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... Send *lderthandirt a private message | | | *lderthandirt's profile:I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot. |
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Why do I have this school girl type of crush?
Q. I have a boyfriend but have a secret crush on a man that sometimes comes into my workplace.i also see him out and about regularly. It has been a bit of an obsession of mine for about six months now. I am literally crazy about this guy although I ...
A. 5 May 2016: Nothing is wrong here we all feel that rush of secret crush from time to time just be careful and don't act on it. Once the "secret" part is gone it is no longer a crush and you'll not like what happens next just let the secret remain a secret so ... (read in full...)
I want him to move in, but not sure how to ask!
Q. My partner and I have been on and off for almost 4 years due to my mental health. We know we love each other but he doesn't know which version of me he is going to have to deal with each day, which is why we tend to break up. I am getting he...
A. 5 May 2016: I read what Tisha-1 wrote and second that thought.... (read in full...)
Why don’t I have the desire to be a mother?
Q. All my friends either have a baby or are pregnant. As much as I love and adore my best friends baby I just don't seem to have the urge to have my own. My boyfriend would love to have a child and I know without a doubt he would be an excellent dad. I ...
A. 5 May 2016: You are absolutely "normal" rushing into something as life-changing as becoming a parent is not to be taken lightly. The longer you think about it the better parent you will be. Too many young folks jump into parenthood just because everyone else ... (read in full...)
Why does my mother always seem to favor my sister over me?
Q. My mom treats my sister better than me and makes me share everything. We're 14 and 13 and about the same size so when we go clothes shopping she makes me go with what M (my sister) wants which is usually shapeless pastel t shirts or lacy dress on...
A. 4 May 2016: I am sorry to pass this piece of wisdom along but there is never a reasonable rationale for the way parents act towards their children. The best thing to do in my opinion is to just know your parents love you equally but show it differently. That ... (read in full...)
Do his actions suggest that he likes me?
Q. I am 13 and my crush and I room windows face each other so like everyone I look out of mine I see him looking out of his and like he'll close it when he see me looking at him and he keeps doing it My question is: does that mean he lik...
A. 2 May 2016: Not at all it might just mean he's trying to catch a glimpse of a naked girl. At 13 that's what boys do so be careful.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: Right is right...you are wise to do a "screening" of sorts to prequalify a lifelong commitment. Continue your "go slow" approach as long as you are selective you will be fine. Just remember the girls out there are likely doing the same thing so ... (read in full...)
Is he just leading me on? Is he really in love with me? Or is it just sex??
Q. Okay so I'm bi not out! Please read full story I started seeing this guy in September 2015 and it was great but after a couple of weeks he started to tell me he had feelings for me. I continued to hide back my feelings and made him continue...
A. 2 May 2016: You are in a "can't win" situation. Although I feel your anxiety I see you're ONLY future is with another guy. I get it that you have strong feelings for him but he is now and will always be conflicted. I have nothing against his being bi. and all ... (read in full...)
Should you ever give flaky guys a second chance?
Q. When I say flake, I don't mean cancelling or calling beforehand to reschedule or calls afterwards to explain the bizarre emergency situation in which he was unable to call. A flake to me , Is someone that makes plans with you. You set the date...
A. 19 April 2016: Unreasonable would be to continue to let his dumb behind keep playing the game. These are not flakes they are idiots... (read in full...)
BFcheated and confessed the next day. Do I cut him some slack because of his honesty?
Q. I have been in a relationship for over 4.5 years. Everything was smooth until now. My bf had gone on a vacation and had sex with some random girl. He knew he was doing the wrong thing and wasn't drunk but it still happened. He's still away but ...
A. 12 April 2016: His "honesty" ???? I mean really What do you think he'd do if you were honest with him that you'd just had a threesome with the folks in the house down the street. You think he'd go, OH fine! At least you were honest about it. I think you should ... (read in full...)
Is there hope or is this marriage doomed???
Q. Hello, I have been with my husband for almost 7 years and we only got married in about 5 months ago. He doesn't engage in sex and shows no interest and I am always the on instigating it. He jumps when I try to touch him and he comes up with ex...
A. 8 April 2016: There's an old joke that might provide a simple solution; "mother, I really like this guy and I want him to ask me to marry him, how do I get him to really want me?" "You go to his house with a six pack of cold beer, show up naked and don't block ... (read in full...)
He's going to propose soon but our sex life has disappeared!
Q. Hi all... so my boyfriend and I are taking a big trip to California in October and while there we have planned to secretly elope. He hasn't yet proposed lol. But he has been looking at rings (ads appearing on my computer and he also left an email ...
A. 8 April 2016: You are exposing a narcissist. If you were to marry this goof I think you'll be sorry within a year or two... (read in full...)
Do I expose his lies or just blank him ?
Q. Hi everyone 4 week ago me and my ex decided to give our relationship another go he spun me lines and i fell for them. My friend is on a dating site and saw him on there so told me im glad she did , im tempted to message him and tell him liars al...
A. 8 April 2016: I'll bet if you look up "IDIOT" in the dictionary his photo is right next to the definition.... (read in full...)
He's asked for a second chance and I said no. Should I let him back? He's so jealous.
Q. I was in a relationship with this guy and at the beggining everything was great.it was my first relationship so i was really excited so was he. he was really in love with me and after a month he first told me he loved me. BUT he was jealous all ...
A. 30 March 2016: There are millions of fish in the sea. Why have one that tries to drown you?... (read in full...)
Can someone who cheated on their partner ever gain self-respect again as a person, whether they decide to stay or end the relationship?
Q. My morals are the one thing I always prided myself in having. I rarely lied (even then I can't flat out lie, more like white lies or divert the answer), obedient to parents (never sneaked out etc.), I don't curse, and I have a strong faith in God, I ...
A. 30 March 2016: You are able to park those feelings in an empty cubbyhole in your brain and move on with your life if you want or you can exorcise it all and live in torment. It's all up to your inner zen ability to use mind control.... (read in full...)
Is he wasting my time? Am I kidding myself, for considering that one day he may want to get married?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend (hate that word at my age) for almost 2 years, he moved in with me a little over a year ago. A while back we had a conversation about commitment type things and he said he had a four year rule, that he wouldn't...
A. 30 March 2016: The short answer is yes he is wasting your time. If a committed relationship is what you're after he's not the one do better with a puppy than with this guy.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be fired but feel uncomfortable with what my boss is requesting me to do
Q. I started my job yesterday as an administrative assistant, at a private accounting firm. My boss told me today she wants me to call tomorrow a credit card company and be her and ask them to waive a fee for her. I feel kind of uncomfor...
A. 30 March 2016: Your instincts are right... Your "boss" is asking you to do something outside the law and you could get in trouble with the law. So; the real question is would you rather go find a better boss at a new place of employment or hire a lawyer to ... (read in full...)
I need a birthday gift for him! Help!!
Q. Ive been dating this guy for a couple months, hes a senior in highschool and his birthday is coming up, i have no clue what to get him, hes not really into sports or cars he loves adventures and i need help! Any ideas? Its hard to know this early ...
A. 15 March 2016: I can't resist...I heard a joke as follows: You want to surprise your boyfriend? Show up naked with a six pack of beer and don't block the TV...he'll most likely propose within the hour.... (read in full...)
How do I stop? I'm constantly craving male attention and end up obsessing over those who give me this attention
Q. I have a recurrent issue that seems to be getting out of hand and worse. It seems that every time a man flirts with me or shows interest, I start to revel in this attention and I start liking them. For instance, a guy has recently joi...
A. 15 March 2016: Not a healthy spot to be in. The good news is you recognize this weakness and want to do something about it Why not try this: Next time a guy flirts with you, give him the "Oh, my boyfriend would be really upset if I gave out my phone number. If he ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to offer something from my Mom’s estate to my brother’s ex-wife?
Q. Help someone, Thanks you to all who help here. My mom died.three years ago.My sister and I went.through boxes of things that belonged to mom....I have some China which will help me to remember my mom. My brother and his wife split a decade ago....
A. 15 March 2016: I have been through similar dilemma with the passing of my parents. It is a very "tricky" and delicate subject. Here's what I would do if I was in your shoes. Assuming you are still on good terms wit your brother(if you are not then it's a ... (read in full...)
He has a new girlfriend, so what does he want from me?
Q. Hello everyone. A little back story, my boyfriend and I have been broken up for about 4 months now. The break up was a lot harder on me than him because he is the one who broke up with me, and told me he didn't feel the same about me anymore. It was ...
A. 13 March 2016: Agood player always has a few other good players on the bench. He may not be jerkish but hes still a guy.... (read in full...)
Why would my ex try to dance with me after being so hurtful in the past?
Q. My ex and i broke up about 9 months ago and we go to the same uni. On Friday, I was out with my friends and I was dancing and everyone started circling me, including his friends and I looked back and realised him coming up behind me to try and da...
A. 7 March 2016: He's just testing the waters to see if there is still any spark left. Obviously there is none so just go on about your business and forget him. Don't overthink this. He's a guy trying to get laid.... (read in full...)
After more than 4 years I now feel nothing for him. Is there any point in continuing this relationship?
Q. Hi all, I need some advise. Is there any point in continuing a 4+ year relationship when I just can't seem to look at him the same way anymore? I look at him and feel nothing on most days now, on some- a little disappointment. It's bee...
A. 6 March 2016: There is always "hope" Something must have happened to cause this development. Not to be nosey but did you get flattered recently and suddenly feel your buzzer go off in a self destructive manner? Did he flirt or flatter someone in your presence and ... (read in full...)
Why does he treat me like a last priority?
Q. Its been two year i am dating my boyfriend. Last year when my birthday came,i thought he will plan something special for me. I went to his home and when i asked him " where is my birthday gift" . He said i don't have any, i am always like this and i ...
A. 5 March 2016: He is clearly one that deserves lowered expectations. Perhaps his priorities are much more simple like he thinks of himself first?... (read in full...)
He hurt me so much, what should I do?
Q. Hi All, I need help.. Last June, I was dumped by a guy I thought was the one. By a guy I loved truly with my whole heart. He dumped me a month before our holiday to meet his family. It was a heart wrenching time in my life. Still, due to the fa...
A. 5 March 2016: I fail to see whatkind of questions you would ask would elict an answer worth trusting. Like the movie title suggests I'm afraid he's "just not into you" I'm positive you can find someone with much more empathy than he seems to have displayed. In ... (read in full...)
Is there a way to get over my anxiety about tattoos? My girlfriend has two!
Q. I have a problem with tattoos on women and don't know what it is, after a girlfriend got her second one I lost it and flipped out and my anxiety level goes up around her and everyone in her family has tattoos and that bothers me more, Is there an...
A. 5 March 2016: Some see "tramp stamp" while others see body art. Look at her soul(it is in her eyes not under any ink. Deep breaths.... (read in full...)
My jobless fiance gambles and owes a lot of money. What should I do? How can I help?
Q. Hi.. im so stress out lately because of what happened to my fiance. We planned to marry soon and he tried to gain easy money from gambling. He lost all his money and worse, he used some of his parent money too. I dont even know while he did this...
A. 2 March 2016: Nope, marriage at this point is a bad idea. He needs to get help with the addiction/compulsion regarding gambling before you gamble your future away.... (read in full...)
I'm having problems during sexual activities with my girlfriend. What is the issue?
Q. I'm not sure how to go about saying this so I apologise if I'm not clear on anything I say. Recently I've been having problems during any form of sexual play with my girlfriend, I seem to be able to finish ok on my own but whenever she doe...
A. 2 March 2016: Your focus should always be on pleasuring her first everything else in insignificant. sounds like you're just having anxiety episodes, ergo...relax and let nature take it's course don't over -think this deep breaths now go back to taking care of her ... (read in full...)
Should I believe my intuition and ask my husband not to go on a business trip?
Q. I feel very uncomfortable talking about this even with my close friends. A couple of times in my life I had a very strong intuitive feelings about people whom I love (friends and family). Since I am a rational person, I've tried suppressing them...
A. 21 February 2016: Sounds legit to me let him go and don't overthink it... (read in full...)
How should one deal with a narcissist in the family?
Q. My husband grew up with a narcissistic mother and father (should he start playing lottery ? ;). Father is out of the picture. He was a liar and a thief. I've seen him steal in a shop and deny that later. We live far away so his mother does not rep...
A. 21 February 2016: Leave the loser If he's truly a narcissist he'll say it's his fault and take ownership of the break up.... (read in full...)
Did I ruin my chances with him?
Q. I kind of had one too many drinks on a first date and ended up texting my date after I got home some stupidity that I feel ruined my chances with him. He never called again. I usually NEVER drink on a date, but it ended up happening on the...
A. 21 February 2016: Yep! most of the time everything happens for a reason and hey if 1st date boy can't see what happened is a fluke then too bad for him let it go. You did nothing wrong.... (read in full...)
I believed my married boyfriend's lies until I could no longer deny the truth. Now I am broken!
Q. Recently broke up with my boyfriend after two consuming and loyal years.I was bought up with utmost moral but seemingly started my relationship with my ex while he was separated from his wife.The constant struggle between my inner conscience and ...
A. 20 February 2016: Sorry to hear of your hurt but if he's a turd flush him from your life and get a grip on a new relationship. Don't wallow in guilt or "what ifs"... (read in full...)
He's in a relationship but has feelings for me. What should we do?
Q. I have feelings for a guy - but he is in a relationship. However yesterday he told me he has feelings for me aswell. What do we do?!...
A. 20 February 2016: Is "we" a metaphor for something? I ask 'cause if he is they and you are the fourth wheel on a tricycle then the whole thing is messed up.... (read in full...)
Why does my lover play the push and pull game?
Q. Why does my lover push and pull? I am actually quite fed up with it. After 5 years, I don't want to be ignored and sent minimal three word texts. Have told him as much. I would much rather be told if he needed his space, didn't want to message. Not ...
A. 20 February 2016: You are correct @ 40 pushing or pulling on things is too much effort. Why waste time and energy pushing or pulling on anything just relax life is short pushing on stuff is hard work then pulling on it is way over the line. Ya'll going to wear ... (read in full...)
Help me beat my fear of violent sex
Q. I have a problem that's seriously interfering with my sex life. When I was 11, I learned about how sex worked by looking up naughty videos. These videos and games were hentai, and often portrayed sex as bloody and painful and that the woman di...
A. 19 February 2016: Sex is a gentle and loving physical activity between two people that care for each other. Anything else(like violent sex is just not sex. It's rape or physical abuse. You don't need to get over it you need a real lover that respects your body.... (read in full...)
Am I over reacting with my fiance's behavior?
Q. Okay so a little background, we have been going out for three years, engaged for six months and getting married next year. We do have a great relationship and I know he is the one for me. We do have our small arguments like every other couple. ...
A. 19 February 2016: Men(and I know this 'cause I am one)are not too good on the subject of 'feelings' We tend to see "feelings" as something you should try to control and not discuss. For example; If aunt Mable dies and you and she were not all that close, Being ... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend has a low sex drive
Q. I look after myself and love sex and intimacy. I have met a guy who after a few attempts admits he has ED and it feels numb and he hardly masturbates. It caused a rift in his marriage and viagra didnt work and his hormone levels are normal. I ha...
A. 19 February 2016: My advice is for him to see a urologist ASAP. It could be something serious like prostate cancer or something like that... (read in full...)
My wife wants to end our marriage says she loves me as a friend only
Q. Firstly, I love my wife very much and dont want to split up. She has recently suggested that she is not 'in love' with me anymore, sees me as a friend and that she wants to break up which I dont and want to make our marriage work. She had a bit of a ...
A. 19 February 2016: I agree with Code Warrior on this. Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment not an arrangement to get a tax write-off. I'd suggest counselling for a pre-set agreed upon time of say two months and then revisit the whole issue with fresh ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to meet up with an ex employee?
Q. Hi Guys, so a lady recently left the company but before leaving she suggested that I find her on Facebook and we can go from there. Is it okay to meet up with an ex-employee?...
A. 19 February 2016: Sure why not. Even though I do not see FB as a "real" way to interact with each other that's not the question. Ex employees are "fair game" plus you might learn something about the company that you should know that only an ex-employee would feel ... (read in full...)
Which party do I go to?
Q. So, I'm a 16yr old male and I've been invited to one of my mates party, I'm not really close with her but all my other friends will be there, however, on the same day i have been invited to another smaller party by my CRUSH! Which one do I go to?...
A. 19 February 2016: Even though I don't do "brit-speak' I think 'mates' refers to friends and "CRUSH" sounds like it might be a girl you like a lot...being in all uppercase it probably means you like her very much. If those two assumptions are even close to being ... (read in full...)
I'm having separation anxiety with my husband travelling so much and I don't know how to make things better
Q. Please, please can you give me some advice, I'm at my wits end, I don't know what else to do :-( 18 months ago my husband got a promotion at work- we were both delighted as he worked really hard and deserved it. The only issue I have is the amou...
A. 24 October 2015: Why not take up a hobby that involves getting out a bit? Join a club Learn Bridge and get into bridge clubs.... (read in full...)
Is feeling good about yourself is a sin? Or am I expecting too much from him?
Q. Dear Cupid I have on and off relationship with my current be of 4 years. Yesterday I changed in profile picture , which is my really fav picture and I like how I look in the picture. Earlier I used to have low self esteem issues, never really lik...
A. 24 October 2015: He sounds like a sad young immature self-concious guy that feels threatened by being with someone that draws attention.A very insecure person like that can be a drag on your evolution as you continue to grow and blosom into a more adventurous and ... (read in full...)
He hurt me so much, what should I do?
Q. Hi All, I need help.. Last June, I was dumped by a guy I thought was the one. By a guy I loved truly with my whole heart. He dumped me a month before our holiday to meet his family. It was a heart wrenching time in my life. Still, due to the fa...
A. 14 October 2015: Nope, don't go to him to ask anything...It will only cause more anguish. I know exactly how you feel. I was dumped by my first love a long time ago and it still hurts. Life is Not fair... (read in full...)
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