A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I accidentally found a video on our lap top of my boyfriend masterbating. It really shocked me and made me upset. He says he made the video because he's curious about his body and he never sent the video to anyone. We've been together almost 2 years and I trust him, but making a video of yourself masterbating and just keeping it sounds a little off to me..please help! :( Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 June 2015):
 If it's the first time you come across something like this, then give him the benefit of the doubt. But if this is just one of many red flags, then I'd trust your gut. If you've caught him on dating sites, or seen e-mails or texts to other women etc, those would be warning signs.
But, if this is the only thing you've discovered, then I say you should believe him. Don't go looking for signs that aren't there. It'll just drive you crazy. It is fully possible that he make a video of himself just to see what he looked like. I am guessing he watches porn? It is only natural that he then would wonder how he compared to the men in porn. Men are very interested in penises, actually, lol. Far more than women are. They compare their penises to other mens penises, they are scared of not looking right or not fitting in. I think he made this video of himself to see if he looked like the guys in porn or not, as a way to get confidence. Or perhaps it just turned him on pretending to be in a porn and make such a video.
So there are natural and logical reasons for why a man would do this. Most men I've come across are fixated on their penis size and compared and measures and do whatever they can to look big, even if it's only for their own sake.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 June 2015):
 Once he might have used a mirror out of curiosity.
Today he can film it and store it privately on his computer.
He may have made it, stored it and forgotten all about it, thinking that it was purely his own private business, until you accidentally discovered it.
I would say it was solely done out of curiosity and not for any bad reason. Perhaps he wanted to see how he measured up to any commercial Dvd he's ever seen.
Guys often erroneously think they are not as big as they really are because they don't get to see it all as they look down on their member.
And I would definitely not make a big thing of it since in return he might make a big thing of the fact that you scrolled through his computer.
Do assure him that you will not accidentally scroll through his computer again.
After all we don't own our partners. Even in a marriage couples enjoy a little alone time occasionally. It makes reunions so much sweeter and gives us new things to talk about and discover about each other.
Trust strengthens a relationship but checking through things that are private to the other party can destroy trust.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2015): If you guys are having sex then yes it is odd thing to do but if you are not having sex then probably he did it out of frustration and watching too much similar videos on the net.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2015): I would just let this one slide, he is young and stupid. If he is around 18-19, older is another story. He probably is telling the truth about this and as long it's not a regular thing he is doing it's probably nothing to worry about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2015): You didn't accidentally find anything, you were spying through his laptop!!!
What's so shocking about a selfie? People, especially young people, video and take snapshots of themselves doing everything. I'd like to make the point that he didn't intend to share it; you found it while snooping!!!! So who are you to judge?
There's this secret place called privacy. It's a place where we all go to keep things we don't wish to share with others. The purpose of privacy is to keep things personal, to avoid judgment, to protect privileged information, to avoid offending others, and most of all to feel free.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 June 2015):
 Stupid is as stupid does. What a dooche. Do you really want to be around some clown that would even think of doing that kind of dumb bunny stuff?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 June 2015):
 I think his excuse sounds a little off too, BUT then again, IF he is your age group.. I'm not entirely surprised. And I do think it's possible he is telling the truth.
He might have INTENDED to send it to someone, but never did.
Not to be mean to young guys, but they DO tend to do STUPID stuff... I mean just look at JackAss Movies and their success....
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt in this one.
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