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Boyfriend like swinging, me not so much. Will I be enough for him?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 June 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, *anillaSlice writes:

The general dilemma is that my boy for three years likes to swing, or likes the idea of swinging. After a few times of play,.. I have realized that I am not so much.

about 6 months after we started dating we looked into one of his previous "fun accounts!" we added both of our pictures, and looked through other couples but did not do much more then look.

About last year we had our first encounter of fun,.. we met a couple, and when it was starting to get a little dry because both sides were avoiding the big elephant.. I finally asked if we were going to go play or not… It turned out to be a fun night,.. a little whoa for me,.. but it was still a good experience.

Since then we have tried to talk or meet with another couple, and I just wasn't getting a good vibe,.. the boy was still down, even though the girl was more interested in me then him..

Now with this experience I have learned that i am not gay,.. not Bi,.. not even Bi curious,.. I'm sorry I like man parts and feel way out of left field trying to play with woman's parts,..

well time has come to now,.. He still looks around about daily and probably talks to people and I really do not hear much about it. I only get a heads up if I go online and see new responded to emails or the viewed history and such (within the accounts website)

He knows i'm not the biggest fan. I can handle fun time about once a year,..

With swinging being more in the media and seeing articles saying that it helps relationships, I don't think it does. We have met several people who started out as a couple but then one will message us when the other has left town. normally you can see one person being much more invested into the lifestyle then the other.

Im kind of asking for an outside perspective, an other opinions and or experiences. Sometimes I feel I may be a little too vanilla for the boy, ( and I believe we both still have a strong attraction to each other, so that is not a main concern)

I just I wonder if I will be enough in the long run of things, and I also wonder why I do not have a wondering eye so much( especially in my case, where I would be allowed too look more then some women), I like to flirt everyone and a while, but I never have the need or want attention from other men.

Your thought?!

View related questions: flirt, swinging

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (1 June 2015):

janniepeg agony auntThe idea of free unrestricted love is ideal but impractical unless a big group of people live in a commune. That's a place where people also prepare food together and children are reared by different sets of parents. There may be such in Northern California, Pune India, Fiji. It sounds like a utopia but even there would be people who are jealous or messed up too. As for swingers you meet in a club where you are strangers, the connection isn't there. The lifestyle is secretive and the people are just there to use, for sexual benefits.

Some people want to swing because they want to rebel against the traditional idea that you are stuck with one person forever. The others do it because of sexual addiction. They need the excitement for a new person to get arousal. I believe your boyfriend is more like the free spirit type, although I think swinging would not help your relationship, as if to say your relationship needs help. From what, boredom?

Ironically, your boyfriend would try to stop the swinging if you get too involved in it. By then the damage will have been done and it would be too late. Swinging is just one of the risky things people are eager to try until they feel like they are playing with fire, then they stop.

My opinion is that relationships and swinging don't mix. If he likes swinging then he should do it as much as possible before settling down. He doesn't get the variety and total devotion from you at the same time.

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A male reader, Garbo United States + , writes (1 June 2015):

Garbo agony auntIn vast majority of cases swinging does not help relationships. The articles that you are citing which can come up in places like Huffington Post are typically anecdotal, out of ordinary, basically a statistical outlier, used to click bait peoe into reading them.

Second, if you are uncomfortable at any kind of sex then don't fear being clear that you do not want to do it. Generally, less people that are involved in your relationship - and that includes sex - the better relationship you will have.

Earlier this week someone asked about past swingers so you want to read about swingers that I know whose stories ice shared in that post :

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/life-after-swinging.html

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 June 2015):

olderthandirt agony auntDifferent strokes for different folks But I cn see swinging as a lifestyle having anything ut heartaches and complication due to the very nture of concept. My advice is to steer clearof any potentially drama inducing turmoil. Life is complicated enough without asking for problems.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 June 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI DO think when it comes to swinging people might LIKE the fantasy of it a lot more then the reality.

I do NOT think it helps relationships. From what I have seen it is rather destructive to a good relationship.

Personally, it would NEVER do for me. I wouldn't WANT to share. Share myself Or my partner. I just don't FEEL you need more people in the bed or relationship - generally I think if you feel you HAVE to add more people... what you have in the first place can't be THAT strong. So far I haven't met anyone who made it work.

I think you HAVE to decide if you WANT to swing or not. And then you HAVE to have a conversation with your partner. If he STILL wants to swing, you know that HE thinks HIS sex-life is MORE important than you.

Nothing wrong in being "vanilla". I think TRYING things JUST to please a partner always backfires. You tried it (for yourself) and found it not as you had fantasized. And that is OK.

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