A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm to be married within the next 5 months and things are all ok. I always believed in not having sex before marriage and held up all these years.So my fiance has tried many times to have sex with me and since I refused he has actually stopped trying to get physical with me.Even I like to get physical with him, I mean oral sex and stuff although I wanna save the intercourse for my wedding night.So now I figured out that he thinks I have a psychological issue whereby I'm scared of sex etc: So last night I spoke to him amd said that I dont wanna have intercourse till marriage, but of course I like to have oral and stuff...I dont think he believed, but he said it doesnt matter to him whether he gets physical or not, coz he loves me, so he will accept me with all my plus points and issues/problems..and that for him I mean more than just a physical contact..This was a whole situation of miscommunication, he thinks I'm scared of all physical stuff, whereas I used to push him away everytime when he tried to get closer thinking he wants intercourse...So anyway we have no problem about this issue, but I have a problem...Now I feel that I really like to get physical with him, but then again, what I always believed about being a virgin till marriage props up. But it doesnt mean I wanna stay without doing anything...I think this sounds very childish but I am actually confused...Should I just forget my crap and go ahead with sex or hold up till marriage (5 months) which means I'll have to wait without any such physical contact...Please help, even if this sounds ridiculous..Thanks loads..
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fiance, oral sex, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): Hi there,
You cannot imagine how i understand you, i can say more, i RESPECT you, cuz in our days there are no more virgins lol. Of course it's your decision but keep going and wait dear:)
Well i have almost the same problem, though we stiil dont think about getting married but i dont have sex with my bf cuz im virgin, too :D
Time will show, what will be with our relationship, but i wish you all the best:
Kiss.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): talk to him about it, explain exactly how you feel, and if you've lasted this long you can last a few more months surley!!!good luck, i hope you're really happy together :)x
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A
male
reader, DrCynic  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 It's funny... My girlfriend and I have different value systems... She's very "no sex before marraige"... I'm more "As long as you're at consent and in love"... She said she would not have sex with me before our wedding... And this I have accepted... If he truly loves you, he will accept it, no matter how hard it is to resist, he will if he loves you.
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A
female
reader, pollyanna  +, writes (10 April 2007):
 If he truly loves you and cares for you, he will wait 5 months... even longer. Explain to him that this virginity thing is your WEDDING GIFT to him from YOU. It is something that you will never be able to give to anyone else ever in your life and is truly special. I'm sure he'll understand that. You hold to your guns, girl. You know what you want. Consider it a test of true love.... love of yourself...and his love for you. I've been there...it's not easy in this day and age... good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): I made this decision myselfe. But than I had a boyfriend like you which couldn't not understand my decision. He tried and argued me into it and at the end I gave into the sex. But than he brok up the friendship.
It's a few years ago now and meanwhile I've got an other boyfriend. We both decided to wait till marriage but my past very much hurts him. It was very hard telling him what happend and it's hard for him knowing he will never be the first and only man in my live. But he forgave me and we have a wonderful friendship now. It is so different when someone is in complete agreement wiht you. The friendship has a total different dimension.
So tell your boyfriend the worlds standard is not yours and the worlds standard is not always the best. If he doesn't want to understand you and respect your decision, he his not worse that you will marry him. If he is not able to respect you in this, he will not bi able to respect you in other things.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (10 April 2007):
 Hi there,
I think you have to make a decision yourself on this one. I dont think u are being childish wanting to remain a virgin. Alot more people than u think initially intended that for themselves but it didnt work out.My advise will be since u have waited this long and have just 5 months remaining then perhaps it might be best to just wait all the way to fulfil your dream.His feelings towards your reaction to sex will ultimately change soon so that shouldnt be a reason for you to do what u really arent comfortable doing at this stage.Just make things clearer to him if the need be.
Goodluck dear
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