men that treat women with respect. It appears you did though so it's a moot point. All you can do man is keep on treating women with the utmost respect and wait for the right one to come along. ump ... (read in full...)

I want my sex life back!

Q.   Hi everyone. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years. We've always had a good sex life and if I'm honest I've never been able to keep up with my boyfriends sex drive. It used to really irritate me that I couldn't take a shower, g...

A.   19 April 2015: Typically, this query would have been written by a man. He is a VERY lucky man to have you as a partner. Your last encounter is the one men just dream about. Just keep doing what you are doing he'll return to "normal" once the trauma of realizing ... (read in full...)

What's the hype with men liking big butts?

Q.   What's the hype with men liking big butts? Something I've noticed the past year or so is that a lot of men seem to be butt men. They like the 'Kim Kardashian' type butt, the big, round butt. Even the majority of my sister and I's male friends hav...

A.   18 April 2015: Some like big butts some like big boobs. I personally am not a fan of either. To each his or her own though. There is no answer to the question.... (read in full...)

Should my girlfriend agree to come to a fetish club with me?

Q.   I've been with my girl for 6 years now.She knows about my fetish for rubber clothing. We do normal things together ,like cinema, restaurants. But I want to experience a fetish club, which she's not into.I've asked her to go with me, just once is ...

A.   18 April 2015: Iis "UNFAIR" to ask anyone to do anything they are uncompfortable with. If, she's not into a club scene then you have to respect her feelings... No if ands or but about it. Only a real cad would force someone they care about to get involved with ... (read in full...)

I can't imagine my life living in his crowded house!

Q.   Dear aunts and uncles.. im having a dilemma about my relationship with my fiance And i need some wise advices and opinion from other perspective. Perhaps it will shed some light for what should i do. Well ive been with my fiance for over 5 years...

A.   18 April 2015: It normal to get anxious and have the proverbeal "cold feet" right before marraige. Just be sure of exactly what it is you are anxious about. If your love is strong then there is nothing that will get in the way. relax, deep breaths. Good Luck... (read in full...)

I just want to go to the party and make him wish he hadn't done what he had done, am I being stupid?

Q.   I'm going to a party on Sunday night and my ex boyfriend is going to be there. He cheated on me a couple of weeks ago and stupidly I want him back. He hasn't called or text since we split up and I just want to go to the party and make him wish he ...

A.   17 April 2015: Your word not mine...stupidly. Why not just skip out and let go of this loser. You wat to punih him? then disappear and make him wonder what's going on. Don't be stupid. Get smart and ditch thebum for good.... (read in full...)

I need my fiance to grow up because I have to tell him I'm pregnant!

Q.   My fiancee keeps changing his mind about what he wants, and whether he wants our wedding to go ahead, and now I'm pregnant I'm scared he will say he isn't sure if he wants a family. I'm just so confused by his behaviour and I need some advice on how ...

A.   17 April 2015: Si'm a no-holds bared realist. I think thefirst thing you need to do is have a lawyer gt involved with a pre-nup then tell him and if he gets all wierd on you like he's going to bail on you after the wedding have him at the very least sign a ... (read in full...)

I think my friend is using me because I have money

Q.   My best friends name is Beth and for awhile now she keeps on asking for stuff and money, and she called me fat and ugly and she just acted like she did nothing, she told someone that she thought I was Turing into a bitch, and she slapped me in the ...

A.   16 April 2015: SVC is right...you have no friend in "Beth" open your horizons and find another bff... (read in full...)

What should I do about the painful photographs from the past?

Q.   I have a slightly odd problem relating to trying to put a relationship - and the past in general - behind me. I have a big bag of photos - both of family and my ex partner (20 years). Problem is, my Mum and Dad were abusive to me and my sister...

A.   15 April 2015: If you own a shredder make use of it by shredding all the pics. If you don't own one go get one. They're only ten or twenty bucks.... (read in full...)

Boyfriend told me his brother is cheating - and now I think my boyfriend is too!

Q.   Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles of Dear Cupid, I hope someone can advise me on what to do here. I've been seeing an older man since early November last year. He will be 50 later this year. I am 40. Early days and we have been taking things fairly s...

A.   13 April 2015: This sounds very creepy to me like a set up to a scary movie plot with a bad ending. Might wanto have your "ears up" Watch yourself kid Good Luck. 50 is not all that old but it sounds wierd anyway. You say you ar 40. You should know better than to ... (read in full...)

I want him to be able to pay for himself!

Q.   Hey everyone.....I have known my boyfriend for almost two years and we've been dating for seven months. I love him and I know he loves me too. We've decided to get married next year. Here is a little background. We both have degrees from the univ...

A.   12 April 2015: Money is the basis for most disputes in a relationship. A clear definition needs to be established and agreed upon. Select a neutral party to set the guidlines then both adhear to them.... (read in full...)

Everything seemed fine, but now the woman I've been dating is giving me the cold shoulder! Why would she act like this?

Q.   So I met this women at a bar back in January. I got her number and started texting each other. She did most of the texting at first. We texted every day until I finally got to meet her in person in February. Everything was great. We really connected ...

A.   12 April 2015: The First hint was when she said you were too young for her(BIG RED FLAG) Sounds like you'll be better off without her. You may have been willing to invest your emotions but it sounds like she was still stinging from a bad relationship. Better luck ... (read in full...)

I am not coping with our breakup!

Q.   My ex and I broke up 4 weeks ago yesterday. We were together for 5 years. We haven't spoken in 7 days today. When we spoke a week ago it was about 3.5 hours of going over shit that happened in our relationship from years ago. We discussed our trust ...

A.   11 April 2015: "The first cut is the deepest" lyric from a song that I fail to remember the title. Anyway, you may never "et over it" I know I'll never forget mine and that was many decades ago. Just tough it out. your next BFF wil be beer and the pain will ... (read in full...)

Do men even care if porn use hurts their partner?

Q.   My question comes as the result of my husband constantly using porn despite an agreement not too and two years of counselling. I have now organised alternative housing but am hurt and wondering what the world has come to Do men even care if porn use...

A.   10 April 2015: Sage Old Guy says it best; I must quikly add thatwhile not ALL men are the sme. A wholelot of us will never understand the problem women seem to have with porn.... (read in full...)

He's wonderful, yet I feel like he's not the one for me. What do I do?

Q.   I have the most loving, attentive, handsome, and caring man I could ever ask for. And yet I feel like he's not the one for me. We've been together for two plus years and I love him so much. But when I think about going further in the ...

A.   8 April 2015: Always trust your instincts over your heart. Your instincts tell you no but your heart is ready for a debate on the subject. Instincts trump heart every time . They are designed to keep you whole and protect you. The heart can be tricked into ... (read in full...)

Does he just want sex? I'm too afraid to ask!

Q.   I'm confused, I'm not sure if I'm liked as just a friend or sat not, met this guy since wen I was 18, we spoke alot and distant 4 a while till I was 21 at that age he came back, we skyped spoke about us and all , then once I asked wat he wants from ...

A.   8 April 2015: SVC has this dude pegged, e's a user/abuser..Just breathe and move on down the road. There's lots of good guys out there that also want a relationship along with the sex.... (read in full...)

If he doesn't want me why shouldn't I get it else where?

Q.   I'm entering the 10th year of my relationship and my sex life has been on the decline for the past four years and my bf says he doesn't know why he just hasn't got the urge and he doesn't even pleasure himself. My dilemma my sex drive is higher now ...

A.   8 April 2015: What guilt? You're paired up with someone that's not compatible...That isn't someone's fault. he situation is not 'fixable' Pull the ripcord before the ground hits you in the face.... (read in full...)

Do I need to stop believing?

Q.   Hi, I'm the kind of woman that stands for her own. I'm 29 years old, I'm a doctor with a nice monthly income, I own my own apartment and car, I'm intelligent and thankfully good looking. My question is why I can't attract an understanding man? I'm...

A.   6 April 2015: No mistakes noted. You site the situation quite acurately and susinctly. It is a common lament of successful men too. Finding the "right" mate is more dificult than the on-line dating sites proclaim. Soul mates are a mirical when they do come ... (read in full...)

We're on a roller coaster and I want to get off

Q.   Dear Cupid, I read this site often and am always struck by how great the Agony Aunts/Uncles are in giving out advice. It always done with common sense, compassion and empathy and no judgment. I hope you can give me some advice too, as I need t...

A.   3 April 2015: Wise Old Owl said it like it is; so get off the rideand tear up the tickets.... (read in full...)

Sometimes I just wish I had punched him so he could feel pain too!

Q.   I just cannot move on. What the heck. Today I think I saw my ex we go to the same college and he cheated and left, while we were breaking up I demanded we talk about it but he said he had class and a quiz an excuse to leave at that moment my heart ...

A.   2 April 2015: Inow a gal that punched her ex...she broke her wrist,ergo, bad idea.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is bipolar, what must I do?

Q.   My boyfriend recently was discharged from a mental hospital where he was being treated for bipolar disorder. A psychologist there told him that he must cut me off to spare me pain. I think this is ridiculous but he listened. I also found out that he ...

A.   1 April 2015: Main thing is be sure he takes his meds on time. "Off meds" is a bad thing. If he refuses meds then you need to go.... (read in full...)

Do I break up with my boyfriend? He doesn't please me and I still have feelings for my ex

Q.   hi into 25 years of age and I have problem of still having feelings for the father of my child yet I'm in a relationship and it's been going on for 3 years now. my current boyfriend doesn't give me pleasure in bad he ejaculate quickly ,he gets tir...

A.   26 March 2015: There are ways to "fix" premature ejaculation if that's the big reason to want to leave the present BF. but it sounds to me you are unsure if either is right for you. Might as well flip a coin. The father would be the fall back position so your chi... (read in full...)

The girl I have been chatting with slept with someone else

Q.   I have been chatting with a girl for over a year. Lately she has been getting very sexual in her comments, even saying we should meet for sex. I am not necessarily the type to want to meet a woman for sex (only) so I laugh her comments off. ...

A.   22 March 2015: Trust you gut. Internet sex talk is dumb and dumber. you'd do better with phone sex.... (read in full...)

He said he wants to have sex with me!

Q.   There is a guy who use to work at my job. I know he has a girlfriend for five years. He has a girl at the side too. I know what he is and always told him what he is doing is wrong. Now, working for him a year people would say that we make a good ...

A.   21 March 2015: Don't look back as you run away. you might turn into a pillar of salt.... (read in full...)

There are constant rumors of my boyfriend cheating. Not sure what to believe

Q.   Everyone keeps telling me that my boyfriend cheats on me whenever he goes back to his hometown or away from the city we live (he works away at least once a month) but they never have any proof and I don't want to believe them but there is something ...

A.   21 March 2015: "They" have names and reputations. If 'they are folks you trust then BELIEVE them and not your heart. What do your instincts say? Trust trustworthy folks and your instincts.... (read in full...)

Any advice on giving advice to someone whose heart is broken?

Q.   So my sister-in-law is 6 months pregnant and just found out that the guy who got her pregnant doesn't want to be with her anymore. I want to give her advice but all I can manage is to tell her that he's not worth her time of he's so quick to give ...

A.   16 March 2015: As with any advice, keep it simple and brief and most importantly the kind of advice you wouldn't be offended by if you were in their place. Good Luckand be supportive and give the gift of love.... (read in full...)

After the break up, how do I fight the urge to snoop? 

Q.   I broke up with my boyfriend, of almost 5 years, yesterday morning. I'd posted on here about a week ago how he wasn't good for me yet I couldn't find it in me to leave. 2 nights ago he pushed my buttons so far that I walked away from it. Yesterday ...

A.   13 March 2015: Hs an idea; While you are "snooping" i.e. infringing on the privacy of others bear in mind that someone might be infringing on your personal thoughts,words or actions. That might cure you of being a nosey old person. Live and let live!... (read in full...)

Confused and feeling lonely - not sure what to do

Q.   I've been seeing a guy, hes older than me (17 years older). We met at work a while ago, I liked him after a few weeks of knowing him. He had been in a serious relationship which ended with two kids (but they're not married) and they ended the ...

A.   12 March 2015: If you are lonely then he's not right for you. Move on with renewed spirit You just need to find a real guy that has feelings for you that match your feelings. Good luck. Deep breath and move on.... (read in full...)

Can a relationship really survive without desire

Q.   After 9 months of an on off relationship we have settled onto seeing each other two or three times a week due to distance. I feel its not enough for me as we never spend whole week ends together or go away as he's too focused on his business. He is ...

A.   12 March 2015: A 'real' man' spends his waking hours trying to satisfy his love's needs and desires. A phoney just plays at it. Sounds like a phoney to me. Better luck next time.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk and its making me feel sad and confused

Q.   I've been in an LDR with my bf coming up to a year. I see him a few times a month and the time I get with him is precious. However, I feel lately that he's making no effort in our relationship. He tells me the things I want to hear, like he loves me ...

A.   12 March 2015: Well, isn't he in the 'catbird seat'? The question isn't are you being silly. The real question is why would you put up with this nonsense? an ultimatum is required. He sounds like an idiot to me but that's your call. If you want to continue being ... (read in full...)

My boyfriends mother sleeps in the room next door and has taken over his house. I don't like it!

Q.   My 44 year old BF let his mother to move in with him after her divorce (4 years ago). She now has her own room (next to his) and keeps coming up with reasons to stay. When I express my discomfort I am met with defense of her reasons to stay which ...

A.   11 March 2015: Why not let out very loud exclamations during sex to totally embarase her and him?... (read in full...)

I am not happy with the size of it!

Q.   Hello people, this maybe a daft issue but it really gets to me. I have been depressed for ages now and well I feel the most of it is I'm not happy with my penis size. My first relationship ended with the girl dumping me and then spreading th...

A.   8 March 2015: welcom to the real world! we men all have the same insecurities about our body. just figure it is just one of those mysteries of life. deep breath. women have self image issues too.... (read in full...)

My ex is in a relationship

Q.   My ex is in a relationship, the first I know of since we broke up over 5 years ago. Would it be ok to msg her? She did tell me not to msg her again but she use to say things like this all the time when she got pissed of at me. So I haven't msged ...

A.   8 March 2015: wdo as she asked..do not msg her again. get over yourself and gather up new friends and a new life the past is the past. let ir be let it be.... (read in full...)

Worried about moving away from my parents with my partner. Should I wait or should I go?

Q.   Hi there, I'm 27 and I've not moved out of my parents house. At the moment i'm facing the prospect of moving over an hours drive away with my partner to be closer to my work, but I have a lot of concerns about it. I've never moved out or l...

A.   4 March 2015: Paragraph 2 says you are not ready to move out. It is a tremendous move to move in with someone who you are not used to. and move away from two people who love you to bits. a.) they will be crushed and b.) you will be traumatized with the com... (read in full...)

Sleeping with the ex but I'm demanding more respect

Q.   Just to start off, I'm a 30 yr old female and single. For the past two years I've been sleeping with my ex (37). He took my virginity exactly 15 yrs ago and we always been hooking up on and off. I have been celibate since 2008 due to low self esteem ...

A.   1 March 2015: My answer t your question is; Yes you aredoing wrong for even giving this loser the dignity of any communication. Dump and un the guy is a loser and an idiot! no oral sex means he really is stupid on top of all the other things wrong with him. Deep ... (read in full...)

To what extent does scent affect attraction?

Q.   A question for the uncles! How much do you enjoy a female's scent? Would you pick a clean but plain smelling girl or rather one who had on an distinct added scent such as perfume, deoderant, shampoo etc.? To what extent does scent affect attractio...

A.   28 February 2015: A huge turn off is too much perfume. It means another smell is being covered up or something. Clean and fresh is the best! All those shampoos scents and perfumes are sickening.... (read in full...)

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