A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I would really be interested if any guys could answer this one,I was seeing a man on and off for a few months, and he made it clear he was unable to commit any further than a casual relationship. I have children, he does not, and he continually said I should find someone younger than him, as he was ten years older than me. I was going through a very bad time when we met and feel he helped me gain control over my life, as I was drinking heavily. I respected him a lot, and made the decision to stop seeing him while I gave up alcohol and put my life back on track. I feel I treated him badly on occasion but genuinely cared about him, and often felt incredibly sad we seemed to have met at the wrong time in our lives. I really want to get back in touch with him and apologise for the things I am sorry I did, and in a way thank him for all he did for me. I just don't know if this would stir up feelings between us again and maybe be bad for both of us and be selfish of me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2013):
 If you are apologizing to him as part of your recovery (Step 9) then I think you should do it because you are doing it for yourself not for him.
Make it clear that the apology is part of your recovery process and you have no intent to stir up anything that is already over and done. DO not expect a reply. In fact, I'd start the apology with a nod to the fact that you are intruding on his privacy and apologize for even contacting him.
Also making amends is for you so it does not have to be done with him directly. We can make our amends to dead folks if that's all we have.
If your apology is anything other than for your recovery process, I'd let it go...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 I would save my breath. When you look at it closely, it was 1 ) on and off 2 ) for a few months only 3 ) physical and uncommitted only 4 ) he knew you had drinking problems so your occasional bad behavior toward him was expected.
Basically, it was just a fling , although luckily a nice one. He probably won't care one way or the other about your apologies, or he'd feel defensive thinking you may want to reconnect. And in case he is in another relationship now, you may even make problems for him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 March 2013):
I think that there's no way to know how he'd react. To be honest with you, if a girl from my past did this I wouldn't really care. However, if he still thinks about how you treated him than it might be good for him to hear you apologize.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): I am now in a healthy relationship with a beautiful caring women and no I wouldn't want me x contacting me in any way right now. I believe it is too little to late. Really??????
Its gone and in the past and move forward. My present sweetheart would get real upset if you tried doing what you said you were going to do in any shape or form. I am happy and want to stay that way. My girlfriend just read your piece and said really??? Which planet you from?? Keep away from my man before you find yourself missing some hair. She says your going somewhere you have no right to go. Good luck. She says it not just selfish but -------crazy.............
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (17 March 2013):
 I think it's a wonderful idea to do this. You could write him a letter or send him a card. It is always a good vibration to thank someone who had a positive impact on your life.
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