A
female
age
30-35,
*en1689
writes:I like to think of myself as a good person. I put others before myself in most cases. I am responsible and punctual whether it comes to work or my personal life. I give a lot to others and don't expect a lot in return. I have a decent sense of humor and am a total dork at times. I'm regarded as being very attractive to most, and I am married to my best friend and the most wonderful person I've ever met. Somehow, though, all of that seems to fall short to others.Up until I was about eighteen, my social skills were nothing to be proud of. I moved around a LOT as a kid, and on top of that, I was a very shy person, and didn't put a lot of effort into making friends or making myself more appealing as a person. I was picked on a lot in middle school and high school, and alienated myself by listening to my music all the time during school. I didn't join any after school activities because I feared interacting with people.Once I got to be older, I realized that I did have potential, and that I was beautiful. I began meeting others easily, and would go out of my way to introduce myself to others.I make it a point to not come off as snobby or full of myself, because I honestly don't feel as though I'm better than anyone. However, I get a lot of attitude from girls. When I walk into a place - any place - I get stared down and glared at. When I meet girls, they oftentimes roll their eyes at things I say, or try their best not to talk to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm used to this kind of behavior by now, but it's getting old, and I'd like for it to change.I have only one true girl friend. She lives across the country from me, unfortunately, and we've been friends for nine years now. I haven't seen her in seven of those years... As much as I love my husband, and as much as I love his company, I do miss having a girl to connect with. I try and I try to become friends with girls, but nothing seems to last, or their priorities aren't in line with my own, or their super flaky or just don't care. Does anyone have any tips on how I can overcome this or find better people to try and connect with? Any advice would be appreciated =)
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 As you say, it's not always easy to find good women friends, that's why a lot of my friends are male. The few women I've connected with, often happens in an instance, because they remind me of myself, or they give of a good vibe that tells me their interested in life. Most other women treat me like you describe, but I understand that, we are different people.
Pity your not considering making men your friends, but many husbands have problems with this. All you can do is continue what your doing. But don't try to get a woman friend just to know some women. You need to find people who like the things you like and share some of your interests. So look closely at the women in your life, people who are doing the things you like doing and start a conversation about anything, the weather, the news events. One girl I kept meeting at the bus stop, and she was bright and funny and made me smile, over the years we gradually become closer. It was only afterwards I found out that her and my (ex) partner were childhood friends. (ex) Partner is gone now but she still remains. I wanted to be in her company, and so it was easy to talk to her and find ways to connect.
Girlfriends are like lovers, you just got to find the right one, and it's nothing you can force. Just make sure your out there where they can find you and look for the people that are more like you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): Hi,
You could try and join or start a club, do some volunteering? There is an online website called meetup.com. Check it out. Good luck! :)
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 March 2012):
"When I walk into a place - any place - I get stared down and glared at. When I meet girls, they oftentimes roll their eyes at things I say, or try their best not to talk to me."
This is how random strangers / vague acquaintances behave towards you? And this has consistently been the case for quite a while now? Then I'm afraid there is something about how you act and what you say that seems to be off-putting to a lot of people.
"I would go out of my way to introduce myself to others."
You may be coming across way too strong. People tend to automatically take a step back from that.
Look, it's good that you've improved your self esteem, but you must always be wary of not overdoing it, because that happens to a lot of people.
An acquaintance of mine was very shy with low self esteem until she started working on it. Her curly afro hair was managed and styled, her clothes more modern and she she started coming across as super confident, taking up a lot of attention, making jokes, having a laugh, talking to everyone.
Looks good on paper, but in reality a lot of people thought she was stuck up and annoying. She of course had no clue she was perceived this way and was genuinely surprised by some of the negative reactions people seemed to naturally have toward her. I have seen this happen with others as well. Their problem was that they overcompensated. You may have as well.
I also notice how the problem always seems to lie with the other party:
"girls give me an attitude"
"they're super flaky"
"they don't care"
I have not hear you mention anything about yourself in that regard.
I think it would be wise to look in the mirror and face yourself, faults included. Try to be more aware of how you behave.
For example: I used to have a tendency to just ramble on while it was apparent others wanted to have their say as well. When I was younger my dad called me "Oprah" because I would find parallels with my own life in other people's fantastic stories and then talk about that. I had more negative qualities like that which I didn't know about until I became more aware of my behavior and actions instead of just the image I had of myself.
So my advice would be to review yourself and see where you may have gone wrong. Ask your husband too and don't get angry if you don't find his answer to your liking. The best way to see if you have faults that are off putting to people is to ask the brutally honest ones. Remember, how we see ourselves is not the same as how others perceive us. It might be worthwhile to record yourself even.
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