A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, to the females, why don't you like you're boyfriends/husbands using porn?My reasons: because I hate the idea of them getting turned on by someone else who I think is way better looking than me it actually scares me the thought of it? it's like I have a phobia of it is anyone else this bad? I cry everyday, he's stopped doing months ago though.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 March 2012):
 "I meant pictures of just one naked woman it cant be the act then :( " (22-25, anonymous)
Women are more likely to masturbate using books or stories... there are no pictures in them, so what do these women think of? Romance and erotic, read by women, written by women is the most popular form of fiction in the world.
Many women have fantasies and masturbate over their favourite movie actors. Should men feel threatened and upset? Do men think they are ugly because of this?
I do understand how you feel, but only you yourself can feel you are beautiful. Only you yourself can believe when a guy says you are pretty and he loves you very much. Even if the porn disappears, you'll still be scared and threatened by any woman who appears pretty that you guy might land his eyes on. A man could tell you he loves you every day and show it in every way, you'll still not believe him. I know because I used to feel like that too, only age made me wiser. To tell the truth, it came as a big surprise when I found out that tons of guys thought I was sexy in school. I was the tall girl with glasses who thought she couldn't get a date... Insecurity will ruin anything good that appears, you just got to believe in you, and if you don't, as me cousin says, fake it anyway.
I don't know how to give you the confidence that you so badly need. Me cousin says to kiss the mirror every day and say "I love you, sexy"... now me cousin has enough confidence for the whole of the world so she must be right. Porn girls can't steal your man, they don't know where he lives and he aint rich enough for them. Strange women can't steal your man, if he wanted them then he wouldn't be dating you. You can however throw away your man, by not believing him when he says "you are beautiful, I love you, you are my whole world".
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): I do understand how you feel, as many years ago I felt like my boyfriend had cheated on me just by looking at porn. I do see it quite differently now. One way that helped me to understand a little better, is I read that men looking at porn is like girls reading a love novel. We enjoy the guy character, imagine him as handsome and our hero, then put the book down and get on with our real lives. We still love our partners and don't really believe we will ever meet or be with the character in the book. We don't really even want to, it was just fantasy for a short time.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (12 March 2012):
 I don't really know what you want us to say. I think deep down you're hoping we can speak for your boyfriend and say something that will make you feel better, but we can't do that.
Since just plain talking isn't working you have two options. One is to leave. The other is couples counseling.
Porn is extremely habit forming so for him to stop using it is not trivial for him. If this is a non-negotiable for you and you want to try to work things out with him, it might be helpful to have an impartial third party there to help (a therapist/counselor).
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2012):
No I asked how you feel, not how you act. You wanted to understand a bit of his thinking, so that's why I asked the question.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wouldn't purposely get a magazine with hot men to drool over like men do with porn.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just notice they are good looking that's it I don't do anything over them.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 March 2012):
Do you ever look at handsome movie stars in magazines? How about pictures handsome music men. What goes through your head then?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meant pictures of just one naked woman it cant be the act then :(
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 March 2012):
*searches memory banks* - with pictures you use more imagination, and you are still left thinking about the act. However, I don't think you even use the person in the picture to imagine with, they are just a trigger a starting point, you use your imagination and think about people having sex.It might be different with men.Question, he is Mr Wonderful, Mr 98%, you obviously don't think your wonderful, so lets call you Miss 95%. Is 98% not good enough for you, is he really broken if he doesn't make it to 100%. Is only perfection good enough for you, what happen when he messes up and makes a big mistake?If you two have been together for at least 2years or more, you might consider giving him a sexy picture of yourself to use when he masturbates. Careful about this though, because if the relationship breaks up you may have regrets. It might not stop him from using porn (he has probably given up though according to what you say) but he will like it, and it will show that you understand a bit about men and their sexual desires and are not afraid to talk about sexuality with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, you say it's the act what about the pictures? Apart from this he is the most amazing man ever that might be why I was so hurt.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 March 2012):
"My reasons: because I hate the idea of them getting turned on by someone else who I think is way better looking than me it actually scares me the thought of it?"Is your relationship only based on beauty and sex? If you got a face scar tomorrow do you expect your guy to run off? Do you only like him because he is handsome? There will always be prettier girls in the world, always more handsome guys. But usually people stay together because they love many things about you. The porn girl might be pretty, but does she laugh like you do, does she smell like you do, does she hug him and listen to his problems.If your relationship is only about sex and beauty, then yes you will feel threatened by many women in the world, and yes, even if a guy gives up porn, you will still be upset about it. Yes, many women who lack self esteem and think a woman's only value is a pretty face and a sexy body do say things like you. You need your boyfriend to give you reassurance that he loves you and thinks your wonderful, no matter what you look like, because your the only person who could ever be you.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 March 2012):
Well some women do consider it a form of cheating, so if you were feeling like that the hurt feelings wouldn't just magically disappear as soon as he stopped. However, being realistic, you should try to get through this and not end things. If porn use is a no no in your relationship and he's stopped using it for you, that's not something all guys will do so you should try to work through this. For instance, accepting that there will be women who are more attractive than you out there, but then realizing your boyfriend doesn't want to be with a photo, he wants to be with you and finds you beautiful.
If you can, you should try talking to a therapist.
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A
male
reader, Borderline  +, writes (7 March 2012):
I know you wanted ladies to reply to you as you said hi to the females but in this case I think it's good to hear it from a guy.
The ladies who replied are correct and it has to do with you.
You have to be happy with yourself.
Low self asteem makes you jealous and will cause problems sooner or later.
Your man wanted you and that is why he is with you.
Personally I think porn is boring but guys talk.
Most of us guys do not look like the guys on tv and when it comes to porn well...most of us compare size.
Trust me that most of us feel bad about it because we are not that lucky.
We worry too.
Like the ladies said it's about the act and nothing else.
As long as he loves you and treats you the way you should be treated then you have nothing to worry about.
Don't think you need to be like some woman on tv because trust me they look a hell of alot different in the morning.
A friend of mine told me his girlfriend also had a low self asteem issue and so he gave her a photoshoot as a present.
She looked amazing and I'll bet you would too.
Just be happy with who you are.
I think your man does.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 March 2012):
No this is not normal. You have really low self esteem. I suspect this has been a problem before the porn issue as well.
My bf watches porn from time to time but I never get upset at it, not even if the girl is pretty. Look, the reason people watch porn is for THE ACT. It's always nicer watching pretty people getting it on than ugly ones, which is why most porn actresses are normal to pretty looking and most guys have a flat stomach or even a six pack. But that's it. For guys, these gals are nothing more than their boobs and vagina's, like Honeypie said. I doubt your bf gets insecure when he watches a vid where the guy is really muscular.
When you two are watching a hollywood movie with a pretty actress is it, do you automatically get jealous of her and start crying as well? You really have to learn to accept yourself for who you are. Your bf quitting on porn will not solve these insecurity issues. You have to do this on your own. Counseling might help.
I have seen several relationships destroyed where the guy stops watching porn and keeps assuring his gf that she is beautiful and basically kissing the ground she walks on, but in the end he couldn't compete with her low self esteem and eventually gave up because he hated feeling helpless. You have to watch out for that.
Having a crying gf at home every day is not attractive either. You really need to kick your own butt and man up a bit. You are not the most beautiful woman in the world. Guess what: no-one is. Why, because everyone's perception of beauty is different. So just accept that your bf is happy with you the way you are.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 March 2012):
 I wouldn't call it a phobia. I would call it extreme low self esteem.
You need to accept that there are people out there who look different then you. I can understand your BF's porn usage can be upsetting because he IS looking at other women when he watches porn, however, I SERIOUSLY doubt he compared them to you. I also seriously doubt that he actually sees the "porn star" - what he sees are boobies and vaginas. Plain and simple.
Stop comparing yourself to other women, it will only make you miserable. Be who you are, if your man loves YOU for you why can't you?
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A
male
reader, Johnnz  +, writes (7 March 2012):
be his own personal porn star! make home movies, switch it up a little, find out what he likes and roll play
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