A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I slept with a married man he acted single but now I fell for him a he is ignoring me he doesn't email, text or anything not even to apologize to me. How do I get closure? I feel so low and guilty about this plus I like him all @ the same time. I sent him an email to see if he would respond but he didn't. I don't want to be a stalker but I want answers!
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 March 2012):
Just accept he screwed you over and be happy he's out of your life. His wife is stuck with him, a position none of us envy. Learn from it and move on. And be more alert next time. Don't waste your time energy and thoughts trying to contact this man, because he's not worth it. The truth is he was looking for sex and you were at the wrong place at the wrong time.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 March 2012):
 I'm sorry he conned you. I'm willing to bet that is his MO to get women to fall for him or just have sex with him. Disgusting pig.
You will not get any closure from him. Accept that he used you and that next time you will take extra time getting to know a guy before sleeping with them.
Stop beating yourself up, the guy has most likely done this before. HE IS the cheating scum, not you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2012):
 What answers do you want OP?
Why did he do it? Because he could
Was it just that YOU were special? No I’m sorry it’s just that you were available. It was NOT about YOU. IT was about what HE could get.
He lied to you that he was single or else he gave signals that you interpreted to mean he was single. IF you had no clue he was married you have nothing to be guilty about. I suspect however that you had an inkling that he was not as single as he led you to suspect. And if that’s the case that’s where the guilt comes from.
Chalk it up to knowledge gained and move on to bigger and better things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): He doesn't have anything to explain really. He is married and used you,you know that,he knows that. Now its over.
Move on and learn from this.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 What did you expect OP? If he's disgusting enough to cheat enough on his own wife and sleep with you, then do you think he owes you anything? You know now how he was, no apology from him will make any difference because it wont mean anything. He acted single just to get you into bed, it happened and now he's gone back to his wife. That's your closure.
Popular media uses the term closure so loosely that its meaning is lost. Closure means "a desire for definite knowledge on some issue and the eschewal of confusion and ambiguity." In your case there is no confusion or ambiguity! The man was a rogue. He lied to you.
There are no answers because he will just manipulate the situation and say things which will hurt you even more, even lie to justify why he left you. He might say he didn't feel the spark, the sex was bad or that he wasn't happy, all of which is bullshit, but what do you expect out of a liar and a cheater? He's not going to sit you down and beg for forgiveness, he's just squirm his way out. Do you want that? Take my word for it, no response from him is much better off than a confrontation with him, which will leave you even more battered and bruised.
Just accept it as an unfortunate incident and move on. It wasn't your fault in any way, it was just an error in judgment that you trusted him because there must have been signs all along that you chose to ignore because of your feelings for him.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (7 March 2012):
I am sorry you have got taken advantage of, sadly I think it happens pretty often. Any decent guy would be in touch with their gf very quickly after having sex, especially for the first time.
Find a friend to talk with over a glass of wine and whilst there phone his home number, if his wife answers just ask to speak with X and if he isn't there just leave a message. Exactly what message you leave may depend on your feelings at the time and how many drinks you have had! I am sure he will get the message!!
If he calls or texts just ignore. You have closure. Forget him. Feel smarter and stronger now and don't be afraid to ask the next guy some direct questions. All the best.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (7 March 2012):
 Forget it. He's not worth getting wrapped around the axel for. He lied. He used you. And now he's ignoring you. He's such a toad. It's not your fault he failed to tell you he was married, so don't blame yourself. On the other hand, if you actually want a bum like this you should back up and re-think this whole thing. Chalk it up to experience and move on. He's not worth bugging and obviously he has no intentions of talking to you, much less apologizing. Sure he might've been cute, and flirted, luring you in for a fling. But it's over. The light is breaking through the windows. Now put on your high heels and walk away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): Some men are liars end of....and you never get the closure that you want...All you need to focus on is HE IS MARRIED...HE ACTED LIKE HE WAS SINGLE...HE IS A LIAR AND A CHEAT...Thank god you found this out before you got more serious.Think of his (probably) unsuspecting wife!!You had a lucky escape mate! You say you fell for him ...now think about it... could you really fall for a man that is so easily tempted/able to cheat/able to lie and brush it under the carpet like it was NOTHING ??You got your answer right there!! HE IS A RAT! Poor you and poor wife, he will bring you no good hun, best live n learn n try to move on x
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A
male
reader, joeyb67p +, writes (7 March 2012):
 First of all - you did nothing wrong but trust someone. Secondly, you will probably hear from him again when he is bored or lonely one night.
Do yourself a favor and forget him. Don't let his disrespectfulness ruin you for other guys. There are some good ones out there.
It's simple though - he was bored and you excited him. I even think some of the things he said to you that he really thought he meant them at the time. Then he started feeling guilty and renewed his dedication to his wife and marriage.
So there's your answers!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): Hiya, the closure you need is within yourself.
This guy is a player. He purposely went out to deceive and if it wasnt you it would of been some other unsuspecting female. If you met him on a dating sight then you need to report him as a fake and it may put the kibosh on his extramarital affairs.
Dont feel guilty because on your part you done nothing wrong.
What would be wrong is to try and maintain contact with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): He isn't going to give you closure because he is a user and a liar. You could tell his wife if you have his contact info- I know people will say don't do that it will hurt her etc. and in some cases I might advise that, but she should know what pos he really is- I would want to know if it were my husband. Maybe more people wouldn't do this if the affair partner or others informed the spouses what their hubby/wife is really doing and if they were more careful about getting involved with someone this way, such as asking tons of questions, looking people up online, visiting their home etc. You need to pre-screen anyone you get involved with this way- it's a sad fact of life- there are too many liars out there.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (6 March 2012):
 He hasn't any answers to give you. None worth hearing anyway.
It isn't closure you need, it's acceptance and that is something you come to on your own. In that way you have full power and control and you're not at his or anyone else's mercy.
It's not to be. It happens. You'll meet someone else, someone better suited to you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Closure? You've had closure, you found out he was married, and he didnt respond to your email. That's all the closure you are going to get.
Its a really shit feeling to be where you are, I know from personal experience. All you can do is accept you were duped, that its going to hurt for a while, and just get on with your life.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2012):
 In cases like this, you have to make your own closure. Perhaps it would be enough to alert your friends that there's a married man on the prowl.
Make an effigy of him and burn it (safely, of course) along with the letter you write in which you let out all of your anger and hurt. Basically stage a ritual in which you delete him from your life.
The only answer he'd be able to give you anyway is that he's a creep and a liar, and there's no way he'd do that. Frauds like him don't have a conscience to worry about, so there's no point in appealing to his 'finer nature.' He doesn't have one.
I am sorry you were victimized. Maybe this will become a life lesson for you and the next time a creep like this tries it on with you, you'll be alert and prepared.
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf +, writes (6 March 2012):
 one thing is for sure. he is TERRIFIED his wife will find out and therefore is avoiding you at all costs. sadly, in most cases lkike urs, the men never will give an answer because they have none. it should be obvious that he wanted sex. he got his basic need fulfilled and hes moved forward til the next time he needs to get it. he was never looking for emotional comforts otherwise hed be giving u answers and closure, but in his mind he probably feels it was made obvious to you he wabnted no more then sex, but alas, unless they actually say it, we cant expect to mind read now can we!! move on, and dont look back. take this as a learning lesson and know that u wont allow urself to be taken advantage of like this ever again. best of luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): Sadly, you won't get the answers you need from him. If he were to answer you honestly, he would tell you that he found you attractive, enjoyed your company, and so slept with you. He isn't looking for an ongoing relationship because he hsa one. He is married.
You need to stop contacting him, because it won't bring you closure. It won't achieve anything that is good for you.
Focus your efforts on reflecting on how you ended up here so your next relationship can be better for you. And spend time with friends and family who care about you so you can feel love in your life.
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