A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I would like an outsiders point of view. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, but dated 3 years ago for about 9 months. He was my first for everything and I do love him deeply. He has had a very unstable life, and I have been helping him over the last few months to sort it out. He was living in hostels and was on the verge of homelessness. He had no money, no family, nothing. I let him live with me for a brief while, and I managed to support him and sort out a house for him and a job which I am very proud of. Now before I go into the details of what I am about to say, there is one aspect which makes this situation a bit harder than it should be. It's been suspected for a long time my boyfriend has very severe mental health problems. He is already on the Autistic spectrum and his anger problems are awful. He is constantly paranoid and it is suspected he could be Schizophrenic. Of course none of this is an excuse, but it makes this situation not as black and white. He was also stabbed in the eye a few years ago which is what has made his paranoia particularly bad. Now... I shall describe what has happened as plainly as I can. My Boyfriend and one of my friends do not like eachother. They have been at eachothers throats for a very long time and when I choose to go out with my boyfriend I made it very very clear to the both of them that I didn't expect them to be friends, but I would not ever choose between either of them, which at the time they both agreeed Since then however, they have had a few arguments, and have provoked eachother on multiple occasions, and I really hate to say it, but normally it is my boyfriend who makes everything worse. My boyfriend always wants to fight my friend, and I am make sure he calms down so all hell does not break lose. On multiple occasions I have had to talk my boyfriend out of going to find my friend or ringing him or whatever, simply for both their sakes and my sake. My boyfriend has constantly complained that I avoid the problem and I protect my friend and don't give him what he wants... its tiring to have to calm him down, so eventually I decided I wasn't going to get involved, and let both of them get on with it. So... last week I had my friend round and everything was nice and calm until my boyfriend gave me a ring and basically the phone was on so loud that my friend could here everything my boyfriend ws saying and when he said something about him, my friend got angry and him and my boyfriend started basically having a loud match over the phone, to which they threatened eachother and eventually I got the phone back and went in the other room. I then calmed the situation down and my friend even said to me that he wasn't going to fight him as it wasn't worth it. At which point however my boyfriend rang back and told me that I had to tell my friend he wanted to fight him, and instead of spending the whole day calming him down I eventually let him get himself into his own mess and done exactly what he asked me too. My boyfriend didn't turn up to the fight in the end and now this is where my issue comes in. Yesterday me and my boyfriend went out for the day and had a lovely time, it his Birthday on Friday so I had just spent the last of my money buying him some Birthday presents. On the bus home I briefly mentioned I was going to contact my friend next week as I hadn't heard of him since all the shit went down. This was a bad thing to say as my boyfriend started to tell me he didn't want my friend in my house after last week, to which I said I would have who I wanted to in my house. He then started raising his voice on the bus and proceeded to tell me I was not to let him in my house as my friend wanted to hurt him. I told him that business was between him and my friend and didn't have anything to do with me. He then stormed off the bus and ran round the corner shouting and swearing, I was going to run after him but decided differently and went the other direction to roll a cigarette. Five minutes later he ran round the corner, and was furious. He started screaming and shouting at me, telling me my friend was not to come in my house, he was not to be my friend anymore, and that I WOULD listen to him. At this point he was so angry I knew it was not wise to argue my point, and I simply said I wasn't going to discuss this with him as he was so angry. He then carried on, and then it got worrying. While I was trying to roll my fag he walked right up to me and cornered me, his fists were shaking and I thought he was going to hit me. I told him to not corner me, to which he carried on shouting, I tried to get past him but he wouldn't let me. He then went on a mad one, screaming about how I shouldn't protect my friend, how he won't have me being friends with someone who wants to fight him, he was screaming and shouting so loud that he had gained a lot of attention from bystanders. He started swinging his fists in the air, and kicking a wall. Every question he asked me I responded with silence or said I didn't want to talk to him which seemed to only make him worse. He then screamed in my face, I got covered in his spit and at that point I told him to get away from me and to leave me alone. I tried to walk away to which he followed me, still shouting still swearing. I tried to loop back round to the bus stop as I hoped someone might try and help, but no one did. He still carried on protesting and screaming, and at this point I put my headphones in and started to walk home, he then pulled them out again and everytime I'd try and get away from him he would walk infront of my so I couldn't. It then went from him not want my friend in my house too I had to choose between him and my friend, he kept repeating over and over again who I would choose. I didn't respond and just told him to get away from me. He then started asking if I was sleeping with him, to which I said no once and then continued to ignore him. He kept almost walking into me which was very intimidating and eventually I managed to find a wall to sit down on hoping he would get bored and leave. He carried on screaming, and eventually I bascially said to him I didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore to which he suddenly assumed that meant I had choosen my mate over him. He then started swinging his fists and screaming like a mad man. He then called me a dirty bitch and went round the corner, I waited for about a minute then proceeded to go home, but when I got round the corner, he was waiting there. I had my headphones in, but he was screaming and shouting stuff at me and I didn't hear it. I then took them out and stood there in silence and just looked at him. He then began to say that he hoped it was worth it, and hoped my friend was worth it. He told me that he would never speak to me again, and as he still has some of his stuff stored here, he then said if me or my friend touched his stuff he was coming for me and heads would roll. At this point a woman came out of her house, and told my boyfriend to get away from me, she said she had heard everything, and that he was to step away from me right now or she would ring the police. She said she had seen this kind of thing a hundred times before and called him a bunch of stuff but eventually got him to go. She then told me he wasn't worth it, asked if I was okay and if I needed the police to which I said no, and made sure I could get home okay. She told me to leave him and that behaviour was not acceptable especially since I had stood there in silence. I thanked her deeply and then went home. For all of last night I tried to talk to him and see whats going on in his head, I tried to explain that if you start fights with people you can't blame them if they want to fight you back, I have tried to tell him how wrong his behaviour has been, to which his only response has been that I need to either choose him or my friend, as he can't be with me while my friend is invovled with me. Only one hour ago, he finally realized how wrong and disgusting he had been and has partly dropped the issue, he is now beside himself and is grovelling. The question I need an answer to is whether or not he is just an abusive person, or if this could be classed as an episode of some kind of mania, which is down to a mental illness? As he changed his tune so quickly, even though I had tried to explain the same thing over and over again with no result. I also want to know, if I should stay or go... I know the answer is obvious, I should go, yes I should. However he has an appointment on Wednesday with a doctor to discuss his mental health, and I did say I would go with him. I feel like if I maybe stuck around and got him some more help with that, maybe he would change? Or maybe it'd help his anger better? I know I can't change people, and I know it's a very stupid notion to stay after this, but I do love him, and I do want to help, and I'd like to know what you all think. Please don't be too harsh as I am fragile at the moment. Thank you.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 June 2015):
 Yes, You should let the local police know that there is a simmering problem and that you are concerned. Keep close to your neighbours so that one of them can call police if you appear to be in danger from him.
If your mother is in poor health it may worry her; is there another relative or friend you could convey your concerns to?
Can you pack up his stuff into some book cartons (not very heavy to lift) and stack then near your front door ready for the boxes to be removed very quickly? You could label each box with his name and the contents. Such as "books" / "clothing" / or "other"
I don't think you can reason with him at the moment. I think he is very unwell. So he is not going to be capable of much rational discussion.
The advice below only applies to the UK as I think you are in the UK.
Please call up the Samaritans.org as they may be able to offer some insights.
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/what-happens-when-you-contact-us
And Mind as well.
If a person has absolutely NO relatives then there are options where a person can be there to be the Next Friend. Speak to http://www.mind.org.uk/ about this.
And as he is violent the Doctor can section him. This may scare you but it may be the best thing for him. He is out of control, his life is not stable and you are scared of him. I would not want anything to happen to you.
You will not do him nor you any favours by MINIMIZING just how very bad his behaviour is becoming. In an emergency a person can be sectioned very quickly.
Do not be afraid to call 999 if he harasses you.
http://nssadvice.org/fact-sheets/am-i-at-risk/
You may have to be very firm with him.
if the worst comes to the worst you may have to get an injunction, which he may not respect. He seems obsessed with controlling you and that is not a good sign.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002
But he harms you and you are immobilized in an attack you could be left in a state of distress and not be found for some time. Your safety is paramount.
If he was sectioned he also has to have a Specially trained Mental Health Advocate (IMHA) appointed. Once he is no longer sectioned he will still get additional help with possibly a half way house before he is finally independent again.
An IMHA is an advocate specially trained to help you find out your rights under the Mental Health Act 1983 and help you while you are detained. They can listen to what you want and speak for you.
You have a right to an IMHA if you are:
• detained in hospital under a section of the Mental Health Act, but not if you are under sections 4, 5, 135 and 136
• under Mental Health Act guardianship, conditional discharge and community treatment orders (CTOs)
• discussing having certain treatments, such as electroconvulsive therapy (ECT)
In Wales, voluntary patients can also have an IMHA.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/
The Citizen's advice bureau may be able to put you in touch with some support agencies as well.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
hope some of that helps and demonstrates that there is a lot of support out there and there is NO SHAME in accessing it. In fact it is there for exactly situations like this
Regards
Abella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your wonderful responses! Honestly its nice to know that from an outsiders point of view I am not to blame for all this because I have been thinking about it since yesterday. It's nice to know some people care.
I'd just like to clarify that he is no longer living with me, when I said I had sorted him out a house, I meant that I have actually found him somewhere else to live. However he still has a lot of things stored in my house that he needs to collect.
I thought I would also give you guys a bit of an update and I have some more things that I would like to ask all of you.
I thought I would say another big point he brought up was that this friend of mine is a thief, I however don't think this of my friend at all as I have never known him to steal anything. Basically when all of that stuff kicked off with him and my friend having an argument over the phone, when I came back into the room my friend of course was angry and had picked a deck of my boyfriends cards and was looking through them. He then jokingly said as he was annoyed, if he could take his cards as he wouldn't miss them and he'd really really annoyed him. I told him to put them back down to which he said, "ohhh coommeee onnn, he won't miss them" and when I told him to put them down again he did. I ended up letting my boyfriend know this, which was a bad idea, as now he constantly uses "You shouldn't have a theif in your house" even though he did not take them. He also keeps on saying he doesn't want my friend in my house while all his stuff is here, yet he keeps on putting off collecting it and all in all I think that is just an excuse to basically get me to do what he wants. What do you think?
Anyway, with all that set asside, for the rest of the night last night I was talking to him all night online. It was an complete nightmare. I was trying to understand him and was trying to get some answers to the behaviour he had displayed and when I put this message up I had got to a breaking point where he had actually acknowledged his behaviour... however that didn't last for very long.
He soon went back to giving me the ultimatum of who I was going to choose.. and no matter what I say or do in his head, he is still right. I tried to get him to see the bigger picture as to how his behaviour was not right, but according to him he had to treat me like that to get me to listen to him as I had been avoiding the subject for so long. He basically thinks that his behaviour was acceptable as he had no other choice... which I disagree with, and even though he has apolygizedd and admitted he acted disgustingly, he still thinks his behaviour is justifiable. Which in my books, it isn't.
No matter how far I got with him last night to getting him to realize how bad he had been it would always come back to the option of "who are you going to choose". I asked him at one point to come and see me and talk about it, to which he said "I can't come if my safety is being threatened by your friend" which I thought was very laughable as his safety isn't being threatened as my friend hasn't been round and at the end of the day, they may be as bad as each other, but he has made threats towards him too, and I'm pretty sure you do not threaten to beat up someone who you are afraid of.
I did at one point get very upset and tried to just get him to understand how I felt. I myself suffer with Bipolar and at times I get overwhelmed and last night was one of those times. I was exhausted and eventually I was begging him not to make me choose and to just work things out with me. I have a really really hard time letting go of people, this is mainly down to the fact I have lost a lot of family members and a few weeks a go I lost my cat, who was my bestfriend. I told him how this had made me feel weak and completely lost, how all I wanted was to not be alone and for him to stay... in response to this, he just got angry at the fact I was sad and crying, he called me more names, told me to sort it out and was just genuinely insensitive and nasty.
I then felt so low, that I simply stopped giving a shit, and that is when he started to beg again, and begged for me to stay after he had said things like "I don't want you". He changed his tune so much that I don't know what to think, but yes, I do believe he is and has been playing on the fact I have a mental illness and he knows exactly what my weak spots are.
He likes to say that his anger problems are like my mental health problem, he tries to tell me he cannot control it. I do believe him to a certain extent but now I am thinking he is using this as an excuse. I am medicated and I am currently having therapy, but unfortunately for me my Bipolar does affect my everday life and it prevents me from having things such as relationships and jobs. I normally am a light hearted person but when my illness gets bad, I do turn into a different person, and I can be very nasty and sometimes say things which I deeply regret, to him and all those around me, but as soon as I come out of it I apologize and try my hardest for it not to happen again and I do not justify my behaviour at all... he says the stuff he does is the same, but what do you guys think? Is that just an excuse to get away with stuff?
WiseOwlE brought up a very good point, he says he can't control his anger, but he can as soon as he was in danger of actually getting hurt... I brought this up with him, and asked him out front if he was playing on it, to which he just played ignorant and claimed he did not know what I was talking about. In fact he then began to blame the problems we had in our relationship all on my one friend, and when I asked him what he was to blame for, he said I had forgotten all the occasions that he was to blame, but as soon as I asked him what occasions exactly, he would just hang up... which is all a sign of manipulation and I am intelligent enough to see that.
I have briefly spoken with him today, and I was very surprised as he has now decided he doesn't want to discuss it anymore and wants me to forget about it. When I tried to talk he told me I was reopening an argument, once again trying to make me feel to blame, but I am not having any of it and told him that things aren't just going to go back to normal, and I am not a machine and I can't just erase things from my memory. This seemed to work as I think he has caught on now, that I know his game and isn't going to work. We are going to be speaking about it later tonight, either in person or over the phone and I know some of you may say this is not wise, but it is something I need to do for myself.
Also in response to Abella, the idea you have is wonderful, but I am afraid we will be meeting with a GP who does not have much of an understanding on mental health. We are going to the GP to try and get him referred to the mental health section of health sector, and a referral can take up to 6 weeks. Here in the UK the mental health section is poor, and as I have been trying myself for 5 years, there is almost no chance they would use any money on sending him to a secure unit... if they would send him anywhere, like you said it would be a police cell. I wouldn't be able to speak on his behalf with out his consent, and I doubt, as I am not a retaliative, I would be able to meet with the doctor on my own without him there as he would need to speak for himself. Not to mention, a lot of GP doctors won't refer adults to the mental health section without just giving them some standard anti-depressants first, which is normally a trial run that goes of for about a month... so all in all we are already expecting to wait for about 2 and half months before we get any proper help... which just is not good enough.
I need some time to think about all of this, but all of you are dead on right. He isn't making me happy, he triggers my Bipolar, he is isolating me from my friends, he speaks to me sometimes like a dog and he is using every trick in the book to get what he wants, and after all the stuff me and my family have done for him, it is disgusting and just completely wrong. I need to look after myself more than I need to look after him as i have been doing it for way to many years! So you are all right when you say I need to save myself.
I won't deny that I am afraid to leave him and feel I have gotten in too deep, I am afraid of the repercussions and how I will feel afterwards.. I am afraid of him in some aspects. My final question about this is if I should tell anyone? Its something I have been debating all day. My mother knows something is up, but as she is not a well woman I haven't told her about what happened.. I have also thought to tell the friend who its all about as in some ways he can protect me as I do not have any of males around as I live with my mother and grandmother... however I don't want to make the situation worse or stir things up, but part of me feels he could help, even though I hate involving other people in my arguments, and if my boyfriend found out he would not be happy... so should I tell the friend? I also am seeing my therapist tomorrow, so should I tell him too? He could offer me some advice.
I am afraid of being alone, but I know thats just the Bipolar because when I think about it rationally, I realize I am not alone.. I have friends and family who have gone through all of the shit my boyfriend has caused just for me... and being with him is sometimes more difficult than being alone. I have my whole life ahead of me and today I am continuing with my lovely plans as usual :) Thank you all so much, you have helped loads and any more answers to my questions will be muchly appreciated... sorry its kinda long xD
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 June 2015):
As a post script: write out everything that has happened or even print out your DC question. Just hand it to the doctor on Wednesday.
If your guy refuses to attend on Wednesday then still deliver it all to the doctor in written format as your guy may have to seek treatment whether he likes it or not. Your guy is clearly becoming dangerously physically abusive and that is far too much for you to endure.
The doctor needs to know that your guy is capable of this level of physical violence - it affects how the nurses and doctors deal with your guy.
The doctor can get a very good understanding of the situation just from what you wrote in this question. Saves the doctor having to write out a lot of notes and ensures that significant things are not left out in the doctor's notes.
Better that he be assessed by the doctor and get some psychiatric support than he be picked up by the police.
Because either way he may need to go into some form of secure facility for a while.
Better it be a psychiatric facility where he will be monitored by qualified mental health nurses.
Because if this abusive behaviour continues untreated he will come to the attention of police.
But he will then get scant attention paid to his psychiatric condition in a police lock-up.
And if he keeps coming to the attention of police then a worse outcome for him would be a prison as the latter will be far worse and he will get scant treatment in the jail and little consideration of the prison staff who will just write him off as a difficult prisoner when clearly he needs specialised support to treat his condition and steer him away from antisocial behaviour.
Explain to the Doctor that he is homeless and has no support and that you cannot support him any longer. It may allow him to stay getting treatment a little longer than the average and that cannot be bad.
Also ask the doctor if he can be given some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) in a psychiatric facility over a period of time to help him to modify his behaviour.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 June 2015):
 Unless you want to be 6 feet under with a tombstone above you... WALK (run) from this guy and relationship.
While I don't think your "friend" is any better - you aren't DATING that friend ( and I hope you would THINK of ever dating him either) your BF is WHO he is and he will NOT change because you LOVE him dearly.
You can't fix this. He might not be able to fix it either.
You are in the 18-21 age group so I hope you take the advice ALL the aunties give you in to consideration, you don't NEED all this DRAMA, NOR should you WANT all this drama.
This isn't love.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 June 2015):
You have been very caring and considerate towards him, but enough is enough. Yes you do love him deeply. But wow, what a roller coaster ride he has put you through. Others have given up trying to help him as he is a thorough handful and you, in your teen years have been more than willing to be his rock and support him no matter what.
It is time for you to have a more peaceful life where you can talk to and see your friends without all this aggression from someone you love.
Love does not mean that you have to put up with all this fighting and aggression and endure the fact that his social skills are very sadly lacking. He does have his problems and some of those problems are just far too big for one person alone to solve. while you stay there to keep the peace and smooth things over he will never have to try to learn to modify his behaviour as you will always be there to fix things. That is not an acceptable situation and it is time for you to step back and allow the professionals to deal with his behaviour and his "take" on how he thinks things are.
Even if he has some form of a psychiatric illness diagnosed by a medical doctor, you don't need to endure abuse. There are many people with a psychiatric illness and even millions of people with depression right now who do not abuse their friends and relatives and their loved ones.
Then there are some people who do have some form of diagnosed psychiatric illness or some level of depression who think they are entitled to be abusive.
Just as there are people who have no depression and no diagnosed psychiatric illness who are abusive.
Whatever situation above applies this level of abuse you are enduring is not acceptable. If you continue to try to support him, assist him, tolerate his abuse and try to smooth the way for him the abuse will wear you down and affect you to the point where you will lose confidence in yourself and it could negatively affect your confidence in you.
If the Doctor asks you questions when he is assessed do be honest and tell it like it is. Spell it out with nothing hidden of what you have had to see, endure and put up with; but also advise the doctor that you cannot go on supporting this man any longer.
The doctor will want to know who has been providing him with support and when the support will not exist any more, as this can affect what options the medical team can choose when assessing him and when choosing to place him in the right environment, such as a half way house, once he has responded to some treatment.
This guy needs to learn some ground rules about behaviour and what is acceptable and what is not. Even when being assessed he will not be permitted to abuse the staff and behave in anti-social ways.
do not allow him to pour guilt onto him. He has to come to realize that his abuse is unacceptable.
You are not to blame for his illness.
You cannot provide him with the level of care he needs when he resorts to out of control and abusive behaviour.
It is not your fault that he is abusive and out of control.
And as much as you want to be caring and to help - there are times when a person needs far more psychological and therapeutic support and medical support than one person can offer. His medication may have to be adjusted several times before he is stable.
Let go of thinking you can solve this puzzle. His situation requires a multi-level series of experts in their fields. He needs nurses, doctors and counsellors around the clock in a supported environment where his tantrums and abuse will not be tolerated and where he can be treated and supervised.
Go smell the roses. Have a peaceful day. See whichever friends you like when it suits you and your friends. Just generally enjoy the sunshine. You really have done your best and given your all to this situation.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 June 2015):
 He sounds unstable and I'd recommend you find a new BF that is rational. You can't save the world but you can save yourself.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (7 June 2015):
 Whatever his mental health he is an abusive person who has FULL control of his actions. He doesn't pick on anyone who can or would actually hurt him and he backs down when he perceives a real possible threat.You've not been calming him down or preventing escalation. You have been a face saving means for him to run from a threat, be it physical or legal. He finally relents and becomes reasonable and contrite only when he knows you've had enough and are ready to leave. He knows what he's doing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2015): Oh love, please, please go. You cannot change him, no matter how you try or how much you love him. Whether this is mental illness or abuse is irrelevant to you. Either scenario is bad news.I know from bitter experience what effect living or being with someone like this has on your health. I ended up in A and E twice. not because my ex had hit me, but from the stress he put me through. My body reacted badly twice and even though I left him two years ago, my health has never been the same since. You can't get it back. HE WILL NOT CHANGE. I was with an abusive man for five years and this behaviour sounds very familiar. It may be mental illness and with medication maybe it will change......Not really. Do you know that if the behaviour is abusive as well, they use whether they take their medication or not as a way to control you. They know it will worry you if they don't take it, so anything you do that they don't like, they don't take their meds. He may not be like this, but do you know what, by the time you find out, you will need help yourself.Twisting what you said, i.e. leaving him was nothing to do with his behaviour, but you wanted your friend instead IS ABUSIVE.Using very threatening and intimidating behaviour IS ABUSIVE.Please read 'Why Does He Do That' by Professor Lundy Bancroft. He worked with abusive men for fifteen years and learned all their tactics. Your boyfriend's behaviour is in this book. There are many men out there who will be attractive and exciting to you, who will love you and treat you like you're a human being, not an emotional punch bag.I understand how hard this is. I had to leave my partner of five years, who apart from being abusive, was brilliant company, made me feel great and loved and special etc etc. But when they are behaving towards you in this way it is not right and you have to go. You will manage it and feel proud of yourself. You will also feel enormously relieved in next to no time.Do enrol the help of your family and friends if you can, because men like this can be at their worst if they realise you are leaving them. He sounds extremely aggressive and this is worrying. Don't tell him on your own, have people around you for some time afterwards. Be aware. I don't want to scare you, but people like this are unpredictable. You've already said you are fragile at the moment. It will only get worse. All the best, please read the book and good luck xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2015): You should take the lady's advice and get rid of him!
You've placed yourself in the position of being his guardian and caretaker; when you're supposed to be his girlfriend. You're also afraid of what he might do if you try to leave him; which is what you danced around after that very long narrative about his behavior. HE should go! It's your house, and you shouldn't be taking in strays. He's not a rescue animal from a pet shelter. He is a human being, and responsible for his actions.
You enable him when you calm down situations that he stirs up. You spend a lot of time putting out fires. How much of this crap is it going take, before you realize you've got a maniac on your hands?
Keep him away from your friend; that is a volatile situation that could land one, or both of them in jail.
You're the fuel behind that commotion; so staying out of it is just stirring the pot. You're letting them stew in their testosterone; and still coming in on the tail-end of things. That fans the flames! You're the reason they're fighting.
Your good friend knows your boyfriend is nothing but trouble; and you're too busy being his care-taker to see the trouble he's causing. What's even worse, is when you let them go at it. You are sanctioning their macho violence. Somebody's going to get hurt! It might even be you!
You need to let him go. It's not your problem he has no place to go, and he might have a mental-problem to boot. You stuck your foot in a load of poop, even getting involved with him in the first place. Now you don't know what to do with him! It's one thing to help your fellow-man, another to move him into your house; when he has failed at taking care of himself. That's a red-flag so big, you could stretch it from England to Ireland!
His freaking groveling is just his fear of having no one to put-up with his crap, and to take care of him. You are too young for this trouble; and you've gotten yourself into it too deep. Now you don't know how to get out. Stay the hell away from guys with obvious violent tendencies. You could get hurt, or worse. You may need the police to evict him from your home. He has more than threatened you. Screaming in your face, swearing, calling you names, and making threatening gestures at you is assault! You don't have to lay your hands on a person to assault them. It's the threat of violence, and the level of anger behind the behavior. He was raging at you!
You may need the help of the police to get him out of your house. He will no doubt react badly, and I know you're too afraid. You may need to file for a restraining order; and will have to call the police for help a few times before you are completely rid of this guy. He will continue threatening you and your friend. Eventually, he may attack you. Your friend is in a better position to defend himself than you are. Listen to that lady! He isn't worth it.
He wants you to think he's crazy, because it intimidates you. Notice he backed-down when your friend was ready to kick his ass? That's because he might be crazy, but he isn't stupid!
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