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*lderthandirt agony aunt

*lderthandirt

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*lderthandirt's profile:

I don't know about qualifactions or not but I do know I'm older than most of the folks that offer up questions and I have shared a lot of experiences that the folks seem to be zeroed in on. 46 years of marriage yes to the same woman. i've lived in Hawaii,California, Texas(currently in Texas) worked in Louisiana, New Jersey, Arkansas,Texas, and Indiana on a consulting engineering basis. I love to daydream about stuff[like living o a beach somewhere living off the sea, I lkie to write lyrics for proposed songs,like reading. I surf the net a lot.

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Worried I'll disappoint him. How can I explain to him that I'm not very experiened? That laziness during lovemaking is not the issue.

Q.   So I have this guy that I have been seeing for a few months now! Its not a LDR but we do live almost two hours from each other and with work commitments and other things we have only seen each other three times but we talk every single day! W...

A.   2 August 2015: Firstly, There is NOTHING that can be considered "work" during sex....it's all pleasure. If he sees it as "work" then perhaps he should look for another "job"... (read in full...)

Am I over-reacting? BF is inconsiderate and doesn't act loving and invents new "rules" for me.

Q.   My boyfriend and I of 2 years fight. A lot. He is petty and always inventing new "rules" or things that upset him. Months ago , he told me he didn't like it when I added random men to FB, esp after a night out without him. I tried to be sensitiv...

A.   1 August 2015: Nope...you've basically defined a paranoid person that is also controlling to offset his fears. You can do better than that. Good Luck... (read in full...)

Nearly 5 years together and now he's suddenly voiced reservations. Why?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 5 years now. We plan to get married in a year and half. For his work, he had to shift to another city and right now we are in a long distance relationship since last few months. One thing I am very ...

A.   1 August 2015: In my humble opinion, It sounds like he is offering you a way out of the relationship. A job relocation is a very traumatic thing. I'd bet he is very concerned about it and doesn't want to fail you or his company(which would imply absolute failure ... (read in full...)

Should I be cautious? I am not sure about his Tinder past

Q.   I have been chatting to a guy online and we seem quite similar in our outlook. He said he had a longterm relationship and then went on the dating app tinder and slept with 5-6 women as only wanted something casual but realised he wanted more. ...

A.   28 July 2015: It sounds like your instincts have already told you what to do and you want validation. OK, I will validate them your instincts may have just saved you from a wretched affair. Bail out while you can.... (read in full...)

Is it normal to end up having a real dislike of your first love?

Q.   Is it normal to end up having a real dislike of your first love? The fact is - when I was at college 20 years ago - I fell for this guy and we started dating ( my first proper relationship). It lasted on and off for about 6-7 years and then we...

A.   24 July 2015: To my mind it's unusual to not continue to love your first love. The first cut is the deepest. You might be wanting to dislike him for other reasons but your heart won't let you...hence the dilema.... (read in full...)

Are there no gentlemen left? ? My dating has left me not interested in sex, though I have had sex

Q.   I'm 20 and I've got this problem with boyfriends. I only had four of them when I was in HS. "Matthew" was a relative of a friend and he was nice, but he annoyed me because he would just show up at my house without calling first or else he would...

A.   21 July 2015: I'm assuming your definition of "gentlemen" is more mature than those described in your essay, as all those guys sound like adolesents going through hormone overload. Once a guy reaches about 25 or even 30 they finally realize that ther needs to be ... (read in full...)

He lied to me. I am so angry with him, yet can you love and hate someone at the same time?

Q.   Six months ago, I was going out with a guy. We were both sixteen. His ex also made me feel very uncomfortable as she still liked him and kept making jibes over us. This guy has had a string of girlfriends but he was my first boyfriend. I tho...

A.   19 July 2015: Of course it's posssible to have a love/hate relationship.Ask anyone that's been married more than 20 years.... (read in full...)

All my friends do sleep randomly with anyone. I don't because it concerns me. Am I too sceptical thinking it's dangerous?

Q.   Is it dangerous to sleep with anyone randomly? Because all my friends do that and nothing happens but I'm very sceptical? I need answers because I'm struggling....

A.   18 July 2015: Rdom sex is kinda like Russian Roulete. One live round in a random chamber..spin, pull trigger...hope for the best. Not in my world. You're just smarter than your friends. Stay safe youngster.... (read in full...)

All my friends do sleep randomly with anyone. I don't because it concerns me. Am I too sceptical thinking it's dangerous?

Q.   Is it dangerous to sleep with anyone randomly? Because all my friends do that and nothing happens but I'm very sceptical? I need answers because I'm struggling....

A.   18 July 2015: Rdom sex is kinda like Russian Roulete. One live round in a random chamber..spin, pull trigger...hope for the best. Not in my world. You're just smarter than your friends. Stay safe youngster.... (read in full...)

Fiance had a drink with a business partner despite promising me that he wouldn't touch alcohol till October. Is he a liar? Does he no longer truly love me? Does he not respect me or our relationship?

Q.   Hi, i need urgent advice, as i am unsure as to what i must or should do, within my relationship. My fiance has always vowed, that since we fell in love, that he was no heavy drinker, that he was only a social drinker, which is fine, as i am ...

A.   17 July 2015: I be willing to bet you have never drank or got drunk. Anyone that has drank on a somewhat regular basis knows that "just stopping" is a very difficult thing to do. It's kinda like trying to quit smoking except quiting the smoking is nearly twice as ... (read in full...)

I am scared he is saying all this to just sleep with me again and leave me.

Q.   Please advise. A year and a half ago I came across my teenage love on facebook. He lost his virginity to me and was really into me. I was not a nice person back then and I broke his heart. So 15 years later I have grown up matured I'm in a c...

A.   17 July 2015: T your instincts...that tiny voice in your head that is telling you he just wants sex and then he'll run is pbably right. Your instincts will never fail you they are internal safety guidlines to keep you from harm or from repeating a bad experience. ... (read in full...)

If a woman asks you what is your type is, is she interested in you?

Q.   Back at it again! It sucks to be a man and trying to figure out women. With that being said, if a woman asks you what your type is, is she interested in you? After I told her my type she said well i guess i'm your type right? And i asked why ...

A.   17 July 2015: There IS no definition of one's "type" much less a signal of any sort as to if she's "into you". With any luck you'll return to nevr beingable to figure women out. They are so pposite in their logic from men that it is nearly immpossible to ever ... (read in full...)

This love-rat LDR guy has been chatting to me for a year. I thought it was a relationship. How do I pick myself up after all this?

Q.   Please help! A man I had met online found me on Facebook and started chatting to me. More than ONE YEAR later he left Facebook, started a Twitter account and my whole world has fallen apart. I found him sending sexy comments to a particul...

A.   15 July 2015: Ah, yet another great reason to avoid FB at all cost. Sorry for your "loss" however, chatting it up on FB is Not a relationship anymore serious than having a crush on a movie actor. You will survive this upset just stay off social media.... (read in full...)

It is possible that a guy doesn't know if he cums or not?

Q.   Okay so this is rather embarrassing to ask but how does guy not tell if he cums or not? I mean is that normal? My fiancé and i wanted to try something neither of us have done before so we decided to have sex in water. He said hed pull out before he ...

A.   13 July 2015: Impossible! He knows he reached orgasm he just can't be sure he was out.... (read in full...)

How to play hard to get BUT at the same time be nice to him?

Q.   Hi, so there is a guy who obviously likes me. He talks with me for hours, flirts, asks me lots of personal questions etc. He asked for my number in a flirty way. I kind of refused in a cold indirect way. Do you think I should have gave him my...

A.   12 July 2015: Bow, I am positive he knows you are playing hard to get(whatever that means?) Why can't you just be up front and tell folks what you are all abiout?... (read in full...)

If my bf really loves me why does he want me to have sex with other partners?

Q.   I've been dating my bf since Jan 2015. I'm 18 and he's 35. Big age gap I know but love has no boundary. My family likes him and him and I know very well that we're each other's life partner. However I believe that because of his age he is too le...

A.   10 July 2015: Thort answer is; because he's a douche! No "real' guy that really loves you would even think of his best friend on earth going around sleeping with other folks for any reason other than to make you feel worthless and unworthy. He (loved by you or ... (read in full...)

After finding my boyfriend's porn stash, I'm worried he wasn't being honest when he said he likes my body!

Q.   I'm sorry if there are more questions like this, but I used the search feature and it didn't seem to work. This may seem like a petty issue, but it's making me feel self conscious. I've always felt my body is inferior, considering you always get t...

A.   7 July 2015: Nt to worry, men are a hundred times more self concious about their "short-commings" than women are about their lack of beauty or sexuallity.... (read in full...)

I'm being used by every man in my life and constantly controlled 

Q.   I keep ending up in two types of relationships and I have no idea how this keeps happening! I either end up in one where it becomes nothing but sex, or one where the guy WILL NOT let me not date him or break up with him. The guys who DO want a ...

A.   7 July 2015: As a totally amature psychologist...I'm tempted to believe that I bet your mother was dominated by your father and you've inherited this "attraction" to men that feel a need to dominate women. I suspect you'll need to be somewhat more pickey in your ... (read in full...)

Partner says relationship with my son is not normal? 

Q.   Opinions please... My son is ten and it's been me and him on our own since he was a baby. He is very much a mummies boy and we have a great relationship. I have been in a relationship with an older man for several years on and off. He doe...

A.   7 July 2015: He has a point...Too much affection is boarderline weird at the least. A sinmple hug at bedtime is enough... (read in full...)

Is going with his best friend bad? Have I put up with too much cheating by my BF?

Q.   so, me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. But over that time, I will put in order...he has: Kissed a girl Had sexual contact with a girl kissed a girl slept with a girl sent nudes to a girl kissed a girl kissed a girl sent fl...

A.   7 July 2015: Oh, paleeese! give it a rest with the boo-hoo and dump this creep.... (read in full...)

What is love? Can anyone help me define true lasting love? How do I recognise true love?

Q.   What is love? Do you have to first experience it to know how to recognise it, to understand how it feels? It seems to me as if most couples just go through the motions, they don't actually have love nor really understand it. They get together...

A.   5 July 2015: I see it as two souls merging into one in thought words and actions. After 50 years we can tell what the other is thinking most of the time.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend claims to have no sex drive yet I discovered he watches porn

Q.   My partner of 11 years is 10 years older than me, we used to have an amazing sex life but for the last 4 years it has deteriorated. If I'm lucky I may get something once every 4 months. We both had high sex drives. now my partner says he doesn't ...

A.   3 July 2015: You don't have to know how to fly in order to like watching airplanes. sounds like he has reached a common male problem...an ever-enlarging prostate but lower testostorone level. A urologist can help.... (read in full...)

How do I deal with these negative emotions (lack of trust) while engaging in a possible relationship with this new guy?

Q.   I have severe trust issues due to an absolutely HORRIBLE 5 year real-life relationship that I got out of 4 months ago. 2 months ago I met this man on xbox while playing a game and we hit off instantly. The connection we share is unlike anything I've ...

A.   2 July 2015: OK, I get it you've been burned. This new guy is not responsible for that. He needs room to make his own set of unforced errors. just keep your gaurd up but try to put the past in the rier view mirror and let the new guy mess up all by himself. All ... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't seem invested in our lives. How can I get him to open up?

Q.   My husband seems like he is not invested in our marriage. He is very quiet lately, we do not have conversations other than all the mundane things. He does not ask questions to extend the conversation. He never talks about his dreams, or things he ...

A.   2 July 2015: This sounds like a classic case of depression. Although I am not a doctor, I did play one in a school play once:) Talk to a medical professional. He might be experiencing a work-related problem(fear of layoffs,etc.) or, he could just be sad abou... (read in full...)

I've looked forward all year to going into the ocean but because of recent shark attacks my mother is forbidding it!

Q.   This isn't exactly about a romantic relationship,but I'm really hurting and hope you will please help me. It's hurting me a lot. I've got a dilemna. I'm from the coast, and the ocean was always a big part of our lifestyle, and I never had any ...

A.   2 July 2015: Mothers Always worry abpit their kids...it's natural. Just because you are old enough to make your own decisions doesn't mean she will stop worrying. Ergo, why not humor her for a while and stay out of the shark's reach. My best friend was killed by ... (read in full...)

No show, no text what should I do?

Q.   I met this guy at work. We started texting recently we even made plans to hang out one night at the Movies. He kind of made it clear were friends but still flirts with me. He canceled the plans for family reasons. He hasn't texted me for a few days. ...

A.   1 July 2015: It's his move, just be patient. Give it five working days if you don't hear from him he's not all that.... (read in full...)

How can swingers so easily have sex with someone they don't love?

Q.   I hope this doesn't sound silly. I'm just curious. I know there are people that enjoy sex without love and those that can enjoy sex ONLY with love...or at least feelings for their partner. I'm just curious about swingers. Do you think they can ...

A.   1 July 2015: I doubt there is any true feelings in people that can "swing" My conclusion is they are pure animalistic with the whole thing. it's like dogs in the alley humping on the nearest dog (male or female) their brains don't engage with their heart it's ... (read in full...)

Should I quit my job...and look elsewhere for a relationship with a girl?

Q.   Well this may sound pathetic and funny but after breaking up with my last girlfriend 4 years ago...its been very hard for me to find love... It sounds cheazy when a guy says it ...but i really do feel that i need help. I was nt that bad with gi...

A.   30 June 2015: Finding "that girl" won't make your life complete. why not focus on keeping yourself ditracted? Take some classes at the nearby school of your choice. take up a martial art.... (read in full...)

How to deal with sexually abusive wife?

Q.   My wife of a decade will not respond to me sexually at all. She used to be very fit but now she has gained a lot of weight (from 100lbs to maybe 150 lbs). I still think she is sexy, but she says she hates her body. I can understand why she feels th...

A.   29 June 2015: Her not wanting sex is not abuse...it's relatively "normal"Women are very complex and complicated. She probably needs to talk to a doctor to see if there's a physical problem. Or, tis just might be the new normal and you need to assess whether or ... (read in full...)

Is it worth remaining in a relationship if you don't trust a person?

Q.   Is it worth being in a relationship if you do not trust someone? I love my boyfriend, very very much. Yet, I think he does things that are a little shady. Lately too, I've been wondering if he is cheating. He didn't want me to see his phone so...

A.   29 June 2015: Don't you think you are sounding a little paranoid? So he won't let you see his phone, so what? Does that mean he's out sleeping with you best friend or something? aybe he thinks you are a bit strange for wanting to look over his shoulder all the ... (read in full...)

Any tips? How can I get him to kiss me on our second date ?.

Q.   I started uni in September and met someone I like a lot. We've chatted loads and I plucked up the courage to ask him out but he said no. I was upset but got over the rejection. But our friendship got a little stronger. We had an end if year part...

A.   25 June 2015: By the second date you should be trying to figure out how to tell him no...There is aparently something not-normal with your "man" Guys are normally very forward...so much so that we get accused of being too agressive and we get pushed away as ... (read in full...)

I just want someone to tell me if my feelings are justified?!! Or not?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now and things have never been perfect from the start but I chose to ignore the first warning signs. We met years ago then lost contact and started talking online again 3 years ago, we decided ...

A.   25 June 2015: You say early on that you refused to recognize the warning signs. How about heading them now? Save your sanity and get out while the getting is good.... (read in full...)

She says she will not sleep with anyone while we are "actively working on our relationship" How am I supposed to trust her ?

Q.   A little background on my marriage, we've been together for 10 years and married for almost 5 and we have an almost 6 year old son. Before this we had only ever been intimate with each other. Back in December my wife and I seperated. I was...

A.   25 June 2015: whole lot of attention seems to be focused on who "slept with whom and when" As Shakespere said, Me thinks thou doth protest too loudly.. or close to that. anyway, who cares? The only one that matters is the kid. PERIOD!... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel a little scared about a man I had a brief fling with?

Q.   Am I right to feel a little scared about a man I had a brief fling with? The thing is - he was lovely to start with, in the beginning, but then we fell out and split up due to his continual flirting with other women on FB. I called him a pl...

A.   24 June 2015: You seem to be having an internal debate over wheather you were wrong initially in you assessment ofthis man and if you were not wrong why is it that you now feel threatened. I'd tend to go with..."I was wrong and now I can learn from that by saving ... (read in full...)

Should I go and face her directly and tell her my feelings? She never responded when I sent a love letter via Facebook

Q.   Hello... I had sent a love letter to a girl whom i liked in my office, but she never responded to a love letter and it's been 4 months since i sent her a love letter. Should i go and face her directly and ask her? The Girl already left the office o...

A.   21 June 2015: FB would be my Last source of communication of real feelings. Face-to-face is the only way to express yourself other than maybe an old fashioned letter written from the heatrt. But FB Pleaseeeeee?... (read in full...)

Why does he not seem to care? Am I wrong to feel offended?

Q.   Hi people of DearCupid. I hope you can help me figure this out and I apologise in advance if I make typing mistakes or sound incoherent. I'm on my friends laptop so not used to the keyboard. I'm in a long-distance relationship, it's...

A.   21 June 2015: It sounds more like a cultural difference than an aloofness. Some cultures (midle Eastern for one) hold the aches and pains of a female as less than important. ergo, he would not sem to have empathy for your discomfort. that may sound cold and ... (read in full...)

Overprotective mother, won't let me go out alone

Q.   Hi there, So I wanted to go out with my boyfriend for a movie and some shopping. But I know my parents won't allow me to go out with a guy alone. So I said I was going out with friends which are girls.. And my mum pestered and questioned me ab...

A.   20 June 2015: Te MOST important job any person ever has is being a parent. That is an extreemly complicated and awsome responsibility. And there is no manual to learn from on how to do the job. You are a very young girl that is despirate to spread her wings and ... (read in full...)

How can we save our relationship? He's controlling, has a temper, takes me for granted and he's not the man I fell in love with

Q.   Hey there, I hope this won't be too long but I'll give a little back-story. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and I used to be crazy about him. He was in the military for the first 3 years, then moved back home and found a job - it was our ...

A.   19 June 2015: Try talking to him about seeing someone for possible PTSD issues. If he gets all defensive and mad about that idea,back off and try to learn all you can about it. He didn't have to be in combat to have experienced the rigors of military service. ... (read in full...)

I don't think my boyfriend is over his ex, I keep seeing him checking out her FB page

Q.   I was wondering of someone could help. I am in love with a great guy and throughout our relationship we have grown together. I have one problem despite what he says I don't think he's over an ex girlfriend who he lived with. He became ill and...

A.   19 June 2015: back in "the old days" it was money is the root of all evil now it's FB go figure.... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's family keeps telling her I"m not working hard enough and its upsetting her

Q.   i had my gf crying to me today because apparently her family keep asking what im doing and telling her i should be doing this ie working more or some shit. it was hard to get information out of her of what exactly is being said. i told her it ignore ...

A.   19 June 2015: Yep, you're doing it correctly. her family wants their daughter to be taken good care of and they don't know the details of your life as well they shouldn't but if they think you're being lazy or something they should take it up with you not her.... (read in full...)

He said he "was thinking about me while getting his lapdances,"and thinks it's not cheating. Should I give him another chance?

Q.   My bf, J (23) and I(25) are both military and have been together nearly 3 yrs, mostly long distance (we're 10 hrs apart now). At the start, we made boundaries for cheating. Since we're both jealous, we said kissing, flirting and all the various ...

A.   16 June 2015: What a crock. The ONLY way he'd be thinking of you during a lap dance is if you do that for him on a regular basis when you two are together. I didn't think so either.... (read in full...)

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