He's not ready for a relationship and I'm not either, but I'm worried I'll fall for him if I keep on seeing him.....
Q. Hi cupids! Have you ever seen that film " hes just not into you"? Well thats like the story of my life but without the happy ending. I think the saying is right "if its meant to happen, then he will make it happen" and for me it just doesnt happ...
A. 16 May 2013: I hear you. I'm older than you and I'm still trying to figure out the whole dating scene. I think the dating landscape is changing. People are more into short term hook ups rather than long term relationships, or maybe no one really wants to put ... (read in full...)
Is he all talk and no action? Just stringing me along?
Q. I've engaged in a texting relationship with a business associate whom I've known for many years now. He has swept me off my "feet" with talks of foot rubs and beyond. He is an Aries man of a certain age and very married a successful business which ...
A. 11 May 2013: I think you are right on all counts. His actions do not match his words. He is stringing you along for now until he has nothing better to do and then he'll come around. He probably senses that you are lonely and vulnerable and will keep you on ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a subscription to zoosk. Should I worry?
Q. I have just found that my gf (2 years) has a subscription to zoosk. Should I be worried ? I feel angry and betrayed. I assume zoosk is an online dating site ? I reckon she is up to no good? Could anyone advice me on how I should approach this?...
A. 11 May 2013: Zoosk is not a free dating site. I would think only people who are serious about finding someone would pay. You need to find out when she paid for this subscription. Was it before or after you met? If it was before you met, then maybe she paid ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend saves pictures of beautiful women he knows
Q. My boyfriend (we'll call him Jim) saves pictures of beautiful women he knows onto his phone (he gets the photos off Facebook and online). I've known since I met him that he likes being seen with attractive women - the overwhelming maj...
A. 10 May 2013: I have a friend who doesn't like the fact that her husband smokes or looks at porn magazines. No matter how many times she has had a "talk" with him, whenever she snoops through his stuff she would always find evidence of cigarettes and Porn.
... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you be interested in a one night stand or short term fling with a guy who couldnt have penetrative sex?
Q. Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erect...
A. 9 May 2013: I absolutely agree with chigirl. A one night stand or short term affair requires penetrative sex.
Do you feel that you have less to offer a woman if you can't have penetrative sex, so you are setting yourself up for a short term affair? ... (read in full...)
How long after our break up should I wait to ask her how she is doing?
Q. I broke up with my gf of 2 years yesterday. We both parted saying that we love each other a lot but she is not sure if she wants to commit to me cause she is 10 years younger. She is afraid we might not want the same things even though we have ...
A. 6 May 2013: Go no contact and give her the space to figure things out. I have a strong feeling, she's going to come back to you, realizing that it's not always greener on the other side. Give her that space to find out. Finding that kind of compatibility and ... (read in full...)
Should I contact an ex who hurt me for answers and possibly to get him back
Q. I was in a 1 and a half relationship and ended it last year March because my boyfriend was behaving badly He was flirting with other women. I expressed my distaste with this behavior and suspected that he was doing more than flirting with two other ...
A. 6 May 2013: I agree with IAmHereToHelpYou. You need to move on. If you go back with him, he will continue to cheat on you, knowing that you will always take him back no matter what. You're setting very low standards for yourself if you take him back.... (read in full...)
HE wouldn't tell me if I'm his girlfriend, what should I do?
Q. I've met a guy 7months ago. We've been sleeping together we text each other everyday he calls sometimes. 5months ago i told him that i want a serious relationship. So i asked him where do i stand with you? Am i your girlfriend? And he could'nt give ...
A. 6 May 2013: I've been where you are. I stayed with a man, hoping that one day he would call me his girlfriend. I was absolutely head over heels in love with him. He ended up dumping me and breaking my heart. I don't think I've fully recovered. In ... (read in full...)
Is my ex thinking of me? She broke up with me
Q. Hello, I get block phone calls, cell phone, ever since my ex broke up with me, I have not bother her , she broke my heart, but I walk away, am back with my ex before her, I think she must of look into my cell phone, when I took a shower at her ...
A. 1 May 2013: Are you wishing it was her? The blocked calls could also be coming from telemarketers.... (read in full...)
Is time really a healer?
Q. I had a long term relationship end about 4 years ago, it ended bad for me as she messed me about and I was a sap ha.. but I've had one brief relationship since and felt bad because I didn't like her as much as she did me. If I'm interested in a ...
A. 1 May 2013: Maybe a man would give better advice about your situation, but here's my advice.
Once bitten twice shy. Your ex hurt you deeply, so you are more cautious now about who you want to give your heart to. This is normal and OK. Go with the flow of ... (read in full...)
He told me to keep the ring but I think he should have it!
Q. I was engaged to be married to this wonderful man,we were dating for 4 years and then he asked me to be his wife,we were engaged for 8 months and were to be married soon!BUt things took a complete downfall at his work,and he started taking those ...
A. 1 May 2013: When I got divorced, I sold everything valuable that reminded me of my ex (including the ring), and used the money to pay for a vacation. What I could not sell, I donated to charity.
Make a wishlist of things you would like to do and use the ring... (read in full...)
Is it ok to kiss others if you are dating but not exclusive?
Q. Honest opinions on this, if you are taking a girl out on dates, so you are dating now. Is it okay to still kiss other girls, or does that count as cheating even if she isn't your girlfriend? I don't mean a lot of dates only about 2 maybe 3, but s...
A. 28 April 2013: What you did was a turn off. It is cheating. If you weren't "properly" dating her, then yes, I'd consider all women fair game, but you messed this one up pretty badly. You're not her prince after all. You're just an ordinary frog.
Now if you r... (read in full...)
I'm distraught about his actions. He's been lying to me and talking to another woman on line. Do I stay quiet or confront him?
Q. Not long before my fiancee and I got engaged, we had a fidelity issue- on his part. It took me a long time (and I am just summing this up to keep it short) but eventually I forgave him. Its been YEARS since then but sometimes I get bitten by the b...
A. 25 April 2013: I think you need to explore these unresolved infidelity issues with a therapist, before you marry this man. You need to shed some light on those inner fears before they eat you up and drive you crazy. I would even suggest that you take couples ... (read in full...)
He's separted from his wife but still legally married . We've been dating but now he wants a break. What should I do?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, this may be long so I apologize in advance. I have found myself in a situation I can't really talk to anyone about, except all of you. For seven months now I have been in a relationship with a gentleman who is separat...
A. 25 April 2013: He may be a good man, but here is the harsh truth. He is using you to feel good about himself when his wife rejects him. Please don't waste any more precious moments of your life pining over a guy who chooses you as second best. His wife and his ... (read in full...)
Does she need more time, even if she says that she would like to be in a relationship with me?
Q. Dear community, here's my problem. There's this girl, I've always liked her (as a friend of course). One day, she broke up with her boyfriend (they've been together for three years). We started texting a lot, met several times, had a great g...
A. 14 April 2013: Yes she needs more time to heal from the last relationship. Three years is a long time to be with someone. You could very well be a rebound for her, but don't fret...many relationships evolve out of rebounds. I married a rebound;) Just enjoy ... (read in full...)
How do I develop a social life again? I look after my Mom at home and I work as well. At the end of the day I'm tired.
Q. Hi I'm 24 years old.. And I'v been working for a year now but it has completely taken a toll on my social life! When I was a student I was very active,hang out with friends,go to a lounge..BUT now after work all I want to do is come back and sl...
A. 14 April 2013: I agree with NORA B. Taking care of your mom is a noble responsibility and deserves high praise. Have you ever thought about getting someone to help part time with your mom? For example another family member or a part time nurse who could sit with ... (read in full...)
Is there any way out of this clash of values and attitudes? She wants to stop having sex until the wedding day (no date set for wedding yet)
Q. Hello, This is a bit long-winded but I hope you enjoy the ride. It's certainly been interesting for me. The backstory: I'm a 33 y/o professional traveling musician from the states. Three years ago I met a lovely 33 y/o girl in Germany ...
A. 4 April 2013: Set the wedding date soon. Problem solved...at least the immediate problem. The deeper problem is that your religious philosophies are incompatible. I hope that you can work through this issue with patience and understanding. This girl sounds ... (read in full...)
Lots of signs but I don't know what to think: is my boyfriend cheating on me?
Q. There have been lots of signs but he denies it and swears he never has nor wouldnt. He stays in touch with exes and ex hook ups which I find weird. And it makes me feel like he is doing it to keep his options open. I found out a year ago that an...
A. 2 April 2013: I had experience with a cheating spouse (now my ex husband), and I got all of those signs that you got, plus a little more, but it was my gut instinct that kept screaming out the fact that he was cheating on me...this was the biggest sign. Of ... (read in full...)
Should I text the guy I had first date sex with?
Q. Hello I asked a question last week after I (stupidly) had first-date sex and I am still not sure what to do. This is my original post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/sex-on-the-first-date-how-can-i34.html OK the thing is, we had sex and...
A. 31 March 2013: Ok, I'm going to be the oddball here...If he said he was feeling worse, why didn't you offer to bring over some soup or medication for him? Forget about what the next step should be. Treat him like a human being in need of some TLC. We are so ... (read in full...)
My partner says I'm too heavy for sex!
Q. We cannot have sexual intercouse because my female partner has told me that I am too heavy for her. What is the best way to lose weight? Is it a good idea for me to go to the gym? Has this been a common problem for other couples when hav...
A. 31 March 2013: I would recommend a combination of diet and exercise. The diet is the most important part of losing weight, but if you lift weights (anaerobic exercise), this helps to build muscle and muscle burns fat faster.
When you lose that weight, your par... (read in full...)
It's either arranged marriage for me or cutting ties with my family. What to do?
Q. Hi everyone, I come from a traditional indian family as many of you know the rules here are set on stone and you can't dream of changing it! I'm a hopeless romantic and someday want to be loved and 'in love'..I never really had a real relationshi...
A. 25 March 2013: I think your romantic nature is making you believe that your perfect soulmate is waiting out there for you to find him. I'm not saying that there is no such thing, but the dating world can be treacherous. You may meet men who pretend to be your ... (read in full...)
Will my husband be able to tell that I'm not a virgin?
Q. I had sex once before 5 years....i never had sex after that...will my husband know if am a virgin?.......
A. 25 March 2013: When I was at university (a long time ago), I had a friend who used to pretend that she was a virgin with each new guy that she dated. The men never suspected a thing, so I would say no, your husband will not be able to know.... (read in full...)
We both want to move to another country for a better life, but in order to do this she needs to work but she doesn't want to!
Q. i am working in a cruise ship. so i have to stay away from my family for every 9 months. i miss my family every time. i want my wife to work and take experience so that we both can migrate to any other country and earn better and have a better life ...
A. 25 March 2013: I agree with the anonymous female who answered your question. I would also like to add that if you enjoy a comfortable lifestyle in your own country, the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side. I live in a country where new immigrants ... (read in full...)
Advice for dating a younger man?
Q. I have the opportunity to date a 26 year old man. The problem is that I'm 41. I've never dated anyone that young before. He is hot, sexy and we get along really well together. I'm very attracted to him. He really wants to date me, but I'm being ...
A. 24 March 2013: Thank you all for your advice.
So Very Confused and Cerberus's advice really resonated with me and helped me to make my decision. We kissed for the first time last night and it was fireworks, the kind I haven't experienced in a very long time. I... (read in full...)
My fiance did nothing inappropriate at the bachelor party, but I am still upset that he felt horny nonetheless.
Q. Hello. Im in a relationship since 5 years and we are now engaged, hope to be married in start of next year. Trust and girls have never been an issue in my relationship as my guy is not the sort who is a flirt. He visits foreign countries a lot ...
A. 22 March 2013: The fact that he told you what went on at the party is a good sign of how strong your relationship is. He could have lied to you about it. You did not mention if he cheated or not (bj or sex), but I take it he did not cheat, inspite of the peer ... (read in full...)
How would you react to a $20 engagement ring from a well-off guy?
Q. Hello everyone, My boyfriend proposed with a ring that he paid 20 dollars. If he was earning a low income, I would not be asking for advice. However, he drives an expensive car, has about 50 pairs of shoes, good job, etc. should I be upset? Am I ...
A. 21 March 2013: A man who is generous in spirit whether he is rich or poor, is a better human being than a man who is miserly in spirit. This man lavishly spends on himself, but gives you the bare minimum for an engagement. He sounds like a Scrooge. Is he a ... (read in full...)
His snoring is keeping me from enjoying our bed with him and he has given up on his appearance. How do I tell him?
Q. Hi, am 5 yrs into marraige and my husband started balding 2 yeses after our marraige. He also snores badly tht its difficult for me to sleep next to him. And fr so many years I have been trying to tell him tht he should do something about it. But he ...
A. 20 March 2013: Advice for the snoring: Perhaps he has sleep apnea and requires special breathing equipment for sleeping. This will give both you and him a better night sleep. He needs to do a sleep test at a sleep clinic for diagnosis. He may need to see a ... (read in full...)
Why should my boyfriend's awful mother expect me to pay to fix the roof of the house we are moving into?
Q. My son father and I, been together off and on for four years. During this we didn't always get along. He slashed my tires, you name it we did it. After I'll last fight I got po against him. We been on a real good streak, going to church, doing ...
A. 19 March 2013: Yes, you are absolutely right in your decision. If his mother does not respect you, why should you pay for the repairs to her home? The solution is to find somewhere else to live. Follow your gut in this matter.... (read in full...)
Is our relationship breaking apart? I am questioning whether he loves me anymore.
Q. Hi everyone, I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and things have been very bad for almost 2 years. The first year of our relationship was amazing but now it is nearly 2 years of him not treating me right and then apologising and ...
A. 19 March 2013: I absolutely agree with iAmHereToHelpYou. I usually advise people to try and work things out with a long term relationship, but your case is different. This man is abusive, and if you take him back, the abuse is going to escalate. For now he's ... (read in full...)
Why does he lie to me? How can I marry this man in two months?
Q. I really need help. Its no secret to my fiance that I don't trust him. I have talked to him about being honest and earning my trust back. But he continues to lie to my fsce. I give him every chance to be honest. Why does he lie to me? How can I ...
A. 18 March 2013: I would recommend couples therapy to get to the bottom of why he is lying. People lie because they are afraid of something. What does he fear? You've been together a long time. You have a family together. This is not something you should throw ... (read in full...)
Guys, would it be selfish to get in touch with him to apologize for the things I'm sorry I did?
Q. I would really be interested if any guys could answer this one, I was seeing a man on and off for a few months, and he made it clear he was unable to commit any further than a casual relationship. I have children, he does not, and he continua...
A. 17 March 2013: I think it's a wonderful idea to do this. You could write him a letter or send him a card. It is always a good vibration to thank someone who had a positive impact on your life.... (read in full...)
Should I just let her go? I feel like everything is one sided and I can't sleep or work right
Q. so here is the story reader digest version. 3.5 years together First year of the relationship apart (no problems) Moved into together in year 2 lived with each no problems. The place we were living, girlfriend said she didn't see us raising a...
A. 17 March 2013: Reminds me of that song, "Drops of Jupiter" by Train. Let her go with love. Date other women or explore solitude...up to you. I do hope she finds her way back to you. I feel sorry for her, because she's throwing away a good man. You need to ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my friend mapping her life out with the first boy she's ever dated
Q. I'm really worried about my best-friend, because for about six months now she has been dating this guy. I do have to say that it is the most stupid relationship that I have seen, they never go out on dates, have never kissed, and spend most of the t...
A. 17 March 2013: If it would ease your worry, you could express your concern to her in a non-critical way, but then you have to back off and let her do her thing. Who knows what the future holds? I've seen the perfect couple whose relationship was smashed to ... (read in full...)
I love her, we had passionate sex, but she says she's straight and doesn't want a relationship
Q. im in love with a girl whos straight , she said shes attracted to me, the first night i met her she stayed at mine with me and we just cuddled all night , after that i didnt hear off her other then the odd messages, she invited me over to hers 2 ...
A. 16 March 2013: I consider myself straight (sexually and emotionally attracted to men), but I can be sexually attracted to women. Maybe it's the horn dog in me. I cannot be in a relationship with a woman, but I can have sex with a woman. The anonymous ... (read in full...)
Should I leave him or stay because I have had enough of him!
Q. I have been in a LDR with my bf n have been together for about 4years now.im from another province from his.So i started stayin with him this year. Things have been very hard for me coz he would choose to go watch soccer at night and leave me alone...
A. 15 March 2013: It sounds like you've made up your mind to leave him. With regards to the sim card incident, I really don't see what the fuss is about. It's not like he's having an affair with his ex. He is just referring her for business purposes.
Perha... (read in full...)
Should I leave him or stay because I have had enough of him!
Q. I have been in a LDR with my bf n have been together for about 4years now.im from another province from his.So i started stayin with him this year. Things have been very hard for me coz he would choose to go watch soccer at night and leave me alone...
A. 15 March 2013: It sounds like you guys had your first major argument as a couple. When a couple starts living together, frustrations will build up and erupt into arguments, like the one you just experienced. When he is calm and you are calm, sit down and talk it ... (read in full...)
Need to get back into the game after a long dry spell
Q. Dear all, I guess I am going through some sort of emotional crisis lately. I am 29 and have been single for 3 years now. Basically, I have only had one single long-term relationship in my life, which lasted for 3 years. Breaking up with my ex wa...
A. 14 March 2013: This was a great commentary to read...very refreshing from the usual posts. I'm in my forties and I'm still learning about the dating game. I was married once before. It was a disaster. I was not in love with him, but I rushed into marriage ... (read in full...)
Is there some way for me to be with both of them? She is the girl of my dreams. But now I have fallen in love with a guy.
Q. I have been in a relationship with the girl of my Dreams and i love her so much. But i met a guy that i have also fallen head over heels for him. What should i do? I love them both so much. Is there some way for me to be with both of them?...
A. 13 March 2013: I think you first need to be honest with the girl of your dreams and let her know that you are attracted to men. You are being deceitful on two counts:
1. Wanting to cheat on your girlfriend
2. Not being honest about your sexuality (y... (read in full...)
Are we just friends with benefits, or something more?
Q. I was casually seeing this guy for a month when he ended it saying that something had happened with another girl. We ended amicably, no feelings hurt. A week later a group of us went out and luckily it wasn't awkward between us. In fact we spent ...
A. 12 March 2013: When a man wants to be exclusive with you, he'll tell you. For now, it is as you said, a friends with benefits scenario. If you want a relationship, then you need to communicate it to him, not a way like you're demanding it from him, but by ... (read in full...)
Help! I need some support and advice about the actions and behaviour my boyfriend's sister. Is something going on or am I too suspicious?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend (age 21) around 5 months ago. At this point, his sister (age 24), lived with his parents and he lived out of home. Within the first months of dating, his sister's behaviour was a litle questionable, and quite frankl...
A. 12 March 2013: Wow! His sister is exhibiting totally inappropriate behaviour. I'm surprised you've been so cool about the whole thing. Does she also do this in front of her parents? If yes, then I guess that's normal for the family. Does her mom also walk ... (read in full...)
He's becoming too "friendly" for comfort!
Q. Dear all, I have a problem and would like some advice. I am a mum of 2 and have been with my partner for 15 years during this time I have also had a male friend who I met through my sister. Even though we are the same age I have always thought of...
A. 11 March 2013: I agree with Honeypie. You need to tell him that his behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable and to stop it. He's feeling vulnerable and reaching out for any scraps of womanly affection. He just needs to reach out to single women. Perhaps ... (read in full...)
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